This is a point that concerns many couples who are facing divorce proceedings in the State of California. The answer to how long you must wait for spousal support depends on understanding the distinction between temporary and permanent spousal support orders.
Extending the divorce petition
The divorce process in California starts with the serving of the petition. The spousal support request can be filed at the same time as the petition. The court generally issues a hearing date between 30 to 90 days of presenting the request. In some of the California counties, the parties presenting the petition can reserve a date in advance. In the rest of the counties, the clerk assigns a date that is available. The wait time until the requesting parties receive the hearing date depends on the family law judge, to whom the case is assigned. If the judge is busy, it might take longer than usual.
Once a hearing date is assigned and is served, the other spouse files and serves a declaration and finally the matter proceeds to the hearing. Spouses have the option of settling the spousal support matters before the hearing and also at the hearing.
Spousal support on temporary basis
This kind of support means the support that is extend by the spouse while the divorce proceedings are on and before it comes to an end. The spousal support request can be presented in the form of request to order, as mentioned earlier in the article. It is a pretty straightforward process and can be carried out along with the divorce proceedings.
Spousal support by judgment (permanent support)
Spousal support by judgment is not as straightforward as the support on temporary basis. It generally is a result of:
A settlement
A divorce trial
The settlement usually results in a stipulated judgment. If the support is contested and is moved to trial then the judge decides on the amount and the duration for which the spousal support is to be extended. The time taken to reach this judgment depends on:
The duration of marriage
Disputes regarding the finances of the spouse, or cases such as unemployment of spouse in which case it has to be decided if the other spouse should have their income attributed to the unemployed spouse
The standard of living of the couple, during the duration of their marriage
Other issues that can cause the divorce to take longer to wind up
In case of fewer disputes or no disputes at all, divorce proceedings can be concluded in less than six months. Otherwise, it may even take more than a year.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Military personnel have special rules during divorce as compared to civilians. One of the rules decide how the pension gets divided for military members. The division depends on many factors. One of them is the state laws which may not be same for everyone. Next is in which division the member belongs to. Rules can differ for the Army, the Air Force, the Marines and the Navy.
Property as spousal support
During spousal support, marital property becomes an important consideration. In certain cases, a property can be identified as a form of spousal support. In every case the division of property may not be equal but it needs to be fair and equitable. Only property that was purchased or possessed during marriage can be subjected to division.
Privacy Act of 1947
Military law states that military members must provide adequate support to family members. However, the military cannot force a member to pay spousal support against that persons will. In cases where military members fail to provide for their families, they are punished under the Privacy Act of 1974. The act is exclusively for military personnel and dictates the laws and punishments for military members.
Military members who receive the punishment are not allowed to discuss it with anyone. The punishment is as far as the military can go for spousal support defaulters.
Spousal support differs from service to service
Spousal support differs from personnel to personnel and from service to service. It is different for those in the army, the navy and the air force. Army Regulation 608-99 states that every soldier must provide a certain amount to their families. For soldiers who have more than one obligation must divide the money equally among the parties.
The Air Force Instruction 36-2906 for air force members does not specify an amount that members should pay as part of spousal support. Adequate support provided by air force personnel is determined by what situation they are in and how much support they can provide. The Navy too has certain guidelines for their personnel regarding spousal support. The guidelines are mentioned in section 1754-030 of the Naval Personnel Manual. It states a certain amount that must be paid by personnel to their families. However, the navy is reluctant to deal with defaulters and hand the cases over to a court of law.
Conclusion
Spousal support laws for military personnel are different from civilian spousal support laws and depends on the kind of service they are in.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
It is natural for many people to be furious when the other parent refuses to cooperate and co-parent and poses challenges recurrently. Here are some easy ways and a shift in how they should handle their anger so that they do not take any drastic step.
Concentrate on your kids when you feel that your anger is too much to handle
Do not allow your anger to affect your kids and create a distance between you all. If you get emotionally disturbed due to your arguments with the other parent, there could be a sense of disconnection between you and the kids. On the other hand, if you remain connected with them, your relationship with the kids will be stronger and warmer. It is really a paradox but true that there are many co-parents who lose their cool just because they feel worried about the kids,
You should not forget that the other parent can be distressed too
There are occasions when many people feel that the other parents are purposely being difficult and relish irritating them. But though you may make it a habit to believe this, you could be mistaken.
There are several people who behave improperly as they could be disturbed and are feeling down. When people are contented, calm and hot, they usually behave well with others. Perhaps your former spouse is being difficult since they are going through some sort of a conflict or stress. Plus, they do not know how to handle their emotions. So, thou may try to find out what is making them behave in a hostile manner with you. On the other hand just because you realize that they are distressed does not imply that you should do something different or surrender to their whims. When you are aware of their distress, your response may be better and different.
You should learn to cope up with your anger
Your anger can be an immensely uncomfortable experience. After all, you did not ask for it or want it. When you learn to control your fury, you will get time to ponder over whether you need to take some kind of an action as well as what the most appropriate action should be. Your fury may cause you trouble since you may become illogical and start behaving in an irrational level. The best remedial measure would be to give a space to your anger so that it will be helpful for you to take an effective action, or no action at all.
If you and the other parent want to ensure that your kids grow up in a secure environment, it is imperative for both of you to behave rationally and logically.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Have you met someone and wanted to date him or her while you are still getting divorced? If your divorce proceeding is still going on, be cautious about dating. You may feel that it is time for you to enter into a new relationship after proceeding with a divorce or a separation. But it is a sensible decision to be out of the dating scene until the time your divorce comes through for a host of emotional, legal and strategic reasons.
Strategic reasons for not dating prior to divorce
A divorcing couple is quite likely to be not in the best of terms while a divorce is going on. So if you begin to date someone rose, it can aggravate your relationship with the estranged partner even more. Plus, the other spouse can make your life a hell while your divorce proceeding is going on and make resolution of the case more difficult. He or she may even try to take revenge against you.
Although your husband might have had several affairs while you were married, he may not like the fact that you are seeing someone else at this crucial juncture. He is likely to feel that you have wronged him and may try seeking justice through whatever means he can. It is also possible that he might try to get even with you by trying to split the marital property or get the custody of your kids. In case you have kids from the marriage, you should have an amicable relationship with your spouse in the best interest of your kids,
It is likely that you need to have a continuous contact with your spouse even after the divorce comes through due to having children together. If you date during your divorce, it can hamper the spirit of cordiality and cooperation and can even have a negative impact on your life for months to come after the divorce comes through.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
When you know the challenges that lie before you as a single mom, it becomes easier to prepare an appropriate action plan so that you can take care of the kids in the best possible manner in your next stage of life. Here are some of the top financial challenges moms face after a divorce gets finalized.
Ways of paying the bills
One of the top financial concerns for the newly single moms is paying the monthly mortgage or bills. It can be an overwhelming and daunting affair to take care of the household utilities. However, do not despair and give up hopes. You can get through the trying time through many ways. For instance, you can sell off your house and move in with your close friends or family members during this trying time so reduce the financial burden. Alternatively, you can also contemplate refinancing your house to procure a lower rate.
Providing necessities for the family
It is quite likely that your household income could have been slashed considerably after your divorce. You could be a homemaker while being married. There are other financial concerns after your divorce too such as clothing and school supplies. After all, these can be expensive too. A serious concern for you as a divorced mother is to look out for ways of providing for the entire family.
Getting the required money to pay for childcare
If you are a newly divorced single mom, you may have a series of financial obligations that may compel you to join work once again or opt for double jobs simultaneously to meet ends. In fact, it can be a big blow as you, not only feel tired and anxious but cannot spend much time with your kids.
When you work full-time, you also need to look out for a reputable childcare facility to take care of your little ones when you are at office. You can take the help of your friends and family members to seek care for the kids when you are away from home until the time you start enjoying financial stability once again.
Finding a suitable place to live
It is a sad truth that 20 percent of the divorced women fall below the poverty line after their marriages end. Now, that is hardly an encouraging statistic for divorced and single moms who want to offer the finest housing facility and schooling situation to their kids. A serious financial concern after your divorce is where you will live. In case you are incapable of staying in your original house, you should not feel disappointed, you can get help from various assistance programs for housing designed specifically for single moms and families with low incomes, which can come handy during this difficult time.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Whether you should divorce your spouse or try to restore your marriage is a big dilemma because the fate of your marriage is in your hands. If you really desire in having a “peaceful” legal separation that may led to reconciliation or to divorce, check out the following suggestions.
It is recommended not enter into a fresh relationship immediately
You have just gone through your separation period and your emotions are still unstable. Hence, it is not the right time for you to manage a relationship on the rebound effectively. Do you think that you can sustain through the present relationship? You need to give some time to yourself for the healing process. You need to reevaluate and go through self-reflection for understanding your role in the entire separation process. Your spouse could have been wrong but it is also possible that you had your share of faults in your relationship. When you try to get into a new relationship, it can complicate the healing process. Eventually, when you get your emotions in check, you may find that both your old and relationships are lost. After all, there will be hardly any person who would prefer to date somebody carrying a relationship baggage. If your spouse realizes you have lost interest in him or her, they may put an end to efforts for restoring the marriage. While there could be some reconciliable reasons for your separation, when there is an emergence of a relationship on the rebound, things may change leading to irreconcilable differences.
You should not ask for a legal separation without your spouse’s consent
When you leave your spouse in darkness about your decision to legally separate, it becomes a mammoth task to restore marriage. If a separation is handled with the right kind of skills and knowledge, it can lead to stronger marriages. When you spend time away from each other, you get an opportunity to make sensible and logical decisions without your spouse influencing you. How about having a mature discussion with your spouse prior to separation so that there are proper goals, responsibilities, and expectations while the separation period lasts? Such a step will enable both the spouses to have a broader picture of their relationship.
Never be in a hurry to sign the divorce papers
An experienced marriage lawyer is never in a hurry to rush their clients into filing for a divorce since they know that time is crucial to healing painful emotions. You may have a powerful reason to separate from your partner. However, pardoning plays an important role to salvage any difficult marriage. It helps when you take some time away from your spouse to give them a second opportunity. When you rush for a divorce, it may result in bitterness because of regrets.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
It is needed tragic to go for a divorce irrespective of what the conditions have been in a marriage. It can be even more stressful when you find out that you are expecting a baby or your spouse is pregnant for a host of reasons.
However, if you have been party to a high-conflict or stressful marriage even when you found out for the first time that you are pregnant, it is quite natural to understand why the news can bring in plenty of anxiety and pressure even though you think your baby is a boon for you. The reason for this is kids need a lot of energy, time, affection and love.
Kids are happier in two-parent houses
It is a topic that has been the subject of innumerable debates for many decades. But there are plenty of figures and statistics to suggest that children are happier and more contented in a two-parent home as compared to growing up in a single-parent home. On several occasions it has been noticed that kids of a broken family have a greater chance to experience poverty, have to cope up with more emotional issues and are offspring’s of a teen and single parent. Statistics also hints that a single mother may experience a higher level of mental and physical illnesses and addictions. Thus an important reason why you should rethink divorce while being pregnant is kids do well in a two-parent house.
It is better to avoid making important decisions while you are overwhelmed
When you are expecting a baby, your hormones keep changing. Your emotions can go for a roller coaster ride due to this reason. On the other hand, if it is your partner who is expecting a baby, you need to adjust to their frequent mood swings due to constant hormonal shifts. Your relationship with your spouse can undergo a lot of stress due to these reasons. But that is precisely the reason why you should not consider divorce then. Though there could have been problems and conflicts in your marriage before you were pregnant, it is better to think about it after the baby has arrived since you can make wiser decisions than with a sense of normalcy returning to you.
It can be a trying experience to be pregnant all alone
When a little baby is growing up inside you, it can take a big toll on you both mentally and physically. You need to have someone beside you in your home constantly to make you feel emotionally secure.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Going through a legal separation can be an emotionally taxing time for both the partners. Often a spouse may feel unsure about whether they can save their marriage or not. More importantly, a big doubt is whether your spouse will be interested to save your marriage or not. There are several practical considerations the affected couple should also take care of. It makes sense to deal with the separation’s practical side as quickly as possible so that they can get more emotional and mental space for processing your needs and feelings.
There are several cases where irrespective of how much a couple tries, their marriage appears to be doomed. It is possible that a couple has already tried to talk it out. They could have even visited a professional therapist or have gone for individual counseling. It is possible at times that a couple has reached that stage in their life where they opt for a legal separation as the final attempt to check out whether their marriage can be restored or not prior to taking the final call to end it.
When you follow these practical tips to separate from your husband or wife, your road ahead can ultimately be smoother.
Think about your properties
When a couple is married, they could own plenty of shared assets. A pertinent question in this juncture is what should now happen to all the shared possessions.
You can begin the process of splitting with big items like a car that could be jointly owned by both of you and furniture. It is important to know which spouse will be keeping what and is entitled to what.
Make sure your finances are in proper order
Finances can be entangled when you are married. In case you have got a joint mortgage, lease, and a joint account in the bank and shared assets like investments, there should be a proper plan on what to do in the beginning of your legal separation. To begin with you should have your individual bank account. Make sure that your monthly salary check gets deposited in your personal saving account. It is important to check that you do not end up paying obnoxiously high shared bills. Your finances should be put in order prior to separating.
Think about where you will stay
Several couples experience that living together under the same roof while legally separated is not practical at all. After all, the main aim of a legal separation is to stay apart from your spouse for some time and see how your relationship works out at the end of the separation period. It is tough to accomplish this aim if both of you stay in the same house during your separation. Hence, it is important to think about where you will stay during the separation period.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Many adult children face unique and big challenges especially when there is a break up of their parents’ long-term marriage. A popular philosophy adopted by parents who divorce quite late is that that they decided to wait until their children grew up and left the house to pursue a higher education or a job. Plus, these parents feel that their adult children can handle the split better since they are older now. They are also less vulnerable, wiser and stronger.
But in reality that may not be the case always. After all no matter how old they are, children will always remain children. Children may still feel hurt when their parents decide to part ways just like they would have felt had their parents took the same decision when they were younger. The sadness will still be there but they will not get the luxury of expressing their grief always. Rather, they become the listening ears since their parents pour their tales of sufferings to them.
Check out the following strategies adult children should use to cope up with the trauma of their parents’ divorce.
Bring a shift in your perspective
Rather than grieving because you are bearing the wrath of your mother’s fury and disillusionment, simply keep reminding yourself that you are facing a temporary situation. Your parents will once again become “normal” after things get slightly settled. Although it could even take some years, the situation will not be bleak forever. Meanwhile, you have your own independent life to lead. So, concentrate on developing your own life.
Try to realize that the caustic behavior from your parents is not usual in a divorce as family dynamics may change
You need to understand that you are not the only adult child who is going through this transitional phase. Such things happen quite frequently since others like you have also got annoyed with their parents. In fact, there are thousands of adult children who have gone through similar emotions when their parents divorced.
Pickup coping strategies
It is time for you to compartmentalize all those negative conversations you are exchanging with your parents at this phase of their life. Make a conscious effort to put an end to such negative and sad thoughts. When you keep thinking about it, your trauma will only increase. So address it carefully and logically to come out of your current mental state. Find out space and time to engage yourself in what you are fond of doing. Go out for a stroll, listen to your favorite band, read books, travel to new places or spend more time with your close friends. Such activities will distract your mind from the negative thoughts.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
While a divorce can be hard for the couple going through it, it can be much harder on the children. For children a divorce could shake their sense of security to its very foundations and leave them feeling vulnerable and frightened.
Younger children could worry about things like, “if daddy has left the house will mommy also leave me?” And older children can quietly wonder to themselves if this was their fault and if they did something to cause the breakup.
Here are a five this that you must not say to your kids during this time:
It’s all dad’s / mom’s fault: Playing the blame game will not serve anybody least of all your kids. Blaming your spouse for the divorce can not only create a rift between you former spouse and your children but can also cause emotional distress. Children love both parents unconditionally and these new revelations could prove too confusing for them to handle.
I feel sad when you go: This can happen a lot in cases of co-parenting where one parent can make the child feel guilty about going to spend time with the other parent. A mother telling her kids that she is sad when they go live with daddy puts the child in a position that their young minds can’t cope with very well. The feeling of guilt of wanting to spend time with their father while knowing that it hurts their mother could be extremely damaging for the kids’ self image.
You are acting just like mom/dad: Picking on a child’s behavior and saying that they are behaving just like their other parent has two big disadvantages. The first being that you make the child feel like mommy or daddy’s behavior is not good and the second being that you scare the child into thinking that you will leave them too. You can always correct bad behavior without bringing up your ex.
Is mom/dad seeing someone else?: Trying to get information about your ex through your children is something you should avoid totally. Making children spy on their other parent is a burden they should not have to deal with. Children want to be loyal to both parents and this can be very stressful for them.
That is not my responsibility: While your divorce agreement might clearly demarcate your parental responsibilities, children need not be burdened with legalities. If they ask you something that the other parent needs to approve of as well you can always answer with why don’t we check with mom and see what she thinks. Saying things like, “that’s not my responsibility go ask your mother” undermines the respect your child has for you.
Be loving and supportive of your children while going through a divorce and give them a sense of security during this emotionally confusing time.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
This is a point that concerns many couples who are facing divorce proceedings in the State of California. The answer to how long you must wait for spousal support depends on understanding the distinction between temporary and permanent spousal support orders.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters. 
