The Rate Of Gray Divorces Is On The Rise

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

divorce mediation attorneys Orange County; California Divorce MediatorsIn 2016, the rate of gray divorces rose by three times than gray divorces in 1990. More couples above the age of 65 are heading for courtrooms to get divorced. Experts have cited many reasons for this trend and some of them include the changing laws, evolving status of women in society and less stigma associated with divorces.

Reasons for gray divorces

The rise of gray divorces cannot be limited to any one reason. There are different speculated causes for the rise in gray divorces. The rise does not necessarily indicate that older people are discontent with their marriages. Today’s lifestyle and the change in outlook has made it possible for more and more older people to head for a divorce. Previously, divorcees were often faced with social stigma and divorces were looked upon as embarrassments. But things have changed and getting a divorce has become more common than it used to be.

Probably the most important reason for the rise in gray divorces is the evolving status of women.  Women have become an important part of the work force and they are choosing a life that makes them more independent. Women have become less dependent on their male counterparts in terms of finances and it is probably why women make up the majority of people who initiate gray divorces.

Another reason for gray divorces is the change in state laws which has made it easier for couples to get a divorce. Previously, laws concerning divorces especially gray divorces were tough and many couples did not want to go through such a rigorous process. But now individual states have relaxed divorce laws and most couples can now head for an easy divorce.

Impact of divorces at a later stage in life

Divorces can be a difficult process both in terms of emotions and finances. Asset division during a divorce can be a major problem if the number of assets and property is high. Young couples may find it relatively easy because the number of assets amassed will be substantially less than those of older couples. For gray couples, getting a good lawyer should be their first step when getting a divorce.

Conclusion

Gray divorces are on the rise due to the changing social lifestyle for both men and women. Women have now become independent and feel that getting a divorce at a later stage in life can actually be beneficial for them.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Can A Couple Go For A Trial Separation While Living Together?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation; California Divorce MediatorsThere are many marriages that go through the process of trial separations. Contrary to common perception, a trial separation does not necessarily mean that your relationship has ended. Rather, it means that both the parties have made up their minds to take a temporary break in the relationship. Plus, they want to utilize the separation period to take a call on if they want to give another chance to their relationship or not. The period of solitude can help the spouses to assess their problems in an objective manner and find out how life will be while living alone and enjoying a period of freedom.

From the name itself, it is obvious that trial separation typically means that the spouses will be living in separate houses. So, is it possible that both of you will be living in the same house and yet go through a trial separation?

Although there are several couples who undergo emotional separation during this time period, it is not mandatory that they need to separate physically. It is a commonplace to find trial separations occurring while staying in the same home. The same is typically true when there are young kids from the marriage. Following are some of the guidelines to ensure the success of your trial separation while living under the same roof together.

Enter into a truce with your partner and explain each other

If you and your spouse keep arguing all the time, there is no point to opt for a trial separation and staying in the same house. It is better to agree on the time frame of your separation by calling a truce and stop bickering with your spouse. You should also express the reasons for which you desire to separate.

Establish certain ground rules

Will you see or meet other people while you are separated? Can you still text or call each other while you are separated? Have you decided how to look after your finances and shared vehicle? Do you have plans to reunite when the separation period comes to an end? Are you just waiting for the other spouse to save some money and then leave?

You need to consider the kids

If both of you have kids together, it is crucial to have a proper structure in place. It is better to set aside some time and discuss whether you will make decisions unanimously or as separated parents. If you want to take united decisions for the sake of your kids, it makes sense to maintain a proper routine so that your kids feel secure and safe. The routine may constitute of details like who will cook dinner, how should you spend the weekend nights together and so on. In case there is a routine that you have been following for eating dinner or breakfast together, it is better to continue with that.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

How to Cope Up With a Legal Separation from Your Spouse

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Divorce mediation attorneys Orange County; California Divorce MediatorsWhen a marriage is on the verge of a collapse, both the parties may say things they do not mean out of anger and frustration. If you cool down a bit and take a rationalistic view, you will realize that although both you and your spouse have entered into the marriage with complete consent, you are not giving the efforts of late that you had been giving in the beginning of your relationship. Some of them include:

