Ways To Lower Your Divorce-Related Stress

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

divorce mediators orange county; California Divorce MediatorsFrom the time you have filed a divorce petition, there are lots to worry about. You are still figuring out how to move your kids between two different households, trying to coordinate with your divorce lawyer or a mediator or both, handling your children’s emotional needs and coping up with the emotional stress you could be going through. Even experts say that divorce is one of the biggest stressors of life. Hence, it is imperative that you put your best foot forward to ensure that your stress is minimized. There are certain activities you should drop and certain others you should continue doing to deal with your stress.

Discard

Conventional dinners

Drop the practice of having traditional dinners. Instead, try to go for snack dinners. Take out your plate and fill them up with healthy food products such as peanut butter, rolls, peanuts, grapes, apple slices, applesauce, and cheese slices. There should be a proper ratio of carbs, vegetables/fruits and proteins in your diet. Thus, you now have a well-balanced but easy to gather dinner ready within a few minutes.

Electronic gadgets

It has been often proved that certain devices are not good to depend on as babysitters. However, at times when children are thoroughly bored, the stress level of the mom is maximum or there is a doctor’s appointment at the last moment, some devices may help. But over-dependence on electronic devices is not good for health in the long run. Try to avoid them just before your bedtime as the blue light being emitted from them may cause havoc to your kid’s sleep.

Continue

Chatting with your children

By this time your children are aware that you are going through a rough patch. When you validate their feelings and discuss issues with them openly in a loving and positive way, you will enjoy a healthy relationship with them during this tough time.

Bedtime routine with kids

The right kind of bedtime routine you follow with your kids can make them relaxed while being a great stress-buster for them. Maintaining a consistent schedule even while you are stressed can bring in comfort while minimizing stress-related insomnia. Researches have proved that it can alleviate the stress levels of the moms too.

Have dates with family at night

You can have family date nights with your children though there could be financial constraints now. However, many big cities offer plenty of free activities that you can indulge in with your children. The least you can do is go out for a picnic in the nearby park or take them out for a walk after completing dinner.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.

Tips to Keep Your Divorce Expenses Down

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation; California Divorce MediatorsAlthough you could be the one you initiated your divorce process, it may still take a toll on you. It is quite a costly process and there is hardly anyone who emerges as a winner in a divorce? Costs can get multiplied when a single household splits into two. But rational and logical thoughts, proper planning and education may be helpful in lowering the financial impact. Check out the following suggestions that can come handy for keeping your costs in check during the divorce.

Try to stay out of a court as far as possible

A litigated divorce can be quite an expensive affair. In fact, it may even deplete the marital assets of a couple who are about to end their marriage. Collaborative or mediation divorce can save both money and time and also help in completing the procedure in a proper manner. When these approaches are adopted, it is easy to agree on common grounds so that a mutually satisfactory agreement between the couple can be reached. When both the parties are flexible and can come out with solutions to sort out their issues, there could be a cooperative association between the former spouses in the future. Hence the parties can proceed with fewer possibilities of conflict and stress, particularly when kids are involved in a marriage.

You can secure professional help to get a feel of your financial situation

Splitting natural properties and financial issues can be extremely time consuming and complicated aspects while a couple gets divorced. Expenses can shoot up drastically as a consequence. It is recommended to hire an experienced attorney as they have the necessary expertise and experience on similar legal matters. The only point you need to take care us about hiring an attorney with specialized knowledge of handling with complex financial matters.

Increase communication and reduce conflicts

You need to realize that when you fight more, your divorce proceeding could get more complicated, It in turn will make the overall process more expensive. Make sure that the attorney hired by your spouse or your attorney does not try to encourage conflict between the two of you. You need to think rationally so that you can continue to communicate freely with your estranged spouse. When you adopt a flexible approach and are ready to negotiate, you can actually save thousands of bucks. There is hardly any merit to try taking revenge on your former spouse or extract vengeance for their supposed bad behavior. The culmination of the distribution of your marital property should be accomplished in a manner that is equitable and just for both the parties involved.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Tips for Men to Cope After Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation attorneys; California Divorce MediatorsThere are some men who take a deep sigh of relief once their divorce comes through. However, for most men, it can be a shattering experience, which can impact their lives in a negative way. There is no doubt that divorce is not a child’s play. Plus the effects of divorce on men should not be taken light-heartedly. In fact, there are some men who start living a life of pain and suffering after separating from their wives. In case you are one of them, here are some top tips that can help you in coping with your divorce.

Stay away from drugs and alcohol since they are not the right way to handle your divorce 

Many men commit this dumb mistake post divorce. In fact, they feel that drugs and drinking can help them to forget all about their past and enable them to come out of this crisis. However, abuse of drugs and alcohol is one of the big mistakes men can think of after their divorce is finalized.

Divorced men should avoid further conflict and stress with former spouses 

You and your estranged spouse can have different viewpoints and opinions. However, when both of you tend to engage in conflicting situations, it can be counter-productive for both of you. Such emotional banters and bickering can be obstacles to move on with your life and bring more anger and misery.

Start altering your life as soon as possible 

Once your divorce comes through, it is time to make a self-commitment to start altering your life. You can take small steps for accomplishing this by taking good care of your soul, mind and physical well being. To begin with your body should be more active so that there is positivity and energy in you. Secondly, you should try to cleanse your mind from self-destructive and negative emotions. Finally, you need to do some serious soul searching too.

Check out some activities that you may consider:

  • Go to a good hair salon and get a stylish haircut. You are beginning a new life and it can be a good start.
  • Try to have regular and healthy diet. Such a practice will make your body healthy.
  • Concentrate on your job instead of quitting. While your divorce could be a devastating chapter in your life, you should not let your career suffer because of that. Additionally, you will need more money after your divorce.
  • You should shave and shower regularly. Do not forget to use nice smelling cologne before going out to make you feel good. After all, you are a new individual post divorce and should look good to get on with your life.

Be in touch with your close friends

Your friends’ support is very precious at this juncture of your life. Call them up and request them to come over to your place.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Things to Know before Separating From Your Spouse

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation; California Divorce MediatorsTo separate from one’s spouse or partner is one of the most difficult and painful decisions to make. If you are a married person, the lives of you and your spouse get intertwined in many ways. Separation can be a devastating experience when a spouse is still in love with the other spouse.

However, it is important to note in this context that a divorce may not be a necessary outcome of every separation. There are several couples who look at separation as a much-needed opportunity to work out issues and also get some space to think. No matter what the ultimate outcomes are, one should not take the decision of separating in a light-hearted manner. In case you are contemplating to separate from your spouse, these are some of the things you should know:

It s crucial to lay down some ground rules

When you are trying to make up your mind about separating, establishing ground rules may not be something you take seriously. But when you establish a few ground rules to start with, it becomes simpler to point out what you are looking out from your separation. Firstly, it is important to indulge in some serious discussions with your partner. You should make a joint decision on if you will be in touch with each other during the period of separation, where you both will live and so on. It is also critical to have a consensus on how to take care of difficult issues such as visitation arrangements and child care and whether you can date a new person or not.

Be happy of having a strong support network

When you have a great support network in place, life becomes easier while you are separated from your spouse. Having a supportive family and close friends during this trying period will make your life easier and calmer. You can also contemplate consulting a professional and reputable therapist to guide you. Such experts will listen to your problems and guide you to sort out your deeper issues. 

Feeling relieved is not unnatural

When your marriage is going through a rocky phase, the decision to separate and the process of separation can bring in a deep sense of relief. So, such emotions are not unusual at all. However, at the same time, you should not regard this sense of relief as a symptom that you will be happier to separate forever. Separating from your spouse does not signify that your choice of partner was incorrect. It only indicates that the present situation is not correct and there are some things that must change.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Things You Should Expect From a Good Family Law Judge

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation; California Divorce MediatorsMany would agree that family law can be one of the most complicated legal affairs. The level of difficulty may go up due to excessive emotional stress that often accompanies divorce proceedings or disputes related to child custody. So, it is not an easy task to for a good family law judge.

Judges need to be in complete control in the courtroom

A family law case involves a lot of emotions. Hence, it is highly imperative that a good family law judge should be in complete charge of their courtroom do that the things get cool down. It is the responsibility of these judges to ensure that the two parties or the lawyers of both the parties should be restrained from attacking one another. There are some divorce lawyers who spend about 30 minutes covering issues, which should be covered within 5 or 10 minutes. It is exactly where the judges should step in to control the litigants and the attorneys.

Judges should ensure that the proceedings of the court start in time

In case a court is scheduled to start at eight in the morning, a judge should not be delayed in reaching the court. He or she should be punctual in reaching the court so that the hearings should begin on time. As it is, the litigants and the attorneys would be waiting impatiently for the court’s proceedings to start. However, the public should understand that several important events could be taking place in the chambers of the judge, so some times a late start is unavoidable.

Accessibility is a key feature of good judges

Problem-solving is a key personality trait of any good judge or attorney. Any good judge makes it a point to get in touch with the litigants as well as lawyers about certain issues. He or she may tell that certain facts in cases may prompt them to take certain actions in certain scenarios. Such information can be used by the attorneys for resolving certain contentious issues since they got a specific reading from the said judge. They are also able to clearly see the writing on the walls.

Decision-making capacity

There are some judges who hesitate to make a timely decision. It is a known fact that both, clients as well as their attorneys, want that they should get a proper judgment. Even if one of the parties may not agree with the ruling of a judge, it is still better to give a ruling instead if no ruling at all. A good family law judge should declare a ruling with proper reasoning to support such a decision. When a judge has given a ruling, both the parties can at least go ahead with the next phase in their lives or to the subsequent part of that case.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Mediation Tips for Same-Sex Couples

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Gay marriage and domestic partnership attorneys in Los Angeles Orange County California; California Divorce AttorneysMediators have increasingly become important in divorces and often play a vital role in determining the outcome of divorce. In some cases, mediators are successful at stopping a bad divorce from taking place.

As a mediator, you need to keep certain points in mind before you can proceed with a mediation for same-sex couples.

Keep things in perspective

It is a serious matter but don’t make it so serious that the couple feel that a divorce is the end of the road for them.  Keep things in perspective.  Allow them to focus on important issues and be calm about it.

Try to save the marriage first

Most of the time, you will try to sort out the differences between the two individuals. However, in case of same-sex couples, try to save the marriage if there is a possibility to do so. Tell your clients the pros and cons of getting a divorce and help them decide the best course of action.

Be sensitive about what you say

How you talk with heterosexual clients may not work for same-sex couples. Try understanding their psyche and look at things from their point of view.

Conclusion

Same-sex marriages like heterosexual marriages are prone to divorces too. It is difficult for same-sex couples to split because finding a partner is not easy for them. Once they find someone who they are comfortable with, they try staying with the same person for the rest of their life. However, problems can arise anytime and sometime they lead to divorce. Divorce mediation for such individual is a bit different than regular mediation process. The sensitivity meter is higher and mediators should know what they are talking about. Also, same-sex couples prefer options for saving their marriage rather than learning about the best way to do a divorce.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Behind the veil of how California family law courts function

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Divorce mediators in California; California Divorce Mediators;Forget all renditions of courtroom dramas as seen on television or in the movies, the real courtroom where everyday cases are heard by judges runs very differently. Devoid of all glamour and romance, family court is not what you would expect, if going by what you’ve seen on TV.

Here’s a more appropriate view of what to expect if you do find yourself in a California Family Law Court.

Tight Security Checks

Like all Government institutions, court houses are firm on security checks. Before entering you will be subjected to a thorough screening. Beginning with a walk through metal detector screener, keep a check of all metal items you might be carrying on your person. You will need to keep all metal aside, including objects like belts, keys, phone, pocket change etc.

Arrive well before your scheduled appointment and leave unnecessary objects in your car, before entering if you’re running late. It might take you a while before you clear security and can then carry on to find the room in which your case will he heard.

Public Hearings

You might be surprised to learn that your case won’t be the only one on the docket that day. Prepare yourself for a whole bunch of strangers listening in on your case. Additionally, it might take some time before the judge calls on your case to be heard, following the progression of cases before yours.

Public hearings have positives too, you can ask friends or family to join you in the audience. Keep in mind to ask only those family and friends who are an important part of your support system.

Look for Signs

Every morning, each courtroom will provide a list of cases they are to hear that day on a sign outside their doors. Read all lists to check if your case is listed to be heard in that particular room. When inside the room, look for which side you should be sitting on either the respondent or petitioner’s side, this makes things easier when your case is called to be heard.

Additionally make it a point to adhere to courtroom decorum and follow required etiquette, also listed on signs in the room.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

How To Move On After Your Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation; California Divorce MediatorsYou may feel liberated or devastated during and after the divorce. After all, it is not an easy phase in your life. You might have put years of your soul and heart to make the relationship work. Plus, you had always thought that it will be good for both of you to grow old together and yet you find yourself lonely. Though it is tough, moving on is both empowering as well as rejuvenating for you, especially when you are determined to start afresh. Check out some of these areas where you can focus on is that there is a smooth transition through your divorce.

Prioritize those activities that took a backseat during your marriage

You could have sacrificed your career and hobbies for the sake of your marriage.  After all, the past years have been too hectic for you as you hardly had any time while looking after your family. As such, it is likely that your old passions had to be compromised. Your activities, hobbies and career have got neglected a lot. Try to bring back that old spark in your life. Divert your mind from the ugliness of the divorce proceeding by extolling yourself for cooking classes or taking up riding lessons you had always wanted to join earlier but did not have the time.

Concentrate once again on self-care

Taking care of self is a big challenge for many women. It has been taught to you ever since your childhood days that you should be always kind and selfless to others. However, on many occasions, women confuse between selflessness and neglecting themselves. They try to give a priority to everything else. It is the right time for you to prioritize your well being now. After all, if you continue to neglect yourself, your home, work or kids may get neglected when are unwell.

Focus on your social support

Getting divorced can be one of the most stressful events in your life. Since you are not going through an easy phase in your life, it is important to develop your social support to get over your current turmoil. Try to nurture your earlier relationships as well as explore fresh options for forming valuable connections and create friendships. Such an initiative can be taken through different ways.  Check out some of them.

  • Make new friends and establish connection with your old friends once again.
  • Try to be a part of various groups according to your interests like socializing, hiking gardening, wine-tasting and so on.
  • You can also contemplate joining a support group now. You will find plenty of them around you.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

What Should Mothers Do When They Lose Custodial Fights?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediators; California Divorce MediatorsFor a parent, there is no greater loss after a divorce than losing custodial rights of their children. There are many grounds on which a court in California can award custodial rights to a father. Substance addiction, abuse and neglect are the topmost reasons and also, mothers who are not financially stable can find themselves on the losing end.

So, what should mothers do when they lose custodial battles? Completely losing custody of one’s children can have a detrimental effects on a parent’s mental health and if you’re a mother who is  concerned that they may find themselves in a similar situation and is hoping to find some advice on what their options are to proceed then taking the following steps can go a long way to helping you land on your feet.

Work to improve your circumstances and take control of your life

The best thing that you can do to restore confidence in your child and your ex is by becoming a better person. Instead of lamenting over the situation, get involved with your child’s activities. From school activities to dental appointments, take small responsibilities on your shoulder and show everyone that you, too, can change. Not only will this help boost your confidence levels, but it will also allow you to take control of your life as well.

Taking control of your child’s responsibilities will teach you to become a natural leader. It will also help you develop an important skill which you might have lacked before your divorce – decision making.

Decision making and control will allow you to improve yourself, both as a person and as a mother.

Get yourself some legal advice or hire a lawyer

If you have some idea of how the legal system works in California, you can help yourself on legal matters. It could be helpful in strengthening your case against your spouse because only you know your strengths and weaknesses. Also, during child care plans, you can point out flaws or save yourself from extra damage than is necessary.

If you don’t understand the law, hire an experienced lawyer. Educated and experienced lawyers can be the main reason for your win.

Conclusion

Losing a custodial battle is tough for mothers and it’s also tough to recover from the loss. However, if you take an interest in your child’s activities then it will help you improve yourself. Improving yourself will help you take control of your life. In any case, make sure you consult a good lawyer before and after a custodial battle.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Reasons Why Some Women Are Happier After They Get Divorced

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation lawyers; California Divorce MediatorsWhen the Kingston University conducted a study for analyzing whether women had a negative effect after divorce or not, the result was quite surprising. About ten thousand people were surveyed as a part of this research and the respondents were in the age group f 16 to 60. The respondents were asked during the survey to rate how they felt before their divorce and after the divorce got finalized,

The researchers found out during the course of two decades of time period that women appeared to be more satisfied and happier in their lives after their divorces came through. Check out some of the following reasons why women could be happier after their divorce.

Women tend to seek more professional help to get over their trauma than men

It has been observed that women are more likely to approach a therapist or a counselor after their divorce to get over their emotional trauma and grief. On the other grand men tend to keep their pain more to themselves during the same phase in their lives; since they are less likely to seek professional support, it may take more time to overcome their grief and stress.

Positive support system

As compared to men, women are more likely to ensure that they have a positive support system around them during such a difficult time like their families and friends.

Different strategies for coping up with their emotional upheaval

Usually, women are known to possess unique strategies to cope up with their emotions. Women tend to look inward to seek comfort for overcoming their emotional pain. Men have a tendency to look outward. Women introspect on whether they had a role in the breakup of their marriage and they work harder to overcome their emotions and let go of their past and concentrate on their future.

Less chance of alcohol abuse

Many men tend to get addicted to alcohol during such times but women are less likely to do so.   Moreover, women are less likely to turn to casual sex and new relationships quickly for distracting them from the agony of divorce as compared to men.

Look out for new experience

Divorced women have a greater possibility to look out for new experiences post their divorce. These fresh experiences can provide them hope for a bright future and can even enrich their lives.

Powerful sense of perseverance

For many divorced women, giving up does not come easy as they have a stronger sense of perseverance as compared to divorced men. Many divorced women also do most of the childcare job as well as rake up jobs to have a better financial stability.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation