When you know the challenges that lie before you as a single mom, it becomes easier to prepare an appropriate action plan so that you can take care of the kids in the best possible manner in your next stage of life. Here are some of the top financial challenges moms face after a divorce gets finalized.
Ways of paying the bills
One of the top financial concerns for the newly single moms is paying the monthly mortgage or bills. It can be an overwhelming and daunting affair to take care of the household utilities. However, do not despair and give up hopes. You can get through the trying time through many ways. For instance, you can sell off your house and move in with your close friends or family members during this trying time so reduce the financial burden. Alternatively, you can also contemplate refinancing your house to procure a lower rate.
Providing necessities for the family
It is quite likely that your household income could have been slashed considerably after your divorce. You could be a homemaker while being married. There are other financial concerns after your divorce too such as clothing and school supplies. After all, these can be expensive too. A serious concern for you as a divorced mother is to look out for ways of providing for the entire family.
Getting the required money to pay for childcare
If you are a newly divorced single mom, you may have a series of financial obligations that may compel you to join work once again or opt for double jobs simultaneously to meet ends. In fact, it can be a big blow as you, not only feel tired and anxious but cannot spend much time with your kids.
When you work full-time, you also need to look out for a reputable childcare facility to take care of your little ones when you are at office. You can take the help of your friends and family members to seek care for the kids when you are away from home until the time you start enjoying financial stability once again.
Finding a suitable place to live
It is a sad truth that 20 percent of the divorced women fall below the poverty line after their marriages end. Now, that is hardly an encouraging statistic for divorced and single moms who want to offer the finest housing facility and schooling situation to their kids. A serious financial concern after your divorce is where you will live. In case you are incapable of staying in your original house, you should not feel disappointed, you can get help from various assistance programs for housing designed specifically for single moms and families with low incomes, which can come handy during this difficult time.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Whether you should divorce your spouse or try to restore your marriage is a big dilemma because the fate of your marriage is in your hands. If you really desire in having a “peaceful” legal separation that may led to reconciliation or to divorce, check out the following suggestions.
It is recommended not enter into a fresh relationship immediately
You have just gone through your separation period and your emotions are still unstable. Hence, it is not the right time for you to manage a relationship on the rebound effectively. Do you think that you can sustain through the present relationship? You need to give some time to yourself for the healing process. You need to reevaluate and go through self-reflection for understanding your role in the entire separation process. Your spouse could have been wrong but it is also possible that you had your share of faults in your relationship. When you try to get into a new relationship, it can complicate the healing process. Eventually, when you get your emotions in check, you may find that both your old and relationships are lost. After all, there will be hardly any person who would prefer to date somebody carrying a relationship baggage. If your spouse realizes you have lost interest in him or her, they may put an end to efforts for restoring the marriage. While there could be some reconciliable reasons for your separation, when there is an emergence of a relationship on the rebound, things may change leading to irreconcilable differences.
You should not ask for a legal separation without your spouse’s consent
When you leave your spouse in darkness about your decision to legally separate, it becomes a mammoth task to restore marriage. If a separation is handled with the right kind of skills and knowledge, it can lead to stronger marriages. When you spend time away from each other, you get an opportunity to make sensible and logical decisions without your spouse influencing you. How about having a mature discussion with your spouse prior to separation so that there are proper goals, responsibilities, and expectations while the separation period lasts? Such a step will enable both the spouses to have a broader picture of their relationship.
Never be in a hurry to sign the divorce papers
An experienced marriage lawyer is never in a hurry to rush their clients into filing for a divorce since they know that time is crucial to healing painful emotions. You may have a powerful reason to separate from your partner. However, pardoning plays an important role to salvage any difficult marriage. It helps when you take some time away from your spouse to give them a second opportunity. When you rush for a divorce, it may result in bitterness because of regrets.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Divorces can be physically and emotionally draining. If a divorce has dragged on for a while and there is a lot of negativity between the former spouses, it can be very difficult to get your life back together once the dust settles.
When a marriage and the divorce proceedings have all ended there is suddenly a void in a person’s life and it is important to fill this void to move forward. Here are a few ways in which you can constructively fill the void to help you move past the divorce:
Give yourself a break: You life has just changed forever and you might be feeling a bit lost. What you need to do is take some time off for yourself and understand what you have gone through and where you are now. If you are blaming yourself for everything now is the time to stop and be kinder to yourself. Feel and understand all your emotions, work on what is bothering you the most and then make a decision that you can survive and will get on with life.
Get a support system: You don’t have to do this alone. Spend time with family and friends who can give you emotional support. There are going to be days when it all hits you at once and you might need to have a good cry, that’s completely okay. When you have someone beside you in the hard times it makes it easier to bear.
Fill the void: The empty feeling that comes when left without someone whom you have been with for years can be hard to deal with. Whether the relationship was good or bad it took up a space in your life which is now left open. Fill the void with hobbies and doing all the things you love or wanted to try. Learn a new skill, travel, even start dating again when you feel ready, and before you know it you would have built a new life that is whole.
Moving on: No one deserves to be alone and just because you have had one failed relationship doesn’t mean that you can’t make another work. While you and your former spouse might have been incompatible you could meet someone who is a perfect fit for you. Give yourself the chance to fall in love again and have a new relationship.
Ending a marriage is heartbreaking and can be difficult to cope with at first. You need to take the time to grieve your loss but then you need to actively do things that help you to move forward.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
There are several cases where the divorce process is not easy at all. Rather, it can turn messy on several occasions. Whatever may be the reason for you to file the divorce; you should make this decision independent of emotions. In fact, such a step should be only taken after weighing all the options before you. Moreover, you should be all set to fight for the custody of your kids and your assets. While the situation may vary from individual to individual, there are some necessary questions that you should ask yourself first prior to filing the divorce.
Did you try to repair the relationship with your spouse?
Do you feel divorce is the most appropriate resolution before you? In case your married life is unhappy but not a violent one, you should go for a professional help to find out if it is a rough patch that you are going through or ending your marriage and moving ahead in your life is the best solution available for you. When personal issues are the main reasons for your marriage going sour, then chances are that you may go through the same problems in your future relationships too. So, it is important to find out the root cause of your sadness. This is precisely the reason why you should give another chance to repair your relationship before going ahead with your divorce decision. To do this you may try to identify what are the major points of conflicts between both of you. Make efforts to improve your communication as open discussions can solve plenty of problems. You can even meet a professional counselor to make it work between you and your spouse.
Do you feel safe in your home?
In case you have already made a decision on taking a divorce, whether stay in your ex’s house or leave it may have severe implications. After all, your children’s safety is of great importance. However, in case you do not have any immediate danger, you can get in touch with an attorney before you leave your existing home since it could have a bearing on the custody hearing. But when the relationship between you and your spouse is strained and an abusive one, you must take the required steps to remove the kids and yourself from any type of danger. According to a report published by the American Bar Association, about half the assaults take place either during or after separation.
Have you spoken to a good divorce attorney?
Getting in touch with an experienced divorce lawyer is one of the most crucial steps that you must take prior to filing for your divorce. Different states have different laws on divorce and they keep changing frequently. A good divorce attorney may help you with your queries and doubts and also represent you in court. In case your case is a complicated one and children are also involved in it, you will need an expert lawyer who specifically deals with family law to represent your case.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Are you planning to forget your past after your divorce and start dating? However, it may not be that easy to do so especially if you had been married for several years to your former spouse. Sometimes, it could be as complicated as finding your way in a market while there is a blindfold on your eyes. When you get divorced from your partner, you could feel extremely lonely after sharing your house and life with someone for so many years. It is natural to seek companionship and feel wanted in such crucial times. But this also makes people more vulnerable and many of them tend to make certain mistakes when they start dating. Eventually, that results in more self-doubt, loneliness and another sour relationship. Many people commit these mistakes that also affect their health and they fail to find lasting love in their lives, love, and attachment when your new partner is crazily attracted to you. Here are some of those common mistakes that you might make while dating after your marriage.
Getting too attached
It is not possible to judge how the person is on your very second or third date. Stop ignoring the flaws of that person just because you feel a deep need within yourself to get attached to a new person too soon. When you feel that there are certain key challenges in your new relationship, it makes sense not to make excuses only because you are scared of being alone. The love and devotion you feel should not be showered too easily, the new person should try to earn them and that definitely cannot happen overnight.
Not focusing on what you need NOW
Many people make the mistake of striving for instant gratification. They overlook the importance of the long-term advantages of dating a new person and tend to go for instant gratification of their current relationship needs. Moreover, if they find that those needs are not being fulfilled, they try out the same with someone else as a quick fix. When you are madly looking for a new love and want to find a perfect partner the second time around, you can get into serial dating if not careful and eventually might end up being with a wrong person in your life.
Becoming docile and submissive
When you start saying again after your divorce, make sure that you do not give away your power. This may happen when you give a higher priority to the desires and needs of the person you are dating above your own. When you have a strong urge to fall in love once more, chances of becoming passive is not uncommon, particularly when you meet someone who you start liking.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Divorce triggers both kids as well as adults to make several adjustments and face tough challenges. However, there is a difference in how each child responds to their parent’s divorce. While a majority of them will handle these challenges with maturity and sensibility and grow up into well-adjusted adults, there are some kids who go through behavioral and emotional difficulties when their parents go through a divorce. And though there are differences in the long-term reaction in a child to the divorce of their parents, many kids may go through emotional distress and emotions like conflicts, confusion, guilt, fury, anxiety, and sadness in the short-term. Such emotions pop up when there is a question of loyalty towards their parents and a strong desire to spend more time with their absent parent.
When you notice the following symptoms of distress with your child, you need to take appropriate action such as taking them to a therapist so that they can overcome their emotional problems related to the divorce.
Drastic change in academic performance
Do you find your kid is showing dismal performance in the tests? Is he losing interest in his school activities? This could be a telltale sign that he is emotionally disturbed.
Refuses to spend time with his/her parent
When there is no issue of child abuse in a family and yet a kid shows an unwillingness to spend their time with the parent, it can be a symptom that the kid feels the requirement of taking sides. A child should not feel that they are forcefully put in a situation where they have to select one parent over their other.
Increase in certain type of physical complaints
When you find them complaining about their physical conditions such as stomach aches or headaches quite often, it may mean that they are going through a tough time to come up with the divorce of their parents. Allergy, stomachaches, and headaches are some of the most common symptoms that your kid is going through an emotional distress.
Prolonged and significant change in the behavior
You have always known that your child to be extremely polite bit you may find them being inconsiderate all of a sudden when your divorce case is going on. Your outgoing, gregarious and talkative kid can express less interest in social activities and friends.
Does not show keenness to engage in family, school, athletic or social activities
This is another important symptom that your children are clinically depressed as a result of your divorce from your spouse.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
For many of you, “conscious uncoupling” may sound like like a made-up and new-age term that is often used to make it sound as if the couples today can be much more mature than they used to be previously. But the concept of conscious uncoupling has been around for some time now.
Conscious uncoupling is a methodology to come out of a relationship, which concentrates on assuming responsibility and self-reflection instead of fury and blame game. It is a process to grow and learn instead of being destructive and hurtful. Though both the parties can follow this process, even a single person can do it in case the other party is not cooperative.
It was way back in 1986, when sociologist and renowned author Diane Vaughn disclosed the term “uncoupling” in her book titled “Uncoupling: Turning Points in Intimate Relationships.” Thereafter, thus term was further popularized by Katherine Woodrow Thomas, therapist, and author in 2011. She referred to this term in her work called “Calling in The One.” She followed the concept of “conscious uncoupling” with seminars and training.
Defining conscious uncoupling
Coming out of a close relationship can be really miserable. For many, the pain can be unbearable as well as overwhelming. Many people take a long time to heal properly after the break-ups. Conscious uncoupling aims to lower the trauma and ago y for all the parties involved; your children, your partner and of course you.
Thomas feels that couples usually commit three fundamental relationship mistakes that are mentioned below:
Begin hating and despising the person they once loved and adored.
Fails to accept responsibility and accountability for the failure of a relationship
Thinking that time can heal all sounds without giving any kind of efforts.
When these relationship mistakes are committed by the couples, they become the cause of the trauma and misery during as well as after break-up. She has also designed her online course to help the couples not to commit the above-mentioned mistakes or try to fix them if they have been already committed.
Outcomes of conscious uncoupling
Figure out the different ways you have given your power in relationships and taking it back.
Learn to emotionally support yourself by discarding emotions such as self-blame and shame.
Heal your hurts and sense of betrayal through past experiences like the relationship you had with parents or relationships you had in the past.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
You had tried your best in the past but you and your ex-spouse have had constant bickering and could not make your marriage best. But, then you met one another once again and now you are pleasantly surprised to find that you share the same chemistry even now. Should you ever consider the prospect of marrying your former spouse once again? Will such relationships work? Just with all the marriages, the reply to this question lies on what both the partners are prepared to do so that the relationship can work in the long-term.
Statistics related to restored marriages
It is somewhat surprising to note the statistics in regard to the “do-over” marriages when both the former spouses marry one another once again. According to the statistics published by Psychology Today seem to claim that about 67 percent of marriages done for the second time and 73 percent of the marriages done end in divorce. However, the figures appear to be a bit encouraging for all such people who end up remarrying their spouses.
According to the research done by Dr. Nancy Kalish, about 72 percent of the reunited couples stayed together. Her research was on its first leg in 1996 when about 1,000 respondents participated in her survey, which led to this conclusion.
Key reasons why people want to marry their former spouses once again
There are a number of reasons why ex-spouses decide to reunite once again though their marriages failed in the past. Moreover, every remarriage can involve one or multiple impetuses for revival. Here are some of the reasons people remarry their ex-spouses once again.
After they stay apart, they realize their partner’s importance
As they say often distance makes the hearts grow fonder. Many couples realize their partners’ importance in their lives only after they divorced each other. Even while they were separated, the couple did mot feel that they were disconnected from one another.
Anger may disappear after they get time for reflection
When you take some time out to ponder about your relationship, feelings may undergo changes. After some time, the negative emotions you harbored may not be as powerful and intense as they were while you were still married to your partner. You may even find that you were also responsible for the breakup of the marriage to some extent. When you learn to acknowledge that you could have handled things better then, it is a good starting point to reconcile and start cementing the relationship with your ex-spouse.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
There are many such instances when kids may find themselves trapped while their parents are getting divorced. In majority cases, conflict precedes a divorce. When a couple is childless, they would simply divorce one another and may avoid seeing them again. However, things are different when they have children from their marriage. In such a scenario, you may have to keep meeting your former spouse repeatedly as the spouses need to co-parent. The responsibility lies with both the parents to ensure that their co-parenting relationship does not create a stress in the kids’ lives. After all, they should not feel entangled in the midst of the conflict of their parents. The following tips will ensure that children are kept away from stressful and emotional situations.
Do not articulate your negative thoughts about the other parent in front of your kids
This is not a difficult task to accomplish. Whenever your children are with you, you should concentrate on them. Avoid being vocal about your negative thoughts on the spouse while interacting with your children. All that toxic stuff need to be compartmentalized. Simply keep them sealed and do not share them with your kids.
You should not expect your kids will not share secrets with their other parent
You should always give your ex-spouse the same kind of respect that he/she had before you divorced. While this may take some effort and acting, but you should always be courteous to the other parent for the welfare of your kids. This will, in turn, ensure that your offspring will also be respectful towards you.
Avoid discussing financial matters with your kids before or even after your divorce.
In case your divorce lawsuit seems to be an expensive affair, your kids need not know the details of it. Moreover, if you are going through financial constraints after your divorce, you should not use your little ones to vent out your worries and apprehensions. In case you are having financial issues while still being married, avoid discussing the matter with the kids. Do not say or discuss anything that will make your kids become concerned over your financial crisis.
You should not expect that your kids should take your side in the divorce
Do not treat your divorce as just a game where a scoreboard is being maintained and there are two teams. It is not a job of your children to act as your cheerleaders during the divorce.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please click this link to visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Managing finances after your divorce are finalized is a big step in your new life. Since you have already gone through your divorce process, you know finance matters can make you highly stressful. For many people, the major cause of Rory and tension is that they will be devoid of their second household income. Moreover, there is a requirement to tighten your purse strings so that you can deal with a financially trying time. There are some others who struggle a lot post their divorce since their former spouses always handled the finance part. Here are some top tips for handling your finances post divorce.
Take a detailed stock of financial inventory
You need to ensure that you are aware of the condition of your financial standing after the divorce. It is the right time now to seek out for superior deals on the existing financial products to improve your finances or discard any product that is not performing well in the market.
Have a proper track on your expenses
When you know what and where you are do ending your money, you are moving in the right direction to keep the finances under your control. You can use a spreadsheet like an Excel or could use your mobile phone’s note application to start keeping a tag on every item that you spend. This way you can one where your money is flowing where and how you may start saving more money.
Prioritization is important
It is not unusual to start panicking about your financial position after your divorce is through. You start feeling overwhelmed with too many new developments in your new life. So, begin with what is really vital i.e. ensuring that you have enough finances to keep your children sheltered, clothed and fed properly.
Prepare a realistic budget
When you prepare a realistic budget, it will serve as a guiding force so that you can sail through the time coercion that immediately follows after a divorce without facing financial difficulties. Apart from where your money is young as discussed before, you should have a proper tab on your earnings too. So, examine your earnings and expenses to prepare a practical budget.
Update documents and accounts
Post your divorce you need to ensure that all your financial products gave the correct names mentioned in them. Such documents include your credit cards, Frank accounts, title deeds, wills and insurance policies.
You should not hesitate or feel embarrassed if you need expert advice if it is about handling your finances after your divorce. In case you feel that you require financial, legal and tax advice, simply go ahead and get the necessary consultation. However, make sure that the expert you consult is registered with the appropriate bodies.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
When you know the challenges that lie before you as a single mom, it becomes easier to prepare an appropriate action plan so that you can take care of the kids in the best possible manner in your next stage of life. Here are some of the top financial challenges moms face after a divorce gets finalized. 
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters. 
