Tips for Single Divorced Moms

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

divorce mediation attorneys Orange County; California Divorce MediatorsAre you a single divorced mom? There is a high possibility of dealing with the process of healing your pain as a result of your murky divorce. Moreover, you also had to take up the added responsibility of taking care of your children mostly not only that, you need to arrange for meals for your family, deal with your former husband who could be irrational at times and have a roof over the head of your family. At the same time, it is natural that you want to move on with life and want to date a new man and gave a fulfilling future. Life is full of new challenges for you and you need to face then to put back your traumatic past and lead a rewarding and rich new life. Follow some of the tips mentioned below to do so.

Make conscious efforts to eliminate the trauma related to your divorce

As they say, time is the biggest healer. While you may have gone through a lot, do not keep thinking about your past. Look out for exciting activities that can keep you engaged. Instead of being stuck with old pain, start dating and going out with friends with whom you share common interests.

Do not depend solely on alimony and child support for your financial needs

You should stop thinking of alimony or child support as your income. After all, the money that is coming to you in the form of child support is only temporary.  In a majority of cases, even alimony too is a temporary inflow of cash. You need to establish your financial position so that there is no difficulty in your survival when these today checks do not come to you anymore. It is crucial that you make a proper investment in yourself to get a sound return in the future. It may be possible that you possess a degree but are not employed. You can call up a local university or college and inquire about classes, which will enable you to refresh some of the skills or get certified so that your marketability in the job market goes up. You can get in touch with the financial aid office and procure student loans to pay for these courses when you attend them.  Be confident about your talents and skills that you believe are marketable and contemplate starting your own business.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how Orange County divorce mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.

3 Tips on Effective Co-Parenting After Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Top Orange County Divorce Mediators; California Divorce MediatorsIt is not easy to be a co-parent, especially after you have split from your spouse and your relationship with your former partner is strained. You may have apprehensions about the parenting abilities of your ex-spouse, worried about your child support or stressed about some issues. You could also be tired of the ongoing conflict and feel that all that animosity between you and ex-partner will never disappear.

However, when you co-parent in an amicable manner with your former spouse, you can provide security, the close relationship with your kids with both their parents and stability that they require. It is for the well-being of your children that there will be a possibility to overcome the challenges associated with co-parenting and build up a cordial and working association with your ex-spouse. These tips will help you to resolve conflicts on contentious issues, be consistent and remain calm so that the custody and parenting schedule with your ex-spouse works well and your children feel secure and happy.

Tip 1: Keep your anger and animosity aside

If you want to enjoy a fruitful co-parenting experience, you need to have a check on your emotions. This means that you should keep your hurt, resentment, and anger at bay for fulfilling the needs of your kids. It is true that keeping such emotions at a distance could be the toughest part to work towards a good working relationship with your former husband but nevertheless, it is an extremely important one. Being successful as co-parents are opposed how you or your ex-spouse may feel about one another. Rather it is all about the future well-being, stability, and happiness of your kid. Avoid putting your kids in between. It is highly possible that you may not lose all the bitterness or anger about your divorce ever. However, the best technique will be to compartmentalize your emotions and keep telling yourself that these are your concerns but not your kid’s; you should ensure that the issues you have with your ex-are kept away from the kids.

Tip 2: Try To improve your communication with your ex

Meaningful, consistent and peaceful communication with your former partner is a must for making your co-parenting click, although they may not appear to be possible. However, everything starts with your mindset. You need to remind yourself that the peaceful communication between both of you can be highly needed for the well-being of your child. Prior to getting in touch with your ex, introspect how your discussion could affect your kid and make a resolution to conduct yourself in a dignified manner. The key point of every talk that you have with your ex should revolve around your kid. You need to also note in this context that meeting your former spouse physically may not be essential always. You can speak to him or her over the phone, exchange messages, emails or texts on a majority of the occasions.

Tip 3: You need to co-parent as a single team

Being a good parent also involves having frequent decisions with your ex-irrespective of what you feel about one another. When you communicate and cooperate with one another without bickering or hurting one another, making decisions become much easier and simpler on everyone. When both of you work together as a team, decision-making with respect to your child becomes quite easy.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how Orange County divorce mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

4 Ways to Heal Emotionally After A Later Life Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation; California Divorce MediatorsDivorce can be a traumatic and emotionally scarring experience, a gray divorce even more so. Have you recently gone through a gray divorce or are in the process of getting one? Are you struggling to cope with the emotional and psychological stress of a gray divorce? Do you want to know about coping mechanisms and ways to be happy again after the divorce?

What is a gray divorce? 

To begin with, you need to understand the concept of a gray divorce and how it is different from other divorces. When older couples over 50 years of age who have been married for many years or even decades divorce, it is called a gray divorce. This is become a phenomenon now that a greater number of older couples than before are going through divorces and choosing to lead separate lives.

Older couples are better off than young couples during and after divorce because they are usually better off financially and have adult children which does away with the need for custody rights. However, divorce can take a bigger toll on older couples who have been together a long time or when there are a lot of property- and finance-related disputes during divorce proceedings.

Healing emotionally from a gray divorce 

It can be extremely difficult for older people to heal emotionally after a divorce, especially if the divorce has been messy and complicated. Here are a few tips that can help emotional healing:

  • It is important to accept that you are divorced and not to fight the reality of the fact. Acceptance is the first step to healing emotionally from the trauma and sadness of separation.
  • You can join a support group for older divorcees if you are struggling to cope with the divorce alone.
  • Alternatively, you can join groups that cater to single older people and be a part of various activities like road trips, events, meet-ups, and even dating.
  • Indulging in activities that you enjoy, be it painting, traveling, reading, or anything else, can be highly rewarding and can help cope with divorce and the myriad emotions that accompany it.

It is important to remember that you are important and you need to love yourself and stop blaming yourself for the divorce, especially if there was no cheating and other immoral activities involved in the divorce. You deserve to be happy even if you are divorced and understanding and accepting this can help you heal emotionally.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Top 4 Personal Things to Do After Getting Divorced

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation; California Divorce MediatorsWhile sustaining some relationships can be a tough job, you should also remember that the relationship, which you share with your own self is the most precious one. It has been often noticed that there are many who dive into a new relationship immediately after getting their divorce. However, there are many others who feel hesitant to take such a quick plunge as their feelings and emotions are yet to get healed. Plus, the process of healing is not a brief one.

Rather than being in a hurry to find a new person in your life, here are some of the top actions you should follow to help you in redefining your outlook on love and life after the divorce.

Go out and establish a rapport with others in a similar situation

There are many occasions when you will find that someone who also recently divorced is the best person to share your sorrows, joy and concerns with. It may be so since that person can understand your agony and could have even walked in your shoes in the past. Other single mothers can before understand your predicament better.

List down your goals in life post divorce

If you are disciplined enough to prepare a detailed action list for your plans, there is a greater possibility of achieving them. So, after getting separated or divorced from your partner, sit in your new home and make a list of such items. Make them time-bound and review them periodically to assess your progress and success date. Your list can include items such as new activities you should try out, future career vision, financial plans and places you desire to visit among others. Such a list will come extremely handy to direct, prioritize and organize your life after your traumatic experience.

Undergo professional therapy 

Major events in life such as an important life changing incident, a great loss or a heartbreak may affect a person’s mental state of women and they need to undergo a healing process. Professional therapy sessions do not come cheap. Try to locate a therapist who will accept your health insurance policy. They should exhibit proper consistency with regard to your appointments under all circumstances. At times, a therapy session can be quite painful. That is because old injuries should be cleaned out prior to complete healing.

Travel all alone

At times, when a divorced person embarks upon a solo trip, he or she may start looking at their life with a fresh perspective, alone. However, if you want to enjoy a solo trip, take assistance from a reputable travel agent before leaving.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

How Long Should You Wait To Get Remarried After A Default Judgment?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation attorney; California Divorce MediatorsA default judgment in a divorce case has its advantages. In fact, some people want a default judgment because it saves a lot of money for them. First, you won’t have to pay much as attorney fees or for appearing in the court. Second, you won’t have to disclose any financial information such as income and assets.

However, before you can get married, there are certain requirements that must be met. Every couple who go through a divorce must follow the requirements before their divorce forms can be accepted and a final judgment can be passed.

  1. The six-month waiting period

The six-month waiting period is mandatory for every couple going through a divorce. The period starts when one attorney representing a party serves the other party with divorce papers. In some cases, the resolution can extend more than six months but that it can’t happen any time before that.

Complex cases involve a lot of paperwork and this is the reason why the court grants individual parties up to six months to get everything in order. It’s best to consult an attorney when dealing with paperwork because they know which document is required and which is not. And, note that the end of six months does not mark the end of marriage.

  1. The court’s judgment of dissolution

After six months, the court goes through the documents and passes a judgment. The judgment of dissolution can also be passed before the six-month waiting period. There are many ways by which you can obtain a judgment of dissolution and some of them are trial, bifurcation or settlement. It’s best to consult an experienced attorney because different paths for dissolution of marriage are taken on different circumstances. A bifurcation is done when both parties don’t agree to the terms and conditions of the divorce as put down by the court.

Conclusion

A default judgment is a useful thing when disclosing finances are in question. However, there are certain conditions that must be met before the divorce can be finalized. One of them is the six-month wait period that every couple going through a divorce must go through. After the wait period, the California court passes a judgment of dissolution based on the paperwork provided. The judgment again depends on a variety of different factors which can be clearly explained by an experienced attorney.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

How To Have A Good Relationship With Your Ex-Spouse

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation lawyers; California Divorce MediatorsSometimes, children can get unconsciously hurt by their parents while the divorce proceedings are going on or after the divorce. There are some adults who may even cause distress knowingly as their anger can drive their attitude and behavior.  But here are a few things that can be done to show respect and good will to your former spouse even after your divorce.

Be courteous to your former spouse when your children are present

Do not lose an opportunity to teach your children on how to control or conceal grudges as well as be polite even if they may be feeling bitter from inside. After all, your kids need not know that their other parent is pushing your button. They simply need to appreciate the fact that your behavior is immaculate despite such negative and ugly behavior from the other side.

Accept and reiterate the fact that your ex’s presence is important in the lives of your children

In case your children value your former spouse, it will be sensible that as your child’s other parent you consider their feelings.

Show maturity while responding to your former spouse’s phone calls and emails

You need to understand something while dealing with your ex, especially when it is about not hurting your children’s feelings. It takes less effort to be humble and polite rather than bring furious with your former spouse. It has been often seen that exes ignore to respond to the emails of the other parent and do not want to sort out issues in an amicable manner. While you could have a feeling that your ex-does do not deserve a good behavior from you but the world is definitely a nicer place when both of you attempt to be good to one another. You may be unaware but how you behave will set an example for your little ones who will also learn how to be well-mannered and civil when they become adults

Do not create a situation where your kids may have to take sides or may feel unsure what they should do

There are instances when the relationship between the former spouses is so bad that one could not attend the functions in their child’s school when the other is attending. Sometimes, such situations may even turn into a sort of power struggle between the two parents Avoid creating situations where your children need to take the side of one of you since such scenarios can be quite distressful for your little ones.

Your actions should demonstrate that the respect of your ex is crucial for you

If you want to get respect, you should be willing to show your respect to the other parent. In case the trust factor was lost while the divorce proceedings were going on, it is time you rebuild them.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Tips for Dealing with Mixed Emotions After Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

mediator divorce orange county; California Divorce MediatorsOnce your divorce is finalized, you may go through mixed feelings about your former spouse. Though you may be sure that getting a divorce was the best possible solution for you, you may find that there are some days when you still miss her or him while on other days you detest them.

Are you surprised how you can still feel a fondness for your ex or the person you are soon divorcing? Do not worry as these kinds of emotions are quite normal. In fact, many divorced people are known to go through the same kind of mixed feelings. But, how would you handle these changing feelings?

Get a support team

At times, it is natural for you to need a shoulder to lean on or a sounding board during this difficult stage of your life. You should not feel embarrassed about seeking validation and support from your relatives and close friends. You can even undergo therapy sessions so that they can help you to get over your mixed emotions as well as the stress that accompanies those feelings.

Create lists

Making a list will help you to not down your reasons for getting divorced and also remember the different differences which you had. You can also list down the good points in your past relationship. There are several newly divorced individuals who are extremely glued to the bad points in their broken marriages and as such hold a grudge against their former spouses and are highly resentful about the latter. Such emotions makes it difficult to move ahead in their lives or make a new beginning.

There will be changes after the divorce

You need to realize that your divorce will bring about curious changes. These changes can be difficult to get adjusted to. There are certain occasions when many divorced individuals are highly tempted to dwell on their former relationship since it is simpler as compared to coming to terms with the prospect of rebuilding your life. Have faith in yourself so that you can deal with anything which comes your way, and reinforce your belief that your decision to divorce was right. You should not let your fear and apprehension blur your judgment.

The blame game will not solve your problems

Blaming your former spouse for what went wrong in your marriage is the easiest thing to do.  However, if you are serious about achieving success in your future relationships and life, you need to introspect on your part too for the breakup of your marriage. It is not for one partner to hold the marriage together always, and a marriage cannot end just because one person was at fault. Thus, it is imperative to use your anger in a constructive manner.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

How To Deal With Your Kids Being Away On Vacation with Your Ex-Spouse

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County Divorce Mediation attorneys; California Divorce MediatorsWhen you plan for vacations after your separation or divorce, it should be done with a great deal of caution. It is better to stay away from situations that may trigger conflict pretension right in front of your kids.

Here are some comforting and cool tips to explore co-parenting while a vacation is on to ensure that your kids are adequately buffered from the harsh realities of life.

You can collaborate with the other parent so that logistics can be planned in advance

Collaborating in advance will be helpful in setting up new traditions especially when you pay heed to the wishes of your children and get support from your extended family members. On most of the occasions, kids hardly have much control or say over the plans and scheduling of their parents. Thus, when you give them some sort of a control over the traditions and on certain activities, they will feel excited about their vacation instead of being apprehensive about the possible changes,

Stop asking your children to select between father and mother

Both children and their parents benefit when special occasions and vacations are shared equally. On many occasions, the way a holiday gets split may also depend on how old the kids are, whether there is any involvement of travel and how far is one parent’s home from the other.

The true spirit of the vacations should be communicated non-verbally as well as through words

Most holidays involve emotions like giving, peace, love and caring. Whenever the kids spend time with one of the parents, it is natural for the other parent may feel sad and lonely during holidays. However, it makes sense to realize that kids should experience togetherness with both their parents, There is no harm and letting your kid know that you will miss them when they are away but will be fine. Avoid situations where our children start feeling guilty or responsible for their parent’s emotional well-being. While the temptation to tell them that you will miss them a lot and do not know how you will cope in their absence, rephrase it slightly.

Tell them you are sure that you are sure that they will have a great time with the other parent and you will wait to hear all about the holiday. Have a plan in advance so that you have your friends or family near you when the kids are away. Such an action will help you to manage your own emotional requirements in their absence. You should hope that your kids feel free and enjoy their vacation with their other parent and stop worrying about you.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

How to Make Co-Parenting a Great Success

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

orange county divorce mediators; California Divorce MediatorsCo-parenting is particularly important to do for all those parents, including those who have had high-conflict divorces. The idea is to mainly concentrate on bringing up their kids without engaging in stressful communication with one another after the divorce.

Here are some easy tips to ensure that co-parenting is a great success.

Use an organizer

You can use a parenting notebook or an organizer website to communicate effectively. Note down all the relevant and vital communications pertinent to the visit of your child like homework, meals, behavior strategies deployed by you to calm your child, bedtime and so on.  Your notebook should have a mention of the different events including both behavioral as well as emotional that the other parent can refer to.

Work closely with an unbiased third party

For any contentious issues, changes and disagreements with the other parent that needs a great deal of discussion, it is better to work with an independent third party. This person should be neutral like a therapist or an experienced mediator. The meetings conducted in the presence of the third party should be time bound and scheduled. All your key concerns can be taken up during these meetings.

Emails for non-urgent matters

Both of you can use emails for discussing matters that are not that urgent. You need to also make sure that these emails should not exceed more than two times in a month. Try to restrict them to a single topic. When you use emails to communicate with the other parent, you get a chance to reread what you wrote so that you are certain that it is not disrespectful. Plus, it also enables your ex-spouse to get a breathing space for responding. Avoid giving parenting advice on these emails.

Once the divorce is finalized, it is crucial for both the parents to be involved in taking care of the kids despite their conflicts and not so cordial relationship.  Co-parenting enables both the parents to remain involved in the lives of their kids while not fighting with one another.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

These Are The Emotional Phases of Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation lawyers; California Divorce MediatorsNo two people react the same way to their divorce. However, there are certain emotional phases everyone goes through while experiencing their divorce.

There are certain phases that could be as painful as the feeling when a dear one passes away. When you know what to expect, it becomes easier for you to sail through these phases. However, the negative feelings may still be within you. You will also find that done phases are easier to move through as compared to the others.

  1. Refusing to believe

You may find it extremely difficult to come to terms with the fact that the divorce is happening to you. In fact, you are not ready to accept the end of your relationship and frantically struggle to find out answers to your marital problems. And you still spend your time convinced that when you do or say the right thing, there is a possibility of the return of your spouse. You are convinced that your divorce cannot be a solution for the marital problems both of you are going through.

  1. Surprise and shock

Emotions like numbness, fury, panic or feeling that you are becoming crazy are normal in this phase. There is a swing between a hope that your marriage can still be restored and sadness that all is over in your marriage. You will feel it impossible to handle these feelings. Moreover, there are certain fears you start experiencing while thinking about the future all alone. Questions like whether you will find love again or not and how to survive after your divorce will start haunting you.

  1. It will be a roller coaster ride of emotions

It feels difficult for you to settle your thoughts and emotions. At one moment you see a gleam of hope in your life but the next moment you feel agony and despair. This is a phase where you also try to introspection what exactly happened. When you can understand and appreciate that, your pain will ebb and everything will start making sense once again.

  1. Negotiating

In this phase, you may still cling to the hope that a restoration of your marriage is not entirely impossible. You are willing and flexible to alter things in yourself or do anything if it will make your spouse return home.

  1. Letting go

This is a phase where you eventually realize that your marriage has ended. You cannot say nor do anything to alter that.

  1. Accepting facts

Your obsessive thoughts have stopped bothering you in this phase. You no longer feel the urge to restore your marriage and start feeling that you can have a fulfilling and new life before you.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation