Divorce or a legal separation is the ultimate culmination of all your marital conflicts with your spouse. Sometimes, the process of separation itself can become a major cause for conflict, when both the parties have to agree upon a common settlement. In some of the cases, both the parties might resolve their property division and custody related issues peacefully, with mutual consent. On the other hand, some of the separating couples might end up in an extended litigation, fighting for their individual rights, to achieve maximum benefit for themselves. The third category, however, involves couples who agree upon an out of court settlement of their post separation rights, through the process of mediation, also referred to as mediated divorce.
What exactly is mediated divorce?
As the name suggests, the medidated divorce is an approach to negotiating the rights, of the divorced couple, with the help of a third party professional mediator. In this process, both the partners hire a neutral mediator who works together with the parties towards settling on an agreement favorable for both the parties involved.
The mediated process generally involves ‘three-way’ mediation sessions, of both the parties and the mediator meet and discuss the issues together and try to reach a settlement of their own accord. The mediated divorce process may also demand the additional involvement of other professionals, such as neutral accountants or child custody specialists, who would also assist the parties, mediator, and the parties’ attorneys, if they have one, in reaching an out of court settlement.
How mediated divorce is beneficial for the parties involved
Despite the fact that in due course, the couple has to get the legal separation or divorce mandated by a court, the mediated process can considerably shorten the length of the court proceedings. Through divorce mediation, the couple can reach mutually agreed upon out of court settlements for post- divorce rights. Additionally, the mediated divorce enables both the parties to reach a conscientious settlement, which is beneficial to both of them.
The mediated divorce not only spares you the grueling court trials that often take years to resolve the issues, but also saves you a lot of unnecessary expenditure involved with a legal lawsuit.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
A divorce or legal separation is both mentally and financially traumatic for the parties involved. The grief of a broken relationship, of shared dreams and hopes, combined with the grueling task of making a fair division of your shared possessions, may leave you completely exhausted. Once you have parted ways, your shared property too needs to be distributed.
The biggest problem with carrying out the division all-by-yourself is that it might give rise to further conflicts and an unsatisfactory outcome. Obtaining legal advice in such situations is the most acceptable thing to do. However, since court litigation is a highly expensive and lengthy procedure, it is advisable to go for a legal out-of-court mediation for the division of your property.
What is mediation for the division of property?
Mediation is the process wherein a neutral, independent third party, called the mediator, tries to resolve the conflict by using standard mediation techniques. The mediator does not have the authority to arbitrate the dispute on his own. However, his job is to assist the two conflicted parties, address their issues and individual interests, and arrive at a set of plausible settlement options that might be agreed upon by both the parties.
In the event of a divorce, generally, the division of shared assets and property is the biggest and most complicated issue that can be resolved within the separating couple without requiring any outside help. However, due to the pre-existing disputes, the couple often requires legal aid for addressing the issue and reaching a non-biased fair settlement.
How is mediation more advantageous than litigation?
Mediation is a quicker process as compared to the court lawsuit. It only takes a few days or weeks to reach a resolution with the help of a mediator, whereas the court proceedings go on for months on end.
Mediation is a cheaper process as compared to filing a lawsuit, and can be more affordable in times when you are already in a financial fix.
Since mediation is a more informal approach to resolving a conflict, it provides more room for the parties to open up and discuss their individual interests freely. On the other hand, a lawsuit requires a slew of rules and regulations that bind the parties and restrains them from speaking up.
The confidentiality of a mediation process renders it a more acceptable form of settlement as compared to court litigation. Court proceedings are public and most people do not want to discuss their personal issues in front of the others. Mediation provides a private platform for the parties to reveal their personal details and problems.
Hiring a mediator for the division of your property in your divorce can be extremely useful and rewarding while trying to arrive at a mutual agreement without any further conflicts.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
About 40 to 50 percent of married couples in the United States file for divorce. The divorce rates for the subsequent marriages that follow are even higher. The allowance for no fault divorces has pushed the numbers up significantly. With this increasing number of failing marriages, more and more couples have started to seek peaceful methods to resolve their otherwise distressing problems.
Divorce mediation comes to the rescue
The most popular among them being divorce mediation. Simply put, divorce mediation is you and your soon to be ex-spouse deciding the terms of your divorce and what’s best for you and your children, if you have any. In mediation, you and your spouse hire a neutral third party, the mediator, and they help you work through your differences so that you can end your marriage quietly and cost effectively. Unlike trials, there is minimal visit to the court and it is easy on your pockets. The amount of time and money you would otherwise spend in the court is almost reduced by half.
An unsurprisingly increasing number of couples have resorted to divorce mediators and are beginning to show faith in the results these wonder workers can craft out of even the most difficult divorces. This leads to the question all such couples want to know the answer to; can a mediator file divorce papers?
The important question
The answer is to the question of whether the divorce mediator can file the divorce documents with the court is generally “yes.” The mediator can file the divorce papers (draft and file the necessary court documents and Qualified Domestic Relations Orders “QDROs”), but that is when it is most helpful if the mediator is also a divorce and family law attorney who is very familiar with the forms and information needed and the procedures involved. The mediator can assist the parties in filing the papers with the court, including dissolution of marriage action, disclosure documents, and preparing the agreement, judgment, and final papers to be filed with the court.
The process is quicker and the information shared is kept confidential. While making compromises is inevitable in divorces, doing it through mediation will preserve your dignity and leave you satisfied and probably help you end your separation on good terms.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
The final decision of divorce comes after a long and challenging process. However, if you have made up your mind regarding divorce, you will need a comprehensive plan to guide you towards getting a smooth separation. Mediation can be helpful when you are seeking a divorce.
Mediation: The basics
Mediation is a step in the process of divorce wherein a third (neutral) party will step in to facilitate settlement negotiations. It is important to remember that the mediator does not hold any authority with regards to the resolution. Both parties have absolute control over whether or not an agreement is reached. Even if the parties fail to reach an agreement in the process of mediation, they will continue to retain the right to get their case heard in the court.
There are situations when your divorce case involves a high-conflict partner and you may feel that the only way to deal with to get a lawyer and fight it out. However, statistics reveal that such an approach typically causes increased conflict while offering minimally satisfying results.
High-structured mediation models
For high-conflict divorce cases, you need to select a mediator who has the capability to provide a highly structured process. You will have to question the mediator about the process that he/she is using in cases of high-conflict divorce. Remember, the objective is to look for a mediator with skills, strategies, and experience which are specially designed for managing high levels of conflict.
Caucus
Do not turn mediation sessions into opportunities for ‘venting’. In fact, you must have already done all the “venting” and “reacting” earlier and they have not helped either you or your spouse.
A caucus is essentially a private meeting set with the mediator and a useful way of blowing off steam and regaining composure without damaging any part of the negotiations. In such sessions, a mediator has the opportunity to give you some lessons on how to discuss issues which are important to you in a manner that could be heard.
Parenting issues
In high-conflict divorce cases, couples often fight or argue about details related to visitation, children-related information exchange, and parenting approaches. In such situations, there is a need to modify the parenting plans or approaches in a way that minimizes the exposure of the children to the conflict. For example, when both parents know how to drive, then they should drop the children to one another’s home instead of having the other parent coming to pick the kids up.
A divorce is tough for any couple, but add children to the mix, and it becomes a completely different league. In some cases, the parents may come to the mediation session expecting the mediator to sort out disputes regarding the settlements and time sharing arrangements. There have even been cases where the children are made to speak directly with the mediator. It should be avoided at all costs.
Using children
First off, never, ever, use your children as bargaining chips. It is a cheap shot, and if the kids are old enough to see what is happening, they will resent you both for doing it. So keep them out of the sessions, do not use them as roommates, they are not there to get you a better deal through emotional blackmail. Also, certain things will be said and discussed that your children are better off not knowing till they are old and experienced enough.
Avoid making the children choose at all costs. If you put your children on the spot and get the mediator to actually have a session with them and ask them what they want, it normally does not work out well. Children should never have to choose between parents, that is a soul-crushing situation, one that not many can recover easily from.
Another reason why this should not be done is that young children may not be able to see the bigger picture and simply go for the parent who is nice to them, not the one who disciplines them. If the child’s mother is doting and loving and gets the child all the ice cream he or she ever wants, for example, the child may make the choice based on chocolate and ice cream. Children also do not want to disappoint their parents, so a choice is doubly difficult.
A lot of this will and may happen in a litigation process. Children bear the brunt of not only losing their family and the home they grew up in, but also see their parents rip each other up in public, and are often made to go through the same messy battle their parents are having with each other, often about money. While it may not be evident right away, it will get ingrained in their minds. For this and more, mediation is the best way to go with couples with children. They can be kept out of the room, and will never have to see or hear what happens. The news can be broken down and explained to them properly afterwards.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
There are many cases where the couple seeking divorce have sadly become bitter toward each other. The split up may have been ugly and now they are ready to just get it over with. It may seem like a good idea to have a lawyer speak to your spouse’s lawyer instead of you actually sitting down with your ex and talk out the terms of separation. Truth is, though, that litigation is not an easy or even quick process, and could take months.
Mediation is the answer
Even if you are mentally not prepared to meet and sit down with your unreasonable spouse, it may be a better idea to actually sort out all your affairs on your own instead of taking it to court. First off, as mentioned earlier, litigation is a lengthy process. It is also expensive, you are likely to lose a big amount of money to the lawyers, and if the other party is able to squeeze a lot out of you, you will have to pay up.
How mediation works in these scenarios
A mediation session can be arranged after the couple speaks with the mediator by themselves. After they each speak to the mediator, the session can be set up in a safe environment that is neutral. The location can either be an office in a courtroom or other locations specified by the court. There are, however, a few situations where mediation may not be appropriate. If the marriage has been, for example, characterised by physical abuse, mediation may not be the right way forward. That is because the abuser may still be intimidating to his or her partner, and this is a psychological edge that is unfair.
Are you ready and your spouse is not?
Another scenario is one where one party is willing to go through a mediation, but the other one refuses for whatever reasons. It is actually quite common for this to happen. Some people are simply more willing to get it over with. The other side may want to continue the relationship or may have other reasons. It may sometimes be wise to let the other person actually take their time with it and come to terms with the concept that the marriage is actually over. It is a tough decision to make, but the sooner it is made, the easier the recovery process will be.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
By the looks of it, divorce mediation seems to be the perfect way to settle a divorce, and for the most part and in most cases, it actually is. There are, however a number of questions that you may have about mediation and in this article, we try to cover a few of those related to courts and its role in a mediation.
Will the mediation sessions be held in court?
Private mediation sessions are generally only held in the mediator’s office, not the court. The court can also have resource centers, dispute resolution centers or other such places where mediation can be held.
Do you need a lawyer of your own?
No, in fact, there will be no one to present your case but yourself. You are encouraged to speak and put forward arguments in a civil manner as to why you expect what from this settlements. The mediator will only take both sides of the case and help you come to your own conclusion. While lawyers are not necessary, they are allowed to help you in taking decisions. The final word comes only from you.
Does this mean mediation is a substitute for legal advice?
No, it is not. In fact, if you need legal advice or if you have doubts that you need clarification on, it is your duty to stop the proceedings and get it clarified. It can be done by the mediator, but if it is beyond the purview of the mediator, an expert has to be brought in and all legal matters cleared up. It is better to delay the sessions by a few days than regretting it for the rest of your life.
What happens if you want to go to trial?
Mediation is designed to work in most cases, but if it doesn’t you do not loose out on the opportunity to go to trial. Litigation is still possible, but it may completely rework or undo all that mediation has built up. At times, that may work out for you, at times, it may not. Nothing is absolute in a courtroom.
In what cases will mediation not a good idea?
Mediation works in most cases except where there are incidents of domestic violence.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Prenuptial agreements are usually a fraught issue in most marriages. When a couple is in love, the last thing they want to think about after their engagement is their prenup, something that tends to ominously portend the end of the very relationship they are celebrating.
So, why get a prenup?
Getting a prenuptial agreement drawn up before marriage can actually help both parties enter the marriage with a crystal clear understanding of each other’s financial situation. Besides, there are many reasons why a prenuptial agreement might even be required. For instance, in the event of a second marriage that involves custody agreements or when one spouse is drawing income from a family trust or when both parties are involved in business together, and so on. In cases when a prenup is required, it might reduce tensions later in the marriage, as all financial obligations are laid out clearly at the very outset.
If it is sensible to get a prenup, why should we be worried?
Regardless of how sensible it might be to get a prenup, it does not change the fact that the process of drawing one up can be distressing and painful for couples. Involving a battalion of lawyers in the process, and getting mired in legal proceedings might only make matters more difficult. Even worse, lots of lawyer involvement in the drawing up of a prenuptial agreement can very quickly make it an unnecessarily complicated and difficult document that can leave one or both parties feeling powerless and distrustful of each other.
How can we get a prenup that does not cause problems?
Considering how fraught the process of drawing up a prenup can be, it only makes sense to seek out the easiest, and most open process for drawing one up. This is where mediation comes in. Mediation allows a couple to settle on and draw up a prenup with a mediator they trust, outside a courtroom and without unnecessarily convoluted legal proceedings.
Mediation brings the couples together to collaboratively communicate and come up with an equitable agreement after in-depth discussion. In this process, couples are able to understand exactly what the other person brings to the marriage, address any concerns they may have with a neutral party, the mediator, and tackle their problems together. Mediation can build trust amongst couples as it demonstrates how potential problems within the marriage can be handled amicably and effectively.
Where do we find a mediator?
Once you decide on mediation, for your prenup, choosing a mediator is the next step. More often than not, divorce mediators tend to be excellent at mediating prenups, and can offer valuable advice. At the conclusion of the process, the mediator, who will also be a lawyer, will draw up a mutually beneficial, and agreeable, prenuptial agreement.
Getting a prenuptial agreement might be the smartest, and most responsible thing that a couple can do before getting married to ensure that they protect each other. Do not let the process of drawing one up weaken your relationship. Find a mediator today to help you draw up your prenup.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Divorce mediation can be described as the process where your spouse and you, and your respective lawyers, hire a mediator- a neutral third party, as part of your effort to discuss and resolve the issues surrounding your divorce.
This process helps you and your ex decide your own terms of the divorce and what is best for the two of you as well as your children. Mediation helps you resolve your differences and end your marriage in an amicable manner.
Mediation helps you with several issues including child custody, property distribution, retirement, taxes, etc. Couples work out their issues and reach agreements much faster and easier with a mediator. Mediators help keep communication open, create ideas, teach empathy, and help the couple in their decisions. They also make sure you do not go off track and remain focused on your issues.
How can you prepare for your first mediation session?
When your first mediation session is around the corner, it is natural for you to feel nervous, but you need to know that you have made the right choice for your children as well as for yourself. Here are some tips on how you can prepare yourself for your first mediation session:
Pull together all your financial documents including your list of assets, bank account details, mutual funds, retirement funds, stock ownerships, and pending lawsuits, if any. Normally, it is not necessary for you to carry original documents, but you will need to check with the mediator before.
Keep your emotions in check because you are walking into a negotiation process and you need to keep your head clear for this.
Consulting a mediator is a proactive process. So you have to be prepared to negotiate and not argue. Your mediator and lawyer can help you achieve your terms provided they are reasonable.
If you need, make sure your lawyer is around. You might need legal advice during the process, so ensure that your lawyer is present.
You can speak to your mediator alone, if needed. You can address certain issues with just your mediator without having to involve your ex.
Learn your rights, gather information, meet the mediator before so you know the terms of the divorce and the implications involved.
Plan a budget beforehand that includes all your expenses. Make sure it is realistic and reasonable.
Do not hesitate to present your concerns so they can be discussed and cleared.
Divorce mediation is a good step that will help you reach what you need much easier than fighting it out in court. Make sure that all your issues are addressed before you chalk out a divorce plan with your ex.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Once you’ve decided that you are taking the divorce mediation route to work through the details of key issues during your divorce, you need to start preparing for the first sessions. It helps to know what the likely areas are that are typically discussed during divorce mediation to ensure you don’t miss out on anything important, and also to know what to expect from your spouse and his or her team.
Dividing up the property and other assets
The division of marital assets is often a key issue for most divorcing couples. If you own any property this will usually top the list of things to be discussed. Usually, unless there are children involved, the marital home ends up on the block with the proceeds from the sale being divided between both partners. In some cases, one partner may sign away their right to the home in exchange for some other benefits during the agreement – like sole rights to the family business, or joint investments. Other marital assets like vehicles and investments will also need to be divided, so work out what you think your fair share should be.
Working out a parenting plan and child custody
For parents, working out a joint parenting plan for during and after the divorce is important. Keep a list of your office holidays handy if you work, also note down important travel or meeting dates that repeat each year or at fixed intervals so that this can be chalked into the plan. Also keep in mind where you will be moving to after the divorce is final, and therefore how the children’s time on weekdays and weekends as well as school holidays will be handled between you and your spouse. You will also need to decide who will have primary custody, or if there is to be joint custody of the children. For those with pets, also remember to discuss who keeps the pets or how you share their time out.
Child support
Child support is a very critical area and will influence the quality of life your child has after divorce. Ideally, you should set things up so that they experience little to no change in their lifestyle. Be sure that child support covers the cost of their education at the same school, their extra curricular activities, as well as things like field trips, besides accounting for the basics of food, accommodation, and transport.
Discussing an appropriate alimony
If either you or your soon to be ex are likely to need alimony, then financial statements and income documents as well as proof of expenses may be needed to support your argument or back up a claim you make during the mediation. This will help keep things centered around fact rather than conjecture and will ease the way to a quicker resolution.
Business assets and their distribution
Family run businesses often have both spouses as partners or co-owners of the business. If the business is to be sold, or if ownership of one spouse is to be passed to the other spouse for some financial consideration, this will also need to be considered during mediation.
Retirement savings
Retirement savings and insurance plans are a specialized area that need both the mediator as well as the financial advisors or attorneys of both spouses to be experienced in family law so that a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QRDO) can be prepared. Retirement funds and 401Ks function differently to other investments and will need special treatment but the broad plans can be worked out through mediation.
Debt: Who pays for what
Many modern marriages come with their share of debt. Whether it is on credit cards, or auto or home loans, you will need to work through each loan and who will take charge of repayments after the divorce.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Divorce or a legal separation is the ultimate culmination of all your marital conflicts with your spouse. Sometimes, the process of separation itself can become a major cause for conflict, when both the parties have to agree upon a common settlement. In some of the cases, both the parties might resolve their property division and custody related issues peacefully, with mutual consent. On the other hand, some of the separating couples might end up in an extended litigation, fighting for their individual rights, to achieve maximum benefit for themselves. The third category, however, involves couples who agree upon an out of court settlement of their post separation rights, through the process of mediation, also referred to as mediated divorce.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters. 
