When you give a priority to the needs of your kid over your own, you are taking the right starting step towards functioning as an efficient co-parent. Researches prove that kids who got almost equal time to spend with both their parents had fewer trust issues and a higher degree of self-esteem when they grow up. On the other hand, although the agreement for your parental time mentions an unequal division between the two houses, you should contemplate balancing it so that it works out to be for the psychological and emotional well-being for your kids in the long-term.
Additionally, your kid can also benefit when you guide them well. After all, they do not have the necessary clarity of making sound decisions, insight and the wisdom of spending their time with the parents. You need to inspire your kids that they should also spend quality time with the other parent. Your children can be extra sensitive to unkind words and negative body language. Hence you need to ensure that both your words and tone are neutral or positive while speaking about your former spouse while your kids are present.
Your children may develop loyalty conflicts if you and the other parent are not cautious
Although your kids may not be the cause of your divorce, they may feel responsible for the lack or of happiness in their parents’ lives. There could be scenarios when your kid might take the side of one parent and brain against the other parent. Proper understanding, empathy and a good communication channel can make you resolve loyalty conflicts that they could be filling as a result of your marriage break-up.
Assist your children in achieving a smooth transition between two houses
Your child may feel stressful while shifting between two homes. There could be occasions when your kid may feel apprehensive at the possibility of leaving one of the houses and spend some time with the other parent. But this does not signify that your kid cares for any less about the other parents or will not benefit when they depend more time in the other house. It is imperative to note that opposing the transition is not an unnatural response of your kid who is drastically looking stound for security.
When both parents work together to coordinate the social calendars, activities, and school matters along with other areas of your children’s lives, such co-parenting can be an enriching experience for your children. It will generate a positive daily experience with the kids regardless of where they will be staying on a particular day.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Did you go through a divorce that was highly stressful and marred by conflict? You may have also realized by now that your conflict with the ex may not end even after the final divorce decree. Moreover, if you and your partner have kids from the marriage there could be tensed moments while co-parenting after a bitter divorce. The furious parent could be least cooperative and hostile to work with you even for the sake of your kids.
Moreover, your hostile former spouse may be noncommittal and is not open for negotiation or communication. He or she could be least bothered about doctor’s appointments, scheduling visitations, school issues and health issues of the children. Your ideal response in such scenarios is to not show your reaction and have a low expectation. As a reasonable parent, you may feel like giving in at these times so that the conflict between your spouse and you can be minimal. A reasonable parent may also end up making excuses for the bad behavior of their former husband/wife and hope that things will change in the future.
However, it is likely that nothing will change so it is up to you for handling these tough situations in such a way so that your sanity is maintained and you are able to discharge your parental responsibilities well. Here are some of the ways of doing this.
Take help of a parenting coordinator
It may be possible for your family court in the locality to appoint someone ego will act as a parenting coordinator in situations of high conflict. While this could be a costly alternative, having a coordinator may help you to have a healthier relationship with your ex and discharge the co-parenting responsibilities effectively.
You can ask a family member or a close friend to mediate
In case you are unable to pay for the services of a parenting coordinator, you can ask one of the family members or a friend to act as the go-between for both of you. There could be someone in the family or among your friends who is close to your ex as well as you. He or she may succeed in smoothing out the issues like visitation pickups and drop-offs. The person may write emails and try to act as a mediator to resolve conflicts that may come up.
Do not contact
When your attempts at communicating with your former have been futile and you faced abusive and demeaning languages, you may refuse communication. Try to avoid responding to any such communication, which is humiliating for you and is not respectful. While it may not result in good co-parenting, you will at least have a peace of mind.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
It is not an easy task to tell your kids that your spouse and you are getting divorced. However, you can still make things to a certain extent when you abide by a simple plan formed on the basis of emotional comfort and truth. Check out some of the tips mentioned below to tell your children that you are divorcing their other parent.
Your children are not responsible for this situation and they should know this
The best way you can alleviate the pain of your kids is by telling them the reason why you are separating. However, explain them in such a manner that is easy for them to digest. Whatever is the truth and what you disclose to the children need not necessarily match. After all, it is not your kids’ fault and they need to be told this fact so that they do not feel guilty or unsure.
Maintain civility with your estranged or ex-spouse in front of the children
When you establish mutually agreed upon and clear expectations as well as boundaries about your divorce, your children will be less apprehensive and anxious. There should be proper clarity in the messages that are sent about your separation or divorce and the possible transitions thereafter. Your child may get baffled when he or she hears conflicting words from the people they trust the most in their lives. You may not have similar kind of parenting styles or not agree upon on day-to-day operations, when there is a unified front; your children are going to benefit from it.
Do not share information that is not apt for your kids
Avoid discussing adult details with them. There is a possibility that they will not even understand what you are trying to tell them and may even start resenting you for various reasons. It could be because you are using nasty words against the other parents offering them a concealed request for judging the prevailing situation and maybe even try to overburden them with your grief and predicament. Simply share with them what they must know and the communication should take place in a sincere and honest manner. After all, your focus should be on the children instead of on the grown-ups.
Stop playing the blame game
It is definite that you are aware of the cause of your separation. But your children need not know the actual reason. When you blame your soon-to-be former spouse for the impending divorce, there is a possibility that you are trying to poke your child to take sides. You need to remember that it is unhealthy for your kid to feel that that the other parent should be blamed for the divorce or the separation.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Are kids really affected after their parents’ divorce? It is a difficult question to answer for sure. Different children may react or behave differently to their parents’ divorce. On many occasions, how the parents conduct themselves before their kids and how the children handle the situation.
As the rate of divorce continues to grow all over the world, there are quite a few parents who wonder how their kids get affected by the divorce. Though children may come across some of their friends whose parents are also divorcing, they still have problems in coming to terms with the same thing happening in their own family many of these kids lament about the lists of their old family life that they were used to living. This just goes on to prove how affected they could be by their parents’ divorce.
How children may get negatively affected by a divorce
When kids do not get the support that they require while their parents get divorced, there may be some of the negative effects explained below:
Disappointing academic results
Kids may have trouble in focusing and concentrating while they are studying when he or she goes through deep anxiety. They may be depressed and become callous about studying unlike before when they led a normal family life.
Feel isolated
In order to come to terms with the fact their parents are soon getting divorced, some kids are known to isolate themselves completely from their parents, friends or other family members. Such isolation may aggravate matters further as it will give these kids time to ponder upon their parents’ divorce in certain ways, which may not be correct. In fact, they can even blame themselves since they will not like to share their thoughts with anyone rose, eventually leading to depression.
Behave rebelliously
Kids may get upset with what is happening to their parents. Their fury may have a ripple effect while attending school and have a negative impact on their camaraderie with the friends and other classmates. While many parents pay regard this issue as a passing phase, things can take a bad turn if not checked on time.
Bad peer group
There could be situations when some children may start feeling that they are not getting proper care and attention at their homes. So, they will try to get that from elsewhere, like bad peer groups who may have a negative influence on them. Moreover, since parents are busy sorting out their own problems, they may forget to console their little ones.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
The entire divorce process is quite a complicated one as there are various issues to be handled and sorted out such as distributing marital assets, parenting plans, custody issues along with the emotional trauma a spouse may go through during this period. Moreover, there could be a million other things hovering around in your mind. One of the most crucial issues to be sorted out at this juncture is how to treat the retirement assets since distributing them could be a time-taking process. In case you have recently filed your divorce petition and contemplating about the retirement benefit solution that you should get, you need to keep the following factors in your mind so that the process operates in a smooth manner.
Equal distribution of marital assets
Since all divorces are not sane, a single solution cannot fit all of them. There are many couples who are in agreement regarding maintaining their individual personal retirement benefits. They also decide to take leverage of the other assets so that the distribution of the property can be balanced out. Ideally, each asset is not split in a divorce. Rather piles are made on both sides so that there is a more or less equal distribution of assets at the end. But the real issue is that all couples do not have sufficient retirement plans with them. There are many cases where one of the parties has been relying on the other spouse for the retirement benefits. Where sorting out of retirement benefits is concerned during a divorce, when one spouse does do not have any kind of a retirement plan or the plan is not sufficient, there are several ways to make sure that the person gets something to depend on after his or her retirement. But there could be scenarios where each party getting their assets and individual retirement plan equitably distributed fails to work there could be other options like social security benefits discussed below.
Treatment of social security benefits
This is another kind of retirement financing. But, it is distinct from an arrangement like QDRO. According to the Federal Law, these benefits cannot be distributed among the two parties. There are certain cases where one party is legible for the social security benefits, which is based on the employment of their ex-spouse. In case, it is so, the said spouse may agree to that benefit provided it is more than what they would have got in accordance with their individual work history.
Moreover, in some cases, one of the two parties can instruct the payment of the spousal support for the other party from his or her individual social security. However, regulations vary on the basis of circumstances and regions.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Divorces can be complicated matters and getting caught in the middle of legal problems is common. some people try avoiding divorce cases by going through a mediation first. A divorce mediator helps couples either negotiate divorce settlements or resolve issues that leads to the dissolution of marriage.
However, divorce mediation is not appropriate in all situations. For certain cases where domestic abuse or some kind of crime is involved, courts often start divorce proceedings without a mediation. But it can be confusing for people who are stuck in between and don’t know whether to hire a lawyer or a mediator.
When does mediation work?
California courts always favor divorce mediations and alternatives to divorce because it saves them for going into complicated cases. They can instead focus on more pressing matters. It is the reason why courts ask couples to go through a mediation process before the divorce is finalized.
Mediation processes are successful when the idea of a divorce is mutual and both parties understand what it means for them. Divorce mediations are useful when the couples are open to comprise without any emotional attachment.
Mediation is a powerful process and many marriages have worked out after couples went through a mediation process.
When does going to a lawyer work?
Divorce mediations are absolutely necessary but in some cases, they are not required. In cases where clear signs of domestic abuse or child abuse is involved, mediation is unnecessary. In other cases, where the court feels that a mediation is waste of time, divorce proceedings are directly handled by lawyers. Sometimes, mediators and lawyers are the same person and the roles are intertwined. For such lawyers, it becomes easy to do both without the client or the courts interference.
Conclusion
Since divorces can become ugly, mediation processes that can potentially save the marriage is often used to pacify issues between the couple. Mediation processes work best when both parties are ready to reach a common ground where they can work out things. Often, it helps save their marriage. Divorce mediations also help couples who aren’t too emotional or touchy about the dissolution of their marriage.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Riverside divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Although alimony, which is also referred to as spousal support, is regarded by some as a dirty word, there are still many people who favor it. But there are several states that have rewritten their divorce laws so that permanent alimony can be scrapped.
For several decades in the past, it was usual that after a man and a woman got married, the wife stayed at home and took care of the family to help promote the career of her husband. It was a common practice for women to support their husbands, and when children were born, perform most of the activities related to their rearing. So, if there was a divorce, it is natural to understand why she was awarded permanent alimony. After all, all these years during the marriage, she never had an opportunity or time to develop her professional career.
To cut it short, even today, most of the couples make the emotional choice of having one of them to stay back at home with the kids. While doing so, one of them becomes financially dependent on the other spouse who is the breadwinner of the family. When a mom or a dad give up their professional career and decides to stay back at home to bring up their kids for 18 years, the ability or the opportunity to make a re-entry to the workforce becomes less. Moreover, they will not be able to earn the same kind of salary their spouses are earning.
Many think that these are some of the cases when a spouse should be awarded permanent alimony:
When a spouse unilaterally decides to end a long-term marriage
If the spouse who’s the breadwinner of the family decides to divorce unilaterally from a marriage that lasted for 15 years or more, permanent alimony should be awarded to the dependent spouse.
When the dependent spouse has to look after the kids
In case a dependent spouse has to take care of the kids all alone but fails to get employment and stands at a risk of a drastic change in the lifestyle, he or she should be awarded a permanent alimony.
When a spouse is at a risk of facing financial poverty
If the situation is such that a spouse is exposed to the threat of suffering from acute poverty as he or she lacks necessary working skills post-divorce, permanent alimony should be awarded to that spouse.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Being married in the glittering Hollywood is not the same thing as being married elsewhere. Apparently, celebrity spouses have more terms to agree with in the event of separation and divorce. Prenuptial agreements are a common phenomenon in Hollywood marriages, but they are not exactly romantic as they may seem. History shows that many Hollywood celebrities such as Johnny Depp, Britney Spears, and Angelina Jolie faced the most rancorous of divorces, but included prenuptial clauses in the agreement to add a different taste to their marriage.
Contrary to popular beliefs, the lawyers of these celebrities do not encourage the inclusion of pre-nups in their marriage contracts. Lawyers educate their clients on the consequences, both good and bad, of having pre-nups, and create an enforceable agreement that comes to play when they split up. Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom had a pre-nup arranged between them that was skewed pretty much in Khloe’s favour. The clause gave Khloe complete financial support from her spouse Lamar Odom, should they ever split up in the future. The arrangement mentioned that she would get $25,000 per month as financial support for half the time of their marriage, which ultimately lasted for over two years. She would also get $500,000 every year of the marriage, $6000 per month for her shopping, new car and house at the end of each lease.
This is one of the many cases where celebrities have entered into weird pre-nuptial agreements with their to-be ex spouses. However, the ugly side of such agreements is that some celebrities plan out their divorces before filing it in the court. High-profile couples do so either to minimize press coverage of the split or protecting their children from being affected by the divorce. Hollywood family lawyers have become adept in avoiding paparazzi, and they have clandestine telephonic conversations or arrange private meetings in their own or client’s house. Such agreements are often covered under the glitter of their high-profile lives.
Although pre-nups are not considered to be a romantic way to start a marriage, yet they can protect the inheritance rights of their children to some extent. Some celebrities believe that such arrangements provides more financial security because many give up their Hollywood career in order to give more time to their marriage. However, the bottom line is that pre-nups work favorably only if they are conducted in a cooperative and cordial atmosphere, which each of them contributing equally to uphold the sanctity of the relationship.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Legal separation is the formal process of confirming an actual separation of the parties, as opposed to filing for divorce. Parties that chose legal separation do so for religious reasons, do not believe in divorce, or have concerns about medical insurance coverage, among other reasons. If the parties proceed all the way to a final judgment in a legal separation case, they can obtain the same orders that they would have in a divorce case. The biggest difference is that in the end, the parties are technically still married after a legal separation case and cannot get legally remarried.
Agreement for separation
An agreement on separation includes terms that are quite similar to those if the concerned couple was getting a divorce. This means there will be a distribution of their marital property, agreement on child visitation and custody if applicable. Not only this, the couple opting for a legal separation will also have to come to a decision on dividing any debts that were incurred by them after they got married.
Ideally, the above-mentioned terms should be binding in case the couple wants to get divorced. Moreover, both parties should hire their individual attorneys for negotiating all the details of the agreement on their legal separation. In case the spouses eventually make up their mind to go one step ahead and file for a divorce, it has been observed that the judge usually keeps the same terms as both the parties agreed to them earlier.
Differences between a legal separation and a divorce
Check out some of the following key differences between a divorce and a legal separation.
Name
While the spouse continues with the legal married name in the case of a separation, a wife may revert back to her maiden name after the divorce comes throughout the divorce be.
Child support
The conditions related to child support are ascertained when the legal separation takes place. When a couple decides to go for a divorce after being legally separated, ideally, the same terms are followed that were mentioned in the document for legal separation.
Marital status
A couple is still married even though there is a legal separation going on. But when the divorce is finalized, the marriage ends.
Child visits
Visitation rights of the child are decided when the legal separation takes place. If a divorce comes through after the legal separation, most of the times, the same terms are followed as mentioned in the document of their legal separation.
Alimony
The terms for alimony are ascertained during the legal separation. The conditions are typically kept same if the divorce gets finalized in the future.
Split of marital property
The couple agrees to the terms while going for a legal separation. When they do decide to finally divorce, the sane conditions that are mentioned in the document for legal separation are followed.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
While children are the most affected party in any divorced family, a major challenge for them is to adjust residing in two different homes after their parents go separate ways, Although, a kid may be visiting one of the parents only for some hours on a weekly basis, he or she should feel comfortable in their non-custodial house. A cordial arrangement will help in bridging the relationship with the other parent who does not have custody rights and will also help the kid to realize that though their parents got divorced from one another, they are still loved the same way.
When children of divorced parents feel like they belong at the homes of both their parents, it creates a healthy and smooth transition for them. Irrespective of their age-group, issues like abandonment and rejection matter to the kids a lot though many of them cannot express them properly through words. There are several kids who love to stay in both their homes since their parents shower them with attention and love.
The following are some of those ways that can help kids to adjust to living in two different homes.
A primary home should be designated for the children
Though kids of divorced parents may spend time in both parents’ homes, they should recognize only one of the houses as their “primary home”. There could be a lot of confusion if this is not done. After all, when there is a designated primary home, all mails and other important communications will get delivered to that place only. It will be also helpful for the kids to feel secure and anchored. Though your house is treated as a secondary home for the children, you should not feel that the time they spend with you is less important. After all, do you not feel as happy and content at your holiday home as your main home?
Allocate a separate room for your child
It is imperative for your child to have their own personal room. In case that is not possible due to space constraints, they should be given space to keep their possessions like a toy bin, shelf space or an own drawer for dresses. They should also be permitted to store their things in the allocated space. Let them arrange the things according to their wish.
Freedom of carrying things
Your children should be permitted to carry their items between both the homes without any conflict or tension between the parents. The transition can be much smoother if this is followed.
Allow your kids to personalize their space
Permit your children to decorate their space the way they want to do. In fact, even you can help them out in this endeavor. Let them pick their own sheets and allow them to hang their favorite posters on the wall. Children love to personalize their space.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
When you give a priority to the needs of your kid over your own, you are taking the right starting step towards functioning as an efficient co-parent. Researches prove that kids who got almost equal time to spend with both their parents had fewer trust issues and a higher degree of self-esteem when they grow up. On the other hand, although the agreement for your parental time mentions an unequal division between the two houses, you should contemplate balancing it so that it works out to be for the psychological and emotional well-being for your kids in the long-term.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters. 
