How Adult Children Can Cope Up With The Divorce Of Their Parents

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediators; California Divorce MediatorsMany adult children face unique and big challenges especially when there is a break up of their parents’ long-term marriage. A popular philosophy adopted by parents who divorce quite late is that that they decided to wait until their children grew up and left the house to pursue a higher education or a job. Plus, these parents feel that their adult children can handle the split better since they are older now. They are also less vulnerable, wiser and stronger.

But in reality that may not be the case always. After all no matter how old they are, children will always remain children. Children may still feel hurt when their parents decide to part ways just like they would have felt had their parents took the same decision when they were younger. The sadness will still be there but they will not get the luxury of expressing their grief always. Rather, they become the listening ears since their parents pour their tales of sufferings to them.

Check out the following strategies adult children should use to cope up with the trauma of their parents’ divorce.

Bring a shift in your perspective

Rather than grieving because you are bearing the wrath of your mother’s fury and disillusionment, simply keep reminding yourself that you are facing a temporary situation. Your parents will once again become “normal” after things get slightly settled. Although it could even take some years, the situation will not be bleak forever. Meanwhile, you have your own independent life to lead. So, concentrate on developing your own life.

Try to realize that the caustic behavior from your parents is not usual in a divorce as family dynamics may change

You need to understand that you are not the only adult child who is going through this transitional phase. Such things happen quite frequently since others like you have also got annoyed with their parents. In fact, there are thousands of adult children who have gone through similar emotions when their parents divorced.

Pickup coping strategies

It is time for you to compartmentalize all those negative conversations you are exchanging with your parents at this phase of their life. Make a conscious effort to put an end to such negative and sad thoughts. When you keep thinking about it, your trauma will only increase. So address it carefully and logically to come out of your current mental state. Find out space and time to engage yourself in what you are fond of doing. Go out for a stroll, listen to your favorite band, read books, travel to new places or spend more time with your close friends. Such activities will distract your mind from the negative thoughts.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

What Most People Don’t Know About Divorce Mediation

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediators; California Divorce MediationAlthough there is a positive reputation attached to a divorce mediation as a sensible alternative to a litigation, there are very few people who are well familiar with the process. Contrary to popular belief, divorce mediation is quite a different process. It is meant for those reasonable couples who are unable to sort out their conflicts and misunderstandings by themselves.

There are many such couples who believe that there is no need for a divorce mediator. Rather, they should seek out a good family-law lawyer for getting their settlement through a court. Further, their situation does not qualify to undergo mediation since mediation is a process to sort out disputes and there is no dispute between them. These people feel that they have everything what mediation can offer to them. They also opine that their best option is to get the settlement done through an approval of a judge, in order to save their precious money and time.

What is divorce mediation all about?

It is a technique of dispute resolution between an estranged couple outside the court, which helps them to sort out their differences in an amicable manner. There is minimal involvement or intervention of the legal system of the state.

Mediation facilitates a structured process for reducing the friction and differences, which can be typically found while spouses converse during their negotiations or settlements. The process accomplishes it by fostering a non-controversial ambiance, encouraging both the parties to be amicable while sharing their concerns and thoughts to their estranged partners.

Orange County divorce mediators use an impartial and neutral third party approach so that the disputes between estranged couples can reach a logical and peaceful compromise, which is acceptable to both.

Role of a divorce mediator

Do not be under an impression that a divorce mediator is an arbitrator, judge or a referee. Plus, they are not the people to take the final call on which party will win or lose. The only job of a mediator is to guide both the parties while negotiations are going on.

A spouse should be at their best behavior if they hope to convince the other party to be okay with an agreement outside the court. It can be quite tough to accomplish it since a divorce may not put the parties in their most charming behavior, It is precisely where a mediator comes in the picture. They can direct the dialogue and interaction between the two parties so that the potential hazards during the negotiation process can be minimized.

In order to ensure that the mediation process is fruitful, both the parties should be reasonable in their thinking for negotiating a final settlement.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

5 Things You Should Never Say To Your Kids During A Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation attorney; California Divorce MediatorsWhile a divorce can be hard for the couple going through it, it can be much harder on the children. For children a divorce could shake their sense of security to its very foundations and leave them feeling vulnerable and frightened.

Younger children could worry about things like, “if daddy has left the house will mommy also leave me?” And older children can quietly wonder to themselves if this was their fault and if they did something to cause the breakup.

Here are a five this that you must not say to your kids during this time:

  1. It’s all dad’s / mom’s fault: Playing the blame game will not serve anybody least of all your kids. Blaming your spouse for the divorce can not only create a rift between you former spouse and your children but can also cause emotional distress. Children love both parents unconditionally and these new revelations could prove too confusing for them to handle.
  1. I feel sad when you go: This can happen a lot in cases of co-parenting where one parent can make the child feel guilty about going to spend time with the other parent. A mother telling her kids that she is sad when they go live with daddy puts the child in a position that their young minds can’t cope with very well. The feeling of guilt of wanting to spend time with their father while knowing that it hurts their mother could be extremely damaging for the kids’ self image.
  1. You are acting just like mom/dad: Picking on a child’s behavior and saying that they are behaving just like their other parent has two big disadvantages. The first being that you make the child feel like mommy or daddy’s behavior is not good and the second being that you scare the child into thinking that you will leave them too. You can always correct bad behavior without bringing up your ex.
  1. Is mom/dad seeing someone else?: Trying to get information about your ex through your children is something you should avoid totally. Making children spy on their other parent is a burden they should not have to deal with. Children want to be loyal to both parents and this can be very stressful for them.
  1. That is not my responsibility: While your divorce agreement might clearly demarcate your parental responsibilities, children need not be burdened with legalities. If they ask you something that the other parent needs to approve of as well you can always answer with why don’t we check with mom and see what she thinks. Saying things like, “that’s not my responsibility go ask your mother” undermines the respect your child has for you.

Be loving and supportive of your children while going through a divorce and give them a sense of security during this emotionally confusing time.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation 

The Best Ways To Move Past A Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediators; California Divorce MediatorsDivorces can be physically and emotionally draining. If a divorce has dragged on for a while and there is a lot of negativity between the former spouses, it can be very difficult to get your life back together once the dust settles.

When a marriage and the divorce proceedings have all ended there is suddenly a void in a person’s life and it is important to fill this void to move forward. Here are a few ways in which you can constructively fill the void to help you move past the divorce:

  1. Give yourself a break: You life has just changed forever and you might be feeling a bit lost. What you need to do is take some time off for yourself and understand what you have gone through and where you are now. If you are blaming yourself for everything now is the time to stop and be kinder to yourself. Feel and understand all your emotions, work on what is bothering you the most and then make a decision that you can survive and will get on with life.
  1. Get a support system: You don’t have to do this alone. Spend time with family and friends who can give you emotional support. There are going to be days when it all hits you at once and you might need to have a good cry, that’s completely okay. When you have someone beside you in the hard times it makes it easier to bear.
  1. Fill the void: The empty feeling that comes when left without someone whom you have been with for years can be hard to deal with. Whether the relationship was good or bad it took up a space in your life which is now left open. Fill the void with hobbies and doing all the things you love or wanted to try. Learn a new skill, travel, even start dating again when you feel ready, and before you know it you would have built a new life that is whole.
  1. Moving on: No one deserves to be alone and just because you have had one failed relationship doesn’t mean that you can’t make another work. While you and your former spouse might have been incompatible you could meet someone who is a perfect fit for you. Give yourself the chance to fall in love again and have a new relationship.

Ending a marriage is heartbreaking and can be difficult to cope with at first. You need to take the time to grieve your loss but then you need to actively do things that help you to move forward.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

3 Things You Must Do Prior to Filing for Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Divorce mediation attorneys in Orange County; California Divorce MediatorsMany couples who are on the verge of getting divorced feel extremely emotional and cannot think rationally while the process is underway. Often, the decision of taking a divorce roots from negative emotions, which can trigger a person to take a leap towards the divorce process.

Similar to other high-impact decisions in one’s life, it makes sense to take some time, know what will be your financial position in the future and where do you stand now, and align yourself with a good divorce lawyer who can help you by protecting your legal rights, prior to and after filing for the divorce.  The following 3 steps are some of the things you should do before going ahead and filing for divorce.

Seek the help of a reputable divorce attorney

You should interview a minimum of three divorce lawyers before hiring one. Opt for an attorney who has an experience between five to ten years and has been practicing divorce and family law. However, your divorce becomes a cakewalk and less costly when you and the other party can settle all matters without litigation. However, when that is not possible, you need to ensure that a capable attorney is hired who will be prepared to litigate your divorce case in the court before a judge.

Collect evidence of income

There will be a requirement of relevant documentation to show your income as well as your spouse’s income. In case both of you are salaried employees, there may be also a requirement to produce your recent pay slips’ copies along with your latest Income Tax Return.

Ascertaining income could be a tough task when your partner is self-employed.  In scenarios like that, copies of financial statements and statements of bank accounts can have proper clarity on your spouse’s income. Make sure that you have copies of all these statements prior to filing for your divorce. However, it will be difficult to know the actual and exact amount earned by your estranged spouse when he or she is self-employed, though you can get a fair idea with the suggestions given above. Collect whatever information you are able to. Later on, your attorney may help you in getting the remaining information through the process of discovery.

You need to have a fair idea of your financial position

One of the major goals of any divorce process is to ensure an equitable division of your marital debts and assets. So, you should have a clear idea of where you and your estranged spouse fare financially. If you want to receive your just share while negotiations for your divorce settlement is going on, it is essential to know what is owed and what is owned.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Tips for Mothers Going Through Legal Separation or Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Once the initial shock settles down and the divorce becomes a reality, you start realizing that your life will change in many ways when you become a single woman once again. A realization like this can be actually scary for many. However, like many others, you will also get used to these new changes gradually. So do not lose your cool and be patient.

It is indeed a gutsy role to be a single mother once your divorce gets finalized. Such a role will also be a challenging one as you transform into a stronger individual with each day. Do not feel scared and prepare yourself for the rainy day. You should start doing everything on your own so that your life becomes less stressful and easier. You may consider the following divorce tips that are helpful for single moms so that you can prepare yourself and plan accordingly.

Spend time in reviewing your financial position 

Do not indulge into self-pity or worry unnecessarily about your inability to provide for your kids. It will not serve any purpose and will end up giving you headaches. Thus, it is advisable to put aside your worries about how to get enough money to purchase a bicycle or doll for your little one. There are various ways of giving toys to your kids without going to the market to purchase them. You can make those toys at home. Let your kids help you out as they are going to love such activities. When you spend your time together and create these toys, it will be a memory they are going to cherish for a long time to come.

Self-education is extremely important 

Self-improvement initiatives and education are important things to work on at this crucial juncture of life as you need to be self-equipped and self-dependent in your new life. You can go online and research for some free courses on the net, find out easy tips to earn money and check available resources as a part of your action plan.

Be well-informed about issues like insurance plans, savings, credit, and taxes as they will come quite handy after your divorce. You can do so by either researching about them online or by hiring a professional consultant. Try to find out whether there are any government sponsored programs along with the benefits they offer to single mothers. The bottom line is you should have all relevant information at your disposal so that looking after your household and finances after your divorce become simpler.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Questions To Ask Yourself Prior To Filing For Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation; California Divorce MediatorsThere are several cases where the divorce process is not easy at all. Rather, it can turn messy on several occasions. Whatever may be the reason for you to file the divorce; you should make this decision independent of emotions. In fact, such a step should be only taken after weighing all the options before you. Moreover, you should be all set to fight for the custody of your kids and your assets. While the situation may vary from individual to individual, there are some necessary questions that you should ask yourself first prior to filing the divorce.

Did you try to repair the relationship with your spouse?

Do you feel divorce is the most appropriate resolution before you? In case your married life is unhappy but not a violent one, you should go for a professional help to find out if it is a rough patch that you are going through or ending your marriage and moving ahead in your life is the best solution available for you. When personal issues are the main reasons for your marriage going sour, then chances are that you may go through the same problems in your future relationships too. So, it is important to find out the root cause of your sadness. This is precisely the reason why you should give another chance to repair your relationship before going ahead with your divorce decision. To do this you may try to identify what are the major points of conflicts between both of you. Make efforts to improve your communication as open discussions can solve plenty of problems.  You can even meet a professional counselor to make it work between you and your spouse.

Do you feel safe in your home?

In case you have already made a decision on taking a divorce, whether stay in your ex’s house or leave it may have severe implications.  After all, your children’s safety is of great importance.  However, in case you do not have any immediate danger, you can get in touch with an attorney before you leave your existing home since it could have a bearing on the custody hearing. But when the relationship between you and your spouse is strained and an abusive one, you must take the required steps to remove the kids and yourself from any type of danger. According to a report published by the American Bar Association, about half the assaults take place either during or after separation.

Have you spoken to a good divorce attorney?

Getting in touch with an experienced divorce lawyer is one of the most crucial steps that you must take prior to filing for your divorce.  Different states have different laws on divorce and they keep changing frequently. A good divorce attorney may help you with your queries and doubts and also represent you in court.  In case your case is a complicated one and children are also involved in it, you will need an expert lawyer who specifically deals with family law to represent your case.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Pros and Cons of Cohabitation Vs. Marriage in California

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation; California Divorce MediatorsThe subject of whether marriage better or cohabitation warrants a lot of debate based on people’s personal experiences and beliefs. There are some who believe nothing can replace a marriage in a loving relationship, while others beg to differ and believe that cohabitation is equally amazing without the legality of marriage. We discuss some of the benefits and disadvantages of cohabitation over marriage.

Pros of cohabitation over marriage 

  • One of the most obvious benefits is that you get to share your home and life with someone you love and like to be around because you love the person and not because of legality binding you.
  • Cohabiting has all the financial benefits of being in a marriage without the legal hassles that come with marriage. You get to split costs, manage finances, and invest together with your partner.
  • Cohabiting can be a great way to understand if you and your partner can sustain a marriage. It is a good way to know how well you both work together as a couple living together before taking the plunge and getting married.

Cons of cohabitation over marriage

 There is some research that shows that marriage may have physical and psychological benefits that are lacking in cohabitation. However, some results are still ambiguous about the reasons behind these differences.

  • There is no legal responsibility or hassle, making it easier to leave a cohabitation arrangement. Marriage demands more legal commitment and, therefore, there is more thought given before a spouse decides to leave.
  • If you have kids while cohabiting, custody rights can become complicated if you decide to go your separate ways.

Cohabitation in California 

California does not recognize common law marriage except when a couple is considered married under common law marriage in a state that recognizes it and then moves to California. California recognizes cohabitation as a legal form of relationship, and there are some provisions for couples who wish to cohabit but not marry.

If you are cohabiting to test your relationship before getting married, you can enter a prenuptial or premarital agreement that lists rules and laws applicable to you as a couple once you get married.

If you simply wish to cohabit without the legal hassles of marriage, then the state has a provision of getting a cohabitation agreement, also known as a nonmarital agreement. This formal agreement lists out responsibilities and rights for the cohabiting couple and works as a contract that is outside of marriage laws.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Advice On Reconciling After A Marital Separation

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

divorce lawyers in Orange County; The Maggio Law FirmDo you want to improve your chances of reuniting after your legal separation? Then, it is always better to start the process with complete honesty. Both of you should be prepared to honestly discuss all those issues, which resulted in the trouble. It can be various factors such as addiction, an act of betrayal, or abuse. Whatever it is, they should in the open. When the two partners are dishonest about the issues that hurt them, it is unrealistic to expect that they will be sincere about the changes they should implement in their relationship to salvage the marriage. It is always recommended to take the help of an impartial mediator or a third-party therapist or counselor.

What should you do to get back after your separation?

Being completely transparent with your partner is another important step to follow if you are really keen about a marital reconciliation after being separated. When trust factor has disappeared in a marriage, transparency is the perfect antidote for the couple. Both the parties should be completely frank about their personal schedules, habits, and finances. Such a step will make sure that the couple gets back the lost trust to some extent. It is a good idea to contemplate coaching.

Give a chance for marital reconciliation

When there is a space in a relationship, it shows what is important and what does not matter. It also teaches what helps and what can be hurtful. When both you and your spouse are serious about giving your marriage another chance and your partner to echoes your sentiments, you would definitely have one more chance to marriage reconciliation.

Check out these tips when you and your partner intend to get back together especially after your legal separation.

There is no harm in accepting your mistakes

In order to make your marriage work, both you and your partner should accept all those mistakes made in the past, which led to your separation initially. If you and your partner are one of those couples who are interested in reuniting, you should be prepared to apologize to each other. You should realize and appreciate that frankness; trust and forgiveness are some of those key ingredients, which can salvage your marriage.

You should be prepared for certain changes

Being willing to change is perhaps one of the most crucial factors to get back together. You should freely discuss the desired changes you are looking forward to. It is imperative for you to be ready to change yourself for your spouse.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Forms of Child Support In Divorce Cases

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Top Orange County divorce mediators; California divorce mediatorsWhen a couple divorces, child support plays an important consideration in it. Reasonable maintenance of a child would consist of providing expenses like training and education, medical and dental care, clothing and recreation if applicable. In fact, both the divorcing parents have a responsibility for child support as per their individual means. This responsibility exists in situations when the child in concern is born out of or in wedlock or has been adopted. The question of child support also pops up, if a child is born from a previous marriage or a subsequent one. The reasonable amount depends on the existing standard of living of the family, cot of living and on parents’ income.  Here are some of the forms of child support:

Cash payments on a monthly basis

The primary spouse who has the physical custody of the children typically gets monthly cash payments from the other parent. The maintenance order or the divorce agreement will have a mention of how much will be the amount of money paid by one parent to the other each month. Either the monthly payment is done in advance or it is determined on a particular date on every month. The mode f payment could be through electronic transfer/debit order in an account specified by the parent who is entrusted with the primary care of the children. The amount of maintenance cost that is payable may have an annual increment on the divorce order’s anniversary date or whenever there is a change in the inflation eats as declared officially.

Educational expenses

Educational expenses can include pre-school as well as aftercare fees, school lunches, camps, school outings, additional tuition fees, school fees expenses towards sports and extra-curriculum activities, any other activities the kid participates, sport tours and club fees, and expenses related to any type if equipment like computers, uniforms, stationery, school books and any other expenses for the child related to his or her school.

Medical expenses

Parents must also bear medical, surgical, dental, vision, orthodontic and hospital expenses for their children whenever necessary as per their means.

As mentioned before, both the parents should support their kid according to their financial capacity. Though a father may be financially stronger, the mother cannot shirk the duty.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation