Top 5 Reasons for Couples Getting Divorced

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Divorce mediators Orange County; California Divorce MediatorsMarriage is not an easy relationship. There are several cases when couples started their married life with the best intentions but ended up getting divorced. There could be various reasons for which couples get divorced. Here are some of the most common reasons for couples ending up being in divorce court.

Extra-marital affairs or adultery

According to a report published by AARP, even today, adultery plays a big role in people filing for divorce. But, reports also claim that there are several reasons that lead to a spouse getting into an extra-marital affair such as unequal sexual urges, getting distant, having different interests, resentment and fury.

Gain in weight or obesity

Though it may appear as a surprising reason, unusual weight gain by one of the spouses is also known to be a major reason why couples get divorced. A survey conducted by Men’s Health magazine reported that when one of the spouses gains a lot of weight, it can come in the way of their marital bliss. If your spouse does not attract or get turned on to your body, there could be problems like resentment and rejection, which can be marriage-threatening issues.

Monetary issues

According to a report published by the American Journal of Sociology, when a husband is unemployed, it can be a major criterion for divorce. In other words, lack of or insufficient money can cause big problems in a marriage, often leading to a divorce. If a married couple faces financial on strainers, there could be a lot of stress. This can further lead to a lack of proper communication and constant arguing. There are many couples who have different views on the others’ spending habits. Relationships may undergo lots of stress where one controls or has the finances, which often end up in a divorce.

Lack of proper communication

Often you will hear people saying that proper communication is the key to a successful marriage. Many relationship coaches opine that negative communication or lack of communication may diminish feelings of romance and love between couples. When a couple stops having effective communication, marital troubles leading to a divorce are not unusual.

Abuse

Abuse can be either a spouse being physically or emotionally abused by the other spouse. These are a common reason why many couples get divorced. Verbal or physical fighting that happens frequently between couples may make their relationship volatile and eventually end up in a divorce.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

What Should You Do When You Realize Your Marriage is Over?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Divorce mediation attorneys Orange County; California Divorce MediatorsOne of the life’s most heartbreaking situations is when one of the spouses in a marriage has decided to end the marriage and file for a divorce while the other still wants the marriage to work out. It may be possible that you are going through such a scenario in your life right now. It is normal to feel a blend of conflicting emotions. Moreover, you are perhaps not certain about your next course of action. It is possible that a painful phase of your life like this is a challenge, which appears extremely difficult to endure. However, do not lose hope since you will definitely get through this.

However, you must remember that situations can vary from case to case, so it is not necessary that all the actions that are mentioned below will apply to all the marriages. However, some of them will help you to overcome this storm in your life or perhaps protect your marriage too.

  1. Be wary who you approach for seeking solace and comfort

When you feel confused or hurt, it is natural that you would like to reach out for comfort and peace of mind. However, the issue is that many people do not make the correct choices when they are confused or emotionally injured. Avoid resorting to destructive behavior to reduce your pain. Rather, you need to be in the company of people who love you as well as your spouse.

  1. Continue caring for your spouse

Do not unnecessarily give ultimatums or pick up fights. Try to love them unconditionally and pray for them. Be an honest wife or husband as long as you are in the marriage. You should make attempts to reduce the tension by loving them. Hate often brings in more hate, so try to be loving.

  1. If you have kids, try protecting them from the discomfort and turbulence in their lives.

When you have kids from your marriage, the constant fights between you and your spouse can be a bigger ordeal for them. Hence, you must do everything to ensure that they are adequately shielded from the tensions and troubles in your marriage, though it is easier said than done. When you say hurtful things to your spouse while fighting with him or her in the presence of your kids, they are sure to get emotionally affected and get disturbed. Such feelings may affect their studies and personality.

You and your spouse have now tried out every trick in the book. Both of you have even attended counseling sessions together for a few times. In fact, it has been you who have been insisting on those sessions to save your marriage. However, despite all the steps taken, you are still unable to get along with your spouse. When such feelings get repetitively familiar to you, perhaps it is time to call it quits and seek the advice of a good divorce lawyer to start your divorce proceedings.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Tips To Deal With Worries During Your Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation lawyers; California Divorce MediatorsDuring a divorce process, there are many emotions that take place in the minds of the affected spouses. One of the major ones among them is worrying. Though worrying is not necessarily bad, how one deal with it can be a major concern? It can even become paralyzing, preventing people from getting the required work done. It can even go to the extent of draining one’s energies completely while the divorce proceeding is going on.

Here are some of the steps you can take to stop worrying while your divorce is going on.

Chalk out a plan to resolve the problem

If you are worrying due to a specific reason, document a plan on how to rectify the problem that may be helpful in minimizing the impact of the issue. For instance, in case you are worried about how the split of the assets will happen, then some steps should be taken. In case there is a possibility of some hidden assets, you can take the help of a forensic accountant to hunt out for off-shore money or funds, which could have been transferred to some other party. You can also avail the services of a financial advisor to recommend what is best for you. For instance, if you are in your fifties, your interest will be in retirements rather than some other investments.

Find out about the root cause of the worrying concern

You need to ponder upon the reason that is actually bothering you. This is to address it before it gets too serious, the root cause of the issue can be something that is quite unexpected for instance a spouse may be worried about losing his or her marital home. When you discuss the concern with your dear ones, you may find out that your worry is more about the security the house represented rather than the house itself.  Sometimes, such realization could allow you to approve of selling the house.

Restrict your worrying time

Curtail your daily thinking time to about 30 minutes or less than that. When you go on thinking about your problem endlessly, it will only escalate your problems further. Rather, jot your problems down and prepare an action plan to handle them.  When you feel that your worry is out of control, just let it go. Rather, divert your concerns to what you can control rather than what you cannot.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

How Grandparents Can Help During A Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Grandparent Rights California; California Divorce MediatorsGrandparents often remain in the dark about their children’s divorce because they are not informed about each and every event of the divorce. There might be many reasons as to why children shy away from involving their parents in the divorce but it is mostly due to emotional trauma. They also feel that their grandparents will of little help. But in reality, it’s quite the opposite actually. Grandparents play an important role during divorce and some of them are listed below.

  1. They are the best people to take care of your kids

A grandparent’s home is the second-best place for kids. However, during a divorce it’s the best. While you’ll be busy handling different issues pertaining to your divorce, your children may feel ignored. Also, if you keep them at your grandparent’s home, you won’t have to continuously worry about their safety.

  1. They can be your best friends

Divorce is a time of great stress and trauma and it is the time when you need your family and close friends. Your parents can act as both. They can also give you good advice because they have more experience than you when it comes to family.

  1. They can act as mediators

Since you’ve already decided to go ahead with your divorce, you know the importance of a mediator. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if someone close to you did the mediation process? Look no further because your parents are the perfect people for the job. Along with mediation they can help you with custody and child support plans. Moreover, they will do it for free which is again great because saving finances is also a priority during divorce.

  1. Kids feel comfortable around grandparents

Research has shown that kids who spend time with their grandparents are happier than children who don’t. Children show signs of euphoria when they are around their grandparents. And it’s no secret that a grandmother’s home is one of the best places to be on this Earth.

Conclusion

If you’re going through a divorce don’t ignore your parents especially if you have kids because they can help you in more ways than one. A grandparent’s home is the best place for kids to be during your divorce. First, they will stay away from all the trouble and second, you and your spouse can deal issues without too much distraction. Your parents are also your best guide and can act as mediators during your divorce proceeding.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Ways To Reconcile With Your Spouse And Avoid A Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

divorce lawyers in Orange County; The Maggio Law FirmMarriages can sometimes be “made in heaven” but for some individuals far from living in paradise their life becomes a living hell. Just because a document says that a man and wife is married does not mean that they will be together for the rest of their lives. A separation or divorce can take place any time and no document can give a guarantee that such a thing will never take place. However, many couples decide to split due to lack of proper mediation or counseling. There are ways to save a marriage if one wants too and the following are some of those ways.

  1. Don’t play the victim card

If you are serious about protecting your marriage, stop playing the victim card against your spouse. You may have done it when you decided to separate but don’t do it anymore. Instead, try telling your spouse how important he/she is in your life and why you must stop the divorce from taking place.

  1. Try talking it out

You may have acted erratically when things went wrong but now that you have decided to save your marriage, try talking your partner out of it. Use the help of a mediator if you want but it is very important that you talk with your partner.

  1. Accept your mistakes

It takes a lot of courage to accept that one is wrong. Try pin-pointing the mistakes that you may have made knowingly or unknowingly during your marriage and accept them. Accepting your mistakes will also make you spouse realize his/hers mistake and this strategy is one of the best ways to save a marriage.

  1. Hire a good mediator

A good and experienced mediator will make sure that your thoughts and feelings are conveyed in the most effective manner to your spouse. A mediator’s job is to ensure that things remain as smooth as possible between two individuals. The goal of mediation is not to ensure that the divorce does not take place but to ensure that if it happens, it happens due to the right reasons.

Conclusion

Many individuals want to give another shot at their marriage and try to find ways to reconcile with their spouse. One of the best ways to do it is by accepting one’s mistake. Hiring a mediator works well and in many cases, mediators have been able to save couples from a divorce.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

5 Tips To Have An Amicable Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Divorce mediation attorneys Orange County; California Divorce MediatorsMost people avoid talking about their divorce as much as they can because it is certainly not a happy story that they would want to talk about. While some marriages end in divorce, it is also not true that every divorce is a bad divorce. There are ways to have an amicable divorce and here’s 5 ways in which you can do it.

  1. Talk to your spouse

It is very important that you talk with your spouse about the divorce. Instead of having heated arguments, try talking about it amicably. Sometimes, divorces happen due to misunderstandings and maybe if you clear the air, there will be room for another chance. Even if the divorce takes place you’ll at least know that you tried your best to prevent it.

  1. Hire a good mediator

The main job of a mediator is to ensure that your divorce takes place in the best way possible. Instead of opting for a court-appointed mediator, hire one on your own. There are good mediators available in California and you can choose whomever you like. Often, a mediator succeeds in calling off the divorce but that mostly depends on the willingness of you and your spouse.

  1. Support each other

Support is very important when it comes to divorces. It may not be entirely your fault that you’re getting a divorce but remember that any negativity that you show will affect you in the end. So, it’s better to support each other not only financially but also emotionally as well.

  1. Give each other time to adjust

A divorce brings a change in a person’s lifestyle and to adjust to the new way of life every individual need’s time and space. When a divorce has been confirmed, give each other the time to cope with what the future holds for them now.

  1. Don’t rush into it

A divorce is not to be taken lightly and should not be rushed. Be patient and consider the changes that you and your spouse will have to deal with. Often, rash decisions lead to bad results.

Conclusion

A divorce does not necessarily have to end on a bad note. It can be done amicably provided you and your spouse are ready to listen to each other. Hire a good and experienced mediator to help you go through an amicable divorce.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

5 Factors That Can Prolong Divorce Cases

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

divorce mediation attorneys Orange County; California Divorce MediatorsThe journey of getting a divorce can be a messy one since properties need to be distributed and alimony has to be discussed. The most difficult part of this process is to settle the issues related to child support and custody. The waiting period for granting the divorce may vary from state to state. For instance, in California, the minimum waiting or “cooling off” period to get divorced is 6 months from the day the other spouse was served with divorce papers.  But this is the minimum time period and the waiting period can get prolonged anywhere when the following occurs:

File separately

When a divorce petition is filed separately, your waiting period can be different. In such cases, rather than counting from the day the petition was filed; it begins when your former partner gets a copy of the divorce papers. And this may take several weeks or days.

Documents are not complete

When you submit incomplete documents, there can be a delay in granting your divorce. The concerned court can return your divorce documents rather than scheduling the hearings.

When the spouses disagree

It is a classic scenario when a divorce can really get messy. There may be delays in granting a divorce when you and your estranged partner do not agree on issues related to properties, support and child custody. More hearings are set by the courts to settle such issues. The judges may even suggest that you and your ex-partner try to settle those issues outside the court.

When the partners refuse to attend the hearings

When you or your former partner is unable to attend the court hearings, it is better to file an affidavit. The affidavit should be signed by a notary too. When there are several issues at your end, the court may deny your request. When you fail to file an affidavit, there is no choice before you but to attend.

Apart from the court hearings, the judges may ask the partners to do out of court settlements and conferences. When you refuse to attend the hearings, the delay in granting the divorce is inevitable. It may not be an easy task to face your estranged partner and discuss the marriage publicly in a court.  But, you need to understand that when you cooperate, the case gets unnecessarily dragged.

Inadequate knowledge

Today, things have become much easier as formats for divorce documents are easily available on the net and even free of cost. So, it is easy for you to locate these documents and get them ready. But you may not find it easy to decide what to talk on the court. When you do not have an expert’s help, you may not know how the process functions and there can be further delays.

When you are serious about getting a quick divorce, speak to your ex so that you can file the case jointly. Also, talk about distribution of properties and parenting issues.try to come to an agreement on the terms prior to filing. It is really helpful when you get a trustworthy and reliable divorce lawyer.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Ignore These Common Divorce Threats

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation attorneys; California Divorce MediatorsNot all divorce cases can be mediated and some can get downright ugly, and you may find yourself being the victim of a partner making nasty threats against you.  These are often empty threats that do not hold up in court and you should not let them affect you.

1. “I Will Tell the Judge…Make Sure You Don’t Get the Kids”

Custody related threats are some of the most common ones. Ironically, these threats are made by partners who are least likely to receive custody. So, if you’ve been at the receiving end of this threat, just ignore it. It is purely a defensive tactic.

Also, don’t panic when you hear that your personal life can be exposed in the court. In actuality, the threat rarely works because it rarely has any bearing on the actual case.

2.  “You Can’t Have My Money”

California follows the community property law. So, your property will be divided equally between your spouse and you. However, property that has been inherited or gifted doesn’t come under this law. This threat has no value irrespective of whether you’re the one receiving it or giving it.

3. “I’ll Quit My Job to Avoid Paying You”

This is a threat that might need to be proven before it can be used in court. If proven, the support obligations will continue. In the case of child support, courts will impute income by looking at all sources of income, even if the parent is involuntarily unemployed.

4. “You Won’t See the Kids Again”

If the custodial parent prevents visitation, he/she will actually be ordered to provide more visitation hours and even incur the travel costs associated with it. In fact, this is one of the reasons why courts shift custody between parents.

5. “I’ll Go to Prison Before I Pay You”

Spousal and child support is taken very seriously in California. So, the state has several tools to enforce it. IF your ex-spouse avoids paying you, he/she can be jailed for contempt of court. That’s enough to convince most people that they need to keep up with their support payments. Nobody ever really wants willingly to go to jail.

One more thing to remember is that threats are made by people who think they have absolute control over the situation. However, reality is quite different.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and if divorce mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Responding to Divorce or Legal Separation Papers

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Divorce mediation attorneys in Orange County; California Divorce MediatorsAnyone of the spouses in marriage or as a partner in registered domestic partnership has the right to request the court to terminate their legal relationship. Your domestic partner or spouse has requested the court to end the relationship in case you received a summons and petition for legal separation or dissolution (divorce). In Orange County, CA, the court has the power to end domestic partnership or marriage even if the other partner is unwilling to be legally separated or divorced.

Response options

In case you are served with summons and petition, then you are regarded as the respondent in the court case for legal separation or divorce. You must carefully read papers served on you. The Petition informs you what your domestic partner or spouse (the petitioner) has asked for. You can get important information concerning your rights from The Summons and about the process of separation or divorce. There will be standard restraining orders which will restrict what you can do with the property, assets or debts. You or your partner or spouse can be prohibited to move out of state with children borne from the partnership or marriage. You may also be stopped from applying or renewal of passport for the children, without prior written consent. A court order could be required.

Options after personal service has been done

You have a number of options after being served. The easiest thing to do is to do absolutely nothing. If you take this path, then demands of your partner will be granted in its entirety. This situation is termed a “default judgment.” If your agreement is written and notarized and where you and your domestic partner or spouse has agreed to end the partnership or marriage, then also you have to do nothing. If you and your spouse agree about other things like property division, partner or spousal support, then it is also termed as “default with agreement”. This is due to the fact that you have not filed for any response.

Other ways of responding include filing a response with court but also reaching agreement with your domestic partner or spouse about all issues. This option is regarded as an “uncontested” divorce case as you and your domestic partner or spouse is not battling over issues. If you file a response with court, and also disagree with domestic partner or spouse, then it is regarded as a “contested divorce.”

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.

5 Ways To Avoid A Divorce As Told By A Divorce Attorney

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

orange county divorce mediation attorneys; California Divorce MediatorsDivorce proceedings can be very difficult and lengthy. It is advised to look for ways to save your marriage rather than go for a divorce. Take it from a divorce attorney and divorce mediator like me.  Here are 5 tips that you can follow to avoid a divorce:

  1. Don’t focus too much on property and assets

A recent study showed that couples who don’t rely on property and assets too much have a better marriage than their counterparts. Couples who focus too much on assets often lose focus of more important things that make the marriage work. Materialistic couples often exhibit signs of poor communication, low conflict resolution and low response to each other.

  1. Communicate with each other more often

Poor communication is a major cause of divorce. Couples who don’t interact properly often have a hard time understanding each other’s problem. The communication gap widens when couples don’t make any effort to have a conversation with each other. The distance destroys the unity and it leads to divorce.

  1. Spend some time apart

Too much closeness can be a bad thing sometimes. Take some time out for yourself and stay apart. Go for a vacation with friends or spend time with your own family. Distance plays a major role in keeping things interesting in a marriage. But don’t spend too much time apart. It can have the reverse consequence. Staying apart will give you more time to focus and yourself and less time to think about other problems.

  1. Be flexible and stay positive

Relationships don’t work based on one person’s likes and dislikes. It is a team effort and both of you must understand each other’s needs and preferences. It is very important to stay flexible in a relationship and realize that your partner’s problems are equally important.

It is also vital to stay positive about the relationship. There will be times when everything looks boring and different problems will arise but it is important to have a positive attitude. You need to focus on the bigger picture and concentrate on what’s really needed to save the relationship.

  1. Try to solve problems together

Whenever you face a problem try finding a solution as a team. Don’t dump the problem on your spouse while you sit back and enjoy. Whether the marriage will be successful or not depends on both of you and it is up to you to make things work.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation