While divorces and legal separation are commonplace these days even after years of togetherness, it is important to ensure that the process is carried out smoothly without further hatred and ill feelings towards one another. Today, many couples decide to embrace mediation for sorting their marital issues in a civilized way while parting so that they can save their money and have no misgivings. Such goals are easier to fulfill when both parties are ready to opt for a mediation while their divorce is underway. Check out how you can do your homework prior to mediation so that the possibility of getting success is higher.
1. Emotional preparedness
While it may be an obvious one but there are occasions when people cannot keep their emotions under control while discussing about their finances, marriage or children. You should understand that mediators will not be surprised when they find frustration, fury or tears from both sides. There are some people who may have been concealing their true feelings until now and are stunned to see them coming out in the open. When such emotions surface before others, mediation can get stifled. But you should not let your feelings prevent a fruitful mediation. It is important to take a deep breath and gather your emotions and thoughts. You may even request a brief respite.
2. Preparedness with figures
When you want to opt for a mediation for discussing finances, income and properties, a thorough preparedness becomes a necessity. If you want to adopt a number you feel is accurate such as the worth of your marital house, attend the mediation session with the relevant documentation to establish your viewpoint and facilitate the progress of mediation in a smooth manner. Many spouses are known to feel comfortable and relaxed while arriving at an agreement related to finances when they are confident about their figures. Thus, a discussion on proper calculations backed by concrete figures can make the mediation process an effective one.
3. Be prepared to listen more
While it may sound cliche and immature, the framework for any fruitful mediation is to listen to the words of the other party carefully while the mediation is going on. When you listen patiently and prepare your responses carefully. your mediation can be more productive.
Professional Orange County divorce mediators are available to facilitate, assist and guide their clients so that both the parties can have a highly productive discussion and reach an agreement at the end. When both parties are willing to work together and are emotionally and literally prepared for it, the likelihood of a successful and effective divorce mediation can go up significantly.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
A marriage could end in divorce if one partner discovers that the other has a lover on side. The failure of marriage due to infidelity can be extremely painful for everyone involved.
Adultery and California divorce
The state of California is considered a no fault divorce state. Divorce is possible for any one of the two possible reasons:
Irreconcilable differences between your spouse and you have almost destroyed the relationship and thus it cannot be changed
Your spouse has incurable insanity
There is no need to visit the court to testify as to why your marriage suffered and then failed. Only thing which matters in this respect is that both you and your spouse (or any one of you) must believe that it is impossible to save the marriage. Emotional healing is speeded by no-fault divorce. Courtroom processes are also speeded up as the spouses do not argue too much.
Alimony
Alimony is legally known as spousal support as per California laws. It is the money which one spouse pays to other both at the time of divorce and also after divorce. The legislature in California holds the belief that support is critical and thus a law is crafted so that spouses provide financial support to each other.
The aim of alimony is to make sure that the spouse who is poorer is not made destitute after the marriage ends. The California court may issue the alimony order while divorce proceedings continue to be underway, but is incomplete. The spouse who will receive the alimony may request the court to give a temporary order. The last will be applicable until the issuance of final order. The final order of alimony may take a number of forms. It may be so that the judge will conclude that there is no evidence to support an alimony award. It can be completely denied.
Adultery factor in alimony
Judges analyze multiple factors before awarding alimony. It will include the earning capacity of the spouse so that both of them can maintain certain living standards established during marriage. This will include the receiver spouse’s marketable skills and the state of job market for those skills. The judge will also taken into account the expenses and time needed to acquire sufficient education or the the training to develop certain marketable skills. The ability of the paying spouse to give alimony will also be taken into account.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Uncontested divorce means the spouses agrees on all major issues linked with getting divorced. These issues include the sharing of parenting responsibilities and also parenting time. The duration of child support and the amount of money must be taken into account. Property division and debt division must also be included.
In case the couple can reach an agreement, they can file paperwork sans any court appearance. The divorce will be final as soon as required period of time as per California law has elapsed. It is to be noted that not all uncontested divorce proceedings are the same. These kind of divorces may also run into choppy weather. The simplest process happens when no minor children are with the couple and assets are minimal. The proceedings will go fast if each of the spouses are financially independent or capable to support himself or herself by independent means.
If substantial assets or minor children are present
Couples with substantial assets or minor children will be able to move through any uncontested divorce on the proviso that they can agree on all major issues. A few minor disagreements will not derail an uncontested divorce. Negotiation, however, must occur between the two until a complete agreement was reached. A good communication between the spouses will assist in direct negotiations. In case this cannot be the option, the couple can approach a mediator. The professional can then assist in resolving the disagreements. Negotiation may also be done through attorneys. The last option will ratchet up expenses.
Attorneys and uncontested divorce
At attorney may not need to be hired if the couple concerned was not married for a long time. There is no minor children which needs caring. Assets are also too few to be divided. If a complex situation persists, then it makes a wise move to hire an attorney.
Advantages associated with uncontested divorce
The biggest advantage without hiring an attorney is cost. These kind of divorces are considerably cheaper compared to contested divorces. Any uncontested divorce could be completed by paying court filing fees. Even when there are attorneys involved in preparing the paperwork or assisting with the limited negotiations, these fees could be kept much low if that couple can able to arrive at an agreement without taking legal recourse to any court proceedings. Another advantage of uncontested divorce that it can be done out of court. Conflicts are kept to a minimum and recovery time is sped up.
The subject of whether marriage better or cohabitation warrants a lot of debate based on people’s personal experiences and beliefs. There are some who believe nothing can replace a marriage in a loving relationship, while others beg to differ and believe that cohabitation is equally amazing without the legality of marriage. We discuss some of the benefits and disadvantages of cohabitation over marriage.
Pros of cohabitation over marriage
One of the most obvious benefits is that you get to share your home and life with someone you love and like to be around because you love the person and not because of legality binding you.
Cohabiting has all the financial benefits of being in a marriage without the legal hassles that come with marriage. You get to split costs, manage finances, and invest together with your partner.
Cohabiting can be a great way to understand if you and your partner can sustain a marriage. It is a good way to know how well you both work together as a couple living together before taking the plunge and getting married.
Cons of cohabitation over marriage
There is some research that shows that marriage may have physical and psychological benefits that are lacking in cohabitation. However, some results are still ambiguous about the reasons behind these differences.
There is no legal responsibility or hassle, making it easier to leave a cohabitation arrangement. Marriage demands more legal commitment and, therefore, there is more thought given before a spouse decides to leave.
If you have kids while cohabiting, custody rights can become complicated if you decide to go your separate ways, as there is no clear legality.
Cohabitation in California
California does not recognize common law marriage except when a couple is considered married under common law marriage in a state that recognizes it and then moves to California. California recognizes cohabitation as a legal form of relationship, and there are some provisions for couples who wish to cohabit but not marry.
If you are cohabiting to test your relationship before getting married, you can enter a prenuptial or premarital agreement that lists rules and laws applicable to you as a couple once you get married.
If you simply wish to cohabit without the legal hassles of marriage, then the state has a provision of getting a cohabitation agreement, also known as a nonmarital agreement. This formal agreement lists out responsibilities and rights for the cohabiting couple and works as a contract that is outside of marriage laws.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
For a parent, there is no greater loss after a divorce than losing custodial rights of their children. There are many grounds on which a court in California can award custodial rights to a father. Substance addiction, abuse and neglect are the topmost reasons and also, mothers who are not financially stable can find themselves on the losing end.
So, what should mothers do when they lose custodial battles? Completely losing custody of one’s children can have a detrimental effects on a parent’s mental health and if you’re a mother who is concerned that they may find themselves in a similar situation and is hoping to find some advice on what their options are to proceed then taking the following steps can go a long way to helping you land on your feet.
Work to improve your circumstances and take control of your life
The best thing that you can do to restore confidence in your child and your ex is by becoming a better person. Instead of lamenting over the situation, get involved with your child’s activities. From school activities to dental appointments, take small responsibilities on your shoulder and show everyone that you, too, can change. Not only will this help boost your confidence levels, but it will also allow you to take control of your life as well.
Taking control of your child’s responsibilities will teach you to become a natural leader. It will also help you develop an important skill which you might have lacked before your divorce – decision making.
Decision making and control will allow you to improve yourself, both as a person and as a mother.
Get yourself some legal advice or hire a lawyer
If you have some idea of how the legal system works in California, you can help yourself on legal matters. It could be helpful in strengthening your case against your spouse because only you know your strengths and weaknesses. Also, during child care plans, you can point out flaws or save yourself from extra damage than is necessary.
If you don’t understand the law, hire an experienced lawyer. Educated and experienced lawyers can be the main reason for your win.
Conclusion
Losing a custodial battle is tough for mothers and it’s also tough to recover from the loss. However, if you take an interest in your child’s activities then it will help you improve yourself. Improving yourself will help you take control of your life. In any case, make sure you consult a good lawyer before and after a custodial battle.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
One of the most important things couples need to discuss before getting married is whether they should opt for a premarital or prenuptial agreement (prenup). Almost everyone around you will have some views or the other regarding prenups. Prenups have often been misunderstood and many believe that it means something bad, potentially encouraging or mentally preparing for a divorce before a couple is even married. Below is a list of prenup myths that have been debunked and you’ll find that the agreement is not as bad as it sounds.
Prenups are the reason for divorce
You must have often heard divorcees say that one of the reasons for their divorce was prenups. It is believed that prenups destroy a relationship because it indicates that the one making the agreement is interested in money more than anything else. Although true that prenups are used for protecting financial assets, it is also true that prenups help build a solid foundation for relationships. Couples should be aware of their individual financial standings and should discuss future financial plans with their partners.
Prenups are only used during failed marriages
Another myth regarding prenuptial agreements is that they can only be used when the relationship does not work out. Prenups are useful financial planning tools and help couples determine a good estate plan to save themselves from future financial damage.
Prenups are for gray couples
Contrary to popular belief, prenups are as much for younger couples as they are for older ones. As a matter of fact, young couples should make it a point to sign prenup agreements because it saves future assets for unfair divisions. Nobody knows how much wealth one will accrue over a period of time but it is important to protect financial assets nonetheless.
Prenups are expensive
Compared to your wedding costs, prenups are a bargain. Prenups are protection agreements and are only used when needed. It’s a one-time cost and very helpful in protecting finances.
Prenups are only for the rich
Since prenups are used to protect finances, many people have made it look like they are used only by rich individuals who feel their finances need to be protected. Although true to a certain extent, it is also true that prenups can be used by average earners too. Since prenups protect wealth accumulated during the marriage, it becomes helpful when an average person becomes rich later on in life.
Conclusion
Prenuptial agreements are full of myths and understand the reality should be a matter of priority for married couples. A prenup is a useful tool and can be used for a variety of purposes.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
When the Kingston University conducted a study for analyzing whether women had a negative effect after divorce or not, the result was quite surprising. About ten thousand people were surveyed as a part of this research and the respondents were in the age group f 16 to 60. The respondents were asked during the survey to rate how they felt before their divorce and after the divorce got finalized,
The researchers found out during the course of two decades of time period that women appeared to be more satisfied and happier in their lives after their divorces came through. Check out some of the following reasons why women could be happier after their divorce.
Women tend to seek more professional help to get over their trauma than men
It has been observed that women are more likely to approach a therapist or a counselor after their divorce to get over their emotional trauma and grief. On the other grand men tend to keep their pain more to themselves during the same phase in their lives; since they are less likely to seek professional support, it may take more time to overcome their grief and stress.
Positive support system
As compared to men, women are more likely to ensure that they have a positive support system around them during such a difficult time like their families and friends.
Different strategies for coping up with their emotional upheaval
Usually, women are known to possess unique strategies to cope up with their emotions. Women tend to look inward to seek comfort for overcoming their emotional pain. Men have a tendency to look outward. Women introspect on whether they had a role in the breakup of their marriage and they work harder to overcome their emotions and let go of their past and concentrate on their future.
Less chance of alcohol abuse
Many men tend to get addicted to alcohol during such times but women are less likely to do so. Moreover, women are less likely to turn to casual sex and new relationships quickly for distracting them from the agony of divorce as compared to men.
Look out for new experience
Divorced women have a greater possibility to look out for new experiences post their divorce. These fresh experiences can provide them hope for a bright future and can even enrich their lives.
Powerful sense of perseverance
For many divorced women, giving up does not come easy as they have a stronger sense of perseverance as compared to divorced men. Many divorced women also do most of the childcare job as well as rake up jobs to have a better financial stability.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
A divorce isn’t always the ‘be all and end all’ of a relationship. A relationship can be defined in many different ways. A divorce ends a legal marriage. It takes a little time to get over the relationship. But you wouldn’t always want to cut contact with the person you married. Sometimes you still want to remain in touch. Your partner has been a big part of your life and you don’t want to lose that.
Staying in touch for divorced couples who have shared custody of their children is inevitable. In such circumstances, being cordial and developing a friendly relationship for the benefit of the child is vital. To help you with the process, listed below are a few tips you can employ in your relationship to ensure your transition from a spouse to a friend seamlessly.
Accept and forgive
Changing your relationship status from spouse to friend is difficult. It comes with a host of insecurities and unresolved issues. The foremost task at hand is to accept your ex for the person he/she is and forgive him/her for his/her actions. It’s important to also understand that your partner might look out for another partner or start dating. Focusing on yourself and your life is important for your personal growth and in turn your friendship with your ex.
Time to get over
Divorces can sometimes get really messy. Getting over the person you thought was your soul mate is never easy. Memories, unresolved baggage, and loneliness do tend to get to people. Take some time away from your ex. Start a new hobby or focus on work to create a distraction and give you time to analyze your situation. Seek the help of a therapist and work your way around your emotions to eventually accept the divorce and come to terms with the present arrangement of the relationship. Consult with your Orange County divorce attorney or mediator if you want to make any changes to the present arrangement that you think may help you to improve the relationship with your ex.
Reach out
If it means you taking the first step towards the intended friendship, then go for it. Reach out to your ex and acknowledge your friendship. Communicating each other’s points of view on the subject helps deal with the lost relationship and hones the friendship. Communication gives you a perspective and means to improve the friendship.
Keep in touch
It’s important to maintain the friendship by keeping in touch. It’s vital to hone this rapport if you are raising a kid with your ex. Ensure you keep a contact with your ex. Co-ordinating with your ex over activities, events like weddings or your child’s schedule help build this rapport. A cordial friendship respects the fallen romantic relationship by eradicating remorse or regret.
At the end of the day, your life is all about living it to the fullest. So why live with negativity and regret. Divorce may be the end of a marriage, but it could be the beginning of a valuable friendship.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
If you are getting divorced, it is imperative for you to be cautious so that your credit does not get damaged during the process. Check out some of these common scenarios that you should be vigilant about.
It is becoming too much to make the car payments
The court has declared that the family car should be awarded to the ex-wife. However, she is also supposed to take ownership of the payments. When the couple was married, it might not have been a strain to make those payments. However, now that she is shifting to a new house and has to completely rely on her own personal income, she may end up paying the EMIs late. When payments are not made on time, the credit report may get hit.
None of the spouses paid the due on their joint credit.
When the divorce settlement is being negotiated, both the parties usually settle and decide who will bear the responsibility of paying certain debts, For instance, the former husband is supposed to pay the debt on the joint credit card. When he fails to pay off the debt, collections may receive that account. As a result, there could be significant damage caused to the records of both the parties although the former wife is clueless about what was happening.
No credit as there was no history
In many marriages, only one of the spouses controls finances. On many occasions, the names of both the couples may feature on the accounts. For instance, only the husband’s name appears on the sole credit card and on the mortgage and the wife has to depend on their family checking account. After a divorce is finalized, the said wife may not have any credit as she did not attempt to create her separate credit history during the marriage. It is important to note that credit history is a part of the credit score.
Ensure that credit record are protected
The spouses should realize that credit scores are an important concern during the process of divorce. It is crucial for both the parties to contemplate about personal credit history. They should address relevant concerns in their divorce decree. Here are some of the ways of doing so.
Separate from the joint account
A spouse should ensure that their name no longer features in an account controlled by the ex.
Must have separate and own accounts
One needs to ensure their access to credit. Both the parties should ensure that those accounts have a good history.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Irrespective of you being a man or a woman, divorce can be quite a messy affair. There are emotions such as hurt feelings, anger, and divorce lawyers becoming aggressive to make sure that their clients have an edge over each other. So, it is not unnatural that certain mistakes are committed. This is applicable for dime men who may not take the intricacies of divorce proceedings into their stride. Men may not be in a situation they would like to be in. Thus, it is imperative that they are well-prepared for such situations. Often men may be at a disadvantage both emotionally as well as legally. In such scenarios, they may stop thinking logically and may err while making the right choices. The following are some of those common mistakes many husbands tend to make during divorce.
Retaliate negatively
There are some husbands who become obstinately insistent upon destroying their wives when they get to know that their wives want a divorce from them. While these men may still love their wives, they permitted the torment of their divorce to prevail over their good sense and the urge to punish their wives for leaving. Rather, the husbands should not bad-mouth their wives. Do not listen to those people who keep telling you that she will try to take away your house, children, and car. It may have a negative repercussion when she gets to know that you made belittling statements about her and gives her an opportunity to tell everyone how unreasonable you always have been like this, which prompted her to take such a big step.
Not taking the help of a divorce lawyer in time
In a majority of the cases, it is the women who have the edge in divorce cases. It is better to hire a divorce attorney as early as possible so that the latter can tell you what legal rights you enjoy as a father. They will also guide you on what your behavior should be like when the divorce process is going on. When you gave kids from your marriage, you would like to ensure that your relationship with them remain harmonious. Hiring a divorce attorney quickly should be your key responsibility so that your role as a dad remains intact during and after the divorce.
Unwilling to negotiate
When you refuse to negotiate and mediate your divorce settlement, the expenses of your divorce may go up and your ex-wife may end up getting some of what she had been claiming for though you may not like it. Hence, try to be reasonable and civil during the divorce process.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
While divorces and legal separation are commonplace these days even after years of togetherness, it is important to ensure that the process is carried out smoothly without further hatred and ill feelings towards one another. Today, many couples decide to embrace mediation for sorting their marital issues in a civilized way while parting so that they can save their money and have no misgivings. Such goals are easier to fulfill when both parties are ready to opt for a mediation while their divorce is underway. Check out how you can do your homework prior to mediation so that the possibility of getting success is higher.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters. 
