Divorcees Explain the 4 Things You Should Know About Marriage

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

mediator divorce orange county; California Divorce MediatorsMarriage is a lifelong commitment to share your innermost self with your partner and stay together no matter how harsh the situations might be. However, there are a lot of people who prefer parting ways than living with someone who they cannot be happy with. Regardless of what your point of view regarding the nuptials might be, it will help to get a little insight from people who decided to call it quits with their partners.

  1. Love is not enough to sustain a marriage

While you might have heard about this quite a few times, it is actually quite pertinent to the subject at hand. Most of us think that all you need is love to thrive in a martial relationship. On the contrary, it is essential to ‘like’ your partner for what they really are and respect them for their values. He/she should be you best friend; a person you can blatantly share your innermost feelings with.

  1. Snap out of your reverie and smell the coffee

Believe it or not, but the annoying habits of your partner are still going to be there when you guys are married. In fact, they are going to multiply exponentially and seem absolutely insufferable once the initial attraction fizzles out and the monotony of married life settles in. While the haze of initial attraction will make you regard your man’s/lady’s idiosyncrasies as cute, you will start hating those very aspects of their personality once your tie the knot.

  1. You need space

Contrary to popular belief, you do not have to spend every single minute of your waking hours together! Your partner doesn’t have to like the same things as you and vice versa. Both of you will need your space and unnecessary nagging will get you nowhere. Getting married does not imply that you need to shut off everything and everyone except your partner. Both the spouses are different human beings and so will their lifestyle be.

  1. Communication is the key to resolving all disputes

If you feel that your partner is unhappy or upset about something, you need to make sure that you find out what it is. When you are married to someone who finds it difficult to open up, it might be hard to know what is on their mind. However, instead of giving up on them, you need to find a way to make them communicate. Instead of letting the problem fester in their minds, offer them a healthy release.

Remember that all marriages, no matter how perfect they appear, need work. It takes a lot of commitment, trust, and patience to nurture your relationship and make it stronger over the years.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Is Separation Good For Your Marriage?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Divorce mediation attorney Orange County; California Divorce MediatorsAre you and your spouse continuously at loggerheads with one another? If that is the case, you might have started wondering whether it will be good to separate from one another or not. However, the solution is not as simple as it first appears. It will depend on various factors in your married life and the present situation both of you is dealing with.

Is it the right time to separate from your spouse?

When both you and your spouse discover that staying in each other’s company continuously is causing friction and heated arguments, separation could be a good idea  to see if you can save your marriage. In all relationships, many people tend to be extra dependent on one another and marriage is not an exception. Some people who do not have their own identity may start resenting their partners that could create major fractions in their relationships. Spending time apart from one another may help people to build up their individual identities. So, when they do decide to reunite their mind and spirit can renew the relationship.

Another scenario when separation could be good in a marriage is when one of the spouses has committed adultery while being married. Spending some time away from each other can help the spouse who was betrayed to think clearly and decide the future course of action. Moreover, staying close up the unfaithful husband or wife can cause more heartbreaks and agonies to the betrayed partner, which is not good to repair that marriage.

You find couples who are in a long distance relationship claim that such an arrangement has a rekindling effect on their relationship. Moreover, many of these couples say that it adds a new fuel to their otherwise mundane relationships. However, that does not necessarily mean you need to always move away from your spouse to generate the same kind of feelings. But, it is not a bad idea at all to separate at times briefly to bring in some passion.

Sometimes it may not be good to opt for separation in a marriage 

In any relationship, effective communication plays a key role. When you have certain concerns that you have stopped communicating with your spouse, the issues may never get resolved and your relationship can become worse. So, before you make a decision to go for a separation, you need to ensure that both you and your spouse have discussed all your issues and concerns. Take some time and speak freely about the issues that are bothering you and try to find out solutions for them. If both of you show a willingness to work towards resolving these issues, you have actually taken a positive step to save your marriage.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.

Top 5 Reasons for Couples Getting Divorced

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Divorce mediators Orange County; California Divorce MediatorsMarriage is not an easy relationship. There are several cases when couples started their married life with the best intentions but ended up getting divorced. There could be various reasons for which couples get divorced. Here are some of the most common reasons for couples ending up being in divorce court.

Extra-marital affairs or adultery

According to a report published by AARP, even today, adultery plays a big role in people filing for divorce. But, reports also claim that there are several reasons that lead to a spouse getting into an extra-marital affair such as unequal sexual urges, getting distant, having different interests, resentment and fury.

Gain in weight or obesity

Though it may appear as a surprising reason, unusual weight gain by one of the spouses is also known to be a major reason why couples get divorced. A survey conducted by Men’s Health magazine reported that when one of the spouses gains a lot of weight, it can come in the way of their marital bliss. If your spouse does not attract or get turned on to your body, there could be problems like resentment and rejection, which can be marriage-threatening issues.

Monetary issues

According to a report published by the American Journal of Sociology, when a husband is unemployed, it can be a major criterion for divorce. In other words, lack of or insufficient money can cause big problems in a marriage, often leading to a divorce. If a married couple faces financial on strainers, there could be a lot of stress. This can further lead to a lack of proper communication and constant arguing. There are many couples who have different views on the others’ spending habits. Relationships may undergo lots of stress where one controls or has the finances, which often end up in a divorce.

Lack of proper communication

Often you will hear people saying that proper communication is the key to a successful marriage. Many relationship coaches opine that negative communication or lack of communication may diminish feelings of romance and love between couples. When a couple stops having effective communication, marital troubles leading to a divorce are not unusual.

Abuse

Abuse can be either a spouse being physically or emotionally abused by the other spouse. These are a common reason why many couples get divorced. Verbal or physical fighting that happens frequently between couples may make their relationship volatile and eventually end up in a divorce.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Ways To Reconcile With Your Spouse And Avoid A Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

divorce lawyers in Orange County; The Maggio Law FirmMarriages can sometimes be “made in heaven” but for some individuals far from living in paradise their life becomes a living hell. Just because a document says that a man and wife is married does not mean that they will be together for the rest of their lives. A separation or divorce can take place any time and no document can give a guarantee that such a thing will never take place. However, many couples decide to split due to lack of proper mediation or counseling. There are ways to save a marriage if one wants too and the following are some of those ways.

  1. Don’t play the victim card

If you are serious about protecting your marriage, stop playing the victim card against your spouse. You may have done it when you decided to separate but don’t do it anymore. Instead, try telling your spouse how important he/she is in your life and why you must stop the divorce from taking place.

  1. Try talking it out

You may have acted erratically when things went wrong but now that you have decided to save your marriage, try talking your partner out of it. Use the help of a mediator if you want but it is very important that you talk with your partner.

  1. Accept your mistakes

It takes a lot of courage to accept that one is wrong. Try pin-pointing the mistakes that you may have made knowingly or unknowingly during your marriage and accept them. Accepting your mistakes will also make you spouse realize his/hers mistake and this strategy is one of the best ways to save a marriage.

  1. Hire a good mediator

A good and experienced mediator will make sure that your thoughts and feelings are conveyed in the most effective manner to your spouse. A mediator’s job is to ensure that things remain as smooth as possible between two individuals. The goal of mediation is not to ensure that the divorce does not take place but to ensure that if it happens, it happens due to the right reasons.

Conclusion

Many individuals want to give another shot at their marriage and try to find ways to reconcile with their spouse. One of the best ways to do it is by accepting one’s mistake. Hiring a mediator works well and in many cases, mediators have been able to save couples from a divorce.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

5 Ways To Avoid A Divorce As Told By A Divorce Attorney

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

orange county divorce mediation attorneys; California Divorce MediatorsDivorce proceedings can be very difficult and lengthy. It is advised to look for ways to save your marriage rather than go for a divorce. Take it from a divorce attorney and divorce mediator like me.  Here are 5 tips that you can follow to avoid a divorce:

  1. Don’t focus too much on property and assets

A recent study showed that couples who don’t rely on property and assets too much have a better marriage than their counterparts. Couples who focus too much on assets often lose focus of more important things that make the marriage work. Materialistic couples often exhibit signs of poor communication, low conflict resolution and low response to each other.

  1. Communicate with each other more often

Poor communication is a major cause of divorce. Couples who don’t interact properly often have a hard time understanding each other’s problem. The communication gap widens when couples don’t make any effort to have a conversation with each other. The distance destroys the unity and it leads to divorce.

  1. Spend some time apart

Too much closeness can be a bad thing sometimes. Take some time out for yourself and stay apart. Go for a vacation with friends or spend time with your own family. Distance plays a major role in keeping things interesting in a marriage. But don’t spend too much time apart. It can have the reverse consequence. Staying apart will give you more time to focus and yourself and less time to think about other problems.

  1. Be flexible and stay positive

Relationships don’t work based on one person’s likes and dislikes. It is a team effort and both of you must understand each other’s needs and preferences. It is very important to stay flexible in a relationship and realize that your partner’s problems are equally important.

It is also vital to stay positive about the relationship. There will be times when everything looks boring and different problems will arise but it is important to have a positive attitude. You need to focus on the bigger picture and concentrate on what’s really needed to save the relationship.

  1. Try to solve problems together

Whenever you face a problem try finding a solution as a team. Don’t dump the problem on your spouse while you sit back and enjoy. Whether the marriage will be successful or not depends on both of you and it is up to you to make things work.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

The Benefits Of Seeking Counseling Before Filing For Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation; California Divorce MediatorsDivorce can be very traumatic for you and your spouse, both on the emotional and financial front. If you feel that not everything is bad between you and your spouse, it’s probably a good idea to seek counseling before filing for a divorce.

Divorce therapy is sought by many couples heading for divorce and has helped many save their marriage. It is provided on individual basis. If you are going through a divorce right now then it is natural that you will experience a range of emotions like guilt, grief and anxiety.

How marriage counseling works

California has many professional divorce counselors and they provide a range of service for their clients. They even help choosing the right one for you. If you are selecting a counselor, then there are certain factors that you need to consider. Choose someone who holds a proper license and who has had experience in dealing with such issues. Read testimonials from clients and ask your friends and family to help you.

Benefits of marital counseling

  1. A marital counseling will help you resolve conflicts between you and your spouse in a healthy way. You will learn to communicate effectively with your spouse and it will also help you listen to his/her side of the story.
  2. You will start understanding the problems of your spouse and vice versa.
  3. You will learn to be assertive while not being offensive towards your spouse. Both of you must to be able to talk about your issues without the fear of hurting the other person. You will slowly realize that not every problem can be resolved through fights and sudden outbursts of emotions.
  4. You will build the ability to work through problem and unresolved issues in your marriage. Marriage counseling provides an environment where you can express yourself without expressing anger or unhappiness. In time, you might realize that your spouse is understanding and is also willing to do the same thing as you. It might also be the reverse where your spouse is not willing to work out anything. If that is the case, then there is not much that you can do but at least you will know that you’ve tried.
  5. You will start seeing your spouse in a new light. This will help you understand him/her and the reasons for getting a divorce. If your spouse is willing to undergo the same thing, then chances are high that your marriage can be saved.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

What To Know About Getting Back Together After Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

orange county divorce mediators; California Divorce MediatorsMost couples who have made the tough decision of getting a divorce are most likely to not get back together or give their marriage another shot. However, for a few couples, they might realize post-divorce that they have in fact made a huge mistake and want to give their relationship another chance. Couples who would like to give their marriage another shot must realize that there will be a lot of hard work involved as well as therapy and marriage or relationship counseling. The couple will have to work out their issues amicably and forgive one another and forget the past in order to move on.

Legal proceedings to be followed if the couple are unsure about getting divorced

It’s always great new when a couple who has divorced wants to reconcile and get back together however as per the law there are certain legal proceedings that will have to be followed as per the norms. That is if the court has already granted or passed a divorce decree in favor of the parties.

If the couple are mutually interested in trying to work things out they will have to enter into a written agreement with each other stating that they are interested in putting their divorce case and all other hearings, orders, and other legal proceedings on hold for the time being till they figure out where they stand in their relationship. In this case, the court will put all divorce proceedings on hold and stop all temporary legal proceedings in order for the couple to work out their issues. All personal hearings will be pushed if the court is satisfied that the couple is genuinely interested in working things out and are not trying to resort to malicious activities or malpractice.

If the couple definitely does not want to get a divorce

However, if the couple is a 100% sure that they do not want to get divorced and in fact want to get back together again they can apply to the court to dismiss their divorce proceedings entirely without any prejudice. This means that the current divorce case would be canceled altogether and they can always file for another divorce at a later stage if the reconciliation was a failure.

If a second divorce is filed later on the date of separation would be the date of filing the second or latest divorce and would not be retrospective. Therefore, the division of assets and liabilities, alimony payments, child support conditions, etc. would be calculated as on the second date of separation.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Reconciliation After Filing For Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange-County-divorce-mediators; California Divorce MediatorsA decision of divorcing your spouse does not really imply that it is all downhill from there forward. Although, a majority of the separating couples do not reconcile after they file a divorce lawsuit, in some cases it does happen. After filing for a divorce, a couple may realize that they might be making a wrong decision by parting ways. However, there are several concerns which border around the decision of reconciling after filing for divorce from your partner.

The legal ramifications

In the event that you decide upon a mutual reconciliation during the lawsuit proceedings of your divorce, you would need to consult your attorney regarding the steps to be taken to put a stop to the trial. Since the family laws are different for different states, it is important to understand the procedural ramifications of withdrawing a divorce petition in accordance with the specific laws of your state. Usually, a couple needs to pay a non-refundable initial filing fee for their divorce petition. However, if after stopping the divorce trial and reconciling, the couple again decides to separate, they would need to pay a fresh filing fee for their new petition.

Is reconciliation the thing for you?

Before deciding upon reconciliation, both the partners need to understand the implication of it. It is a mutual decision that requires genuine efforts from both the parties in nurturing their relationship with renewed vigor. In some cases, however, reconciliation is absolutely a big no. For divorces that stem out of mental abuse or domestic violence, reconciliation might be the worst option for your kids and even yourself.

Stay connected

If you see any rays of hope that might lead you to reconciliation with your partner, it is always advisable to maintain a good line of connection with them. Counseling is an option worth considering in your specific case. You may even want to ask your spouse to attend the counseling sessions with you. A professional counselor can actually help widen your viewpoint on divorces and reconciliations and might considerably guide you on the ‘how to’ of maintaining healthy relationships. If you think your case is not yet a lost cause and there is a little bit of hope for reconciling with your spouse, it is best advised to maintain a standard of civility when communicating with him/her.  It is never too late to give your relationship a second chance.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Major Reasons Why Couples Split Up

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Top Orange County divorce mediators; California Divorce MediatorsDivorces can be sought for a myriad number of reasons. No divorcing couples ever have the same reasons for seeking a separation. No one ever gets married thinking that they will get divorced. But situations and circumstances may become such that the couple are better off divorced. Divorce laws in California state that everyone has the right to seek a divorce.

Some of the reasons why couples decide to split up have been briefly discussed here.

Infidelity or adultery – Infidelity and lies are perhaps the most common reasons for a divorce. No one ever wants to be cheated. If the trust on which a marriage is based breaks down, the marriage itself breaks down.

Lack of communication – Communication is very important for a marriage to work. Always talk to each other and share your problems. Sometimes people feel neglected in a marriage if there is not enough communication. Also, listen to your spouse.

Bond between the couple has disappeared – It is possible that, over time, the two parties in a marriage have drifted apart. You do not share each other’s interests and feel neglected by the other or you do not socialize together.

Sexual incompatibility – Over time two partners can lose sexual interest in each other. Or they may not experience compatibility anymore. When the sexual flame dies out, the marriage also dies out.  The marriage becomes less intimate.

Financial troubles – The issue of finances is very sensitive. If your spouse fails to provide financial stability or is always spending money unreasonably, remaining married to him or her does not make any sense. It only creates tensions in the relationship and finally takes a toll on the marriage.

Domestic abuse – It is a very serious issue. It can be in the form of physical, verbal or emotional abuse. Screaming at your spouse, using offensive and foul language, hitting them, all fall under domestic abuse. Your spouse may always be threatening you.

Emotional abuse is generally experienced in the form of an extremely controlling partner. Your partner never lets you do things your way and is always dictating you around.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

6 Ways to Resolve to Avoid Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

orange county divorce mediation; California Divorce MediatorsWhen two people get married, it is not only their life that changes, but also the lives of a number of other people who are close to the two spouses. This is why it is important for people to maintain their marital relation until there is no choice but to go for divorce.

Even then, when you are getting divorced, your choices need to be mindful of the fact that your decisions will have a lasting impression. Hence, it is best that you go for divorce mediation, which is a peaceful method of ending a relation instead of litigation.

However, as a divorce is an option of last resort, first off, you should try to save your relation. Here are a few resolutions that will help you do just that.

1.     Talk finances

The root cause of most marital problems is money. It is also the first thing that couples fight for in a divorce. Hence, it is important for spouses to talk about their finances at the start of each year. This way, you can separate the expenses for each spouse and ensure that fights on finances are avoided.

2.     Be realistic about your relationship

Expecting too much out of something is never a good thing. The same goes for your relationship. The biggest mistake that a person can make to ruin a relationship is looking for more than what their partner can give. This creates friction, loss of love and eventually, a bitterness that leads to the end of the relation.

3.     If you fight, stay on topic

Fighting is natural for two people that live under the same roof, especially when both of them are married to one another and have a stake in the other’s life. Yet, sometimes, how the fight is fought dictates what will unfold. Often, during the heat of the battle, spouses can leave the topic of the discussion behind and direct the fight personally. This is wrong and needs to be avoided.

4.     Forget you had a past

Keeping a memory of the fights, problems, issues and bitterness will only lead to more of the same. The best way to move on and strengthen a relationship is starting afresh from a clean slate always. If you keep living in the past, you might ruin your future.

5.     Ensure communication

This aspect cannot be stressed enough. Silence breeds insecurities, false thoughts and fears. The only way to avoid all that is to have a clear communication with your spouse always. Only when you are unable to communicate with your spouse will your marriage tether on the brink of an Orange County divorce.

6.     Compromise even if you are right

At the start of your relationship, you should ask yourself if you want this. When you want a marriage, you should do everything to keep it, even if it requires you to compromise on something that you knew you were right about. Anything that will avoid conflict should be opted for.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”