Why Do Some Couples Divorce After Decades Together?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation; California Divorce MediatorsWhen a couple decides to opt for a divorce even after spending many decades together in their marriage, it can be a shocking and a baffling news for them as well as the people around them. After all, they were regarded as the perfect couples till now. So friends and close family members simply wonder what went wrong in the relationship. Even people who are no longer in the close circle of these couples may start spreading gossips about the possible reasons for the breakup of the marriage. Was one of the partners gay or a lesbian? Did one of them cheat on the other? Were they just trying to show the world that their marriage was a success because of the children? No matter what the actual cause of the break up is, it is an unhappy and undesirable scenario. Even the happiest of couples may find their marriage crumble after many years. The big question in such cases is where the symptoms of the breakup clear for some time? Read on to know some of the top causes that made even the most seasoned couples opt for a divorce.

Too many expectations

While couples take an oath to be together until they are dead, they do not work that way for many couples. When a calamity or misfortune falls upon one of the partners or spouses like a chronic illness or a job loss, a spouse hopes that his or her partner will stand by them and help them to face such changes and uncertainty. In real life, that may not happen always. There are several occasions when a spouse may feel he or she has tolerated enough. They may opt to move away from their relationship. The partner or the spouse who was committed to the relationship or marriage should reconsider expectations and priorities.

Gap in communication

Communication is not only about speaking to the spouse. It also constitutes of understanding and appreciating the vision or the view point of the other partner. If there is lack of understanding or difference in vision in a relationship, the marriage may eventually crumble or break up. When the communication gap between the spouses is due to a chronic medical or health condition, the anguish of the impending breakup is even greater.

When partners feel that walls are developing in their relationship

There are times when some couples feel that though they are married for several years, the dynamics of their relationship has undergone big changes during the passing years. They may feel that they are blocking their partners from self-actualization. On several occasions, couples feel that it will not be possible for them to take steps together in the future and it would be better to part ways. However, that also means that they have to pay a big price to attain this freedom as it tantamount to the termination of their marriage that has sustained for so many years.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Tips On How To Move On After Infidelity

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation lawyers; California Divorce MediatorsA spouse may go through great mental by social agony when they find about the illicit relationship of their partner. In fact, they may constantly think about it till their heads stagger. However, these people need to understand that most of the times their spouses may not depend that kind of energy and they just do not care.  It is better not to dwell too much into their acts of infidelity.

Try to come to terms with your emotions

Although every case is a unique one, you can definitely do certain things to reduce your pain. Your roller coaster ride of emotions suddenly begins once you get to know about your spouse’s betrayal. It is natural for you to go through several emotions like fear, a sense of deep loss, great fury and disillusionment. You should try to realize that going crazy will not be of any use. After all, there are many other people who have gone through the same kind of confusion and mental agony but have managed to survive. So, you should never forget that you are not the only person to suffer. Follow these easy tips to help you move on in life after you face betrayal from your spouse.

It is important for you to channelize your frustration and anger

You need to take the help of a good therapist or coach who has specialization in divorce related cases. They will listen to you describing the incident f your spouse cheating on you and then guide you to move ahead in life. A good therapist will also help you to make sure that you get the right perspective and make you realize that you still have an opportunity to lead a happy life and you are not to be blamed for the faults of your spouses. They are adults and made their own decisions. You should never own their decisions and feel bad about it.

Keep yourself thoroughly engaged with messages all through the day so that you feel better

When you indulge in self-pity and try to stay as a recluse, it is impossible to start a new life and stay positive. While no one is arguing that self-pity is normal in the beginning, you should let yourself be angry and hurt only for some time. However, you need to soon make a conscious effort to pick yourself up, and get in touch with your counselor or therapist. It is the ripe time to promise yourself to start a new journey in your life.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Things You Should Expect From a Good Family Law Judge

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation; California Divorce MediatorsMany would agree that family law can be one of the most complicated legal affairs. The level of difficulty may go up due to excessive emotional stress that often accompanies divorce proceedings or disputes related to child custody. So, it is not an easy task to for a good family law judge.

Judges need to be in complete control in the courtroom

A family law case involves a lot of emotions. Hence, it is highly imperative that a good family law judge should be in complete charge of their courtroom do that the things get cool down. It is the responsibility of these judges to ensure that the two parties or the lawyers of both the parties should be restrained from attacking one another. There are some divorce lawyers who spend about 30 minutes covering issues, which should be covered within 5 or 10 minutes. It is exactly where the judges should step in to control the litigants and the attorneys.

Judges should ensure that the proceedings of the court start in time

In case a court is scheduled to start at eight in the morning, a judge should not be delayed in reaching the court. He or she should be punctual in reaching the court so that the hearings should begin on time. As it is, the litigants and the attorneys would be waiting impatiently for the court’s proceedings to start. However, the public should understand that several important events could be taking place in the chambers of the judge, so some times a late start is unavoidable.

Accessibility is a key feature of good judges

Problem-solving is a key personality trait of any good judge or attorney. Any good judge makes it a point to get in touch with the litigants as well as lawyers about certain issues. He or she may tell that certain facts in cases may prompt them to take certain actions in certain scenarios. Such information can be used by the attorneys for resolving certain contentious issues since they got a specific reading from the said judge. They are also able to clearly see the writing on the walls.

Decision-making capacity

There are some judges who hesitate to make a timely decision. It is a known fact that both, clients as well as their attorneys, want that they should get a proper judgment. Even if one of the parties may not agree with the ruling of a judge, it is still better to give a ruling instead if no ruling at all. A good family law judge should declare a ruling with proper reasoning to support such a decision. When a judge has given a ruling, both the parties can at least go ahead with the next phase in their lives or to the subsequent part of that case.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

How To Move On After Your Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation; California Divorce MediatorsYou may feel liberated or devastated during and after the divorce. After all, it is not an easy phase in your life. You might have put years of your soul and heart to make the relationship work. Plus, you had always thought that it will be good for both of you to grow old together and yet you find yourself lonely. Though it is tough, moving on is both empowering as well as rejuvenating for you, especially when you are determined to start afresh. Check out some of these areas where you can focus on is that there is a smooth transition through your divorce.

Prioritize those activities that took a backseat during your marriage

You could have sacrificed your career and hobbies for the sake of your marriage.  After all, the past years have been too hectic for you as you hardly had any time while looking after your family. As such, it is likely that your old passions had to be compromised. Your activities, hobbies and career have got neglected a lot. Try to bring back that old spark in your life. Divert your mind from the ugliness of the divorce proceeding by extolling yourself for cooking classes or taking up riding lessons you had always wanted to join earlier but did not have the time.

Concentrate once again on self-care

Taking care of self is a big challenge for many women. It has been taught to you ever since your childhood days that you should be always kind and selfless to others. However, on many occasions, women confuse between selflessness and neglecting themselves. They try to give a priority to everything else. It is the right time for you to prioritize your well being now. After all, if you continue to neglect yourself, your home, work or kids may get neglected when are unwell.

Focus on your social support

Getting divorced can be one of the most stressful events in your life. Since you are not going through an easy phase in your life, it is important to develop your social support to get over your current turmoil. Try to nurture your earlier relationships as well as explore fresh options for forming valuable connections and create friendships. Such an initiative can be taken through different ways.  Check out some of them.

  • Make new friends and establish connection with your old friends once again.
  • Try to be a part of various groups according to your interests like socializing, hiking gardening, wine-tasting and so on.
  • You can also contemplate joining a support group now. You will find plenty of them around you.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Understanding Uncontested Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation; California Divorce MediatorsUncontested divorce means the spouses agrees on all major issues linked with getting divorced. These issues include the sharing of parenting responsibilities and also parenting time. The duration of child support and the amount of money must be taken into account. Property division and debt division must also be included.

In case the couple can reach an agreement, they can file paperwork sans any court appearance. The divorce will be final as soon as required period of time as per California law has elapsed. It is to be noted that not all uncontested divorce proceedings are the same. These kind of divorces may also run into choppy weather.  The simplest process happens when no minor children are with the couple and assets are minimal. The proceedings will go fast if each of the spouses are financially independent or capable to support himself or herself by independent means.

If substantial assets or minor children are present

Couples with substantial assets or minor children will be able to move through any uncontested divorce on the proviso that they can agree on all major issues. A few minor disagreements will not derail an uncontested divorce. Negotiation, however, must occur between the two until a complete agreement was reached.  A good communication between the spouses will assist in direct negotiations. In case this cannot be the option, the couple can approach a mediator. The professional can then assist in resolving the disagreements. Negotiation may also be done through attorneys. The last option will ratchet up expenses.

Attorneys and uncontested divorce

At attorney may not need to be hired if the couple concerned was not married for a long time. There is no minor children which needs caring. Assets are also too few to be divided. If a complex situation persists, then it makes a wise move to hire an attorney.

Advantages associated with uncontested divorce

The biggest advantage without hiring an attorney is cost. These kind of divorces are considerably cheaper compared to contested divorces. Any uncontested divorce could be completed by paying court filing fees. Even when there are attorneys involved in preparing the paperwork or assisting with the limited negotiations, these fees could be kept much low if that couple can able to arrive at an agreement without taking legal recourse to any court proceedings. Another advantage of uncontested divorce that it can be done out of court. Conflicts are kept to a minimum and recovery time is sped up.

Ways of Trying to Save Your Marriage

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

mediator divorce orange county; California Divorce MediatorsThere are very few couples who like the prospect of getting divorced. After all, when a marriage ends, it is tough for the concerned couple and also for their other family members. Sadly though, for some couples, there is no other choice apart from getting divorced. When such a situation occurs, both the partners may be under stress, saddened and disillusioned. It is natural for some spouses to realize at this juncture that they should save their marriages at all cost. In fact, it is not an unusual reaction. Though situation like this may appear hopeless, it is still possible to save some marriages. Read on how it is not an impossible task to save a marriage even while a divorce appears imminent.

Both the parties need to be vulnerable 

The spouses must be vulnerable in order to save their marriage and enjoy a blissful life. When spouses start expressing and being vocal about their inner feelings once again, their hearts are bound to open. Both the parties are reserved and furious with each other when a divorce appears to be imminent. Instead of behaving in this fashion, couples should express their emotions positively. Such an act can avert the possibility of a divorce as they help in doing away with emotional disconnect if any while expressing their love and forgiveness towards one another. There is ample evidence where marriages are found to be crumbling down when couples start being guarded towards each other. So, try to be vulnerable so that sharing your feelings become simpler and romance is back in your marriage once again.

Try to find out what went wrong by entering into discussion mode 

It takes a good deal of effort to stop a divorce, which seems imminent. Both the spouses need to work continuously on their strained relationship so that it gets improved and the marriage can be saved. Both the parties should try their best to eliminate any kind of hostility to reach such a point. An easy way to accomplish that is to identify what went wrong in their marriage. When couples attend professional counseling sessions, they can have these tough discussions in an unbiased and productive manner. It is important to remember that the couple should adopt the right attitude so that contentious issues can get resolved in an amicable manner and their marriage can be saved.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Divorce Tips To Follow When Divorce Has Started

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

orange county divorce mediation; California Divorce MediatorsA divorce can be extremely tough even in the most favorable circumstances. Not only does a spouse go through deep emotional anguish, they have to bear the stress of coping with the court proceedings and financial constraints. Apart from these difficulties, you may have to go through even greater troubles unless you do not prepare yourself well Check out a few common difficulties you may encounter in your divorce and how you can cope up with them.

Do not let your emotions make you biased or blur your sense of judgment

Since you may have to go through tremendous stress during your divorce, it is likely that you may not be able to make wise decisions at times. The uncertainty of what lies ahead of you in the future and fury at your former spouse may make you opt for certain decisions that you may not be proud of later on. Hence, the most crucial step you should do at this point of your life is to consciously work towards keeping your emotions in check so that you do not make any rash and impulsive decisions. You can discuss your mental state with those people who you are close to like dear friends or close family members. You can even get in touch with a professional therapist or counselor. It is also recommended to consult your attorney before making an important decision. A good divorce attorney can guide you to arrive at rational decisions instead of making emotional ones.

Stop using social media in an unwise manner

Social networking sites can be a big trap in several ways, especially during such an emotional phase of your life. No matter whether it is you or your estranged spouse who posts comments on social media, it is better to stay off such a platform while your divorce proceedings are on. Alternatively, you can also shut down your account temporarily.

There is no doubt that social media is a great tool to ensure that your friends are updated about your whereabouts. However, it may transform into a medium for venting out your anger and frustration. Now that could be harmful and you may have to face even more problems. The other party may use your posts in the court to make their case stronger. It is also not a good idea to go through the comments of your ex on social media. Such posts can make you angrier and may even hurt you immensely.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Can Separation Save Your Marriage In The Long Run?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediators; California Divorce MediatorsWhen there can be boredom and complacency in a marriage, they may lead to emotions like lack of appreciation and resentment among some couples. If a couple is married for many years, they usually understand each other better. However, being married for long does not necessarily guarantee that it is bound to be a fulfilled marriage. A marriage may survive or get destroyed after a separation based on some of the factors mentioned below:

  • Duration of separation
  • Reasons for legal separation
  • Level of commitment demonstrated by both the parties for saving their marriage
  • Capability of coping up with the absence of one’s spouse

Ways in which a separation may be helpful

It is possible to save a marriage through a temporary separation only when both the spouses are committed in continuing with their union. Are the couples communicating with one another freely or are they guarded? Do they attend all the counseling or therapy sessions religiously? Do they still miss one another when they do not meet one another for whatever reasons? Do they still share camaraderie in each other’s company? Answers to all these questions indicate the value of the separation in a marriage.

When a separation continues beyond a time period of six months, there are a lot of possibilities that it may end up in a divorce. The exception is when there are some contentious matters, which may require more time to resolve. When a separation stretches for a longer duration, the couple may become more comfortable in their own lives. There are new events like new friends, activities, and commitments leading to a greater complacency in cementing the couple’s relationship. It is the ideal time to go on a self-discovery mode since an individual now has plenty of time to aggregate efforts of reconciliation.

While a separation can give you much-needed personal space and time for contemplation, it is important to renew efforts to bridge the gap as soon as possible between you and your spouse.

Merits of a legal separation in salvaging a marriage

  • Spouses get the necessary time and space to understand the obligations and efforts in their institution of marriage.
  • Gives an atmosphere and opportunity to find out new and unexplored aspects of their married life enabling the couples to embark on a new beginning in their relationship or marriage.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Is It Wise To Date Someone Else During Your Divorce?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

orange county divorce mediation attorneys; California Divorce MediatorsHave you met someone and wanted to date him or her while you are still getting divorced? If your divorce proceeding is still going on, be cautious about dating. You may feel that it is time for you to enter into a new relationship after proceeding with a divorce or a separation. But it is a sensible decision to be out of the dating scene until the time your divorce comes through for a host of emotional, legal and strategic reasons.

Strategic reasons for not dating prior to divorce

A divorcing couple is quite likely to be not in the best of terms while a divorce is going on. So if you begin to date someone rose, it can aggravate your relationship with the estranged partner even more. Plus, the other spouse can make your life a hell while your divorce proceeding is going on and make resolution of the case more difficult. He or she may even try to take revenge against you.

Although your husband might have had several affairs while you were married, he may not like the fact that you are seeing someone else at this crucial juncture. He is likely to feel that you have wronged him and may try seeking justice through whatever means he can. It is also possible that he might try to get even with you by trying to split the marital property or get the custody of your kids. In case you have kids from the marriage, you should have an amicable relationship with your spouse in the best interest of your kids,

It is likely that you need to have a continuous contact with your spouse even after the divorce comes through due to having children together. If you date during your divorce, it can hamper the spirit of cordiality and cooperation and can even have a negative impact on your life for months to come after the divorce comes through.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Top Financial Challenges Faced By Divorced Mothers

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediators; California Divorce MediatorsWhen you know the challenges that lie before you as a single mom, it becomes easier to prepare an appropriate action plan so that you can take care of the kids in the best possible manner in your next stage of life. Here are some of the top financial challenges moms face after a divorce gets finalized. 

Ways of paying the bills

One of the top financial concerns for the newly single moms is paying the monthly mortgage or bills. It can be an overwhelming and daunting affair to take care of the household utilities. However, do not despair and give up hopes. You can get through the trying time through many ways. For instance, you can sell off your house and move in with your close friends or family members during this trying time so reduce the financial burden. Alternatively, you can also contemplate refinancing your house to procure a lower rate. 

Providing necessities for the family

It is quite likely that your household income could have been slashed considerably after your divorce. You could be a homemaker while being married. There are other financial concerns after your divorce too such as clothing and school supplies. After all, these can be expensive too. A serious concern for you as a divorced mother is to look out for ways of providing for the entire family. 

Getting the required money to pay for childcare

If you are a newly divorced single mom, you may have a series of financial obligations that may compel you to join work once again or opt for double jobs simultaneously to meet ends. In fact, it can be a big blow as you, not only feel tired and anxious but cannot spend much time with your kids.

When you work full-time, you also need to look out for a reputable childcare facility to take care of your little ones when you are at office. You can take the help of your friends and family members to seek care for the kids when you are away from home until the time you start enjoying financial stability once again. 

Finding a suitable place to live

It is a sad truth that 20 percent of the divorced women fall below the poverty line after their marriages end. Now, that is hardly an encouraging statistic for divorced and single moms who want to offer the finest housing facility and schooling situation to their kids. A serious financial concern after your divorce is where you will live. In case you are incapable of staying in your original house, you should not feel disappointed, you can get help from various assistance programs for housing designed specifically for single moms and families with low incomes, which can come handy during this difficult time.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation