Email and texting has become an increasingly more common way for everyone to communicate but these options for communication have literally revolutionized how divorced parents can communicate with each other. Following a divorce, some parents cannot communicate with each other face-to-face without getting into a heated battle. Even a telephone conversation can be filled with emotional outbursts.
On the contrary, a simple text message letting a parent know the other parent is running late to pick up the kids can be just the simple message it was intended to be and nothing more.
Another recent development is online calendars which have also made co-parenting much more effortless for families. From Google calendars to other types of cloud-based calendars as well as outlook, parents can create a shared calendar to keep track of kids’ activities as well as pick-ups and drop-offs. Most of these online shared calendars are free. One online program called “Our Family Wizard” helps parents not only track calendars and kids’ activities, but it also allows parents to track and document expenses or medical information. The program also provides a place to securely store documents both parents might need. There is a fee for the Family Wizard and there are various levels of pricing depending on what options a family chooses. The program even allows one parent to pay the other parent’s fee if one parent cannot afford it.
Some parenting experts warn that the increased use of technology to communicate may actually do more harm than good. They argue that the lack of face-to-face communication can lower parents’ ability to talk to each other effectively. Sometimes an issue cannot be properly addressed in a text message or email. If a child needs medical attention, or is having trouble in school, parents may need to discuss the background of the issues and the possible options moving forward. Parents who do not have the communication skills for day-to-day communication may not be able to handle the communication skills to handle more serious circumstances. So although technology advances help in some regards, it should never replace face-to-face communications that parents need to accept and deal with for the sake of their children as part of their responsibility to co-parent.
The other danger of using technology to communicate is sometimes people are willing to say things in an email or text message they might not otherwise say to someone in person. Emails and text messages may be nastier or may be more accusing than a face-to-face conversation because it is easier to make accusations when you are not looking someone in the eye. The fact that there may be a record of the exchange, some people just don’t have the self-control to reel in their emotions in a text or email communication. Always think before you press “send.”
Generally speaking, parents who take advantage of technology to communicate are more likely to communicate regularly and communicate directly rather than through their children which lowers stress on children as well as on the family as a whole. Parents can also communicate more effectively with their children through the use of texting or skyping if parents are out of town. Of course nothing can take the place of face-to-face time with our children, but regular communication makes both parents and children feel like they are part of each other’s lives.
For further information or to schedule a consultation, please contact California Divorce Mediators at (949)553-0911 or at www.cadivorcemediators.com.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”
In some situations, taking the testimony of a minor child can be necessary, especially where physical or sexual abuse is involved. Those court proceedings are generally done confidentially, either in a closed courtroom or in the judge’s chambers.
However, a parent in a child custody case should think long and think twice before seeking to have a child testify in their case. For instance, in some cases, there are blended families where there are younger children of the parties’ marriage or relationship, and also older stepchildren or children of just one of the parents (hereinafter described as “the other children” in this article), all living under the same roof. I have seen parents want to call one of “the other children” to testify against the other party because the children of the relationship of the parties are too young to really do so, to make allegations that the other parent has been abusive to them and to their younger half-siblings. It becomes apparent soon enough that “the other children” have been coached to say things in a certain way in court to help the parent pushing them to testify in the first place.
It is troubling for any parent to ever put their children in such a difficult position to have to testify in court, if it is not really necessary. It is awful that any parent would coach their children to potentially lie or misstate the truth, for the sake of the parent seeking the testimony (hereinafter referred to as “bad parent”). The problem is further compounded when the other attorney representing the other parent starts questioning the child regarding his or her prior, canned responses prepared and coached by “bad parent.” At that point, the child will start looking at “bad parent” across the courtroom seeking help in how to answer unscripted, tougher questions from the other attorney. In the end, the child’s previous testimony can be found unbelievable, and potentially “bad parent’s” use of the child’s testimony backfires and hurts bad parent’s custody case, because the court has determined that “bad parent” is not a sympathetic and credible parent, but a manipulative one.
Not only can use of a child’s testimony for such purpose backfire, it can detrimentally affect the child psychologically and emotionally. Child custody disputes are generally never easy to resolve, but using child witnesses for such purposes is not right and can hurt them and your custody case.
For more information or to schedule a consultation, please contact California Divorce Mediators at (949)553-0911 or at www.cadivorcemediators.com.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”
In today’s weak economy, divorcing couples and their attorneys are finding that economic issues are more contentious than ever. In a recent survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML), 85% of respondents reported complications in divorce proceedings due to housing debt in the past three years.
Now more than ever, money is the big issue in divorce litigation. The foreclosure crisis and high unemployment rate mean that every dollar counts for all families, especially those that are splitting up.
Another complication is the need to relocate due to economic circumstances, which can greatly complicate child custody matters. The AAML survey found that 53% of respondents reported an increase in relocation requests in child custody cases. Traditionally, such requests are made when one divorcing spouse is seeking employment elsewhere, or to relocate closer to another partner. However, moving away is not a simple option for a custodial parent under current California law, and will likely cause further litigation over the issue of child custody.
The current economic crisis has also pushed divorcing couples to seek alternatives to expensive divorce litigation. More couples are now trying to reach an agreement through divorce mediation,. Hiring a divorce mediation attorney can save both spouses a lot of money compared to the expense of the divorce litigation process. In today’s economy, everyone is much more aware of financial issues, and the lower cost of divorce mediation can be a money-saving alternative for divorcing couples.
For more information or to schedule a consultation, please contact California Divorce Mediators at (949)553-0911 or at www.cadivorcemediators.com.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”
Relationships are established much quicker in our hyper social media age. It used to be that relationships evolved over months but with technology – whether texting, social media, or email communication – everything happens at a rapid pace. For marriages that are on the rocks, a spouse can rekindle or find a new love and intensify the bonds rapidly. This means more affairs more easily enabled by such technology.
When a person is having a bad day at home with a spouse, they often turn to social media to relieve their stress and get back some enjoyment. But before you start to post negative comments about your spouse or send inappropriate pictures or posts over social media, think twice, especially when child custody is involved.
The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers notes that 75 percent of divorce lawyers are utilizing evidence from social media in marriage dissolutions. Use caution and restraint when posting on Facebook, Twitter, Google+, or any online social media outlets or you could cause more trouble than your post was worth. Remember it is not social media that is causing the problem, it is your behavior and comments that are inappropriate. You do not want to have to deal with a moment of questionable judgment that is now something you not only regret out of embarrassment but more importantly, can be used against you in court. Your ex’s lawyer will use, and the judge can consider, these posts, so exercise restraint so that problems are minimized.
So do yourself a favor and either stay off all social media altogether or otherwise exercise extreme caution until the divorce is finalized and you want to start a new relationship. Otherwise, you could jeopardize your child custody case and outcome of your divorce because of inappropriate behavior.
For more information or to set up a consultation, please contact California Divorce Mediators at (949) 553-0911 or at www.cadivorcemediators.com.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”
Divorces typically are all about the two adults who can no longer get along and who gets what assets, property, and privileges. Even though each spouse might equally love the children, oftentimes divorce can bring out the worst behaviors in a parent. Before, during, and after the divorce proceedings, it is critical to focus on a healthy and nurturing environment for the kids; otherwise, the negativity can have big consequences.
“Children tend not to tell you when they are angry, resentful, confused, hurt or depressed,” says author Rosaling Sedacca in her book How Do I Tell the Kids…about the Divorce? “Instead, kids reflect their problems through their behavior – acting out or perhaps turning inward in ways that you have not experienced prior to the divorce. Take time to see the world through your children’s eyes and you will be better able to meet their needs, understand their confusion or aggression and find appropriate ways to dissolve tension through your conversation and caring behaviors.”
Parental behavior that involves negatively talking about one parent, missing or cutting into the other’s parenting time, or concealing the truth can wreak havoc on a child’s emotional wellbeing and alter their perceptions of how they should act. Children who watch parents say cruel things, lie, and seek revenge can end up being rude, hostile, dishonest, and hold grudges or worse.
Many child psychologists promote that parents must set aside whatever ill will they have towards their ex to effectively be a good parent. Yes, this will involve a daily focus to accept the child custody and shared parenting time. Halting the negative words and interacting proactively with your ex will show that people can be their own individuals and be courteous yet have their boundaries.
Divorce law and child custody agreements are all about the best interests of the children, so the earlier an individual focuses on this fact and has a good child custody attorney by their side will bring about faster and fair results. From visitation and shared parenting rights, to adequate child support and enforcement, a skilled child custody attorney will address all the factors needed for the children.
A schedule must be created so that each child will get to enjoy a normal schedule with each parent as well as specific holidays, vacations, birthdays, and special cultural and religious days. Patience, tolerance, and communication are critical to make the schedule work and ensure that the kids are benefitting from it. The agreement will also detail decisions regarding medical, education, religious, and any other special considerations for the children.
For more information or to schedule a consultation, please contact California Divorce Mediators at (949) 553-0911 or at www.californiadivorcemediators.com.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”
California has a child support guideline formula that is used in all cases to determine the proper amount of child support. Generally, the courts and all attorneys in California use one of 2 recognized computer programs based on the child support guideline formula called “Dissomaster” and “X-spouse.”
The factors considered in making child support orders are primarily the gross income of the parties and the amount of time each parent spends with the minor child. However, other factors that can be considered include any itemized deductions the parties can claim on their taxes, medical insurance premiums paid each month, and any mandatory retirement payments and union dues for individuals whose employment requires them to be part of a union and to contribute to a deferred compensation retirement plan (i.e. a pension).
In addition to the basic monthly child support, the court will generally also order that the parents equally share the costs of childcare expenses necessary for the custodial parent or both parents to work, as well as any medical, dental, and vision expenses for the minor child not covered or reimbursed by medical/dental/vision insurance.
Child support can also include expenses for the special needs of a child, such as tutors or other services, as well as the transportation costs for visitation of a parent.
Finally, the Court generally orders that both parents keep their child medically insured with medical insurance if it is available at no cost or at reasonable cost to both parents.
Child Support is generally paid until the minor child reaches the age of 18, or age 19 if they are still a full-time high school student at age 18, unless the minor child dies or becomes emancipated prior to becoming an adult.
Child Support orders can be modified if there is:
A significant increase or decrease in either parent’s income;
A change in custody or the amount of time the child spends with each parent; or
Any other change that would affect the child support guideline calculations.
For more information or to schedule a consultation, please contact California Divorce Mediators at (949) 553-0911 or at www.cadivorcemediators.com.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Irvine divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
There are two types of custody: physical and legal. Each type can be joint or sole. For example, a couple may share joint physical and legal custody or a couple may have joint legal custody while one parent has sole physical. There are many different combinations of custody. It is easy to confuse the label of joint or sole custody with parenting time. Parenting time is the actual time each parent spends with the minor children and it can change over time. Parenting time can also be negotiated between the parents or exchanged as long as the parents agree but custody can only be changed by a court of law. Parents who have joint legal or joint physical custody may not have 50/50 parenting time. Similarly, a parent who has sole physical custody may only have 50% parenting time. How is that possible? Parenting plans are either created by parents, who then submit a stipulation to the court, or are created and ordered by the court. A parenting plan lays out the specific times a child is with each parent.
For example, a parenting plan may state the minor children are with the father every other weekend from 5pm on Friday to 8pm on Sunday and on every Wednesday from after school until Thursday morning at 9am. The parenting plan provides the framework for who is actually caring for the children every day of the week. In some cases, the parenting plan is specific enough to account for every minute of the week.
As children get older, parents may have less input on the parenting plan because teenagers have more input on where they want to spend their weekends. Teenagers may have to work on weekdays and may not be able to go to the noncustodial parent’s home during the week.
While the parenting plan may change as children get older and get more involved in school activities, sports, or work, the custody determinations do not change. That means that parents who have joint physical custody may continue to have joint physical custody even though the parenting plan may change drastically from the time children are young until they get into and through high school.
A parenting plan provides structure for parents and children alike and can avoid potential spur-of-the-moment arguments which can be difficult for everyone. Creating a plan, whether included in a court order or not, gives everyone a predictable schedule which can run smoothly without last minute arguments.
For more information or to schedule a consultation, please contact California Divorce Mediators at (949) 553-0911 or at www.cadivorcemediators.com.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”
1. Contested divorces produce harsh emotional and financial tolls on children, not to mention the parties. Mediated divorce offers a quicker, less expensive and less burdening process of dissolving your marriage.
2. According to recent statistics on U.S. marriages, approximately 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce. In California, it is closer to 60%. Therefore, custody is often an issue in such cases and children often end up being victims of a power struggle between parents. Mediated divorce is a viable alternative to litigation and is gaining in popularity.
3. Divorce mediation is a negotiated settlement between the two parties using a third-party. The mediator has no power to make decisions for the divorcing parties, enabling the two parties to openly and honestly discuss and decide how to resolve the pending issues of their marital dissolution. Neither spouse is given preference over the other. As a result, the children of the marriage are not exposed to, and are spared, the emotional and psychological turmoil that often accompanies a divorce that goes to litigation.
4. Settling out of court through divorce mediation saves the marital finances from being spent on attorneys. That helps preserve the marital estate for the parties, but also for the children. Paying for a contentious, litigated divorce can drastically effect children’s present situation and future because when a couple’s financial worth is substantially reduced after paying each party’s attorney fees and the remaining assets are divided, there are less resources for everyone. This can result in lower standards of living for the parents and the children, and less opportunities for children regarding education, health, and other issues. In the end, the financial strain, compounded with the already emotional distress of the divorce, can cause deep emotional tolls on children.
5. A mediated divorce occurs out-of-court and is handled in an impartial and confidential way. In other words, the “dirty laundry” of your marriage is not put on display in court. Mediating your divorce is a less invasive, less stressful way to resolve what is likely one of the most difficult times in anyone’s life.
For more information or to schedule a consultation, please contact California Divorce Mediators at (949) 553-0911 or at www.cadivorcemediators.com.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”
It is important to know that the occurrence of domestic violence has a direct effect on any child custody case. In California, the Court will consider your case to be a “domestic violence case” if the Court finds that a parent committed or was convicted of domestic violence against the other parent (or their child) in the last 5 years.
Pursuant to Family Code Section 3044, if the Court makes such a finding, there is a legal presumption that the party who perpetuated the domestic violence should not have sole or joint custody of the parties’ children. Such legal presumption can be overcome over time, if the perpetrator has completed a 52-week batterer’s treatment program, not committed any other domestic violence, and has complied with any other orders of the Court. However, by that time, there will generally be a “status quo” of a regular custodial schedule, and part of what the court has to consider in determining what is in the best interests of the child is stability and a regular routine.
Furthermore, if there is a pending or final criminal case for domestic violence against the other parent, there is likely criminal protective orders in place in that case and possibly a family law restraining order also in the custody case that will affect custody and likely shape the ultimate outcome of the custody case.
So, if you are a victim of domestic violence, need a restraining order to protect you, and are seeking a divorce or child custody, you need legal assistance. Likewise, if you are falsely accused of domestic violence by the other parent in an effort to alienate you from your children and affect your custody case by putting you on the defensive, you definitely need legal assistance to aggressively refute those false accusations.
Here is the entirety of California Family Code Section 3044:
Upon a finding by the court that a party seeking custody of a child has perpetrated domestic violence against the other party seeking custody of the child or against the child or the child’s siblings within the previous five years, there is a rebuttable presumption that an award of sole or joint physical or legal custody of a child to a person who has perpetrated domestic violence is detrimental to the best interest of the child, pursuant to Section 3011. This presumption may only be rebutted by a preponderance of the evidence.
In determining whether the presumption set forth in subdivision (a) has been overcome, the court shall consider all of the following factors:
Whether the perpetrator of domestic violence has demonstrated that giving sole or joint physical or legal custody of a child to the perpetrator is in the best interest of the child. In determining the best interest of the child, the preference for frequent and continuing contact with both parents, as set forth in subdivision (b) of Section 3020, or with the non custodial parent, as set forth in paragraph (1) of subdivision (a0 of Section 3040, may not be used to rebut the presumption, in whole or in part.
Whether the perpetrator has successfully completed a batter’s treatment program that meets the criteria outlined in subdivision (c) of Section 1203.097 of the Penal Code.
Whether the perpetrator has successfully completed a program of alcohol or drug abuse counseling if the court determines that counseling is appropriate.
Whether the perpetrator has successfully completed a parenting class if the court determines the class to be appropriate.
Whether the perpetrator is on probation or parole, and whether he or she has complied with the terms and conditions of probation or parole.
Whether the perpetrator is restrained by a protective order or restraining order, and whether he or she has complied with its terms and conditions.
Whether the perpetrator of domestic violence has committed any further acts of domestic violence.
For purposes of this section, a person has “perpetrated domestic violence” when he or she is found by the court to have intentionally or recklessly caused or attempted to cause bodily injury, or sexual assault, or to have placed a person in reasonable apprehension of imminent serious bodily injury to that person or to another, or to have engaged in any behavior involving, but not limited to, threatening, striking, harassing, destroying personal property or disturbing the peace of another, for which a court may issue an ex parte order pursuant to Section 6320 to protect the other party seeking custody of the child or to protect the child or the child’s siblings.
For purposes of this section, the requirement of a finding by the court shall be been convicted within the previous five years, after a trial or plea of guilty or no contest, of any crime against the other party that comes within the definition of domestic violence contained in Section 6211 and of abuse contained in Section 6203, including, but not limited to, a crime described in subdivision (e) of Section 243 of, or Section 261, 262, 273. 5, 422, or 646.9 of, the Penal Code.
The requirement of a finding by the court shall also be satisfied of any court, whether that court hears or has heard the child custody proceedings or not, has made a finding pursuant to subdivision (a) based on conduct occurring within the previous 5 years.
When a court makes a finding that a party has perpetrated domestic violence, the court may not base its findings solely on conclusions, reached by a child custody evaluator or on the recommendation of the Family Court Services staff, but shall consider any relevant admissible evidence submitted by the parties.
In any custody or restraining order proceeding in which a party has alleged that the other party has perpetrated domestic violence in accordance with the terms of this section, the court shall inform the parties of the existence of this section and shall give them a copy of this section prior to any custody mediation in the case.
For more information, please contact California Divorce Mediators at (949) 553-0911 or at www.cadivorcemediators.com.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”
By: Gerald Maggio, Esq.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters. 
