Issues To Consider In Contemplating Divorce While Pregnant

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

California Family Law Attorneys; California Divorce MediatorsIt is needed tragic to go for a divorce irrespective of what the conditions have been in a marriage. It can be even more stressful when you find out that you are expecting a baby or your spouse is pregnant for a host of reasons.

However, if you have been party to a high-conflict or stressful marriage even when you found out for the first time that you are pregnant, it is quite natural to understand why the news can bring in plenty of anxiety and pressure even though you think your baby is a boon for you. The reason for this is kids need a lot of energy, time, affection and love.

Kids are happier in two-parent houses

It is a topic that has been the subject of innumerable debates for many decades. But there are plenty of figures and statistics to suggest that children are happier and more contented in a two-parent home as compared to growing up in a single-parent home. On several occasions it has been noticed that kids of a broken family have a greater chance to experience poverty, have to cope up with more emotional issues and are offspring’s of a teen and single parent. Statistics also hints that a single mother may experience a higher level of mental and physical illnesses and addictions. Thus an important reason why you should rethink divorce while being pregnant is kids do well in a two-parent house.

It is better to avoid making important decisions while you are overwhelmed

When you are expecting a baby, your hormones keep changing. Your emotions can go for a roller coaster ride due to this reason. On the other hand, if it is your partner who is expecting a baby, you need to adjust to their frequent mood swings due to constant hormonal shifts. Your relationship with your spouse can undergo a lot of stress due to these reasons. But that is precisely the reason why you should not consider divorce then. Though there could have been problems and conflicts in your marriage before you were pregnant, it is better to think about it after the baby has arrived since you can make wiser decisions than with a sense of normalcy returning to you.

It can be a trying experience to be pregnant all alone

When a little baby is growing up inside you, it can take a big toll on you both mentally and physically. You need to have someone beside you in your home constantly to make you feel emotionally secure.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Practical Tips On How To Separate From Your Spouse

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation; California Divorce MediatorsGoing through a legal separation can be an emotionally taxing time for both the partners. Often a spouse may feel unsure about whether they can save their marriage or not. More importantly, a big doubt is whether your spouse will be interested to save your marriage or not. There are several practical considerations the affected couple should also take care of. It makes sense to deal with the separation’s practical side as quickly as possible so that they can get more emotional and mental space for processing your needs and feelings.

There are several cases where irrespective of how much a couple tries, their marriage appears to be doomed. It is possible that a couple has already tried to talk it out. They could have even visited a professional therapist or have gone for individual counseling. It is possible at times that a couple has reached that stage in their life where they opt for a legal separation as the final attempt to check out whether their marriage can be restored or not prior to taking the final call to end it.

When you follow these practical tips to separate from your husband or wife, your road ahead can ultimately be smoother.

Think about your properties 

When a couple is married, they could own plenty of shared assets. A pertinent question in this juncture is what should now happen to all the shared possessions.

You can begin the process of splitting with big items like a car that could be jointly owned by both of you and furniture. It is important to know which spouse will be keeping what and is entitled to what.

Make sure your finances are in proper order

Finances can be entangled when you are married. In case you have got a joint mortgage, lease, and a joint account in the bank and shared assets like investments, there should be a proper plan on what to do in the beginning of your legal separation. To begin with you should have your individual bank account. Make sure that your monthly salary check gets deposited in your personal saving account. It is important to check that you do not end up paying obnoxiously high shared bills. Your finances should be put in order prior to separating.

Think about where you will stay

Several couples experience that living together under the same roof while legally separated is not practical at all. After all, the main aim of a legal separation is to stay apart from your spouse for some time and see how your relationship works out at the end of the separation period. It is tough to accomplish this aim if both of you stay in the same house during your separation. Hence, it is important to think about where you will stay during the separation period.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

How Adult Children Can Cope Up With The Divorce Of Their Parents

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediators; California Divorce MediatorsMany adult children face unique and big challenges especially when there is a break up of their parents’ long-term marriage. A popular philosophy adopted by parents who divorce quite late is that that they decided to wait until their children grew up and left the house to pursue a higher education or a job. Plus, these parents feel that their adult children can handle the split better since they are older now. They are also less vulnerable, wiser and stronger.

But in reality that may not be the case always. After all no matter how old they are, children will always remain children. Children may still feel hurt when their parents decide to part ways just like they would have felt had their parents took the same decision when they were younger. The sadness will still be there but they will not get the luxury of expressing their grief always. Rather, they become the listening ears since their parents pour their tales of sufferings to them.

Check out the following strategies adult children should use to cope up with the trauma of their parents’ divorce.

Bring a shift in your perspective

Rather than grieving because you are bearing the wrath of your mother’s fury and disillusionment, simply keep reminding yourself that you are facing a temporary situation. Your parents will once again become “normal” after things get slightly settled. Although it could even take some years, the situation will not be bleak forever. Meanwhile, you have your own independent life to lead. So, concentrate on developing your own life.

Try to realize that the caustic behavior from your parents is not usual in a divorce as family dynamics may change

You need to understand that you are not the only adult child who is going through this transitional phase. Such things happen quite frequently since others like you have also got annoyed with their parents. In fact, there are thousands of adult children who have gone through similar emotions when their parents divorced.

Pickup coping strategies

It is time for you to compartmentalize all those negative conversations you are exchanging with your parents at this phase of their life. Make a conscious effort to put an end to such negative and sad thoughts. When you keep thinking about it, your trauma will only increase. So address it carefully and logically to come out of your current mental state. Find out space and time to engage yourself in what you are fond of doing. Go out for a stroll, listen to your favorite band, read books, travel to new places or spend more time with your close friends. Such activities will distract your mind from the negative thoughts.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

5 Things You Should Never Say To Your Kids During A Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation attorney; California Divorce MediatorsWhile a divorce can be hard for the couple going through it, it can be much harder on the children. For children a divorce could shake their sense of security to its very foundations and leave them feeling vulnerable and frightened.

Younger children could worry about things like, “if daddy has left the house will mommy also leave me?” And older children can quietly wonder to themselves if this was their fault and if they did something to cause the breakup.

Here are a five this that you must not say to your kids during this time:

  1. It’s all dad’s / mom’s fault: Playing the blame game will not serve anybody least of all your kids. Blaming your spouse for the divorce can not only create a rift between you former spouse and your children but can also cause emotional distress. Children love both parents unconditionally and these new revelations could prove too confusing for them to handle.
  1. I feel sad when you go: This can happen a lot in cases of co-parenting where one parent can make the child feel guilty about going to spend time with the other parent. A mother telling her kids that she is sad when they go live with daddy puts the child in a position that their young minds can’t cope with very well. The feeling of guilt of wanting to spend time with their father while knowing that it hurts their mother could be extremely damaging for the kids’ self image.
  1. You are acting just like mom/dad: Picking on a child’s behavior and saying that they are behaving just like their other parent has two big disadvantages. The first being that you make the child feel like mommy or daddy’s behavior is not good and the second being that you scare the child into thinking that you will leave them too. You can always correct bad behavior without bringing up your ex.
  1. Is mom/dad seeing someone else?: Trying to get information about your ex through your children is something you should avoid totally. Making children spy on their other parent is a burden they should not have to deal with. Children want to be loyal to both parents and this can be very stressful for them.
  1. That is not my responsibility: While your divorce agreement might clearly demarcate your parental responsibilities, children need not be burdened with legalities. If they ask you something that the other parent needs to approve of as well you can always answer with why don’t we check with mom and see what she thinks. Saying things like, “that’s not my responsibility go ask your mother” undermines the respect your child has for you.

Be loving and supportive of your children while going through a divorce and give them a sense of security during this emotionally confusing time.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation 

How Divorce Mediation Is A Prototype For Positive Co-Parenting

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Divorce mediators in Orange County; California Divorce MediatorsMost marriages don’t end at the point of physical separation of the two partners, but were most likely dying slowly for a few years before that. In many cases by the time spouses actually separate and file for divorce there are already a lot of negative feelings for each other. When separating couples find it hard to agree on anything and hostilities run high it would be wise to hire a divorce mediator.

While having a divorce mediator is a good idea for the smooth progress of a divorce it is even more important when children are involved. Parents who are going through their own share of trials during a divorce can often overlook the impact the process is having on their children. Having a divorce mediator gives room for an objective third party to step in and provide constructive solutions which is in the best interest of all involved.

The Advantages Of Hiring A Divorce Mediator   

  1. You and your spouse can sit down together with the mediator and decide on the terms of your divorce. A meeting like this gives you the space to discuss issues like property division, paying off of debt, etc. and find workable solutions that you both agree on.
  1. Together you can both work out a plan for custody rights and parenting of your children. Decisions like whether you will co-parent or one parent gets full custody while the other gets visitation rights, can be taken with both your cooperation.
  1. If you decide to co-parent, together you can make a road-map for how things will proceed from this point on. Many points like how the child or children’s time is distributed between both parents, who gets what duties and what to do in emergency situations can be discussed.
  1. Any roadblocks that come up during the meeting can be arbitrated by the mediator and a solution can be found peacefully.

How Divorce Mediation Helps Co-Parenting 

When you consider all the points mentioned above, you also see that having a divorce mediator trains you to work as a team. Co-parenting requires teamwork and learning to cooperate with your former spouse peacefully is invaluable to the emotional and physical well-being of the children.

We offer divorce lawyer and divorce mediator services in Orange County, CA. Our practice is based on California specific divorce laws and we follow all the requirements put forward by the state. Our divorce mediator services have facilitated the amicable divorce of several couples and created a smooth transaction for the children.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Tips for Mothers Going Through Legal Separation or Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Once the initial shock settles down and the divorce becomes a reality, you start realizing that your life will change in many ways when you become a single woman once again. A realization like this can be actually scary for many. However, like many others, you will also get used to these new changes gradually. So do not lose your cool and be patient.

It is indeed a gutsy role to be a single mother once your divorce gets finalized. Such a role will also be a challenging one as you transform into a stronger individual with each day. Do not feel scared and prepare yourself for the rainy day. You should start doing everything on your own so that your life becomes less stressful and easier. You may consider the following divorce tips that are helpful for single moms so that you can prepare yourself and plan accordingly.

Spend time in reviewing your financial position 

Do not indulge into self-pity or worry unnecessarily about your inability to provide for your kids. It will not serve any purpose and will end up giving you headaches. Thus, it is advisable to put aside your worries about how to get enough money to purchase a bicycle or doll for your little one. There are various ways of giving toys to your kids without going to the market to purchase them. You can make those toys at home. Let your kids help you out as they are going to love such activities. When you spend your time together and create these toys, it will be a memory they are going to cherish for a long time to come.

Self-education is extremely important 

Self-improvement initiatives and education are important things to work on at this crucial juncture of life as you need to be self-equipped and self-dependent in your new life. You can go online and research for some free courses on the net, find out easy tips to earn money and check available resources as a part of your action plan.

Be well-informed about issues like insurance plans, savings, credit, and taxes as they will come quite handy after your divorce. You can do so by either researching about them online or by hiring a professional consultant. Try to find out whether there are any government sponsored programs along with the benefits they offer to single mothers. The bottom line is you should have all relevant information at your disposal so that looking after your household and finances after your divorce become simpler.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

What To Think About When Reconciling After Legal Separation

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation; California Divorce MediatorsOn certain occasions, some couples do regroup and reconcile after their legal separation. Contrary to what many people would like to believe, survival from a separation is not an accidental case. But spouses who do succeed in overcoming their discord after a separation are known to exhibit certain behaviors to make sure that their marriages are intact.

What should you do to get back together after your legal separation? 

The couples must ensure that there is complete transparency in their relationship if they are really serious about reconciliation after their temporary break-up. When there is erosion in the trust factor, transparency can act as a balm. Try to be open about the finances, schedules and personal habits so that some that lost trust factor can be replaced by your relationship. You should also note that coaching is a great idea. When you have professional experts or a good support system in your life that can help you out with your emotions, you can benefit to a great extent. It is also imperative for you to be completely honest with yourself by asking certain tough questions. So think carefully about the answers for the following questions prior to reconciliation:

  • Was it your partner who had ended the relationship of did you do it? Did both of you get an opportunity to have a heart to heart discussion on what could have gone wrong in your marriage during your legal separation? In case the answer is in negative, it is high time that you engage in an honest and open dialogue with one another.
  • Did you know the events in your partner’s life while both of you were separated?
  • Has there been a change in you or your partner’s nature since the end of your relationship? In case the reply is in affirmative, what and how did that change take place? Did such changes bring both of you closer or widened the gap?
  • Can your relationship get affected through certain other crucial factors in case both of you decide to get back together in the future?

You should generally give a chance for reconciliation

When there is a space between you and your partner albeit temporarily in the form of a separation, it shows you what is important and what should not matter to both of you. When you are focused on giving a second chance to your marriage and your partner is also on the same page, you should give a sincere chance to reconciliation.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Pros and Cons of Cohabitation Vs. Marriage in California

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation; California Divorce MediatorsThe subject of whether marriage better or cohabitation warrants a lot of debate based on people’s personal experiences and beliefs. There are some who believe nothing can replace a marriage in a loving relationship, while others beg to differ and believe that cohabitation is equally amazing without the legality of marriage. We discuss some of the benefits and disadvantages of cohabitation over marriage.

Pros of cohabitation over marriage 

  • One of the most obvious benefits is that you get to share your home and life with someone you love and like to be around because you love the person and not because of legality binding you.
  • Cohabiting has all the financial benefits of being in a marriage without the legal hassles that come with marriage. You get to split costs, manage finances, and invest together with your partner.
  • Cohabiting can be a great way to understand if you and your partner can sustain a marriage. It is a good way to know how well you both work together as a couple living together before taking the plunge and getting married.

Cons of cohabitation over marriage

 There is some research that shows that marriage may have physical and psychological benefits that are lacking in cohabitation. However, some results are still ambiguous about the reasons behind these differences.

  • There is no legal responsibility or hassle, making it easier to leave a cohabitation arrangement. Marriage demands more legal commitment and, therefore, there is more thought given before a spouse decides to leave.
  • If you have kids while cohabiting, custody rights can become complicated if you decide to go your separate ways.

Cohabitation in California 

California does not recognize common law marriage except when a couple is considered married under common law marriage in a state that recognizes it and then moves to California. California recognizes cohabitation as a legal form of relationship, and there are some provisions for couples who wish to cohabit but not marry.

If you are cohabiting to test your relationship before getting married, you can enter a prenuptial or premarital agreement that lists rules and laws applicable to you as a couple once you get married.

If you simply wish to cohabit without the legal hassles of marriage, then the state has a provision of getting a cohabitation agreement, also known as a nonmarital agreement. This formal agreement lists out responsibilities and rights for the cohabiting couple and works as a contract that is outside of marriage laws.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

What To Know About California Child Support

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Divorce mediators in Orange County; California Divorce MediatorsChild support is money which any court orders both parents or any one parent to pay to assist in paying for child (or children) support and the latter’s living expenses. The amount must be paid every month. Every California county has a family law facilitator to assist you for such activities. These services can be had for free. The facilitator helps in a number of ways like preparing the forms and explaining the procedures of the court for obtaining and changing the child support orders. The person concerned will also help in calculating total child support using guidelines and explain how the court arrives at the child support decisions.

Parent guide

A child support agency is present in every California county to assist you when it comes to getting, collecting and changing child support activities.  Courts in California must order the child support amount as determined by child support guideline. The only exception is that if a particular case fits one of few legal exceptions linked to the rule. One exception is that parties consent to an amount which is different from guidelines related to child support. The solution, however, must meet certain tests.

Non-guideline support

Most parents can consent to “non-guideline” support of both know fully their rights to support the child. They should also know the guideline support amount of the child. Parents must not be forced or pressured to give consent to the child support amount. This is applicable if parents do not receive public assistance or have not made any application for any public assistance. They have also consented to monetary support to meet the needs of the children.

The parents can agree to any child support order based on this guideline. The couple, by signing on a particular written agreement for guideline amount, have no need to visit a judge so that the latter can make a decision on child support. The agreement musty be submitted to court clerk for the judge to sign. Only after signing that it could be enforced as a court order.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Advice On Reconciling After A Marital Separation

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

divorce lawyers in Orange County; The Maggio Law FirmDo you want to improve your chances of reuniting after your legal separation? Then, it is always better to start the process with complete honesty. Both of you should be prepared to honestly discuss all those issues, which resulted in the trouble. It can be various factors such as addiction, an act of betrayal, or abuse. Whatever it is, they should in the open. When the two partners are dishonest about the issues that hurt them, it is unrealistic to expect that they will be sincere about the changes they should implement in their relationship to salvage the marriage. It is always recommended to take the help of an impartial mediator or a third-party therapist or counselor.

What should you do to get back after your separation?

Being completely transparent with your partner is another important step to follow if you are really keen about a marital reconciliation after being separated. When trust factor has disappeared in a marriage, transparency is the perfect antidote for the couple. Both the parties should be completely frank about their personal schedules, habits, and finances. Such a step will make sure that the couple gets back the lost trust to some extent. It is a good idea to contemplate coaching.

Give a chance for marital reconciliation

When there is a space in a relationship, it shows what is important and what does not matter. It also teaches what helps and what can be hurtful. When both you and your spouse are serious about giving your marriage another chance and your partner to echoes your sentiments, you would definitely have one more chance to marriage reconciliation.

Check out these tips when you and your partner intend to get back together especially after your legal separation.

There is no harm in accepting your mistakes

In order to make your marriage work, both you and your partner should accept all those mistakes made in the past, which led to your separation initially. If you and your partner are one of those couples who are interested in reuniting, you should be prepared to apologize to each other. You should realize and appreciate that frankness; trust and forgiveness are some of those key ingredients, which can salvage your marriage.

You should be prepared for certain changes

Being willing to change is perhaps one of the most crucial factors to get back together. You should freely discuss the desired changes you are looking forward to. It is imperative for you to be ready to change yourself for your spouse.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation