How to Handle Anger Dealing With an Uncooperative Co-Parent

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

orange county divorce mediator; California Divorce MediatorsIt is natural for many people to be furious when the other parent refuses to cooperate and co-parent and poses challenges recurrently. Here are some easy ways and a shift in how they should handle their anger so that they do not take any drastic step.

Concentrate on your kids when you feel that your anger is too much to handle

Do not allow your anger to affect your kids and create a distance between you all. If you get emotionally disturbed due to your arguments with the other parent, there could be a sense of disconnection between you and the kids. On the other hand, if you remain connected with them, your relationship with the kids will be stronger and warmer. It is really a paradox but true that there are many co-parents who lose their cool just because they feel worried about the kids,

You should not forget that the other parent can be distressed too

There are occasions when many people feel that the other parents are purposely being difficult and relish irritating them. But though you may make it a habit to believe this, you could be mistaken.

There are several people who behave improperly as they could be disturbed and are feeling down. When people are contented, calm and hot, they usually behave well with others. Perhaps your former spouse is being difficult since they are going through some sort of a conflict or stress. Plus, they do not know how to handle their emotions. So, thou may try to find out what is making them behave in a hostile manner with you. On the other hand just because you realize that they are distressed does not imply that you should do something different or surrender to their whims. When you are aware of their distress, your response may be better and different.

You should learn to cope up with your anger

Your anger can be an immensely uncomfortable experience. After all, you did not ask for it or want it. When you learn to control your fury, you will get time to ponder over whether you need to take some kind of an action as well as what the most appropriate action should be. Your fury may cause you trouble since you may become illogical and start behaving in an irrational level. The best remedial measure would be to give a space to your anger so that it will be helpful for you to take an effective action, or no action at all.

If you and the other parent want to ensure that your kids grow up in a secure environment, it is imperative for both of you to behave rationally and logically.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

How Divorced Parents Can Work Together For Their Kids’ Sake

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

divorce mediators in Orange County; California Divorce MediatorsAre you one of those couples who have recently gone through a divorce? If you have kids from your marriage, it is natural to introspect whether divorced parents can be amicable or not. Moreover, both the parties need to put on efforts so that things work out.

So, you have recently finalized a divorce and are curious to know whether you and your ex-spouse can be good friends or not. After all, you decided to go separate ways for a strong reason. In all probability, it could be because you could. Here are some of those healthy co-parenting tips that will help in parenting much easier for both of you even after your divorce has come through.

Do not bring the past back

It is better not to do any postmortem with past issues since they may bring back certain emotions thereby stopping you both from being friends.

Take one step at a time

You should avoid being too hasty in becoming good friends with your former spouse. After all, it takes time to establish a friendship, especially after romancing him or her in the past.

Keep your chats brief

There are possibilities that when you run a conversation for a long time, you may end up saying something that may upset the other party. So make sure that your chats remain focused and you stay clear of the argument territory.

Avoid antagonizing your former spouse

You are well aware of what can cause distress to your ex-spouse. Hence, it is better to avoid bringing in any discussions that can trigger an argument.

Compromise

When you learn ways of compromising, you can agree to issues related to bringing up your kids. The same applies for the other party too. After all, time and again, decisions need to be made about your children. There will be times even you may not agree with your spouse’s idea of how to bring up your children in the best possible manner, but at times both of you need to make adjustments and be flexible got things to work out amicably for your kids. As long as there is no danger for your kids, it does not matter to compromise once in a while.

Avoid making attempts of being a single parent

Feel free to approach for your ex’s help. In fact, you will be pleasantly surprised to know that your ex-partner may be more than happy to help you out.

Have proper clarity about plans

If your kids have made plans for going somewhere, ensure that all the details are understood and clear.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Common Co-Parenting Issues after Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

divorce mediators in Orange County; California Divorce MediatorsIf parents are able to co-parent in a civil manner, children can be relaxed and normal even after their parent’s divorce. Though you may love your kids the most, there could be certain scenarios where it is tough to give a preference to their best interests over the fury and disillusionment you feel towards your former spouse or over the divorce. Your children will be able to cope up well with your divorce when you and your former husband or wife can co-parent in a matured manner after the divorce has been finalized. There is a tendency in many married couples to follow the lead of each other as far as the matter of parenting is concerned. While your marriage may have come to an end and your former spouse may not be important to you anymore, you may still have to parent together for the best interests of your children. Check out some of the common co-parenting issues that may divorce couple face before them:

You are worried about your kid when he or she is in the custody of the other parent

If your ex-husband or wife does not have a background of abusing the kids or you, you should not feel scared or apprehensive about what is happening when the children are in their custody There are moms who demand a detailed schedule of each and every move that will be made by their child when they are in their father’s custody.

Both of you have distinct parenting styles

A father can be laid back while it is an issue of parenting at times. When the children are at his place, kids are not taking a bath every day, going to bed late and are not doing their homework regularly. Moreover, they are having junk food almost every other day. On the other hand, at times the mom is too strict with the daily routines and kids are feeling a bit overwhelmed with all the discipline. It could be possible that both the mother and the father are adamant that their parenting style is better than their partner.

Your former spouse use your kids to hurt you

The kids should not be used as pawns by one parent against the other. Though it may sound surprising, it can happen on several occasions. When you realize that your children want to spend more time with the father but you refuse to let them do so, you are not thinking about your kids but want to hurt the father by resisting to your children’s desires.

To learn more about the Orange County divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

How To Provide Consistency in Parenting Styles After Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

orange county divorce mediation; California Divorce MediatorsWhen there are too many contradictions in the households of the divorced parents, the children may get baffled, feel insure and even get emotionally scarred for the rest of their lives. As it is, your divorce has led to a feeling of insecurity and void in your children’s lives. What they now need is some sort of predictability, consistency, order and lots of love from both their parents. They need complete peace of mind but if their parents are constantly changing the rules in their respective houses to simply spite one another, it is the kids who are going to be affected in the long run.

The following are a few important suggestions on ways of providing consistency from one parental household to the other for the best interests of the kids.

  • Sit down and discuss together

An ideal scenario will be when both the parents meet and discuss all the rules they will follow in their individual households going forward. While the parents may not feel comfortable to meet one another after their divorce, they should have this face-to-face meeting in person for their children’s sake. They can include their kids too in this meeting if the latter is above six-year-old. The two most crucial essentials for the minor kids of divorce are continuity and structure. A crucial thing to keep in mind is that it is not only about you two but primarily about your kids. These rules can be about anything and everything that concerns your child starting from whether they should be permitted to eat junk food, if yes, then how much, how many hours should they be allowed to play video games, bedtime, wake up time and so on.

  • Take part in parenting classes

Perhaps both the parents or either of them does not know how to compromise on certain issues for better co-parenting. In such scenarios they can always get themselves enrolled in some wonderful classes, typically conducted by the family law courts. It can be a good idea to request your therapist or an Orange County divorce attorney to give your a referral to attend such workshops. These parenting classes demonstrate how parents can bring up their kids without bias. Many of them also highlight some of the universal guidelines for rearing the children. Some of these courses also teach the divorced parents on ways of compromising and where they should do it. Others may point out the sad repercussions on the kids when they face conflicting rules on two households.

  • Consult a professional mediator

Consulting with an Orange County divorce mediator can prove to be beneficial for both the parents, in order to work out a parenting schedule and guidelines or rules for each parent to follow in creating consistency in each household on all parenting issues, including discipline.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

3 Tips on Effective Co-Parenting After Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Top Orange County Divorce Mediators; California Divorce MediatorsIt is not easy to be a co-parent, especially after you have split from your spouse and your relationship with your former partner is strained. You may have apprehensions about the parenting abilities of your ex-spouse, worried about your child support or stressed about some issues. You could also be tired of the ongoing conflict and feel that all that animosity between you and ex-partner will never disappear.

However, when you co-parent in an amicable manner with your former spouse, you can provide security, the close relationship with your kids with both their parents and stability that they require. It is for the well-being of your children that there will be a possibility to overcome the challenges associated with co-parenting and build up a cordial and working association with your ex-spouse. These tips will help you to resolve conflicts on contentious issues, be consistent and remain calm so that the custody and parenting schedule with your ex-spouse works well and your children feel secure and happy.

Tip 1: Keep your anger and animosity aside

If you want to enjoy a fruitful co-parenting experience, you need to have a check on your emotions. This means that you should keep your hurt, resentment, and anger at bay for fulfilling the needs of your kids. It is true that keeping such emotions at a distance could be the toughest part to work towards a good working relationship with your former husband but nevertheless, it is an extremely important one. Being successful as co-parents are opposed how you or your ex-spouse may feel about one another. Rather it is all about the future well-being, stability, and happiness of your kid. Avoid putting your kids in between. It is highly possible that you may not lose all the bitterness or anger about your divorce ever. However, the best technique will be to compartmentalize your emotions and keep telling yourself that these are your concerns but not your kid’s; you should ensure that the issues you have with your ex-are kept away from the kids.

Tip 2: Try To improve your communication with your ex

Meaningful, consistent and peaceful communication with your former partner is a must for making your co-parenting click, although they may not appear to be possible. However, everything starts with your mindset. You need to remind yourself that the peaceful communication between both of you can be highly needed for the well-being of your child. Prior to getting in touch with your ex, introspect how your discussion could affect your kid and make a resolution to conduct yourself in a dignified manner. The key point of every talk that you have with your ex should revolve around your kid. You need to also note in this context that meeting your former spouse physically may not be essential always. You can speak to him or her over the phone, exchange messages, emails or texts on a majority of the occasions.

Tip 3: You need to co-parent as a single team

Being a good parent also involves having frequent decisions with your ex-irrespective of what you feel about one another. When you communicate and cooperate with one another without bickering or hurting one another, making decisions become much easier and simpler on everyone. When both of you work together as a team, decision-making with respect to your child becomes quite easy.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how Orange County divorce mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Symptoms That Your Kids Are Getting Stressed From Your Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

child custody attorneys in Orange CountyDivorce triggers both kids as well as adults to make several adjustments and face tough challenges. However, there is a difference in how each child responds to their parent’s divorce. While a majority of them will handle these challenges with maturity and sensibility and grow up into well-adjusted adults, there are some kids who go through behavioral and emotional difficulties when their parents go through a divorce. And though there are differences in the long-term reaction in a child to the divorce of their parents, many kids may go through emotional distress and emotions like conflicts, confusion, guilt, fury, anxiety, and sadness in the short-term. Such emotions pop up when there is a question of loyalty towards their parents and a strong desire to spend more time with their absent parent.

When you notice the following symptoms of distress within your kid, you need to take appropriate action such as taking them to a therapist so that they can overcome their emotional problems when your divorce comes through.

Drastic change in academic performance

Do you find your kid is showing dismal performance in the tests? Is he losing interest in his school activities? This could be a telltale sign that he is emotionally disturbed.

Refuses to spend time with his/her parent

When there is no issue of child abuse in a family and yet a kid shows an unwillingness to spend their time with the parent, it can be a symptom that the kid feels the requirement of taking sides. A child should not feel that they are forcefully put in a situation where they have to select one parent over their other.

Increase in certain type of physical complaints

When you find them complaining about their physical conditions such as stomach aches or headaches quite often, it may mean that they are going through a tough time to come up with the divorce of their parents.  Allergy, stomachaches, and headaches are some of the most common symptoms that your kid is going through an emotional distress.

Prolonged and significant change in the behavior

You have always known that your child to be extremely polite bit you may find them being inconsiderate all of a sudden when your divorce case is going on. Your outgoing, gregarious and talkative kid can express less interest in social activities and friends.

Does not show keenness to engage in family, school, athletic or social activities

This is another important symptom that your children are clinically depressed as a result of your divorce from your spouse.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

How To Deal With Your Kids Being Away On Vacation with Your Ex-Spouse

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County Divorce Mediation attorneys; California Divorce MediatorsWhen you plan for vacations after your separation or divorce, it should be done with a great deal of caution. It is better to stay away from situations that may trigger conflict pretension right in front of your kids.

Here are some comforting and cool tips to explore co-parenting while a vacation is on to ensure that your kids are adequately buffered from the harsh realities of life.

You can collaborate with the other parent so that logistics can be planned in advance

Collaborating in advance will be helpful in setting up new traditions especially when you pay heed to the wishes of your children and get support from your extended family members. On most of the occasions, kids hardly have much control or say over the plans and scheduling of their parents. Thus, when you give them some sort of a control over the traditions and on certain activities, they will feel excited about their vacation instead of being apprehensive about the possible changes,

Stop asking your children to select between father and mother

Both children and their parents benefit when special occasions and vacations are shared equally. On many occasions, the way a holiday gets split may also depend on how old the kids are, whether there is any involvement of travel and how far is one parent’s home from the other.

The true spirit of the vacations should be communicated non-verbally as well as through words

Most holidays involve emotions like giving, peace, love and caring. Whenever the kids spend time with one of the parents, it is natural for the other parent may feel sad and lonely during holidays. However, it makes sense to realize that kids should experience togetherness with both their parents, There is no harm and letting your kid know that you will miss them when they are away but will be fine. Avoid situations where our children start feeling guilty or responsible for their parent’s emotional well-being. While the temptation to tell them that you will miss them a lot and do not know how you will cope in their absence, rephrase it slightly.

Tell them you are sure that you are sure that they will have a great time with the other parent and you will wait to hear all about the holiday. Have a plan in advance so that you have your friends or family near you when the kids are away. Such an action will help you to manage your own emotional requirements in their absence. You should hope that your kids feel free and enjoy their vacation with their other parent and stop worrying about you.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

How to Make Co-Parenting a Great Success

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

orange county divorce mediators; California Divorce MediatorsCo-parenting is particularly important to do for all those parents, including those who have had high-conflict divorces. The idea is to mainly concentrate on bringing up their kids without engaging in stressful communication with one another after the divorce.

Here are some easy tips to ensure that co-parenting is a great success.

Use an organizer

You can use a parenting notebook or an organizer website to communicate effectively. Note down all the relevant and vital communications pertinent to the visit of your child like homework, meals, behavior strategies deployed by you to calm your child, bedtime and so on.  Your notebook should have a mention of the different events including both behavioral as well as emotional that the other parent can refer to.

Work closely with an unbiased third party

For any contentious issues, changes and disagreements with the other parent that needs a great deal of discussion, it is better to work with an independent third party. This person should be neutral like a therapist or an experienced mediator. The meetings conducted in the presence of the third party should be time bound and scheduled. All your key concerns can be taken up during these meetings.

Emails for non-urgent matters

Both of you can use emails for discussing matters that are not that urgent. You need to also make sure that these emails should not exceed more than two times in a month. Try to restrict them to a single topic. When you use emails to communicate with the other parent, you get a chance to reread what you wrote so that you are certain that it is not disrespectful. Plus, it also enables your ex-spouse to get a breathing space for responding. Avoid giving parenting advice on these emails.

Once the divorce is finalized, it is crucial for both the parents to be involved in taking care of the kids despite their conflicts and not so cordial relationship.  Co-parenting enables both the parents to remain involved in the lives of their kids while not fighting with one another.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

How Are Parallel Parenting And Co-Parenting Distinct From One Another?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation attorney; California Divorce MediatorsMany experts on child development have claimed that children enjoy many benefits when they are brought up by both their parents, though divorced. There are various reasons for this. A key reason is that those parents, who follow the co-parenting model for bringing up their kids, go through fewer incidents of conflicts as compared to the parents who get sole custody of their kids. Studies have demonstrated that kids are miserable and feel deep anguish when their parents are bickering one another after the divorce. On the other hand, when parents try to keep their disagreements to a minimum, children are likely to become more resilient.

But there are not many experts who have spoken at a length about the limitations of co-parenting in cases where the parents do not share a good relationship or the conflict between the two is high. According to some experts, when kids come from broken families, they are to benefit if their parents share healthy and strong relationships. They should never get exposed to the conflicts and arguments of their parents.

Divorced parents should only opt for co-parenting when both the former spouses are supportive of one another and understand the importance of respecting each other for the well-being of their children. However, there are many parents who become addicted to fury. These parents are constantly convincing themselves that their ex-spouse is not competent or is mentally ill.

They not only share their thought with the children but also to other stakeholders like mental health professionals and school staff.

There are several experts who suggest going for parallel co-parenting as an alternative to all those parents whose relationship is adversarial. So, what is the exact distinction between parallel parenting and co-parenting? To understand this you need to go through the following key aspects of both.

Defining co-parenting

It is a form of parenting where the parents are not married anymore, not in a romantic relationship with one another or are not cohabiting For instance, in the U.S., co-parenting refers to a parenting situation where both the divorced or separated parents agree to take care of the kids jointly.

Defining parallel parenting

While co-parenting is definitely a great arrangement for parenting, it also involves a lot of interaction between the two parents. They have to make shared decisions, speak to one another at drop-offs and so on. However, high-conflict between the two may not produce the desired result. Parallel parenting is a model where divorced parents agree to co-parent even while remaining disengaged to one another while maintaining limited direct contact.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Tips for a Positive Back to School Experience for Divorced Kids

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

divorce mediators in Orange County; California Divorce MediatorsIt may so happen that when the parent’s divorce or separate, the school of their kids may be closed. But the transition from holiday fun to homework and routines will soon start. Beginning a fresh school year or a new academic session can be stressful for the children as well as their parents. However, if the separation or the divorce got finalized during a summer, it could be baffling for all concerned. After all, there are several new details to be handled. So, it is best to have a strong co-parenting plan in place for the best interests of the child to ensure that everyone is in sync prior to the re opening of the school. Check out some tips that will come handy for the divorced parents so that the new school year is organized and positive for the children.

School authorities should be updated about the divorce

Parents should take out some time before the school starts its new session. They should get in touch with the concerned school authorities and explain them about the new family situation. However, they need not furnish specific details. Teachers will be benefited when they learn the new dynamics and home schedule when there is a joint custody. They can then keep a close tab on if the concerned child is demonstrating any kind of emotional impact as aftereffects. The school authorities should include both the child’s parents on their mailing lists for field trips, fund raisers, updates, and newsletters. There are several teachers who make efforts to arrange for separate parent teacher meetings in case such a request is made. Both parents should try to put aside their personal issues and differences for the best interests of the meeting and their kids. However, I’d it is not possible to do so; there could be two separate meetings with each of the parents so that the child is not stressed.

Create a shared calendar online

An academic year in the school has different kinds of activities all through the year. It could be tough for the entire family to remember or keep track of all of them. When the divorced parents have a shared time schedule, they can be in the loop and know those activities and transportation or supplies required for these activities. Parents can also have a proper tab on exams, conferences, report cards, permission slips needed apart from all other important information that they should know.

Both parents should distribute the supply list

Each parent need not begin to purchase supplies. Else, their child may have an excess of the same supplies or may miss out others. Rather, both the parents should divide the list so that their kid can find specific items with each parent.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation