How Does Spousal Support Work For Military Personnel?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation: California Divorce MediatorsMilitary personnel have special rules during divorce as compared to civilians. One of the rules decide how the pension gets divided for military members. The division depends on many factors. One of them is the state laws which may not be same for everyone. Next is in which division the member belongs to. Rules can differ for the Army, the Air Force, the Marines and the Navy.

Property as spousal support

During spousal support, marital property becomes an important consideration. In certain cases, a property can be identified as a form of spousal support. In every case the division of property may not be equal but it needs to be fair and equitable. Only property that was purchased or possessed during marriage can be subjected to division.

Privacy Act of 1947

Military law states that military members must provide adequate support to family members. However, the military cannot force a member to pay spousal support against that persons will. In cases where military members fail to provide for their families, they are punished under the Privacy Act of 1974. The act is exclusively for military personnel and dictates the laws and punishments for military members.

Military members who receive the punishment are not allowed to discuss it with anyone. The punishment is as far as the military can go for spousal support defaulters.

Spousal support differs from service to service

Spousal support differs from personnel to personnel and from service to service. It is different for those in the army, the navy and the air force. Army Regulation 608-99 states that every soldier must provide a certain amount to their families. For soldiers who have more than one obligation must divide the money equally among the parties.

The Air Force Instruction 36-2906 for air force members does not specify an amount that members should pay as part of spousal support. Adequate support provided by air force personnel is determined by what situation they are in and how much support they can provide. The Navy too has certain guidelines for their personnel regarding spousal support. The guidelines are mentioned in section 1754-030 of the Naval Personnel Manual. It states a certain amount that must be paid by personnel to their families. However, the navy is reluctant to deal with defaulters and hand the cases over to a court of law.

Conclusion

Spousal support laws for military personnel are different from civilian spousal support laws and depends on the kind of service they are in.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Divorce Tips To Follow When Divorce Has Started

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

orange county divorce mediation; California Divorce MediatorsA divorce can be extremely tough even in the most favorable circumstances. Not only does a spouse go through deep emotional anguish, they have to bear the stress of coping with the court proceedings and financial constraints. Apart from these difficulties, you may have to go through even greater troubles unless you do not prepare yourself well Check out a few common difficulties you may encounter in your divorce and how you can cope up with them.

Do not let your emotions make you biased or blur your sense of judgment

Since you may have to go through tremendous stress during your divorce, it is likely that you may not be able to make wise decisions at times. The uncertainty of what lies ahead of you in the future and fury at your former spouse may make you opt for certain decisions that you may not be proud of later on. Hence, the most crucial step you should do at this point of your life is to consciously work towards keeping your emotions in check so that you do not make any rash and impulsive decisions. You can discuss your mental state with those people who you are close to like dear friends or close family members. You can even get in touch with a professional therapist or counselor. It is also recommended to consult your attorney before making an important decision. A good divorce attorney can guide you to arrive at rational decisions instead of making emotional ones.

Stop using social media in an unwise manner

Social networking sites can be a big trap in several ways, especially during such an emotional phase of your life. No matter whether it is you or your estranged spouse who posts comments on social media, it is better to stay off such a platform while your divorce proceedings are on. Alternatively, you can also shut down your account temporarily.

There is no doubt that social media is a great tool to ensure that your friends are updated about your whereabouts. However, it may transform into a medium for venting out your anger and frustration. Now that could be harmful and you may have to face even more problems. The other party may use your posts in the court to make their case stronger. It is also not a good idea to go through the comments of your ex on social media. Such posts can make you angrier and may even hurt you immensely.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

How to Handle Anger Dealing With an Uncooperative Co-Parent

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

orange county divorce mediator; California Divorce MediatorsIt is natural for many people to be furious when the other parent refuses to cooperate and co-parent and poses challenges recurrently. Here are some easy ways and a shift in how they should handle their anger so that they do not take any drastic step.

Concentrate on your kids when you feel that your anger is too much to handle

Do not allow your anger to affect your kids and create a distance between you all. If you get emotionally disturbed due to your arguments with the other parent, there could be a sense of disconnection between you and the kids. On the other hand, if you remain connected with them, your relationship with the kids will be stronger and warmer. It is really a paradox but true that there are many co-parents who lose their cool just because they feel worried about the kids,

You should not forget that the other parent can be distressed too

There are occasions when many people feel that the other parents are purposely being difficult and relish irritating them. But though you may make it a habit to believe this, you could be mistaken.

There are several people who behave improperly as they could be disturbed and are feeling down. When people are contented, calm and hot, they usually behave well with others. Perhaps your former spouse is being difficult since they are going through some sort of a conflict or stress. Plus, they do not know how to handle their emotions. So, thou may try to find out what is making them behave in a hostile manner with you. On the other hand just because you realize that they are distressed does not imply that you should do something different or surrender to their whims. When you are aware of their distress, your response may be better and different.

You should learn to cope up with your anger

Your anger can be an immensely uncomfortable experience. After all, you did not ask for it or want it. When you learn to control your fury, you will get time to ponder over whether you need to take some kind of an action as well as what the most appropriate action should be. Your fury may cause you trouble since you may become illogical and start behaving in an irrational level. The best remedial measure would be to give a space to your anger so that it will be helpful for you to take an effective action, or no action at all.

If you and the other parent want to ensure that your kids grow up in a secure environment, it is imperative for both of you to behave rationally and logically.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

How Divorced Parents Can Work Together For Their Kids’ Sake

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

divorce mediators in Orange County; California Divorce MediatorsAre you one of those couples who have recently gone through a divorce? If you have kids from your marriage, it is natural to introspect whether divorced parents can be amicable or not. Moreover, both the parties need to put on efforts so that things work out.

So, you have recently finalized a divorce and are curious to know whether you and your ex-spouse can be good friends or not. After all, you decided to go separate ways for a strong reason. In all probability, it could be because you could. Here are some of those healthy co-parenting tips that will help in parenting much easier for both of you even after your divorce has come through.

Do not bring the past back

It is better not to do any postmortem with past issues since they may bring back certain emotions thereby stopping you both from being friends.

Take one step at a time

You should avoid being too hasty in becoming good friends with your former spouse. After all, it takes time to establish a friendship, especially after romancing him or her in the past.

Keep your chats brief

There are possibilities that when you run a conversation for a long time, you may end up saying something that may upset the other party. So make sure that your chats remain focused and you stay clear of the argument territory.

Avoid antagonizing your former spouse

You are well aware of what can cause distress to your ex-spouse. Hence, it is better to avoid bringing in any discussions that can trigger an argument.

Compromise

When you learn ways of compromising, you can agree to issues related to bringing up your kids. The same applies for the other party too. After all, time and again, decisions need to be made about your children. There will be times even you may not agree with your spouse’s idea of how to bring up your children in the best possible manner, but at times both of you need to make adjustments and be flexible got things to work out amicably for your kids. As long as there is no danger for your kids, it does not matter to compromise once in a while.

Avoid making attempts of being a single parent

Feel free to approach for your ex’s help. In fact, you will be pleasantly surprised to know that your ex-partner may be more than happy to help you out.

Have proper clarity about plans

If your kids have made plans for going somewhere, ensure that all the details are understood and clear.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Things You Should Not Do During Your Legal Separation

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation; California Divorce MediatorsWhether you should divorce your spouse or try to restore your marriage is a big dilemma because the fate of your marriage is in your hands. If you really desire in having a “peaceful” legal separation that may led to reconciliation or to divorce, check out the following suggestions.

It is recommended not enter into a fresh relationship immediately

You have just gone through your separation period and your emotions are still unstable. Hence, it is not the right time for you to manage a relationship on the rebound effectively. Do you think that you can sustain through the present relationship? You need to give some time to yourself for the healing process. You need to reevaluate and go through self-reflection for understanding your role in the entire separation process. Your spouse could have been wrong but it is also possible that you had your share of faults in your relationship. When you try to get into a new relationship, it can complicate the healing process. Eventually, when you get your emotions in check, you may find that both your old and relationships are lost. After all, there will be hardly any person who would prefer to date somebody carrying a relationship baggage. If your spouse realizes you have lost interest in him or her, they may put an end to efforts for restoring the marriage. While there could be some reconciliable reasons for your separation, when there is an emergence of a relationship on the rebound, things may change leading to irreconcilable differences.

You should not ask for a legal separation without your spouse’s consent

When you leave your spouse in darkness about your decision to legally separate, it becomes a mammoth task to restore marriage. If a separation is handled with the right kind of skills and knowledge, it can lead to stronger marriages. When you spend time away from each other, you get an opportunity to make sensible and logical decisions without your spouse influencing you. How about having a mature discussion with your spouse prior to separation so that there are proper goals, responsibilities, and expectations while the separation period lasts? Such a step will enable both the spouses to have a broader picture of their relationship.

Never be in a hurry to sign the divorce papers

An experienced marriage lawyer is never in a hurry to rush their clients into filing for a divorce since they know that time is crucial to healing painful emotions. You may have a powerful reason to separate from your partner. However, pardoning plays an important role to salvage any difficult marriage. It helps when you take some time away from your spouse to give them a second opportunity. When you rush for a divorce, it may result in bitterness because of regrets.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

How Adult Children Can Cope Up With The Divorce Of Their Parents

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediators; California Divorce MediatorsMany adult children face unique and big challenges especially when there is a break up of their parents’ long-term marriage. A popular philosophy adopted by parents who divorce quite late is that that they decided to wait until their children grew up and left the house to pursue a higher education or a job. Plus, these parents feel that their adult children can handle the split better since they are older now. They are also less vulnerable, wiser and stronger.

But in reality that may not be the case always. After all no matter how old they are, children will always remain children. Children may still feel hurt when their parents decide to part ways just like they would have felt had their parents took the same decision when they were younger. The sadness will still be there but they will not get the luxury of expressing their grief always. Rather, they become the listening ears since their parents pour their tales of sufferings to them.

Check out the following strategies adult children should use to cope up with the trauma of their parents’ divorce.

Bring a shift in your perspective

Rather than grieving because you are bearing the wrath of your mother’s fury and disillusionment, simply keep reminding yourself that you are facing a temporary situation. Your parents will once again become “normal” after things get slightly settled. Although it could even take some years, the situation will not be bleak forever. Meanwhile, you have your own independent life to lead. So, concentrate on developing your own life.

Try to realize that the caustic behavior from your parents is not usual in a divorce as family dynamics may change

You need to understand that you are not the only adult child who is going through this transitional phase. Such things happen quite frequently since others like you have also got annoyed with their parents. In fact, there are thousands of adult children who have gone through similar emotions when their parents divorced.

Pickup coping strategies

It is time for you to compartmentalize all those negative conversations you are exchanging with your parents at this phase of their life. Make a conscious effort to put an end to such negative and sad thoughts. When you keep thinking about it, your trauma will only increase. So address it carefully and logically to come out of your current mental state. Find out space and time to engage yourself in what you are fond of doing. Go out for a stroll, listen to your favorite band, read books, travel to new places or spend more time with your close friends. Such activities will distract your mind from the negative thoughts.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

What Most People Don’t Know About Divorce Mediation

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediators; California Divorce MediationAlthough there is a positive reputation attached to a divorce mediation as a sensible alternative to a litigation, there are very few people who are well familiar with the process. Contrary to popular belief, divorce mediation is quite a different process. It is meant for those reasonable couples who are unable to sort out their conflicts and misunderstandings by themselves.

There are many such couples who believe that there is no need for a divorce mediator. Rather, they should seek out a good family-law lawyer for getting their settlement through a court. Further, their situation does not qualify to undergo mediation since mediation is a process to sort out disputes and there is no dispute between them. These people feel that they have everything what mediation can offer to them. They also opine that their best option is to get the settlement done through an approval of a judge, in order to save their precious money and time.

What is divorce mediation all about?

It is a technique of dispute resolution between an estranged couple outside the court, which helps them to sort out their differences in an amicable manner. There is minimal involvement or intervention of the legal system of the state.

Mediation facilitates a structured process for reducing the friction and differences, which can be typically found while spouses converse during their negotiations or settlements. The process accomplishes it by fostering a non-controversial ambiance, encouraging both the parties to be amicable while sharing their concerns and thoughts to their estranged partners.

Orange County divorce mediators use an impartial and neutral third party approach so that the disputes between estranged couples can reach a logical and peaceful compromise, which is acceptable to both.

Role of a divorce mediator

Do not be under an impression that a divorce mediator is an arbitrator, judge or a referee. Plus, they are not the people to take the final call on which party will win or lose. The only job of a mediator is to guide both the parties while negotiations are going on.

A spouse should be at their best behavior if they hope to convince the other party to be okay with an agreement outside the court. It can be quite tough to accomplish it since a divorce may not put the parties in their most charming behavior, It is precisely where a mediator comes in the picture. They can direct the dialogue and interaction between the two parties so that the potential hazards during the negotiation process can be minimized.

In order to ensure that the mediation process is fruitful, both the parties should be reasonable in their thinking for negotiating a final settlement.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

5 Things You Should Never Say To Your Kids During A Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation attorney; California Divorce MediatorsWhile a divorce can be hard for the couple going through it, it can be much harder on the children. For children a divorce could shake their sense of security to its very foundations and leave them feeling vulnerable and frightened.

Younger children could worry about things like, “if daddy has left the house will mommy also leave me?” And older children can quietly wonder to themselves if this was their fault and if they did something to cause the breakup.

Here are a five this that you must not say to your kids during this time:

  1. It’s all dad’s / mom’s fault: Playing the blame game will not serve anybody least of all your kids. Blaming your spouse for the divorce can not only create a rift between you former spouse and your children but can also cause emotional distress. Children love both parents unconditionally and these new revelations could prove too confusing for them to handle.
  1. I feel sad when you go: This can happen a lot in cases of co-parenting where one parent can make the child feel guilty about going to spend time with the other parent. A mother telling her kids that she is sad when they go live with daddy puts the child in a position that their young minds can’t cope with very well. The feeling of guilt of wanting to spend time with their father while knowing that it hurts their mother could be extremely damaging for the kids’ self image.
  1. You are acting just like mom/dad: Picking on a child’s behavior and saying that they are behaving just like their other parent has two big disadvantages. The first being that you make the child feel like mommy or daddy’s behavior is not good and the second being that you scare the child into thinking that you will leave them too. You can always correct bad behavior without bringing up your ex.
  1. Is mom/dad seeing someone else?: Trying to get information about your ex through your children is something you should avoid totally. Making children spy on their other parent is a burden they should not have to deal with. Children want to be loyal to both parents and this can be very stressful for them.
  1. That is not my responsibility: While your divorce agreement might clearly demarcate your parental responsibilities, children need not be burdened with legalities. If they ask you something that the other parent needs to approve of as well you can always answer with why don’t we check with mom and see what she thinks. Saying things like, “that’s not my responsibility go ask your mother” undermines the respect your child has for you.

Be loving and supportive of your children while going through a divorce and give them a sense of security during this emotionally confusing time.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation 

The Best Ways To Move Past A Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediators; California Divorce MediatorsDivorces can be physically and emotionally draining. If a divorce has dragged on for a while and there is a lot of negativity between the former spouses, it can be very difficult to get your life back together once the dust settles.

When a marriage and the divorce proceedings have all ended there is suddenly a void in a person’s life and it is important to fill this void to move forward. Here are a few ways in which you can constructively fill the void to help you move past the divorce:

  1. Give yourself a break: You life has just changed forever and you might be feeling a bit lost. What you need to do is take some time off for yourself and understand what you have gone through and where you are now. If you are blaming yourself for everything now is the time to stop and be kinder to yourself. Feel and understand all your emotions, work on what is bothering you the most and then make a decision that you can survive and will get on with life.
  1. Get a support system: You don’t have to do this alone. Spend time with family and friends who can give you emotional support. There are going to be days when it all hits you at once and you might need to have a good cry, that’s completely okay. When you have someone beside you in the hard times it makes it easier to bear.
  1. Fill the void: The empty feeling that comes when left without someone whom you have been with for years can be hard to deal with. Whether the relationship was good or bad it took up a space in your life which is now left open. Fill the void with hobbies and doing all the things you love or wanted to try. Learn a new skill, travel, even start dating again when you feel ready, and before you know it you would have built a new life that is whole.
  1. Moving on: No one deserves to be alone and just because you have had one failed relationship doesn’t mean that you can’t make another work. While you and your former spouse might have been incompatible you could meet someone who is a perfect fit for you. Give yourself the chance to fall in love again and have a new relationship.

Ending a marriage is heartbreaking and can be difficult to cope with at first. You need to take the time to grieve your loss but then you need to actively do things that help you to move forward.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

3 Things You Must Do Prior to Filing for Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Divorce mediation attorneys in Orange County; California Divorce MediatorsMany couples who are on the verge of getting divorced feel extremely emotional and cannot think rationally while the process is underway. Often, the decision of taking a divorce roots from negative emotions, which can trigger a person to take a leap towards the divorce process.

Similar to other high-impact decisions in one’s life, it makes sense to take some time, know what will be your financial position in the future and where do you stand now, and align yourself with a good divorce lawyer who can help you by protecting your legal rights, prior to and after filing for the divorce.  The following 3 steps are some of the things you should do before going ahead and filing for divorce.

Seek the help of a reputable divorce attorney

You should interview a minimum of three divorce lawyers before hiring one. Opt for an attorney who has an experience between five to ten years and has been practicing divorce and family law. However, your divorce becomes a cakewalk and less costly when you and the other party can settle all matters without litigation. However, when that is not possible, you need to ensure that a capable attorney is hired who will be prepared to litigate your divorce case in the court before a judge.

Collect evidence of income

There will be a requirement of relevant documentation to show your income as well as your spouse’s income. In case both of you are salaried employees, there may be also a requirement to produce your recent pay slips’ copies along with your latest Income Tax Return.

Ascertaining income could be a tough task when your partner is self-employed.  In scenarios like that, copies of financial statements and statements of bank accounts can have proper clarity on your spouse’s income. Make sure that you have copies of all these statements prior to filing for your divorce. However, it will be difficult to know the actual and exact amount earned by your estranged spouse when he or she is self-employed, though you can get a fair idea with the suggestions given above. Collect whatever information you are able to. Later on, your attorney may help you in getting the remaining information through the process of discovery.

You need to have a fair idea of your financial position

One of the major goals of any divorce process is to ensure an equitable division of your marital debts and assets. So, you should have a clear idea of where you and your estranged spouse fare financially. If you want to receive your just share while negotiations for your divorce settlement is going on, it is essential to know what is owed and what is owned.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation