How Long Should Single Mothers Wait Before They Start Dating Again?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Divorce mediator attorneys Orange County; California Divorce MediatorsGetting back on track after a divorce is no easy task. After going through emotional upheavals, restoring back the spark which you once had during your marriage or before it can take time. One of the things that must have crossed your mind after a divorce is “should I date again?”. Well you should if you feel like it but like everything else there is a proper time. But it really depends upon you.

As a single mother, your correct time to date also depends a lot upon your child. That is one of the challenges of being a single mother when you want to start a fresh relationship.

Finding the right time

It doesn’t matter if you’ve been divorced for one month or one year. It’s your choice when you want to date. It’s very hard to tell when you’ll become ready to go out on a date again. As a single mother, most of your free time might be spent in looking after your children.

One of the things that you can try to do is make time for yourself by going out with your friends. Initially leaving your kids behind while you’re out partying might make you feel guilty but slowly you’ll realize that it’s not a bad thing really. When you’ve become habituated to going out without your kids, you can try and meet new men.

Tell your kids about it

Honestly, your waiting period is directly linked to your children coping up with your new way of life. When kids are involved, you need to think from their perspective. Kids show a variety of emotions and sometimes it’s very hard to gauge what might be feeling. And since their mom is concerned, the feelings might be more intense.

Consider legal problems

It’s a good idea to consider any legal difficulties that might be present when you start dating someone. In California, divorces usually don’t last for more than six months but in some cases, it might last up to two years. Now you definitely don’t want to wait for two years before you start dating. But then again, you don’t want to get caught up in legal problems either. The best thing would be to maintain an amicable relationship with your husband and let him know that you are considering going into a new relationship.

Conclusion

As far as dating is concerned, single mothers can find it difficult to decide when to start dating again. As a mother, you should give more priority to your child and then to yourself. When both things work out fine, you’ll know the right time to date.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

How To Create An Amicable Relationship With Your Ex After A Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

orange county divorce mediation attorneys; California Divorce MediatorsIt is no hidden fact that divorces happen because the relationship that was once pure and strong between two individuals becomes bad. And it’s also true that individuals who get divorced don’t like keeping in touch with their ex unless a child or business is involved. But it’s also true that some people maintain an amicable relationship with their ex-spouse. So how do they do it? Here are some ways how.

Embrace the change and start afresh

Most individuals don’t take divorces well and show signs of psychological problems. But there are some who see it as a change. They take their divorces positively and start afresh. For them, it’s a new beginning and a part of their change is keeping good relations with their ex. If you’re trying to be one such individual, then remember to accept your feelings and embrace the change that life has to offer you. When you were married, you had responsibilities and certain things were expected from you but since you’ve got divorced, you don’t have any inhibitions. You have the freedom of living the way you want to. A new lifestyle will help you reflect on the problems you faced during your marriage and it will, in turn, help you build a better relationship with your ex.

Establish boundaries which you couldn’t do during marriage

After a divorce, it becomes easy to set up physical and emotional boundaries which wasn’t possible during a marriage. Having boundaries allows you to determine the type of communication you want to keep with your ex. You also have the freedom of avoiding discussions which might upset the either of you. Boundaries help build respect and your ex. will notice it too.

Create a new routine

Now you have the time to re-structure your life and create a routine that suits you. Creating a routine will help you avoid anger and frustration. It will also make your ex. realize that you have moved on with your life. This again creates respect and it becomes easy to maintain a good relationship.

Conclusion

Most individuals find post-divorce relationships hard to maintain but there are ways in which you can make it better. Accept your divorce as a new change and embrace it. Create a routine for yourself and follow it. Also, establish certain boundaries and let your ex. know about it. Your ex. will develop a sense of respect for you and your relationship will become more amicable.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Lawyer Or Mediator? Which One Should You Opt For During Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

orange county divorce mediation; California Divorce MediatorsDivorces can be complicated matters and getting caught in the middle of legal problems is common. some people try avoiding divorce cases by going through a mediation first.  A divorce mediator helps couples either negotiate divorce settlements or resolve issues that leads to the dissolution of marriage.

However, divorce mediation is not appropriate in all situations.  For certain cases where domestic abuse or some kind of crime is involved, courts often start divorce proceedings without a mediation. But it can be confusing for people who are stuck in between and don’t know whether to hire a lawyer or a mediator.

When does mediation work?

California courts always favor divorce mediations and alternatives to divorce because it saves them for going into complicated cases. They can instead focus on more pressing matters. It is the reason why courts ask couples to go through a mediation process before the divorce is finalized.

Mediation processes are successful when the idea of a divorce is mutual and both parties understand what it means for them. Divorce mediations are useful when the couples are open to comprise without any emotional attachment.

Mediation is a powerful process and many marriages have worked out after couples went through a mediation process.

When does going to a lawyer work?

Divorce mediations are absolutely necessary but in some cases, they are not required. In cases where clear signs of domestic abuse or child abuse is involved, mediation is unnecessary. In other cases, where the court feels that a mediation is waste of time, divorce proceedings are directly handled by lawyers. Sometimes, mediators and lawyers are the same person and the roles are intertwined. For such lawyers, it becomes easy to do both without the client or the courts interference.

Conclusion

Since divorces can become ugly, mediation processes that can potentially save the marriage is often used to pacify issues between the couple. Mediation processes work best when both parties are ready to reach a common ground where they can work out things. Often, it helps save their marriage. Divorce mediations also help couples who aren’t too emotional or touchy about the dissolution of their marriage.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Why Permanent Alimony is Favored by Many People

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Spousal support Orange County; California Divorce MediatorsAlthough alimony, which is also referred to as spousal support, is regarded by some as a dirty word, there are still many people who favor it. But there are several states that have rewritten their divorce laws so that permanent alimony can be scrapped.

For several decades in the past, it was usual that after a man and a woman got married, the wife stayed at home and took care of the family to help promote the career of her husband. It was a common practice for women to support their husbands, and when children were born, perform most of the activities related to their rearing. So, if there was a divorce, it is natural to understand why she was awarded permanent alimony. After all, all these years during the marriage, she never had an opportunity or time to develop her professional career.

To cut it short, even today, most of the couples make the emotional choice of having one of them to stay back at home with the kids. While doing so, one of them becomes financially dependent on the other spouse who is the breadwinner of the family. When a mom or a dad give up their professional career and decides to stay back at home to bring up their kids for 18 years, the ability or the opportunity to make a re-entry to the workforce becomes less. Moreover, they will not be able to earn the same kind of salary their spouses are earning.

Many think that these are some of the cases when a spouse should be awarded permanent alimony:

When a spouse unilaterally decides to end a long-term marriage

If the spouse who’s the breadwinner of the family decides to divorce unilaterally from a marriage that lasted for 15 years or more, permanent alimony should be awarded to the dependent spouse.

When the dependent spouse has to look after the kids

In case a dependent spouse has to take care of the kids all alone but fails to get employment and stands at a risk of a drastic change in the lifestyle, he or she should be awarded a permanent alimony.

When a spouse is at a risk of facing financial poverty

If the situation is such that a spouse is exposed to the threat of suffering from acute poverty as he or she lacks necessary working skills post-divorce, permanent alimony should be awarded to that spouse.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Strange Prenups Can Form the Basis of Hollywood Marriages

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Top divorce mediation attorneys Orange County; California Divorce MediatorsBeing married in the glittering Hollywood is not the same thing as being married elsewhere. Apparently, celebrity spouses have more terms to agree with in the event of separation and divorce. Prenuptial agreements are a common phenomenon in Hollywood marriages, but they are not exactly romantic as they may seem. History shows that many Hollywood celebrities such as Johnny Depp, Britney Spears, and Angelina Jolie faced the most rancorous of divorces, but included prenuptial clauses in the agreement to add a different taste to their marriage.

Contrary to popular beliefs, the lawyers of these celebrities do not encourage the inclusion of pre-nups in their marriage contracts. Lawyers educate their clients on the consequences, both good and bad, of having pre-nups, and create an enforceable agreement that comes to play when they split up. Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom had a pre-nup arranged between them that was skewed pretty much in Khloe’s favour. The clause gave Khloe complete financial support from her spouse Lamar Odom, should they ever split up in the future. The arrangement mentioned that she would get $25,000 per month as financial support for half the time of their marriage, which ultimately lasted for over two years. She would also get $500,000 every year of the marriage, $6000 per month for her shopping, new car and house at the end of each lease.

This is one of the many cases where celebrities have entered into weird pre-nuptial agreements with their to-be ex spouses. However, the ugly side of such agreements is that some celebrities plan out their divorces before filing it in the court. High-profile couples do so either to minimize press coverage of the split or protecting their children from being affected by the divorce. Hollywood family lawyers have become adept in avoiding paparazzi, and they have clandestine telephonic conversations or arrange private meetings in their own or client’s house. Such agreements are often covered under the glitter of their high-profile lives.

Although pre-nups are not considered to be a romantic way to start a marriage, yet they can protect the inheritance rights of their children to some extent. Some celebrities believe that such arrangements provides more financial security because many give up their Hollywood career in order to give more time to their marriage. However, the bottom line is that pre-nups work favorably only if they are conducted in a cooperative and cordial atmosphere, which each of them contributing equally to uphold the sanctity of the relationship.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.

How Is Legal Separation Different From A Divorce?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

divorce mediation attorney Orange County; California Divorce MediatorsLegal separation is the formal process of confirming an actual separation of the parties, as opposed to filing for divorce.  Parties that chose legal separation do so for religious reasons, do not believe in divorce, or have concerns about medical insurance coverage, among other reasons.  If the parties proceed all the way to a final judgment in a legal separation case, they can obtain the same orders that they would have in a divorce case.  The biggest difference is that in the end, the parties are technically still married after a legal separation case and cannot get legally remarried.

Agreement for separation

An agreement on separation includes terms that are quite similar to those if the concerned couple was getting a divorce. This means there will be a distribution of their marital property, agreement on child visitation and custody if applicable. Not only this, the couple opting for a legal separation will also have to come to a decision on dividing any debts that were incurred by them after they got married.

Ideally, the above-mentioned terms should be binding in case the couple wants to get divorced. Moreover, both parties should hire their individual attorneys for negotiating all the details of the agreement on their legal separation. In case the spouses eventually make up their mind to go one step ahead and file for a divorce, it has been observed that the judge usually keeps the same terms as both the parties agreed to them earlier.

Differences between a legal separation and a divorce

Check out some of the following key differences between a divorce and a legal separation.

Name

While the spouse continues with the legal married name in the case of a separation, a wife may revert back to her maiden name after the divorce comes throughout the divorce be.

Child support

The conditions related to child support are ascertained when the legal separation takes place. When a couple decides to go for a divorce after being legally separated, ideally, the same terms are followed that were mentioned in the document for legal separation.

Marital status

A couple is still married even though there is a legal separation going on. But when the divorce is finalized, the marriage ends.

Child visits

Visitation rights of the child are decided when the legal separation takes place. If a divorce comes through after the legal separation, most of the times, the same terms are followed as mentioned in the document of their legal separation.

Alimony

The terms for alimony are ascertained during the legal separation. The conditions are typically kept same if the divorce gets finalized in the future.

Split of marital property

The couple agrees to the terms while going for a legal separation. When they do decide to finally divorce, the sane conditions that are mentioned in the document for legal separation are followed.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Tips On How To Let People Know You Are Filing For Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Divorce mediators in Orange County; California Divorce MediatorsIt can be very painful to break the news of your divorce to your family and friends. However, you need to tell them at some point or the other. So faster you do the work, it is better for you. The toughest challenge for you will be sharing this news with your kids.

Share the news of your divorce with your family members

After you have informed your kids, you need to next confide with the remaining family members that you are planning to divorce your spouse. You should share this news with your parents first. Subsequently, you can disclose it to your siblings and other family members. Do not be in a hurry to break the news to your distant family members immediately if you do not interact with them frequently. You can always let them know later on provided your other family members have already not told them about it.

Your parents

You may go through lots of emotional turmoil while breaking the divorce news to both your parents as well as to the parents of your spouse. But you should be calm and not lose your cool. Moreover, do not share all the details and avoid blaming anyone else for your current predicament.

Rest of the family members

It could be easier for you to deal with the remaining family members since their investment and contribution to your marriage is lesser and even though they could like your spouse a lot.

Confiding in your friends

Informing your friends could be as tough as informing your family members. This is particularly true when they share a great rapport with your spouse too. So, make an attempt to be at your diplomatic best so that they do not feel they should choose a side. But, you need to be more candid with your close friends as compared to your casual friends who you are not that close to.

However, you may need to share this news with your casual friends too so that they do not ask you accidentally how your husband or wife is. After all, you do not want to begin any type of awkward situation to explain your present situation.

Informing employers and colleagues

It is always recommended not to divulge or share too many personal details at your workplace. Being discreet about your personal life is always a good idea. So, just share the minimal details about your divorce at your workplace to avoid gossips or speculations, which can harm your career.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Understanding Divorce & Innocent Joint Tax Filer Relief

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation attorneys; California Divorce MediatorsBoth you and your registered domestic partner or spouse assume tax paying responsibility when you file California joint tax return. Responsibility is also assumed for applicable interest and penalties. If you meet a few specific legal requirements, you could qualify for relief from payment of part or all of tax liability.

Traditional Innocent Joint Filer Relief

It is possible to qualify for relief from the assessed additional tax, interest and penalties when you satisfy the following conditions like filing joint tax return. You can enjoy additional relief also when your RDP or spouse’s error is caused by additional tax. Tax breaks can also be had if at the time of signing joint tax return, information was not available to you or you were unaware of those items which resulted in an additional tax. Money can be saved also if all circumstances and facts are taken into account and it would be not fair to hold you totally liable for tax liability. Other conditions of tax breaks include that you have submitted a completed “Request for Innocent Joint Filer Relief” or FTB 705, to the government earlier than two years post date of starting involuntary collection activities from you.

Relief through Separate Allocation of Liability

It is determined, under this kind of relief, which RDP or spouse is going to be liable for assessed additional interest, penalties and tax. In case you meet all the requirements, we assign the liability for the additional tax to liable RDP/spouse. This is treated as if taxpayers had filed two separate tax returns. This kind of relief can be had if the couple files joint tax return. It is important that both the spouses must meet all conditions. These include the case if you divorced and also legally separated from your RDP or spouse or terminated the registered domestic partnership. This is also applicable if the couple lived apart from each other for a period of 12 months before making the relief request.

Relief can also be had when additional tax assessed can be attributed in full or part to the RDP or spouse. It can also be enjoyed if the couple has no information of items which created this tax liability at the time you signed the joint tax return. Other causes include submitting the competed “Request for Innocent Joint Filer Relief” to the authorities earlier than two years post date of starting involuntary collection activities from you.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Top Mistakes Parents Tend to Make After Their Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

divorce mediation attorneys in Orange County; California Divorce MediatorsWhen a marriage ends, things can be pretty bad for the children. Some kids are asked to make peace between bickering exes while they are still lamenting over or missing a parent who moved out all of a sudden. There are other children who have to cope up with parents who are suddenly at a loss to handle daily chores such as helping them with a home task or making meals.

There are some parents who feel that once their divorce is through, most of the issues will be sorted out and they can look ahead in their lives. But, even after the divorce, the responsibilities related to parenting are a new experience every day. How successful you are as a parent will depend on how you react to situations, your empathy for the children and the decisions you need to make. Avoid making some of these top mistakes that most parents tend to make after their divorce.

Avoid treating your kid as a messenger

A majority of the parents try to communicate with their former spouses via their kids. Such a behavior can cause excessive emotional stress or trauma on them. It may also compel the children to create a situation that you will not be able to tangle as their parents. It is better to communicate with the other parent via emails, which is a great communication tool these days. Moreover, it will enable you to only focus on practical aspects of bringing up your child and not digress into negative discussions or open old wounds.

Do not grill your kids too much

Parents should regard their kid’s days away with the other parent in the same manner as if they are staying with an uncle or aunt. If you tell your children nothing at all, they can feel stressed and get a feeling of compartmentalization.  On the flip side, when you grill or bully them too much, they feel they are in the middle of both of you and become emotionally distressed. Rather, ask your child only general and fun questions so that they feel relaxed.

Try to understand your child

Your children should feel loved, appreciated, and well-understood. As it is, after they see their parents getting divorced, they could be going through an emotional turmoil. So, as a compassionate parent, you should listen to them properly and avoid instructing them to think. Although it may appear tough, avoid criticizing your former spouse. After all, you could then be indirectly criticizing your own kid who is a part of both of you.

Get help from a professional therapist

You should never commit the mistake of venting out your emotions or sharing divorce details with your little ones. Such discussion could make them more anxious rather than appreciating your mental condition. Instead, seek professional advice from a therapist.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Helping Children Adjust to Two Homes After Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation; California Divorce MediatorsWhile children are the most affected party in any divorced family, a major challenge for them is to adjust residing in two different homes after their parents go separate ways, Although, a kid may be visiting one of the parents only for some hours on a weekly basis, he or she should feel comfortable in their non-custodial house. A cordial arrangement will help in bridging the relationship with the other parent who does not have custody rights and will also help the kid to realize that though their parents got divorced from one another, they are still loved the same way.

When children of divorced parents feel like they belong at the homes of both their parents, it creates a healthy and smooth transition for them. Irrespective of their age-group, issues like abandonment and rejection matter to the kids a lot though many of them cannot express them properly through words. There are several kids who love to stay in both their homes since their parents shower them with attention and love.

The following are some of those ways that can help kids to adjust to living in two different homes.

A primary home should be designated for the children

Though kids of divorced parents may spend time in both parents’ homes, they should recognize only one of the houses as their “primary home”. There could be a lot of confusion if this is not done.  After all, when there is a designated primary home, all mails and other important communications will get delivered to that place only. It will be also helpful for the kids to feel secure and anchored. Though your house is treated as a secondary home for the children, you should not feel that the time they spend with you is less important. After all, do you not feel as happy and content at your holiday home as your main home?

Allocate a separate room for your child

It is imperative for your child to have their own personal room. In case that is not possible due to space constraints, they should be given space to keep their possessions like a toy bin, shelf space or an own drawer for dresses. They should also be permitted to store their things in the allocated space. Let them arrange the things according to their wish.

Freedom of carrying things

Your children should be permitted to carry their items between both the homes without any conflict or tension between the parents. The transition can be much smoother if this is followed.

Allow your kids to personalize their space

Permit your children to decorate their space the way they want to do. In fact, even you can help them out in this endeavor. Let them pick their own sheets and allow them to hang their favorite posters on the wall. Children love to personalize their space.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation