Understanding The Types of Child Custody in California

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

divorce mediation attorneys Orange County; California Divorce MediatorsIn the State of California, couples who are on the path of divorce are advised to read up about all the rights that apply to them so they do not get the short end of the stick. Even unmarried parents have legal rights that cannot be stripped away from them.

Joint legal custody

According to California’s Family Code, parents that have joint legal custody of their children need to ‘share’ the responsibilities of ensuring the well being of the children. Share is the critical term here. You don’t need to share details about everything, but you will need to share details of critical parts of the child’s life such as medical, dental, and education records unless specified otherwise by a court.

Under joint legal custody, a parent cannot do things such as infringing on other’s custodial time, taking the child and moving away, or seeking therapy for the child without the knowledge and consent of the other parent. If a parent violates joint legal custody, then a court could strip some of the parent’s rights away depending on the nature of the violation.

Sole physical custody

The parent whop does not have sole physical or legal custody of a child still possesses the right to access records about the child in question. The parent will also have ‘reasonable visitation’ rights. Sole custody does not deprive noncustodial parents of all their rights, and they have the right to ask courts to strictly define visitation times and schedules. However, the sole custodian will have the exclusive legal authority to make decisions about a child’s education, welfare, and health. The noncustodial parent has the right to challenge these decisions in court and have it overturned if a court determines that it is against a child’s best interests.

What about child preference?

After the California Family Code 3042 was implemented in January 2012, child preference is now more important than ever before. A child’s preference will be taken into account by a court as will factors such as maturity, parental influence, social conditioning, financial health, and other factors that affect a child’s well-being. If a child is sufficiently mature and meets all the relevant criterion, a court will be obliged to respect the wishes of the child. Children who are or above the age of 14 are allowed to attend and address the court regarding their preferences.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Can A Couple Go For A Trial Separation While Living Together?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation; California Divorce MediatorsThere are many marriages that go through the process of trial separations. Contrary to common perception, a trial separation does not necessarily mean that your relationship has ended. Rather, it means that both the parties have made up their minds to take a temporary break in the relationship. Plus, they want to utilize the separation period to take a call on if they want to give another chance to their relationship or not. The period of solitude can help the spouses to assess their problems in an objective manner and find out how life will be while living alone and enjoying a period of freedom.

From the name itself, it is obvious that trial separation typically means that the spouses will be living in separate houses. So, is it possible that both of you will be living in the same house and yet go through a trial separation?

Although there are several couples who undergo emotional separation during this time period, it is not mandatory that they need to separate physically. It is a commonplace to find trial separations occurring while staying in the same home. The same is typically true when there are young kids from the marriage. Following are some of the guidelines to ensure the success of your trial separation while living under the same roof together.

Enter into a truce with your partner and explain each other

If you and your spouse keep arguing all the time, there is no point to opt for a trial separation and staying in the same house. It is better to agree on the time frame of your separation by calling a truce and stop bickering with your spouse. You should also express the reasons for which you desire to separate.

Establish certain ground rules

Will you see or meet other people while you are separated? Can you still text or call each other while you are separated? Have you decided how to look after your finances and shared vehicle? Do you have plans to reunite when the separation period comes to an end? Are you just waiting for the other spouse to save some money and then leave?

You need to consider the kids

If both of you have kids together, it is crucial to have a proper structure in place. It is better to set aside some time and discuss whether you will make decisions unanimously or as separated parents. If you want to take united decisions for the sake of your kids, it makes sense to maintain a proper routine so that your kids feel secure and safe. The routine may constitute of details like who will cook dinner, how should you spend the weekend nights together and so on. In case there is a routine that you have been following for eating dinner or breakfast together, it is better to continue with that.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Symptoms That Your Kids Are Getting Stressed From Your Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

child custody attorneys in Orange CountyDivorce triggers both kids as well as adults to make several adjustments and face tough challenges. However, there is a difference in how each child responds to their parent’s divorce. While a majority of them will handle these challenges with maturity and sensibility and grow up into well-adjusted adults, there are some kids who go through behavioral and emotional difficulties when their parents go through a divorce. And though there are differences in the long-term reaction in a child to the divorce of their parents, many kids may go through emotional distress and emotions like conflicts, confusion, guilt, fury, anxiety, and sadness in the short-term. Such emotions pop up when there is a question of loyalty towards their parents and a strong desire to spend more time with their absent parent.

When you notice the following symptoms of distress within your kid, you need to take appropriate action such as taking them to a therapist so that they can overcome their emotional problems when your divorce comes through.

Drastic change in academic performance

Do you find your kid is showing dismal performance in the tests? Is he losing interest in his school activities? This could be a telltale sign that he is emotionally disturbed.

Refuses to spend time with his/her parent

When there is no issue of child abuse in a family and yet a kid shows an unwillingness to spend their time with the parent, it can be a symptom that the kid feels the requirement of taking sides. A child should not feel that they are forcefully put in a situation where they have to select one parent over their other.

Increase in certain type of physical complaints

When you find them complaining about their physical conditions such as stomach aches or headaches quite often, it may mean that they are going through a tough time to come up with the divorce of their parents.  Allergy, stomachaches, and headaches are some of the most common symptoms that your kid is going through an emotional distress.

Prolonged and significant change in the behavior

You have always known that your child to be extremely polite bit you may find them being inconsiderate all of a sudden when your divorce case is going on. Your outgoing, gregarious and talkative kid can express less interest in social activities and friends.

Does not show keenness to engage in family, school, athletic or social activities

This is another important symptom that your children are clinically depressed as a result of your divorce from your spouse.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

How To Deal With Your Kids Being Away On Vacation with Your Ex-Spouse

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County Divorce Mediation attorneys; California Divorce MediatorsWhen you plan for vacations after your separation or divorce, it should be done with a great deal of caution. It is better to stay away from situations that may trigger conflict pretension right in front of your kids.

Here are some comforting and cool tips to explore co-parenting while a vacation is on to ensure that your kids are adequately buffered from the harsh realities of life.

You can collaborate with the other parent so that logistics can be planned in advance

Collaborating in advance will be helpful in setting up new traditions especially when you pay heed to the wishes of your children and get support from your extended family members. On most of the occasions, kids hardly have much control or say over the plans and scheduling of their parents. Thus, when you give them some sort of a control over the traditions and on certain activities, they will feel excited about their vacation instead of being apprehensive about the possible changes,

Stop asking your children to select between father and mother

Both children and their parents benefit when special occasions and vacations are shared equally. On many occasions, the way a holiday gets split may also depend on how old the kids are, whether there is any involvement of travel and how far is one parent’s home from the other.

The true spirit of the vacations should be communicated non-verbally as well as through words

Most holidays involve emotions like giving, peace, love and caring. Whenever the kids spend time with one of the parents, it is natural for the other parent may feel sad and lonely during holidays. However, it makes sense to realize that kids should experience togetherness with both their parents, There is no harm and letting your kid know that you will miss them when they are away but will be fine. Avoid situations where our children start feeling guilty or responsible for their parent’s emotional well-being. While the temptation to tell them that you will miss them a lot and do not know how you will cope in their absence, rephrase it slightly.

Tell them you are sure that you are sure that they will have a great time with the other parent and you will wait to hear all about the holiday. Have a plan in advance so that you have your friends or family near you when the kids are away. Such an action will help you to manage your own emotional requirements in their absence. You should hope that your kids feel free and enjoy their vacation with their other parent and stop worrying about you.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

How to Make Co-Parenting a Great Success

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

orange county divorce mediators; California Divorce MediatorsCo-parenting is particularly important to do for all those parents, including those who have had high-conflict divorces. The idea is to mainly concentrate on bringing up their kids without engaging in stressful communication with one another after the divorce.

Here are some easy tips to ensure that co-parenting is a great success.

Use an organizer

You can use a parenting notebook or an organizer website to communicate effectively. Note down all the relevant and vital communications pertinent to the visit of your child like homework, meals, behavior strategies deployed by you to calm your child, bedtime and so on.  Your notebook should have a mention of the different events including both behavioral as well as emotional that the other parent can refer to.

Work closely with an unbiased third party

For any contentious issues, changes and disagreements with the other parent that needs a great deal of discussion, it is better to work with an independent third party. This person should be neutral like a therapist or an experienced mediator. The meetings conducted in the presence of the third party should be time bound and scheduled. All your key concerns can be taken up during these meetings.

Emails for non-urgent matters

Both of you can use emails for discussing matters that are not that urgent. You need to also make sure that these emails should not exceed more than two times in a month. Try to restrict them to a single topic. When you use emails to communicate with the other parent, you get a chance to reread what you wrote so that you are certain that it is not disrespectful. Plus, it also enables your ex-spouse to get a breathing space for responding. Avoid giving parenting advice on these emails.

Once the divorce is finalized, it is crucial for both the parents to be involved in taking care of the kids despite their conflicts and not so cordial relationship.  Co-parenting enables both the parents to remain involved in the lives of their kids while not fighting with one another.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Tips for a Positive Back to School Experience for Divorced Kids

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

divorce mediators in Orange County; California Divorce MediatorsIt may so happen that when the parent’s divorce or separate, the school of their kids may be closed. But the transition from holiday fun to homework and routines will soon start. Beginning a fresh school year or a new academic session can be stressful for the children as well as their parents. However, if the separation or the divorce got finalized during a summer, it could be baffling for all concerned. After all, there are several new details to be handled. So, it is best to have a strong co-parenting plan in place for the best interests of the child to ensure that everyone is in sync prior to the re opening of the school. Check out some tips that will come handy for the divorced parents so that the new school year is organized and positive for the children.

School authorities should be updated about the divorce

Parents should take out some time before the school starts its new session. They should get in touch with the concerned school authorities and explain them about the new family situation. However, they need not furnish specific details. Teachers will be benefited when they learn the new dynamics and home schedule when there is a joint custody. They can then keep a close tab on if the concerned child is demonstrating any kind of emotional impact as aftereffects. The school authorities should include both the child’s parents on their mailing lists for field trips, fund raisers, updates, and newsletters. There are several teachers who make efforts to arrange for separate parent teacher meetings in case such a request is made. Both parents should try to put aside their personal issues and differences for the best interests of the meeting and their kids. However, I’d it is not possible to do so; there could be two separate meetings with each of the parents so that the child is not stressed.

Create a shared calendar online

An academic year in the school has different kinds of activities all through the year. It could be tough for the entire family to remember or keep track of all of them. When the divorced parents have a shared time schedule, they can be in the loop and know those activities and transportation or supplies required for these activities. Parents can also have a proper tab on exams, conferences, report cards, permission slips needed apart from all other important information that they should know.

Both parents should distribute the supply list

Each parent need not begin to purchase supplies. Else, their child may have an excess of the same supplies or may miss out others. Rather, both the parents should divide the list so that their kid can find specific items with each parent.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

How to Make Visitation Easier After Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County child custody; California Divorce MediatorsDivorce is not easy on both the parties involved and yet it is the kids who suffer the most. Often the conflict of both the parents leads to the subject of visitation quite an ugly one and the transition between father’s house and mother’s house can be a youth one if not dealt sensibly by the parents.

The process of divorce is truly a baffling period full of emotional upheaval and lots of uncertainty.  It is even more difficult if kids are involved in it. To ensure that the situation is stress free for them, it is imperative that both the divorced patents collaborate together to ensure that there is positivity in the visitation process. Experts agree that parenting one’s kids is the most crucial task that the parents evil ever do. When parents work in a mature manner, their divorce will not have negative, long and lasting impacts on the kids.

It is a prime responsibility of the divorcing parents to show that they are united in front of their children. Such a behavior will make the children comfortable and more confident during this trying time, Check out the following ideas and thoughts to make sure that the visits go smoothly for all concerned.

Promptness matters

When you are punctual in bring with your kids as per your visitation arrangement, it reinforces the thought that these visits are extremely important for you. Kids should feel that their presence is important in your life. Hence you need to focus on them every time you are with them. While visiting them, you should demonstrate them the fact that you consider them as your top priority. How about spending some quality time riding bikes with them or playing badminton?  You should understand that your text messages and emails can wait.

Try to avoid arguing with the other parent

Your kids may get very upset when you argue in front of them, particularly when you are picking them or dropping them off at the other parent’s house. It is crucial for both of you to understand that visitation is an opportunity to concentrate on your kids. So, it so essential for both the parties to ensure that come whatever may, the pickup/drop off transition is a pleasant experience got the children. It is better to deal with your differences and conflicts at a different time. You can fix up meetings at a different time to speak about contentious issues with your ex-spouse.

You should remain positive

Show positivity and enthusiasm while speaking about the upcoming visit. Your plans should not be overshadowed due to your conflict with the other parent.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.

How to Make Your Child Feel Protected After Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

divorce mediation attorneys in Orange County; California Divorce MediatorsAlthough you may be divorced now and you are bringing up your kids on your own, not is still your responsibility to ensure that your kid feels secure and safe after the divorce. Follow the below-mentioned tips to make your kid feel protected even after you get divorced.

Your children should get proper care

Since there will be two households after the divorce, both the parents need to work on a majority of occasions. But when there are younger kids at home, you become highly dependent on childcare. So, select a reputable child care provider where you children will love to spend their time. So, do not just leave your kids with anyone. It is better not to have someone with your child who is just a casual acquaintance of you. Do proper homework on the childcare center or the person where you will leave your child. When your children are sad or mistreated, it gets reflected in their behavior.

They should have a place that they can call their home

Kids do not go to their father’s house or your mother’s hours. They just want to return to their homes. Parents can go for an arrangement so that the child does not have to shift from their family home even after the divorce. In case either you or your partner are not okay with such an arrangement, both of you need to ensure that your kids have a proper roof and a place where are secure and safe irrespective of whether they are residing either their daddy or mommy. It means they love to have their own room so that they can call their friends overt. Their home should be in a safe neighborhood or in a good school district.

They should have a responsible adult to depend on

Divorce can embitter the ex-spouses against each other and emotions can rule over sensibility. However, your children need not be a privy to your arguments and bickering. If you and your former spouse are not careful, it can have a negative impact on the security of your family. So, behave like an adult in front of your kids, no matter what you are feeling.

Parent should be good provider

Your kids require good food, a periodic outing like going for a movie, new shoes, and clothes. So, you should ensure that you have a stable job. You need all the extra bucks to give a comfortable life to your kids even after the divorce. In case you are a daddy, do not simply leave your job with an intention to shell out fewer payments for child support. On the other hand, if you are a mom and stay at home, it is time you start working too instead of completely depending on child support.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

5 Tips On How To Tell Your Kids That You Are Getting Divorced

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

child custody mediation Orange County; California Divorce MediatorsIt is not an easy task to tell your kids that your spouse and you are getting divorced. However, you can still make things to a certain extent when you abide by a simple plan formed on the basis of emotional comfort and truth. Check out some of the tips mentioned below to tell your children that you are divorcing their other parent.

Your children are not responsible for this situation and they should know this

The best way you can alleviate the pain of your kids is by telling them the reason why you are separating. However, explain them in such a manner that is easy for them to digest. Whatever is the truth and what you disclose to the children need not necessarily match. After all, it is not your kids’ fault and they need to be told this fact so that they do not feel guilty or unsure.

Maintain civility with your estranged or ex-spouse in front of the children

When you establish mutually agreed upon and clear expectations as well as boundaries about your divorce, your children will be less apprehensive and anxious. There should be proper clarity in the messages that are sent about your separation or divorce and the possible transitions thereafter. Your child may get baffled when he or she hears conflicting words from the people they trust the most in their lives. You may not have similar kind of parenting styles or not agree upon on day-to-day operations, when there is a unified front; your children are going to benefit from it.

Do not share information that is not apt for your kids

Avoid discussing adult details with them. There is a possibility that they will not even understand what you are trying to tell them and may even start resenting you for various reasons. It could be because you are using nasty words against the other parents offering them a concealed request for judging the prevailing situation and maybe even try to overburden them with your grief and predicament. Simply share with them what they must know and the communication should take place in a sincere and honest manner. After all, your focus should be on the children instead of on the grown-ups.

Stop playing the blame game

It is definite that you are aware of the cause of your separation. But your children need not know the actual reason. When you blame your soon-to-be former spouse for the impending divorce, there is a possibility that you are trying to poke your child to take sides. You need to remember that it is unhealthy for your kid to feel that that the other parent should be blamed for the divorce or the separation.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

How Can Kids Get Affected By Divorce?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation attorney; California Divorce MediatorsAre kids really affected after their parents’ divorce? It is a difficult question to answer for sure. Different children may react or behave differently to their parents’ divorce. On many occasions, how the parents conduct themselves before their kids and how the children handle the situation.

As the rate of divorce continues to grow all over the world, there are quite a few parents who wonder how their kids get affected by the divorce. Though children may come across some of their friends whose parents are also divorcing, they still have problems in coming to terms with the same thing happening in their own family many of these kids lament about the lists of their old family life that they were used to living. This just goes on to prove how affected they could be by their parents’ divorce.

How children may get negatively affected by a divorce

When kids do not get the support that they require while their parents get divorced, there may be some of the negative effects explained below:

Disappointing academic results

Kids may have trouble in focusing and concentrating while they are studying when he or she goes through deep anxiety. They may be depressed and become callous about studying unlike before when they led a normal family life.

Feel isolated

In order to come to terms with the fact their parents are soon getting divorced, some kids are known to isolate themselves completely from their parents, friends or other family members. Such isolation may aggravate matters further as it will give these kids time to ponder upon their parents’ divorce in certain ways, which may not be correct. In fact, they can even blame themselves since they will not like to share their thoughts with anyone rose, eventually leading to depression.

Behave rebelliously

Kids may get upset with what is happening to their parents. Their fury may have a ripple effect while attending school and have a negative impact on their camaraderie with the friends and other classmates. While many parents pay regard this issue as a passing phase, things can take a bad turn if not checked on time.

Bad peer group

There could be situations when some children may start feeling that they are not getting proper care and attention at their homes. So, they will try to get that from elsewhere, like bad peer groups who may have a negative influence on them. Moreover, since parents are busy sorting out their own problems, they may forget to console their little ones.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation