Have you met someone and wanted to date him or her while you are still getting divorced? If your divorce proceeding is still going on, be cautious about dating. You may feel that it is time for you to enter into a new relationship after proceeding with a divorce or a separation. But it is a sensible decision to be out of the dating scene until the time your divorce comes through for a host of emotional, legal and strategic reasons.
Strategic reasons for not dating prior to divorce
A divorcing couple is quite likely to be not in the best of terms while a divorce is going on. So if you begin to date someone rose, it can aggravate your relationship with the estranged partner even more. Plus, the other spouse can make your life a hell while your divorce proceeding is going on and make resolution of the case more difficult. He or she may even try to take revenge against you.
Although your husband might have had several affairs while you were married, he may not like the fact that you are seeing someone else at this crucial juncture. He is likely to feel that you have wronged him and may try seeking justice through whatever means he can. It is also possible that he might try to get even with you by trying to split the marital property or get the custody of your kids. In case you have kids from the marriage, you should have an amicable relationship with your spouse in the best interest of your kids,
It is likely that you need to have a continuous contact with your spouse even after the divorce comes through due to having children together. If you date during your divorce, it can hamper the spirit of cordiality and cooperation and can even have a negative impact on your life for months to come after the divorce comes through.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
When you know the challenges that lie before you as a single mom, it becomes easier to prepare an appropriate action plan so that you can take care of the kids in the best possible manner in your next stage of life. Here are some of the top financial challenges moms face after a divorce gets finalized.
Ways of paying the bills
One of the top financial concerns for the newly single moms is paying the monthly mortgage or bills. It can be an overwhelming and daunting affair to take care of the household utilities. However, do not despair and give up hopes. You can get through the trying time through many ways. For instance, you can sell off your house and move in with your close friends or family members during this trying time so reduce the financial burden. Alternatively, you can also contemplate refinancing your house to procure a lower rate.
Providing necessities for the family
It is quite likely that your household income could have been slashed considerably after your divorce. You could be a homemaker while being married. There are other financial concerns after your divorce too such as clothing and school supplies. After all, these can be expensive too. A serious concern for you as a divorced mother is to look out for ways of providing for the entire family.
Getting the required money to pay for childcare
If you are a newly divorced single mom, you may have a series of financial obligations that may compel you to join work once again or opt for double jobs simultaneously to meet ends. In fact, it can be a big blow as you, not only feel tired and anxious but cannot spend much time with your kids.
When you work full-time, you also need to look out for a reputable childcare facility to take care of your little ones when you are at office. You can take the help of your friends and family members to seek care for the kids when you are away from home until the time you start enjoying financial stability once again.
Finding a suitable place to live
It is a sad truth that 20 percent of the divorced women fall below the poverty line after their marriages end. Now, that is hardly an encouraging statistic for divorced and single moms who want to offer the finest housing facility and schooling situation to their kids. A serious financial concern after your divorce is where you will live. In case you are incapable of staying in your original house, you should not feel disappointed, you can get help from various assistance programs for housing designed specifically for single moms and families with low incomes, which can come handy during this difficult time.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Whether you should divorce your spouse or try to restore your marriage is a big dilemma because the fate of your marriage is in your hands. If you really desire in having a “peaceful” legal separation that may led to reconciliation or to divorce, check out the following suggestions.
It is recommended not enter into a fresh relationship immediately
You have just gone through your separation period and your emotions are still unstable. Hence, it is not the right time for you to manage a relationship on the rebound effectively. Do you think that you can sustain through the present relationship? You need to give some time to yourself for the healing process. You need to reevaluate and go through self-reflection for understanding your role in the entire separation process. Your spouse could have been wrong but it is also possible that you had your share of faults in your relationship. When you try to get into a new relationship, it can complicate the healing process. Eventually, when you get your emotions in check, you may find that both your old and relationships are lost. After all, there will be hardly any person who would prefer to date somebody carrying a relationship baggage. If your spouse realizes you have lost interest in him or her, they may put an end to efforts for restoring the marriage. While there could be some reconciliable reasons for your separation, when there is an emergence of a relationship on the rebound, things may change leading to irreconcilable differences.
You should not ask for a legal separation without your spouse’s consent
When you leave your spouse in darkness about your decision to legally separate, it becomes a mammoth task to restore marriage. If a separation is handled with the right kind of skills and knowledge, it can lead to stronger marriages. When you spend time away from each other, you get an opportunity to make sensible and logical decisions without your spouse influencing you. How about having a mature discussion with your spouse prior to separation so that there are proper goals, responsibilities, and expectations while the separation period lasts? Such a step will enable both the spouses to have a broader picture of their relationship.
Never be in a hurry to sign the divorce papers
An experienced marriage lawyer is never in a hurry to rush their clients into filing for a divorce since they know that time is crucial to healing painful emotions. You may have a powerful reason to separate from your partner. However, pardoning plays an important role to salvage any difficult marriage. It helps when you take some time away from your spouse to give them a second opportunity. When you rush for a divorce, it may result in bitterness because of regrets.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Going through a legal separation can be an emotionally taxing time for both the partners. Often a spouse may feel unsure about whether they can save their marriage or not. More importantly, a big doubt is whether your spouse will be interested to save your marriage or not. There are several practical considerations the affected couple should also take care of. It makes sense to deal with the separation’s practical side as quickly as possible so that they can get more emotional and mental space for processing your needs and feelings.
There are several cases where irrespective of how much a couple tries, their marriage appears to be doomed. It is possible that a couple has already tried to talk it out. They could have even visited a professional therapist or have gone for individual counseling. It is possible at times that a couple has reached that stage in their life where they opt for a legal separation as the final attempt to check out whether their marriage can be restored or not prior to taking the final call to end it.
When you follow these practical tips to separate from your husband or wife, your road ahead can ultimately be smoother.
Think about your properties
When a couple is married, they could own plenty of shared assets. A pertinent question in this juncture is what should now happen to all the shared possessions.
You can begin the process of splitting with big items like a car that could be jointly owned by both of you and furniture. It is important to know which spouse will be keeping what and is entitled to what.
Make sure your finances are in proper order
Finances can be entangled when you are married. In case you have got a joint mortgage, lease, and a joint account in the bank and shared assets like investments, there should be a proper plan on what to do in the beginning of your legal separation. To begin with you should have your individual bank account. Make sure that your monthly salary check gets deposited in your personal saving account. It is important to check that you do not end up paying obnoxiously high shared bills. Your finances should be put in order prior to separating.
Think about where you will stay
Several couples experience that living together under the same roof while legally separated is not practical at all. After all, the main aim of a legal separation is to stay apart from your spouse for some time and see how your relationship works out at the end of the separation period. It is tough to accomplish this aim if both of you stay in the same house during your separation. Hence, it is important to think about where you will stay during the separation period.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Divorces can be physically and emotionally draining. If a divorce has dragged on for a while and there is a lot of negativity between the former spouses, it can be very difficult to get your life back together once the dust settles.
When a marriage and the divorce proceedings have all ended there is suddenly a void in a person’s life and it is important to fill this void to move forward. Here are a few ways in which you can constructively fill the void to help you move past the divorce:
Give yourself a break: You life has just changed forever and you might be feeling a bit lost. What you need to do is take some time off for yourself and understand what you have gone through and where you are now. If you are blaming yourself for everything now is the time to stop and be kinder to yourself. Feel and understand all your emotions, work on what is bothering you the most and then make a decision that you can survive and will get on with life.
Get a support system: You don’t have to do this alone. Spend time with family and friends who can give you emotional support. There are going to be days when it all hits you at once and you might need to have a good cry, that’s completely okay. When you have someone beside you in the hard times it makes it easier to bear.
Fill the void: The empty feeling that comes when left without someone whom you have been with for years can be hard to deal with. Whether the relationship was good or bad it took up a space in your life which is now left open. Fill the void with hobbies and doing all the things you love or wanted to try. Learn a new skill, travel, even start dating again when you feel ready, and before you know it you would have built a new life that is whole.
Moving on: No one deserves to be alone and just because you have had one failed relationship doesn’t mean that you can’t make another work. While you and your former spouse might have been incompatible you could meet someone who is a perfect fit for you. Give yourself the chance to fall in love again and have a new relationship.
Ending a marriage is heartbreaking and can be difficult to cope with at first. You need to take the time to grieve your loss but then you need to actively do things that help you to move forward.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Many couples who are on the verge of getting divorced feel extremely emotional and cannot think rationally while the process is underway. Often, the decision of taking a divorce roots from negative emotions, which can trigger a person to take a leap towards the divorce process.
Similar to other high-impact decisions in one’s life, it makes sense to take some time, know what will be your financial position in the future and where do you stand now, and align yourself with a good divorce lawyer who can help you by protecting your legal rights, prior to and after filing for the divorce. The following 3 steps are some of the things you should do before going ahead and filing for divorce.
Seek the help of a reputable divorce attorney
You should interview a minimum of three divorce lawyers before hiring one. Opt for an attorney who has an experience between five to ten years and has been practicing divorce and family law. However, your divorce becomes a cakewalk and less costly when you and the other party can settle all matters without litigation. However, when that is not possible, you need to ensure that a capable attorney is hired who will be prepared to litigate your divorce case in the court before a judge.
Collect evidence of income
There will be a requirement of relevant documentation to show your income as well as your spouse’s income. In case both of you are salaried employees, there may be also a requirement to produce your recent pay slips’ copies along with your latest Income Tax Return.
Ascertaining income could be a tough task when your partner is self-employed. In scenarios like that, copies of financial statements and statements of bank accounts can have proper clarity on your spouse’s income. Make sure that you have copies of all these statements prior to filing for your divorce. However, it will be difficult to know the actual and exact amount earned by your estranged spouse when he or she is self-employed, though you can get a fair idea with the suggestions given above. Collect whatever information you are able to. Later on, your attorney may help you in getting the remaining information through the process of discovery.
You need to have a fair idea of your financial position
One of the major goals of any divorce process is to ensure an equitable division of your marital debts and assets. So, you should have a clear idea of where you and your estranged spouse fare financially. If you want to receive your just share while negotiations for your divorce settlement is going on, it is essential to know what is owed and what is owned.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Once the initial shock settles down and the divorce becomes a reality, you start realizing that your life will change in many ways when you become a single woman once again. A realization like this can be actually scary for many. However, like many others, you will also get used to these new changes gradually. So do not lose your cool and be patient.
It is indeed a gutsy role to be a single mother once your divorce gets finalized. Such a role will also be a challenging one as you transform into a stronger individual with each day. Do not feel scared and prepare yourself for the rainy day. You should start doing everything on your own so that your life becomes less stressful and easier. You may consider the following divorce tips that are helpful for single moms so that you can prepare yourself and plan accordingly.
Spend time in reviewing your financial position
Do not indulge into self-pity or worry unnecessarily about your inability to provide for your kids. It will not serve any purpose and will end up giving you headaches. Thus, it is advisable to put aside your worries about how to get enough money to purchase a bicycle or doll for your little one. There are various ways of giving toys to your kids without going to the market to purchase them. You can make those toys at home. Let your kids help you out as they are going to love such activities. When you spend your time together and create these toys, it will be a memory they are going to cherish for a long time to come.
Self-education is extremely important
Self-improvement initiatives and education are important things to work on at this crucial juncture of life as you need to be self-equipped and self-dependent in your new life. You can go online and research for some free courses on the net, find out easy tips to earn money and check available resources as a part of your action plan.
Be well-informed about issues like insurance plans, savings, credit, and taxes as they will come quite handy after your divorce. You can do so by either researching about them online or by hiring a professional consultant. Try to find out whether there are any government sponsored programs along with the benefits they offer to single mothers. The bottom line is you should have all relevant information at your disposal so that looking after your household and finances after your divorce become simpler.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
There are several cases where the divorce process is not easy at all. Rather, it can turn messy on several occasions. Whatever may be the reason for you to file the divorce; you should make this decision independent of emotions. In fact, such a step should be only taken after weighing all the options before you. Moreover, you should be all set to fight for the custody of your kids and your assets. While the situation may vary from individual to individual, there are some necessary questions that you should ask yourself first prior to filing the divorce.
Did you try to repair the relationship with your spouse?
Do you feel divorce is the most appropriate resolution before you? In case your married life is unhappy but not a violent one, you should go for a professional help to find out if it is a rough patch that you are going through or ending your marriage and moving ahead in your life is the best solution available for you. When personal issues are the main reasons for your marriage going sour, then chances are that you may go through the same problems in your future relationships too. So, it is important to find out the root cause of your sadness. This is precisely the reason why you should give another chance to repair your relationship before going ahead with your divorce decision. To do this you may try to identify what are the major points of conflicts between both of you. Make efforts to improve your communication as open discussions can solve plenty of problems. You can even meet a professional counselor to make it work between you and your spouse.
Do you feel safe in your home?
In case you have already made a decision on taking a divorce, whether stay in your ex’s house or leave it may have severe implications. After all, your children’s safety is of great importance. However, in case you do not have any immediate danger, you can get in touch with an attorney before you leave your existing home since it could have a bearing on the custody hearing. But when the relationship between you and your spouse is strained and an abusive one, you must take the required steps to remove the kids and yourself from any type of danger. According to a report published by the American Bar Association, about half the assaults take place either during or after separation.
Have you spoken to a good divorce attorney?
Getting in touch with an experienced divorce lawyer is one of the most crucial steps that you must take prior to filing for your divorce. Different states have different laws on divorce and they keep changing frequently. A good divorce attorney may help you with your queries and doubts and also represent you in court. In case your case is a complicated one and children are also involved in it, you will need an expert lawyer who specifically deals with family law to represent your case.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Many people go for a divorce with certain preconceived ideas about how their experience would be. Check out some of those common myths that are often associated with the process of divorce. It helps you to keep your mind open about what may happen while your divorce proceeding is going on.
The divorcing couples must go to divorce court
It is quite likely that you would not have to spend a day in the court, especially if you are little fortunate. In a majority of States, a couple can arrive at an agreement with a divorce lawyer or a mediator, a judge may put his or her signature on the divorce decree and the parties involved need not appear in the divorce court. It is easy to stay out of a divorce court even the couple can sort out their conflicts amicably while the negotiation for divorce settlement goes on.
A divorce lawyer is mandatorily needed for seeking a divorce
On the contrary, it is not compulsory to hire a divorce lawyer. You can choose from certain options that can alleviate the requirement of hiring a lawyer. These options can prevent
Divorce courts can be biased as they often favor the moms
It is true that in the majority of cases, mothers are given the custody of the kids. However, that is not because the judge is biased. It has more to do either many fathers agreeing to hand over the custody to their estranged wives. Mostly, fathers have heard that they should not even try to get custody that they do not even make an attempt to get the custody. In reality, a father does not have to prove that the mother is not capable f caring for or mentally unstable to provide or care for the kids. Who will gain custody while the parents are getting divorced will be ascertained by the concerned judge. In case a father can give evidence to a judge that he is a more suitable parent, custody can be awarded to him.
A child can spend equal time with both the parents in case of a fifty-fifty custody. This is perhaps the most ideal scenario for the children. Both of you should make the best possible efforts to provide the best for your children. But a father has the same legal rights as the mother in the case of child custody.
Divorce will damage the kids
This is not true because children do not get damaged due to divorce. But parents who do not give a priority to their children’s interests during and after the divorce process damage their kids.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how Orange County divorce mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
There are many couples who are going through a high-conflict marriage. But since these couples have children from their marriage, they sometimes wait until their children grow up and leave home for college to separate or divorce. A term called “The Freshman Call” has originated from this practice that further goes on to prove how popular such a phenomenon is these days. It is true that while parents opt for a divorce and kids are involved, the major impact is typically on these young children. But when couples with adult children plan to divorce, the latter can be deeply affected too.
On several occasions, these parents are not quite prepared for the violent and powerful reactions they get from their adult children who are studying in colleges. In fact, these kids may face a host of issues when their parents make up their minds to part ways.
Handling feelings of guilt while separating with adult children
On one hand, younger children may feel concerned that they are responsible for the divorce of their parents while on the other hand, college-going children frequently feel guilty that their contribution was insufficient to stop the breakup of their parents’ marriage. Such emotions are likely to prevail even though the children know that their parents had a troubled marriage from the beginning.
Though several college going children do have the necessary insight and maturity to understand that their parents’ marriage is not a happy one, they may still be slightly taken aback when they get to know about the divorce news of their parents. It can also take a toll on their mental and physical well being. Plus, some adult children may start having apprehensions about the fate of their own romantic relationships. They may become pessimistic about relationships in general after their parents’ divorce.
Plan your conversation with your adult children while divorcing
Restrain yourself from calling your children at college and do not discuss such details when they are away on vacations. Instead, wait for an opportunity when they are at home for some days. It is the ideal opportunity for all of you to sit, relax and discuss the matter. You should understand that your divorce decision can be upsetting for them. It is also important to concentrate on your children rather than giving more focus on the reasons for which you are getting a divorce.
Encourage your adult children to maintain harmonious relationship with both the parents
Since your children are now grown-ups, there will be no orders from the court for a specific parenting time or schedule now. But let your adult child know that they should try to maintain a cordial relationship with both the parents even after the divorce comes through.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Have you met someone and wanted to date him or her while you are still getting divorced? If your divorce proceeding is still going on, be cautious about dating. You may feel that it is time for you to enter into a new relationship after proceeding with a divorce or a separation. But it is a sensible decision to be out of the dating scene until the time your divorce comes through for a host of emotional, legal and strategic reasons.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters. 
