5 Ways To Avoid A Divorce As Told By A Divorce Attorney

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

orange county divorce mediation attorneys; California Divorce MediatorsDivorce proceedings can be very difficult and lengthy. It is advised to look for ways to save your marriage rather than go for a divorce. Take it from a divorce attorney and divorce mediator like me.  Here are 5 tips that you can follow to avoid a divorce:

  1. Don’t focus too much on property and assets

A recent study showed that couples who don’t rely on property and assets too much have a better marriage than their counterparts. Couples who focus too much on assets often lose focus of more important things that make the marriage work. Materialistic couples often exhibit signs of poor communication, low conflict resolution and low response to each other.

  1. Communicate with each other more often

Poor communication is a major cause of divorce. Couples who don’t interact properly often have a hard time understanding each other’s problem. The communication gap widens when couples don’t make any effort to have a conversation with each other. The distance destroys the unity and it leads to divorce.

  1. Spend some time apart

Too much closeness can be a bad thing sometimes. Take some time out for yourself and stay apart. Go for a vacation with friends or spend time with your own family. Distance plays a major role in keeping things interesting in a marriage. But don’t spend too much time apart. It can have the reverse consequence. Staying apart will give you more time to focus and yourself and less time to think about other problems.

  1. Be flexible and stay positive

Relationships don’t work based on one person’s likes and dislikes. It is a team effort and both of you must understand each other’s needs and preferences. It is very important to stay flexible in a relationship and realize that your partner’s problems are equally important.

It is also vital to stay positive about the relationship. There will be times when everything looks boring and different problems will arise but it is important to have a positive attitude. You need to focus on the bigger picture and concentrate on what’s really needed to save the relationship.

  1. Try to solve problems together

Whenever you face a problem try finding a solution as a team. Don’t dump the problem on your spouse while you sit back and enjoy. Whether the marriage will be successful or not depends on both of you and it is up to you to make things work.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

The Benefits Of Seeking Counseling Before Filing For Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation; California Divorce MediatorsDivorce can be very traumatic for you and your spouse, both on the emotional and financial front. If you feel that not everything is bad between you and your spouse, it’s probably a good idea to seek counseling before filing for a divorce.

Divorce therapy is sought by many couples heading for divorce and has helped many save their marriage. It is provided on individual basis. If you are going through a divorce right now then it is natural that you will experience a range of emotions like guilt, grief and anxiety.

How marriage counseling works

California has many professional divorce counselors and they provide a range of service for their clients. They even help choosing the right one for you. If you are selecting a counselor, then there are certain factors that you need to consider. Choose someone who holds a proper license and who has had experience in dealing with such issues. Read testimonials from clients and ask your friends and family to help you.

Benefits of marital counseling

  1. A marital counseling will help you resolve conflicts between you and your spouse in a healthy way. You will learn to communicate effectively with your spouse and it will also help you listen to his/her side of the story.
  2. You will start understanding the problems of your spouse and vice versa.
  3. You will learn to be assertive while not being offensive towards your spouse. Both of you must to be able to talk about your issues without the fear of hurting the other person. You will slowly realize that not every problem can be resolved through fights and sudden outbursts of emotions.
  4. You will build the ability to work through problem and unresolved issues in your marriage. Marriage counseling provides an environment where you can express yourself without expressing anger or unhappiness. In time, you might realize that your spouse is understanding and is also willing to do the same thing as you. It might also be the reverse where your spouse is not willing to work out anything. If that is the case, then there is not much that you can do but at least you will know that you’ve tried.
  5. You will start seeing your spouse in a new light. This will help you understand him/her and the reasons for getting a divorce. If your spouse is willing to undergo the same thing, then chances are high that your marriage can be saved.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

What To Know About Getting Back Together After Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

orange county divorce mediators; California Divorce MediatorsMost couples who have made the tough decision of getting a divorce are most likely to not get back together or give their marriage another shot. However, for a few couples, they might realize post-divorce that they have in fact made a huge mistake and want to give their relationship another chance. Couples who would like to give their marriage another shot must realize that there will be a lot of hard work involved as well as therapy and marriage or relationship counseling. The couple will have to work out their issues amicably and forgive one another and forget the past in order to move on.

Legal proceedings to be followed if the couple are unsure about getting divorced

It’s always great new when a couple who has divorced wants to reconcile and get back together however as per the law there are certain legal proceedings that will have to be followed as per the norms. That is if the court has already granted or passed a divorce decree in favor of the parties.

If the couple are mutually interested in trying to work things out they will have to enter into a written agreement with each other stating that they are interested in putting their divorce case and all other hearings, orders, and other legal proceedings on hold for the time being till they figure out where they stand in their relationship. In this case, the court will put all divorce proceedings on hold and stop all temporary legal proceedings in order for the couple to work out their issues. All personal hearings will be pushed if the court is satisfied that the couple is genuinely interested in working things out and are not trying to resort to malicious activities or malpractice.

If the couple definitely does not want to get a divorce

However, if the couple is a 100% sure that they do not want to get divorced and in fact want to get back together again they can apply to the court to dismiss their divorce proceedings entirely without any prejudice. This means that the current divorce case would be canceled altogether and they can always file for another divorce at a later stage if the reconciliation was a failure.

If a second divorce is filed later on the date of separation would be the date of filing the second or latest divorce and would not be retrospective. Therefore, the division of assets and liabilities, alimony payments, child support conditions, etc. would be calculated as on the second date of separation.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Reconciliation After Filing For Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange-County-divorce-mediators; California Divorce MediatorsA decision of divorcing your spouse does not really imply that it is all downhill from there forward. Although, a majority of the separating couples do not reconcile after they file a divorce lawsuit, in some cases it does happen. After filing for a divorce, a couple may realize that they might be making a wrong decision by parting ways. However, there are several concerns which border around the decision of reconciling after filing for divorce from your partner.

The legal ramifications

In the event that you decide upon a mutual reconciliation during the lawsuit proceedings of your divorce, you would need to consult your attorney regarding the steps to be taken to put a stop to the trial. Since the family laws are different for different states, it is important to understand the procedural ramifications of withdrawing a divorce petition in accordance with the specific laws of your state. Usually, a couple needs to pay a non-refundable initial filing fee for their divorce petition. However, if after stopping the divorce trial and reconciling, the couple again decides to separate, they would need to pay a fresh filing fee for their new petition.

Is reconciliation the thing for you?

Before deciding upon reconciliation, both the partners need to understand the implication of it. It is a mutual decision that requires genuine efforts from both the parties in nurturing their relationship with renewed vigor. In some cases, however, reconciliation is absolutely a big no. For divorces that stem out of mental abuse or domestic violence, reconciliation might be the worst option for your kids and even yourself.

Stay connected

If you see any rays of hope that might lead you to reconciliation with your partner, it is always advisable to maintain a good line of connection with them. Counseling is an option worth considering in your specific case. You may even want to ask your spouse to attend the counseling sessions with you. A professional counselor can actually help widen your viewpoint on divorces and reconciliations and might considerably guide you on the ‘how to’ of maintaining healthy relationships. If you think your case is not yet a lost cause and there is a little bit of hope for reconciling with your spouse, it is best advised to maintain a standard of civility when communicating with him/her.  It is never too late to give your relationship a second chance.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Major Reasons Why Couples Split Up

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Top Orange County divorce mediators; California Divorce MediatorsDivorces can be sought for a myriad number of reasons. No divorcing couples ever have the same reasons for seeking a separation. No one ever gets married thinking that they will get divorced. But situations and circumstances may become such that the couple are better off divorced. Divorce laws in California state that everyone has the right to seek a divorce.

Some of the reasons why couples decide to split up have been briefly discussed here.

Infidelity or adultery – Infidelity and lies are perhaps the most common reasons for a divorce. No one ever wants to be cheated. If the trust on which a marriage is based breaks down, the marriage itself breaks down.

Lack of communication – Communication is very important for a marriage to work. Always talk to each other and share your problems. Sometimes people feel neglected in a marriage if there is not enough communication. Also, listen to your spouse.

Bond between the couple has disappeared – It is possible that, over time, the two parties in a marriage have drifted apart. You do not share each other’s interests and feel neglected by the other or you do not socialize together.

Sexual incompatibility – Over time two partners can lose sexual interest in each other. Or they may not experience compatibility anymore. When the sexual flame dies out, the marriage also dies out.  The marriage becomes less intimate.

Financial troubles – The issue of finances is very sensitive. If your spouse fails to provide financial stability or is always spending money unreasonably, remaining married to him or her does not make any sense. It only creates tensions in the relationship and finally takes a toll on the marriage.

Domestic abuse – It is a very serious issue. It can be in the form of physical, verbal or emotional abuse. Screaming at your spouse, using offensive and foul language, hitting them, all fall under domestic abuse. Your spouse may always be threatening you.

Emotional abuse is generally experienced in the form of an extremely controlling partner. Your partner never lets you do things your way and is always dictating you around.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

6 Ways to Resolve to Avoid Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

orange county divorce mediation; California Divorce MediatorsWhen two people get married, it is not only their life that changes, but also the lives of a number of other people who are close to the two spouses. This is why it is important for people to maintain their marital relation until there is no choice but to go for divorce.

Even then, when you are getting divorced, your choices need to be mindful of the fact that your decisions will have a lasting impression. Hence, it is best that you go for divorce mediation, which is a peaceful method of ending a relation instead of litigation.

However, as a divorce is an option of last resort, first off, you should try to save your relation. Here are a few resolutions that will help you do just that.

1.     Talk finances

The root cause of most marital problems is money. It is also the first thing that couples fight for in a divorce. Hence, it is important for spouses to talk about their finances at the start of each year. This way, you can separate the expenses for each spouse and ensure that fights on finances are avoided.

2.     Be realistic about your relationship

Expecting too much out of something is never a good thing. The same goes for your relationship. The biggest mistake that a person can make to ruin a relationship is looking for more than what their partner can give. This creates friction, loss of love and eventually, a bitterness that leads to the end of the relation.

3.     If you fight, stay on topic

Fighting is natural for two people that live under the same roof, especially when both of them are married to one another and have a stake in the other’s life. Yet, sometimes, how the fight is fought dictates what will unfold. Often, during the heat of the battle, spouses can leave the topic of the discussion behind and direct the fight personally. This is wrong and needs to be avoided.

4.     Forget you had a past

Keeping a memory of the fights, problems, issues and bitterness will only lead to more of the same. The best way to move on and strengthen a relationship is starting afresh from a clean slate always. If you keep living in the past, you might ruin your future.

5.     Ensure communication

This aspect cannot be stressed enough. Silence breeds insecurities, false thoughts and fears. The only way to avoid all that is to have a clear communication with your spouse always. Only when you are unable to communicate with your spouse will your marriage tether on the brink of an Orange County divorce.

6.     Compromise even if you are right

At the start of your relationship, you should ask yourself if you want this. When you want a marriage, you should do everything to keep it, even if it requires you to compromise on something that you knew you were right about. Anything that will avoid conflict should be opted for.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”

5 Signs Your Marriage is About to Hit the Rocks

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation lawyers; California Divorce MediatorsThe world is full of couples that life happily ever after they have tied the knot and then there are some that are unable to live their lives as each other’s partners and instead end up getting a divorce. Couples part their ways as a result of unbearable marital issues.

What is all the more surprising with this assertion though is that most people are caught off guards when the other spouse breaks the news of a divorce to them. Every marriage that is on the troubled path starts to show some signs before it culminates in a divorce, yet most people are unable to spot these signs and mend their ways.

Here are a few signs that highlight that you marriage is headed for a divorce:


Often when things aren’t going well between the couple their emotions and their perceptions about each other can come to fore in the form of verbal fights, bickering and arguments on the most minute of things. While it is true that even healthy relationship spouses do end up fighting more than once, constant criticism and bickering is a sign that neither of you is happy with the other’s presence.

Lack of Time Together

A relationship is made of two people, both of whom at the start of the relation on their marriage day promise to live life together. One of the first signs of trouble in your marriage is when both the spouses stop spending time together. Couples can think of the other as a normal fixture in the day with each loosing importance to the other. This most marriages counselors agree is the first step to an Orange County divorce.

Eerie Silence

As time passes and constant bickering and fights and underlying feelings of hate increase, couples can start to grow apart from one another and each find solace in the comfort of silence. They can both gradually eliminate the other from their own private worlds, tip toeing their way to a divorce in the process.

End of Intimacy

Relationships and love thrives on physical relations, physical contacts. Love making, intimate relations are the key to building a healthy relation and it’s strongly embedded in its roots. A decline in physical intimacy is often a result of and can result in a decline in emotional intimacy. Emotional and physical intimacies are linked to one another. Decline in both can result in divorce.

Finding Solace in Others

When spouses stop being intimate with one another, they will often start looking for newer avenues of solace and comfort in others. This solace can be emotional and even physical in nature which can often result in greater pain and almost an end to a marriage.

A relationship needs to be saved as much as one can, but if you think your marriage is on the rocks, it is better to end it using a peaceful, Orange County divorce mediation that would allow cooperation and consultation between the spouses.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”

4 Secrets to Having a Successful Remarriage

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

divorce lawyers in Orange County; The Maggio Law FirmTo most people in society and who have gone through a divorce, a divorce is considered as the end of the chapter of one’s married life. This however is not the case. Irrespective of the method of divorce you have gone through, whether it is an Orange County divorce mediation or litigation. Once you have divorced does not meant that you are doomed to be alone and shouldn’t remarry.

As the popular saying goes “The show must go on” so must your life. If you are willing to continue to live your life happily and successfully while keeping your past behind you, there should be no barrier to such a noble thought. In this article, we give you a few secrets that can help you form a successful second marital relation after the setback of the first.

Make Sure Your First Marriage Is Put To Rest

The only way you can build a successful relation in your second marriage is if you have put your first marriage to rest. Putting to rest here means making sure that legally there are no cases pertaining to your divorce and that you are emotionally and financially over your divorce. People who have gone through an Orange County divorce mediation to end their first marriage will usually find this easier to do.

Take A Look Back At The Reasons Of Failure Of The First Marriage

There is a reason that your first marriage ended up the way that it did. Hence you should look back at your first marriage’s mistakes and reasons for divorce and try and make sure they aren’t repeated in this marriage. A first marriage should work as a prototype where you can highlight your own weaknesses and issues and start to work on it for a better future.

Be Sure To Sort The Finances Out At The Start

The financial side of things in second marriages can be tricky with child support payments and alimony payments affecting your finances. As long as that is increasing your finances, it may not be as much of an issue as it would if you are the spouse that has to make these payments. In that case, it is best that you are open with your new spouses and that you talk them through your financial situation to avoid future issues.

Don’t Take The Baggage Of Negativity Into The New Relationship

Unless you have gotten a divorce through Orange County divorce mediation, the fights and the bickering in your divorce proceedings will leave you with a large amount of negativity in you. The key to making a new relationship work is to make sure that the negativity from your previous relationship is not taken out on the new person in your life. The new spouses that you are planning to live with had nothing to do with you previous divorce and you should make sure they don’t bear its brunt either.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”

Tips To Keep Your Marriage Going Strong (and Hot)

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

mediator divorce orange county; California Divorce MediatorsMarriage is one of the most sacred relationships that a person can get into. Marriage is a relationship of commitment, dedication, and unending support for each other through the thick and thin and the highs and lows. The most important thing to understand about marriage is that it isn’t only a relation between two individuals but it is also the coming together of two families and the start of another. It is often believed that people who offer divorce mediation services tend to want the couples to get divorced and encourage it.

Reality, however, is far from the perception. Most genuine Orange County divorce mediators and mediation services wants married couples to have a healthy and happy married life and avoid divorce. In this regard, this blog outlines a few tips for spouses to use in making sure their marriage lasts the distance.

·         Nurture Yourself

The institution of marriage stands upon the principle of giving, yet this principle, if over worked, can lead to difficulties. While marriage is about giving, giving too much is likely to make you seem weak and dependant on the other spouses. This is never a good situation to be in, since individuality of each of the spouses is one of the most important ingredients of a successful married life, and it needs to be maintained throughout. Make sure you give yourself importance in the relationship and allow your partner to realize your importance in this relationship.

·         Express The Complex Issues In 3 Sentences

There are often things that a couple needs to talk about which can be misinterpreted by either of the spouses if too little or too many words are used. The 3 sentence rule is what protects this from occurring. Have a rule in your marriage that both of you will express the complex marital issues in 3 sentences to not only sound convincing but to avoid coming of as assertive or aggressive. This is an important issue, since misconceptions have been regarded as one of the leading reasons couple go into a divorce.

·         Do It To Renew It

By it, we mean sex. It is no secret that intimacy, romance, and the feel good factor are all important branches that lead to eventual sex. Sometimes though, couples need to simply get on with it and let the rest of these aspects fall into place. Sex is one of the best communicators of feelings of joy, and is an almost instantaneous means of connectivity. Sex between couples is known to not only bring back the missing spark in the relationship, but also gives the spouses a sense of security and togetherness.

·         Remind Yourself Of The Reason You Got Married

A long marriage can sometimes become boring with the couples becoming more like roommates than anything else. In this regard, it is important for the spouses to continue to remind themselves of the reasons that they go married.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”