  • Both of you have stopped complimenting one another
  • You are not willing to help each other anymore
  • You have stopped speaking about your feelings
  • Both of you have stopped complementing one another

It is possible that if you give some space to one another, both of you will realize the important aspects of your marriage that seem to have fallen apart. Do you feel that is the case between both of you? If that is so, separating legally from your spouse can be the most suitable alternative for you. While making a decision on whether to opt for a trial separation or a permanent one, you may go through a lot of emotional upheavals. Though separating from your spouse may appear to be the best thing to do, chances are that it may not be the most suitable action for you.

How you decide to spend the time of your separation is very crucial when you and your spouse take a call to separate. You should use the time to get some useful perspective and retrospect on the pros and cons of your marriage. While such a phase in your life can be shocking, you can utilize it well by following the tips mentioned below:

Do not spend all your free time alone 

It is the perfect time to meet up your family and friends who can help you to cope up in this transitional phase in your life. You should use the time to spend some time with your nephew or visit your parents or grandparents. It is crucial to contact your social circle especially since an important chunk of your social circle could have walked out the door.

You should also make an effort to enjoy your “me” time 

Irrespective of how unhealthy or happy your marriage was, there is likelihood that you both you and your partner spent a lot of time in each other’s company. Although, it may not have been quality time, yet it was time nevertheless. So, now that you are separated, utilize your time to enjoy moments of solitude and peace. It is also the right time for you to follow your hobbies or passion. Try reigniting a hobby, which you might not have followed for a while. You can also listen to some lively music to recharge and revitalize you. However, do not spend this time to indulge in self-pity. Sulking and sitting alone think about the past cannot heal your pain.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

How To Have A Good Relationship With Your Ex-Spouse

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation lawyers; California Divorce MediatorsSometimes, children can get unconsciously hurt by their parents while the divorce proceedings are going on or after the divorce. There are some adults who may even cause distress knowingly as their anger can drive their attitude and behavior.  But here are a few things that can be done to show respect and good will to your former spouse even after your divorce.

Be courteous to your former spouse when your children are present

Do not lose an opportunity to teach your children on how to control or conceal grudges as well as be polite even if they may be feeling bitter from inside. After all, your kids need not know that their other parent is pushing your button. They simply need to appreciate the fact that your behavior is immaculate despite such negative and ugly behavior from the other side.

Accept and reiterate the fact that your ex’s presence is important in the lives of your children

In case your children value your former spouse, it will be sensible that as your child’s other parent you consider their feelings.

Show maturity while responding to your former spouse’s phone calls and emails

You need to understand something while dealing with your ex, especially when it is about not hurting your children’s feelings. It takes less effort to be humble and polite rather than bring furious with your former spouse. It has been often seen that exes ignore to respond to the emails of the other parent and do not want to sort out issues in an amicable manner. While you could have a feeling that your ex-does do not deserve a good behavior from you but the world is definitely a nicer place when both of you attempt to be good to one another. You may be unaware but how you behave will set an example for your little ones who will also learn how to be well-mannered and civil when they become adults

Do not create a situation where your kids may have to take sides or may feel unsure what they should do

There are instances when the relationship between the former spouses is so bad that one could not attend the functions in their child’s school when the other is attending. Sometimes, such situations may even turn into a sort of power struggle between the two parents Avoid creating situations where your children need to take the side of one of you since such scenarios can be quite distressful for your little ones.

Your actions should demonstrate that the respect of your ex is crucial for you

If you want to get respect, you should be willing to show your respect to the other parent. In case the trust factor was lost while the divorce proceedings were going on, it is time you rebuild them.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Does Adultery Have An Impact On A California Divorce Case Today?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation; California Divorce MediatorsAre you wondering whether cheating can have an impact on your divorce case or not? If that is the case, here is all that you should know about adultery.  A marriage can end when one of the spouses discovers that the other is having an adulterous relationship. But what importance does an extra-marital relationship has on the continuity of a marriage or in a divorce? The answer to this question may vary from country to country and from state to state. While in some states the effect may be negligible, in other states such a behavior could have a big impact on the results.

In the past, there had been a bigger correlation between adultery and divorce as compared to today. Especially, when a woman committed adultery, it was viewed as a big offense. The punishment was harsher for her than if it was done by a man. Even today, this is so in some countries like Saudi Arabia and Iran. In these countries, the woman could be punished with a violent death if she had an extra-marital relationship. In the United States of America, adultery is treated as a crime in a few states and yet is hardly ever prosecuted.  However, as California is a no-fault state, adultery has little impact on the outcome of a divorce case.

Impact of adultery on asset distribution

Today, adultery does not have that much of an impact on asset distribution in the event of a divorce. However, the exception can be cases where a spouse has used his or her marital assets to provide support to that extra-marital relationship. For instance, when a husband takes a loan against a marital property to support his girlfriend, it can be considered while asset distribution takes place.

Effect of adultery to determine custody

Generally, adultery does not affect decisions related to determining the custody of the children in California. The exception could be when the third person that the wayward spouse is cheating with poses a threat to the children by having a criminal background, uses drugs or abuses alcohol, etc.

However, if adultery can be proven, it can have an impact on spousal support by reducing or terminating the amount of support when an ex-spouse or a spouse is living with some other person, which is known as cohabitation.

But the most problematic and serious problem that adultery is like to cause is while negotiating a settlement. According to statistics, more than a whopping 90 percent spouses resolve their divorce settlement through negotiations. An unfaithful spouse is most likely to feel sheepish or guilty after the confession or the discovery. On the other hand, the spouse cheated on usually feels furious and cheated. These emotional elements of both the parties may come in the way of a peaceful settlement and can significantly have an impact on the divorce terms.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Understanding The Emotional Impact of Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediators; California Divorce MediatorsDivorce happens due to a number of reasons, like lack of intimacy, infidelity and abuse. It generally occurs in multiple stages, what relationship experts term “divorce cascade”. A marriage about to end is peppered with rising conflict. Communication between the couple reaches disastrous levels before  the marriage reaches a flaming end.

Most divorces result in couples living a better life afterward. This could result in considerable adjustments. It is quite common for divorced individuals to experience psychological pressure like that they have failed in life, sadness and loneliness.

Emotional Issues

Divorce can result in distressing emotional impact. These could affect both the sexes. Recovering from a divorce involves a period of grieving. This is as the spouses know that an important relationship is lost. The relationship was once an is levels before the ma mportant part of their lives. A few people pass through multiple stages of grief, like depression, denial, bargaining and anger. Finally there is an acceptance. Do note that different people react to their loss in different ways. These stages thus do not occur in this particular order for every person.

A marriage end is specifically painful for people who did not want it or even expecting it. It becomes much more problematic when such a sense of loss is blended with tense and even hostile interactions between the divorced spouses. There could be a number of psychological effects like identity loss, depression and lowered self-esteem. A few people who suffer divorce also experience embarrassment and rejection. These may lead to withdrawal from their previous social groups. They generally finds it hard to discuss their fears and feelings, even among their best friends and people who care about them.

In a few cases, individuals who go for divorce face alienation from relatives and friends who disapprove of such a step. They thus experience social support loss in the form of loss of contact from relatives of the ex-spouse. They may also get less support from their own relatives. The result? A much smaller social network which leads to a rise in their sense of isolation.

Depression Post Divorce

Stress related to divorce may lead to depression. The latter is marked by an intense sadness, withdrawal from society, and severe feelings of worthlessness and futility. A number of depressive orders can happen. The list includes dysthymic disorder and heavy depression. A distinct sense of prolonged fatigue and loss of interest in enjoyment of activities are common.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Behaviors That May Increase Divorce Expenses

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation attorneys; California Divorce MediatorsWhile you are negotiating your divorce settlement, it is imperative for you to make certain rational decisions on the basis of sheer logic rather than your emotions. In case the couples cannot be flexible or logical, it may take several years for the courts to grant them a divorce decree. The delay happens mainly due to the reason that these couples’ negative emotions dictate their behaviors. Hence, the divorce related expenses also go up. It is important to have a check on your behaviors so that you can take decisions sensibly during this crucial juncture of your life. Many times, divorce leads to a huge dent in the savings as the individuals concerned behaved in a way that prolonged the case for many years. An important point to note in this context is because your former spouse was non-aggressive during your marriage does not necessarily mean that they will remain like that after the divorce has been filed in the court. Check out some of these behaviors that may increase the expenses related to your divorce.

Trying to numb your agony by spending

When spending excessive money on your shopping sprees, especially during your divorce, the repercussions are quite obvious. The main point here is that your assets are getting depleted that is quite important for you to survive after your divorce comes through. Another negative impact could be that when you go overboard while spending, the court may instruct you to repay the amount you spent to your former spouse as a part of the settlement for the final divorce. To make it even simpler for you to understand, when you spend money, which is regarded as a marital asset, the court could hold you accountable for it.

Unable to come to terms with the present situation

There is hardly anyone who wants to go through an unwanted divorce. Just because you do not desire to go through a divorce does not mean that you have to become an emotionally paralyzed person and not being able to take legal care for yourself. When you are stuck with negative feelings and refuse to come to terms with the actual reality, there could be inaction on your part. This may in turn make your ex take advantage of the situation and control the divorce process, costing you a lot financially.

Overlooking what could be at stake

Many people get baffled about what divorce is all about. A common sight in divorce court is furious people fighting with one another and ignoring the implications on their finances. Since divorce can be a costly affair, it makes sense not to get driven by your emotions and act according to the best of your financial interests.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Tips for Splitting Marital Property During a Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

divorce mediation attorneys in orange countyBefore understanding how your marital pretty should be split during a divorce, it is important to recognize what a marital property means. Any property owned by you or your spouse during the course of your marriage is counted as a marital property. The properties you owned prior to getting married or any property that you inherit while being married is not considered as your marital property. Some spouses are under the impression that they can escape the process of splitting their marital assets; however, a divorce lawyer is a smart professional. Hunting for hidden assets is one of their top priorities when they fight cases for their clients. If you do not want to get penalized by the court for tucking your marital asset, later on, it is better to disclose such properties in the beginning. Check out the following tips for splitting your marital properties while your divorce proceeding is pending.

Take help of a mediator

It is a good decision that you hire a mediator who will help you by working on sticky issues, which may pop up while the marital properties are being split. While it is a requirement in some States to have mediation while the divorce process is on, other States do not have such a requirement. It is better to save your money and time by hiring a reputable mediator who will help you in this process prior to the involvement of the courts.

Stop fighting on small issues

When you let emotions rule over your good sense, your objectives may not be fulfilled. For instance, there could be a portrait in your bedroom, which you are emotionally attached to and want to take it with you by any means and you do not agree with your spouse that he or she should have it. In case you fail to arrive at an amicable settlement on such trivial issues, your judge may not care about your emotional attachment to certain objects. A court’s job is to find out the assets acquired by you during your marriage, As such, it will instruct the property to be split according to the laws of your state and not according to what you want. To put it simply, it is you and not the judge who has made an emotional and financial investment in your marital property. A judge cannot and is not in a position to order for the split of marital properties in a manner that will satisfy both the parties involved. If the couples can mutually sort out those issues, then only both of them can be satisfied. Any attempt made to hide marital assets is a legal offense, which means you are violating the law.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation 

Posted on Monday, September 18th, 2017. Filed under California divorce, California Family Law, Division of Property, Division of retirement plans, Divorce, Divorce & Debts, Divorce & Division of Property, Divorce & Family Businesses, Divorce advice, Divorce court proceedings, Divorce Mediation, Family Law, Frequently asked questions, Orange County divorce, Orange County divorce mediation, Orange County divorce mediators.
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Health Insurance Considerations In Your Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Top Orange County divorce mediators; California divorce mediatorsYou need to consider several important points while your divorce proceeding is going on. Health insurance should definitely be high on your priority list. It is important to give proper health coverage particularly when you have kids from the marriage.

Obtain affordable health insurance coverage before your divorce is final

Contrary to what you may be feeling about divorce, it does change a lot of things in your life. However, one thing that will not change is that both the parties will have health related concerns for their kids as well as for them. One of the most important worries is definitely about the adequacy of health benefits. If you overlook or sidestep the issue of your health requirements during a divorce or a legal separation, you could be committing expensive mistakes that could even jeopardize your financial standing.

Hence when you are in the phase of a divorce or a legal separation, you should take out some time for your hectic schedule to look at life insurance, health policies etc, However, do not get over agitated earn you find something doubtful in those documents since laws are in place to safeguard the rights of your children and you. Rather, it is better to get your doubts clear from your legal counsel. Here are some of those options to obtain adequate health coverage for your kids and you while the marriage ends. It is irrespective of who will be .awarded the custody.

Try to get health coverage from your existing employer

In case you are employed and an affordable priced health insurance plan is offered by your current employer, then there is no harm in going through what the plan intends to offer with respect to various aspects including prescription, dental and vision. Enroll in it in the case it is within your budget and will meet the needs of your kids and you.

Times have definitely changed as getting health coverage under the policy of your former spouse or as a part of the policy offered by your employer are no longer cheap as they used to be many years ago.

You should ask your estranged spouse to include health coverage as part of your divorce settlement

While there is no certainty whether it will work or not, there is no harm in discussing the matter with your divorce attorney. It is particularly relevant when kids are also involved. The issue is a part of the section detailing about child support in the event of a divorce.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

How Are Parallel Parenting And Co-Parenting Distinct From One Another?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation attorney; California Divorce MediatorsMany experts on child development have claimed that children enjoy many benefits when they are brought up by both their parents, though divorced. There are various reasons for this. A key reason is that those parents, who follow the co-parenting model for bringing up their kids, go through fewer incidents of conflicts as compared to the parents who get sole custody of their kids. Studies have demonstrated that kids are miserable and feel deep anguish when their parents are bickering one another after the divorce. On the other hand, when parents try to keep their disagreements to a minimum, children are likely to become more resilient.

But there are not many experts who have spoken at a length about the limitations of co-parenting in cases where the parents do not share a good relationship or the conflict between the two is high. According to some experts, when kids come from broken families, they are to benefit if their parents share healthy and strong relationships. They should never get exposed to the conflicts and arguments of their parents.

Divorced parents should only opt for co-parenting when both the former spouses are supportive of one another and understand the importance of respecting each other for the well-being of their children. However, there are many parents who become addicted to fury. These parents are constantly convincing themselves that their ex-spouse is not competent or is mentally ill.

They not only share their thought with the children but also to other stakeholders like mental health professionals and school staff.

There are several experts who suggest going for parallel co-parenting as an alternative to all those parents whose relationship is adversarial. So, what is the exact distinction between parallel parenting and co-parenting? To understand this you need to go through the following key aspects of both.

Defining co-parenting

It is a form of parenting where the parents are not married anymore, not in a romantic relationship with one another or are not cohabiting For instance, in the U.S., co-parenting refers to a parenting situation where both the divorced or separated parents agree to take care of the kids jointly.

Defining parallel parenting

While co-parenting is definitely a great arrangement for parenting, it also involves a lot of interaction between the two parents. They have to make shared decisions, speak to one another at drop-offs and so on. However, high-conflict between the two may not produce the desired result. Parallel parenting is a model where divorced parents agree to co-parent even while remaining disengaged to one another while maintaining limited direct contact.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation