What To Think About When Reconciling After Legal Separation

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation; California Divorce MediatorsOn certain occasions, some couples do regroup and reconcile after their legal separation. Contrary to what many people would like to believe, survival from a separation is not an accidental case. But spouses who do succeed in overcoming their discord after a separation are known to exhibit certain behaviors to make sure that their marriages are intact.

What should you do to get back together after your legal separation? 

The couples must ensure that there is complete transparency in their relationship if they are really serious about reconciliation after their temporary break-up. When there is erosion in the trust factor, transparency can act as a balm. Try to be open about the finances, schedules and personal habits so that some that lost trust factor can be replaced by your relationship. You should also note that coaching is a great idea. When you have professional experts or a good support system in your life that can help you out with your emotions, you can benefit to a great extent. It is also imperative for you to be completely honest with yourself by asking certain tough questions. So think carefully about the answers for the following questions prior to reconciliation:

  • Was it your partner who had ended the relationship of did you do it? Did both of you get an opportunity to have a heart to heart discussion on what could have gone wrong in your marriage during your legal separation? In case the answer is in negative, it is high time that you engage in an honest and open dialogue with one another.
  • Did you know the events in your partner’s life while both of you were separated?
  • Has there been a change in you or your partner’s nature since the end of your relationship? In case the reply is in affirmative, what and how did that change take place? Did such changes bring both of you closer or widened the gap?
  • Can your relationship get affected through certain other crucial factors in case both of you decide to get back together in the future?

You should generally give a chance for reconciliation

When there is a space between you and your partner albeit temporarily in the form of a separation, it shows you what is important and what should not matter to both of you. When you are focused on giving a second chance to your marriage and your partner is also on the same page, you should give a sincere chance to reconciliation.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Reconciling With Your Ex-Spouse After Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation attorney; California Divorce MediatorsYou had tried your best in the past but you and your ex-spouse have had constant bickering and could not make your marriage best. But, then you met one another once again and now you are pleasantly surprised to find that you share the same chemistry even now.  Should you ever consider the prospect of marrying your former spouse once again? Will such relationships work?  Just with all the marriages, the reply to this question lies on what both the partners are prepared to do so that the relationship can work in the long-term.

Statistics related to restored marriages

It is somewhat surprising to note the statistics in regard to the “do-over” marriages when both the former spouses marry one another once again. According to the statistics published by Psychology Today seem to claim that about 67 percent of marriages done for the second time and 73 percent of the marriages done end in divorce. However, the figures appear to be a bit encouraging for all such people who end up remarrying their spouses.

According to the research done by Dr. Nancy Kalish, about 72 percent of the reunited couples stayed together. Her research was on its first leg in 1996 when about 1,000 respondents participated in her survey, which led to this conclusion.

Key reasons why people want to marry their former spouses once again

There are a number of reasons why ex-spouses decide to reunite once again though their marriages failed in the past. Moreover, every remarriage can involve one or multiple impetuses for revival. Here are some of the reasons people remarry their ex-spouses once again.

After they stay apart, they realize their partner’s importance

As they say often distance makes the hearts grow fonder. Many couples realize their partners’ importance in their lives only after they divorced each other. Even while they were separated, the couple did mot feel that they were disconnected from one another.

Anger may disappear after they get time for reflection

When you take some time out to ponder about your relationship, feelings may undergo changes. After some time, the negative emotions you harbored may not be as powerful and intense as they were while you were still married to your partner. You may even find that you were also responsible for the breakup of the marriage to some extent. When you learn to acknowledge that you could have handled things better then, it is a good starting point to reconcile and start cementing the relationship with your ex-spouse.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Ways To Reconcile With Your Spouse And Avoid A Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

divorce lawyers in Orange County; The Maggio Law FirmMarriages can sometimes be “made in heaven” but for some individuals far from living in paradise their life becomes a living hell. Just because a document says that a man and wife is married does not mean that they will be together for the rest of their lives. A separation or divorce can take place any time and no document can give a guarantee that such a thing will never take place. However, many couples decide to split due to lack of proper mediation or counseling. There are ways to save a marriage if one wants too and the following are some of those ways.

  1. Don’t play the victim card

If you are serious about protecting your marriage, stop playing the victim card against your spouse. You may have done it when you decided to separate but don’t do it anymore. Instead, try telling your spouse how important he/she is in your life and why you must stop the divorce from taking place.

  1. Try talking it out

You may have acted erratically when things went wrong but now that you have decided to save your marriage, try talking your partner out of it. Use the help of a mediator if you want but it is very important that you talk with your partner.

  1. Accept your mistakes

It takes a lot of courage to accept that one is wrong. Try pin-pointing the mistakes that you may have made knowingly or unknowingly during your marriage and accept them. Accepting your mistakes will also make you spouse realize his/hers mistake and this strategy is one of the best ways to save a marriage.

  1. Hire a good mediator

A good and experienced mediator will make sure that your thoughts and feelings are conveyed in the most effective manner to your spouse. A mediator’s job is to ensure that things remain as smooth as possible between two individuals. The goal of mediation is not to ensure that the divorce does not take place but to ensure that if it happens, it happens due to the right reasons.

Conclusion

Many individuals want to give another shot at their marriage and try to find ways to reconcile with their spouse. One of the best ways to do it is by accepting one’s mistake. Hiring a mediator works well and in many cases, mediators have been able to save couples from a divorce.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

What To Know When Getting Back Together After a Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

orange county divorce mediation attorneys; California Divorce MediatorsMost couples who have made the tough decision of getting a divorce are most likely to not get back together or give their marriage another shot. However, for a few couples, they might realize post-divorce that they have in fact made a huge mistake and want to give their relationship another chance. Couples who would like to give their marriage another shot must realize that there will be a lot of hard work involved as well as therapy and marriage or relationship counseling. The couple will have to work out their issues amicably and forgive one another and forget the past in order to move on.

Legal proceedings to be followed if the couple are unsure about getting divorced

It’s always great new when a couple who has divorced wants to reconcile and get back together however as per the law there are certain legal proceedings that will have to be followed as per the norms. That is if the court has already granted or passed a divorce decree in favor of the parties.

If the couple are mutually interested in trying to work things out they will have to enter into a written agreement with each other stating that they are interested in putting their divorce case and all other hearings, orders, and other legal proceedings on hold for the time being till they figure out where they stand in their relationship. In this case, the court will put all divorce proceedings on hold and stop all temporary legal proceedings in order for the couple to work out their issues. All personal hearings will be pushed if the court is satisfied that the couple is genuinely interested in working things out and are not trying to resort to malicious activities or malpractice.

If the couple definitely does not want to get a divorce

However, if the couple is a 100% sure that they do not want to get divorced and in fact want to get back together again they can apply to the court to dismiss their divorce proceedings entirely without any prejudice. This means that the current divorce case would be canceled altogether and they can always file for another divorce at a later stage if the reconciliation was a failure.

If a second divorce is filed later on the date of separation would be the date of filing the second or latest divorce and would not be retrospective. Therefore, the division of assets and liabilities, alimony payments, child support conditions, etc. would be calculated as on the second date of separation. It is always advisable to hire the services of an experienced divorce attorney before filing for a divorce.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation