Top Parenting Suggestions After Your Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Father's Rights attorneys; California Divorce MediatorsWhen you are planning to get a divorce or going through a divorce, a key area of concern should be how your kids may get impacted by your divorce. Several studies have shown that divorce can have a negative impact on their children. So, it is hardly surprising that parents are bothered about the welfare of their children when they plan to get divorced. How your children may be affected by your divorce depend on the method of parenting that you select. While your children may be negatively impacted by the divorce, there are several ways to avoid such impact.

Behave maturely with your spouse in front of the kids

The manner in which you and the other parent behave with each other while your divorce is underway or after it has been finalized will determine how your children get affected by your decision. When kids see their parents at loggerheads during or even after the divorce they get a feeling that they have also become a part of such conflict.

Children should not be dragged into conflicts

Hence, when you do not want your children to be harmed by your divorce, it is your responsibility to ensure that they are not dragged into the conflicts between you and their other parent. Some parents have a feeling that tensions in a divorce cannot be avoided but irrespective of what their feelings are, it is necessary to take positive steps so that your children do not feel harassed and are not stuck in between two hostile parents. Here are some simple parenting methods after your divorce comes through.

Abstain from doing the following:

  • Do not use your kids as messengers or to seek information about your ex’s social activities, dating life, and home.
  • Trying to get the favor of your child so that the other parent is punished.
  • Utter negative remarks about your ex in front of your children.
  • Discussing financial issues with your children. These matters could be pertaining to a delayed check of child support; adult financial issues no fund to pay your rent and so on.
  • Share fault problems about you and your former spouse with the kids. These may include topics like the reasons why you got a divorce, infidelity or details about the divorce proceedings.
  • Your marriage comes to an end after the divorce comes through. However, that does mean your responsibility also as a parent also ceases. A key responsibility is to establish a positive relationship with your ex for effective co-parenting.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

How Divorced Parents Can Work Together For Their Kids’ Sake

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

divorce mediators in Orange County; California Divorce MediatorsAre you one of those couples who have recently gone through a divorce? If you have kids from your marriage, it is natural to introspect whether divorced parents can be amicable or not. Moreover, both the parties need to put on efforts so that things work out.

So, you have recently finalized a divorce and are curious to know whether you and your ex-spouse can be good friends or not. After all, you decided to go separate ways for a strong reason. In all probability, it could be because you could. Here are some of those healthy co-parenting tips that will help in parenting much easier for both of you even after your divorce has come through.

Do not bring the past back

It is better not to do any postmortem with past issues since they may bring back certain emotions thereby stopping you both from being friends.

Take one step at a time

You should avoid being too hasty in becoming good friends with your former spouse. After all, it takes time to establish a friendship, especially after romancing him or her in the past.

Keep your chats brief

There are possibilities that when you run a conversation for a long time, you may end up saying something that may upset the other party. So make sure that your chats remain focused and you stay clear of the argument territory.

Avoid antagonizing your former spouse

You are well aware of what can cause distress to your ex-spouse. Hence, it is better to avoid bringing in any discussions that can trigger an argument.

Compromise

When you learn ways of compromising, you can agree to issues related to bringing up your kids. The same applies for the other party too. After all, time and again, decisions need to be made about your children. There will be times even you may not agree with your spouse’s idea of how to bring up your children in the best possible manner, but at times both of you need to make adjustments and be flexible got things to work out amicably for your kids. As long as there is no danger for your kids, it does not matter to compromise once in a while.

Avoid making attempts of being a single parent

Feel free to approach for your ex’s help. In fact, you will be pleasantly surprised to know that your ex-partner may be more than happy to help you out.

Have proper clarity about plans

If your kids have made plans for going somewhere, ensure that all the details are understood and clear.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Top Financial Challenges Faced By Divorced Mothers

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediators; California Divorce MediatorsWhen you know the challenges that lie before you as a single mom, it becomes easier to prepare an appropriate action plan so that you can take care of the kids in the best possible manner in your next stage of life. Here are some of the top financial challenges moms face after a divorce gets finalized. 

Ways of paying the bills

One of the top financial concerns for the newly single moms is paying the monthly mortgage or bills. It can be an overwhelming and daunting affair to take care of the household utilities. However, do not despair and give up hopes. You can get through the trying time through many ways. For instance, you can sell off your house and move in with your close friends or family members during this trying time so reduce the financial burden. Alternatively, you can also contemplate refinancing your house to procure a lower rate. 

Providing necessities for the family

It is quite likely that your household income could have been slashed considerably after your divorce. You could be a homemaker while being married. There are other financial concerns after your divorce too such as clothing and school supplies. After all, these can be expensive too. A serious concern for you as a divorced mother is to look out for ways of providing for the entire family. 

Getting the required money to pay for childcare

If you are a newly divorced single mom, you may have a series of financial obligations that may compel you to join work once again or opt for double jobs simultaneously to meet ends. In fact, it can be a big blow as you, not only feel tired and anxious but cannot spend much time with your kids.

When you work full-time, you also need to look out for a reputable childcare facility to take care of your little ones when you are at office. You can take the help of your friends and family members to seek care for the kids when you are away from home until the time you start enjoying financial stability once again. 

Finding a suitable place to live

It is a sad truth that 20 percent of the divorced women fall below the poverty line after their marriages end. Now, that is hardly an encouraging statistic for divorced and single moms who want to offer the finest housing facility and schooling situation to their kids. A serious financial concern after your divorce is where you will live. In case you are incapable of staying in your original house, you should not feel disappointed, you can get help from various assistance programs for housing designed specifically for single moms and families with low incomes, which can come handy during this difficult time.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Issues To Consider In Contemplating Divorce While Pregnant

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

California Family Law Attorneys; California Divorce MediatorsIt is needed tragic to go for a divorce irrespective of what the conditions have been in a marriage. It can be even more stressful when you find out that you are expecting a baby or your spouse is pregnant for a host of reasons.

However, if you have been party to a high-conflict or stressful marriage even when you found out for the first time that you are pregnant, it is quite natural to understand why the news can bring in plenty of anxiety and pressure even though you think your baby is a boon for you. The reason for this is kids need a lot of energy, time, affection and love.

Kids are happier in two-parent houses

It is a topic that has been the subject of innumerable debates for many decades. But there are plenty of figures and statistics to suggest that children are happier and more contented in a two-parent home as compared to growing up in a single-parent home. On several occasions it has been noticed that kids of a broken family have a greater chance to experience poverty, have to cope up with more emotional issues and are offspring’s of a teen and single parent. Statistics also hints that a single mother may experience a higher level of mental and physical illnesses and addictions. Thus an important reason why you should rethink divorce while being pregnant is kids do well in a two-parent house.

It is better to avoid making important decisions while you are overwhelmed

When you are expecting a baby, your hormones keep changing. Your emotions can go for a roller coaster ride due to this reason. On the other hand, if it is your partner who is expecting a baby, you need to adjust to their frequent mood swings due to constant hormonal shifts. Your relationship with your spouse can undergo a lot of stress due to these reasons. But that is precisely the reason why you should not consider divorce then. Though there could have been problems and conflicts in your marriage before you were pregnant, it is better to think about it after the baby has arrived since you can make wiser decisions than with a sense of normalcy returning to you.

It can be a trying experience to be pregnant all alone

When a little baby is growing up inside you, it can take a big toll on you both mentally and physically. You need to have someone beside you in your home constantly to make you feel emotionally secure.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Divorcing When You Have Adult Children

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation; California Divorce MediatorsThere are many couples who are going through a high-conflict marriage. But since these couples have children from their marriage, they sometimes wait until their children grow up and leave home for college to separate or divorce. A term called “The Freshman Call” has originated from this practice that further goes on to prove how popular such a phenomenon is these days. It is true that while parents opt for a divorce and kids are involved, the major impact is typically on these young children. But when couples with adult children plan to divorce, the latter can be deeply affected too.

On several occasions, these parents are not quite prepared for the violent and powerful reactions they get from their adult children who are studying in colleges. In fact, these kids may face a host of issues when their parents make up their minds to part ways.

Handling feelings of guilt while separating with adult children

On one hand, younger children may feel concerned that they are responsible for the divorce of their parents while on the other hand, college-going children frequently feel guilty that their contribution was insufficient to stop the breakup of their parents’ marriage. Such emotions are likely to prevail even though the children know that their parents had a troubled marriage from the beginning.

Though several college going children do have the necessary insight and maturity to understand that their parents’ marriage is not a happy one, they may still be slightly taken aback when they get to know about the divorce news of their parents. It can also take a toll on their mental and physical well being. Plus, some adult children may start having apprehensions about the fate of their own romantic relationships. They may become pessimistic about relationships in general after their parents’ divorce.

Plan your conversation with your adult children while divorcing

Restrain yourself from calling your children at college and do not discuss such details when they are away on vacations. Instead, wait for an opportunity when they are at home for some days. It is the ideal opportunity for all of you to sit, relax and discuss the matter. You should understand that your divorce decision can be upsetting for them. It is also important to concentrate on your children rather than giving more focus on the reasons for which you are getting a divorce.

Encourage your adult children to maintain harmonious relationship with both the parents

Since your children are now grown-ups, there will be no orders from the court for a specific parenting time or schedule now. But let your adult child know that they should try to maintain a cordial relationship with both the parents even after the divorce comes through.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Symptoms Your Kids Are Being Affected By Your Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

orange county custody mediation; California Divorce MediatorsDivorce triggers both kids as well as adults to make several adjustments and face tough challenges. However, there is a difference in how each child responds to their parent’s divorce. While a majority of them will handle these challenges with maturity and sensibility and grow up into well-adjusted adults, there are some kids who go through behavioral and emotional difficulties when their parents go through a divorce. And though there are differences in the long-term reaction in a child to the divorce of their parents, many kids may go through emotional distress and emotions like conflicts, confusion, guilt, fury, anxiety, and sadness in the short-term. Such emotions pop up when there is a question of loyalty towards their parents and a strong desire to spend more time with their absent parent.

When you notice the following symptoms of distress with your child, you need to take appropriate action such as taking them to a therapist so that they can overcome their emotional problems related to the divorce.

Drastic change in academic performance

Do you find your kid is showing dismal performance in the tests? Is he losing interest in his school activities? This could be a telltale sign that he is emotionally disturbed.

Refuses to spend time with his/her parent

When there is no issue of child abuse in a family and yet a kid shows an unwillingness to spend their time with the parent, it can be a symptom that the kid feels the requirement of taking sides. A child should not feel that they are forcefully put in a situation where they have to select one parent over their other.

Increase in certain type of physical complaints

When you find them complaining about their physical conditions such as stomach aches or headaches quite often, it may mean that they are going through a tough time to come up with the divorce of their parents.  Allergy, stomachaches, and headaches are some of the most common symptoms that your kid is going through an emotional distress.

Prolonged and significant change in the behavior

You have always known that your child to be extremely polite bit you may find them being inconsiderate all of a sudden when your divorce case is going on. Your outgoing, gregarious and talkative kid can express less interest in social activities and friends.

Does not show keenness to engage in family, school, athletic or social activities

This is another important symptom that your children are clinically depressed as a result of your divorce from your spouse.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Tips to Keep Your Kids Out of Your Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation attorney; California Divorce MediatorsThere are many such instances when kids may find themselves trapped while their parents are getting divorced.  In majority cases, conflict precedes a divorce. When a couple is childless, they would simply divorce one another and may avoid seeing them again. However, things are different when they have children from their marriage.  In such a scenario, you may have to keep meeting your former spouse repeatedly as the spouses need to co-parent. The responsibility lies with both the parents to ensure that their co-parenting relationship does not create a stress in the kids’ lives. After all, they should not feel entangled in the midst of the conflict of their parents. The following tips will ensure that children are kept away from stressful and emotional situations.

Do not articulate your negative thoughts about the other parent in front of your kids

This is not a difficult task to accomplish. Whenever your children are with you, you should concentrate on them. Avoid being vocal about your negative thoughts on the spouse while interacting with your children. All that toxic stuff need to be compartmentalized. Simply keep them sealed and do not share them with your kids.

You should not expect your kids will not share secrets with their other parent

You should always give your ex-spouse the same kind of respect that he/she had before you divorced. While this may take some effort and acting, but you should always be courteous to the other parent for the welfare of your kids. This will, in turn, ensure that your offspring will also be respectful towards you.

Avoid discussing financial matters with your kids before or even after your divorce.

In case your divorce lawsuit seems to be an expensive affair, your kids need not know the details of it.  Moreover, if you are going through financial constraints after your divorce, you should not use your little ones to vent out your worries and apprehensions.  In case you are having financial issues while still being married, avoid discussing the matter with the kids. Do not say or discuss anything that will make your kids become concerned over your financial crisis.

You should not expect that your kids should take your side in the divorce

Do not treat your divorce as just a game where a scoreboard is being maintained and there are two teams. It is not a job of your children to act as your cheerleaders during the divorce.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please click this link to visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

How To Provide Consistency in Parenting Styles After Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

orange county divorce mediation; California Divorce MediatorsWhen there are too many contradictions in the households of the divorced parents, the children may get baffled, feel insure and even get emotionally scarred for the rest of their lives. As it is, your divorce has led to a feeling of insecurity and void in your children’s lives. What they now need is some sort of predictability, consistency, order and lots of love from both their parents. They need complete peace of mind but if their parents are constantly changing the rules in their respective houses to simply spite one another, it is the kids who are going to be affected in the long run.

The following are a few important suggestions on ways of providing consistency from one parental household to the other for the best interests of the kids.

  • Sit down and discuss together

An ideal scenario will be when both the parents meet and discuss all the rules they will follow in their individual households going forward. While the parents may not feel comfortable to meet one another after their divorce, they should have this face-to-face meeting in person for their children’s sake. They can include their kids too in this meeting if the latter is above six-year-old. The two most crucial essentials for the minor kids of divorce are continuity and structure. A crucial thing to keep in mind is that it is not only about you two but primarily about your kids. These rules can be about anything and everything that concerns your child starting from whether they should be permitted to eat junk food, if yes, then how much, how many hours should they be allowed to play video games, bedtime, wake up time and so on.

  • Take part in parenting classes

Perhaps both the parents or either of them does not know how to compromise on certain issues for better co-parenting. In such scenarios they can always get themselves enrolled in some wonderful classes, typically conducted by the family law courts. It can be a good idea to request your therapist or an Orange County divorce attorney to give your a referral to attend such workshops. These parenting classes demonstrate how parents can bring up their kids without bias. Many of them also highlight some of the universal guidelines for rearing the children. Some of these courses also teach the divorced parents on ways of compromising and where they should do it. Others may point out the sad repercussions on the kids when they face conflicting rules on two households.

  • Consult a professional mediator

Consulting with an Orange County divorce mediator can prove to be beneficial for both the parents, in order to work out a parenting schedule and guidelines or rules for each parent to follow in creating consistency in each household on all parenting issues, including discipline.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Dealing With Divorce Involving A Special Needs Child

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

child custody mediation Orange County; California Divorce MediationWhen you have a kid with special needs, there could be special issues in your divorce. Hence, when you visit your divorce lawyer, you should describe the facts to him or her clearly and accurately as it will be a different divorce altogether.

Implication of divorces involving special needs children 

If it is a divorce pertaining to special-needs then your lawyer may require specialized understanding, specialized details, external experts and a distinct discovery process. When you do not furnish all the requirements to the lawyer or not procure all the information that will be needed for your divorce since you are unaware of the requirements, there can be severe repercussions for your child or your entire family.

Questions your lawyer may ask you

How can the needs of a special child affect the co-parenting and custodial arrangements that are being contemplated? After all, a standard parenting plan can be quite inadequate. How much amount the other parent should pay for the support of such a child? Do the parents know how long the support should be paid since the child may not be self-supporting ever? Does the spouse need to purchase additional life insurance in such circumstances? If so, then how much and for what duration? How does your lawyer ascertain whether there are special requirements in reality or not when one of the parties say there are while the other parent goes on claiming that the kid is just doing fine.

Your divorce lawyer may conduct a fact-finding exercise while conducting the first interview for you. In fact, it can be a different exercise altogether as compared to the way they deal with their other divorce clients.

Some of the questions they may ask you are as follows:

  • Has there been a formal diagnosis?
  • Do both the parties agree with that diagnosis?
  • Who made such a diagnosis?
  • What kind of testing has been done and by whom?
  • Does your kid have an IEP?
  • Do any special financial requirements exist?
  • Is your child’s condition treatable, curable or is it a terminal one?
  • Does the state or a private insurance company reimburse additional and special expenses?
  • Are these expenses non-recurring, recurring or ongoing?
  • What is the daily schedule of your child?
  • Do you think any such expenses will occur in future that is not being incurred now?
  • Are there expenses related to the child’s medications?
  • Does your kid have problems with transitioning between two different environments?
  • Are there any special dietary requirements?
  • Does one of the parents need to undergo excess time commitment or any kind of special training as compared to the other parent?
  • Is your kid with special needs affecting the other kids in the family who do not have special needs?

Depending on the severity of the child’s special needs, there may be a need for adult child support beyond them reaching the age of majority (age 18), so it is important to address this issue in the divorce judgment that may include having the child formally assessed as to abilities to work and live on their own before the child turns 18.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Why Do Some Parents Not Want To Pay For Child Support?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Top Orange County divorce mediators; California divorce mediatorsA major aim of a professional mediator is to guide and assist the parents to keep the best interests of their kids in mind. A significant decision, which affects the kinds involved in the divorce, is the amount of money to be paid as child support to the parent who gets their custody from the court. How this amount gets calculated may vary from state to state and depend on the total number of kids of the marriage.

Goal of a mediator

The key goal of a mediator is to make sure that the final child custody amount to be paid is agreed upon by both the parents. The trick to arrive at this agreement is to ensure that the parent held accountable for the child support payment gets a proper buy-in in the course of the decision-making process.

Reasons for not paying for child support

A common reason why many people do not pay the stipulated child support money is that they are not convinced that the amount they should be paying will help in supporting their kids. Another key reason for refusing to pay is many people find it difficult to digest when a lawyer or the judge tells them to pay for child support and determine the amount and frequency.

Many are under the misconception that disputes related to child support are only restricted to divorces with high conflict. However, in reality, that is incorrect. Even while the two parties are having an amicable divorce, issues related to child support can be a big headache. A parent may feel it highly frustrating to hand over their hard earned money to the former spouse and yet enjoy no authority over the exact allocation of that money. When there is uncertainty about how the funds will be exactly spent, it will be difficult to feel inspired enough to pay the amount for child support and also paying it regularly.

The key issue mostly originates when a spouse does not have an adequate say in the exact amount of child support. If lawyers, judges or other stakeholders go about making such decisions, the said spouse may not be fully convinced always. On the other hand, if the person concerned is given some say to shape up the decision, they would definitely be more willing to adhere to such a plan of child support. When a payer gets privileges related the kind of child support payment they need to pay and how the money will be used, they are motivated and try to pay the agreed upon payment for child support. Thus, it is crucial for the couple to set up an initial agreement and make sure that it works out successfully.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation