What To Do If You Can No Longer Afford Spousal Or Child Support

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation; California Divorce MediatorsA common concern that often comes up after the declaration of a divorce judgment in the court is the spouse who has been asked to pay for spousal or child support declares his or her inability to do so any more. The aim of this article is to discuss the steps that should be taken if such an issue comes up.

Step 1: Go through the divorce decree thoroughly

While it is an obvious thing to do, there are several people who tend to overlook it. A divorce judgment is an extremely crucial document, which anyone such as the judge, litigant and attorney should examine carefully. It is a document that the basic framework to determine how to proceed.

There are some cases where the judgment was announced many years ago. In such cases, the support that is unaffordable can be already the unable. Hence, it is extremely crucial to read the language well especially in the section for spousal support or child support of the court judgment to find out the conditions, which could lead to an automatic censure of support. There could be also a particular end date to pay for support according to the judgment pronounced. When such conditions are specified, the spouse who has been paying may just stop paying for alimony or child support. You need to also conduct a proper review of the judgment for making sure whether your court has reserved its jurisdiction over matters related to spousal support or child support.

Step 2: Put your best foot forward to reach an agreement

Your next step should be to find out whether the issue can be settled informally without the knocking the doors of the court. In order to get it done, it makes sense to directly interact with recipient of your support and know whether they are comfortable with a possible reduction.

When you and the other party do not succeed in reaching an agreement, you may else take help from alternative resources of dispute resolution like family law judges who have retired or mediators specializing in family law. When you take such an initiative, there could be the formation of a confidential forum to resolve your disputes in a cost-effective and timely sinner instead of taking the matter to the court.

Step 3: Get set for your post-judgment litigation

In case you and the other party are unable to reach an agreement, the only choice left before you is to approach your Family Law Court to plead your case for a modification action on the judgment issued previously. The opposing party should receive a copy of such a motion.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Tips for Men to Cope After Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation attorneys; California Divorce MediatorsThere are some men who take a deep sigh of relief once their divorce comes through. However, for most men, it can be a shattering experience, which can impact their lives in a negative way. There is no doubt that divorce is not a child’s play. Plus the effects of divorce on men should not be taken light-heartedly. In fact, there are some men who start living a life of pain and suffering after separating from their wives. In case you are one of them, here are some top tips that can help you in coping with your divorce.

Stay away from drugs and alcohol since they are not the right way to handle your divorce 

Many men commit this dumb mistake post divorce. In fact, they feel that drugs and drinking can help them to forget all about their past and enable them to come out of this crisis. However, abuse of drugs and alcohol is one of the big mistakes men can think of after their divorce is finalized.

Divorced men should avoid further conflict and stress with former spouses 

You and your estranged spouse can have different viewpoints and opinions. However, when both of you tend to engage in conflicting situations, it can be counter-productive for both of you. Such emotional banters and bickering can be obstacles to move on with your life and bring more anger and misery.

Start altering your life as soon as possible 

Once your divorce comes through, it is time to make a self-commitment to start altering your life. You can take small steps for accomplishing this by taking good care of your soul, mind and physical well being. To begin with your body should be more active so that there is positivity and energy in you. Secondly, you should try to cleanse your mind from self-destructive and negative emotions. Finally, you need to do some serious soul searching too.

Check out some activities that you may consider:

  • Go to a good hair salon and get a stylish haircut. You are beginning a new life and it can be a good start.
  • Try to have regular and healthy diet. Such a practice will make your body healthy.
  • Concentrate on your job instead of quitting. While your divorce could be a devastating chapter in your life, you should not let your career suffer because of that. Additionally, you will need more money after your divorce.
  • You should shave and shower regularly. Do not forget to use nice smelling cologne before going out to make you feel good. After all, you are a new individual post divorce and should look good to get on with your life.

Be in touch with your close friends

Your friends’ support is very precious at this juncture of your life. Call them up and request them to come over to your place.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

How To Move On After Your Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation; California Divorce MediatorsYou may feel liberated or devastated during and after the divorce. After all, it is not an easy phase in your life. You might have put years of your soul and heart to make the relationship work. Plus, you had always thought that it will be good for both of you to grow old together and yet you find yourself lonely. Though it is tough, moving on is both empowering as well as rejuvenating for you, especially when you are determined to start afresh. Check out some of these areas where you can focus on is that there is a smooth transition through your divorce.

Prioritize those activities that took a backseat during your marriage

You could have sacrificed your career and hobbies for the sake of your marriage.  After all, the past years have been too hectic for you as you hardly had any time while looking after your family. As such, it is likely that your old passions had to be compromised. Your activities, hobbies and career have got neglected a lot. Try to bring back that old spark in your life. Divert your mind from the ugliness of the divorce proceeding by extolling yourself for cooking classes or taking up riding lessons you had always wanted to join earlier but did not have the time.

Concentrate once again on self-care

Taking care of self is a big challenge for many women. It has been taught to you ever since your childhood days that you should be always kind and selfless to others. However, on many occasions, women confuse between selflessness and neglecting themselves. They try to give a priority to everything else. It is the right time for you to prioritize your well being now. After all, if you continue to neglect yourself, your home, work or kids may get neglected when are unwell.

Focus on your social support

Getting divorced can be one of the most stressful events in your life. Since you are not going through an easy phase in your life, it is important to develop your social support to get over your current turmoil. Try to nurture your earlier relationships as well as explore fresh options for forming valuable connections and create friendships. Such an initiative can be taken through different ways.  Check out some of them.

  • Make new friends and establish connection with your old friends once again.
  • Try to be a part of various groups according to your interests like socializing, hiking gardening, wine-tasting and so on.
  • You can also contemplate joining a support group now. You will find plenty of them around you.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

The Best Ways To Move Past A Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediators; California Divorce MediatorsDivorces can be physically and emotionally draining. If a divorce has dragged on for a while and there is a lot of negativity between the former spouses, it can be very difficult to get your life back together once the dust settles.

When a marriage and the divorce proceedings have all ended there is suddenly a void in a person’s life and it is important to fill this void to move forward. Here are a few ways in which you can constructively fill the void to help you move past the divorce:

  1. Give yourself a break: You life has just changed forever and you might be feeling a bit lost. What you need to do is take some time off for yourself and understand what you have gone through and where you are now. If you are blaming yourself for everything now is the time to stop and be kinder to yourself. Feel and understand all your emotions, work on what is bothering you the most and then make a decision that you can survive and will get on with life.
  1. Get a support system: You don’t have to do this alone. Spend time with family and friends who can give you emotional support. There are going to be days when it all hits you at once and you might need to have a good cry, that’s completely okay. When you have someone beside you in the hard times it makes it easier to bear.
  1. Fill the void: The empty feeling that comes when left without someone whom you have been with for years can be hard to deal with. Whether the relationship was good or bad it took up a space in your life which is now left open. Fill the void with hobbies and doing all the things you love or wanted to try. Learn a new skill, travel, even start dating again when you feel ready, and before you know it you would have built a new life that is whole.
  1. Moving on: No one deserves to be alone and just because you have had one failed relationship doesn’t mean that you can’t make another work. While you and your former spouse might have been incompatible you could meet someone who is a perfect fit for you. Give yourself the chance to fall in love again and have a new relationship.

Ending a marriage is heartbreaking and can be difficult to cope with at first. You need to take the time to grieve your loss but then you need to actively do things that help you to move forward.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Ways To Be Happy Even During Divorce Proceedings

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediators; California Divorce MediatorsA divorce can be a catastrophic experience, so being happy while the divorce proceeding is going on may seem a paradox. After all, isn’t a divorce associated with heartbreak, anguish, fear, anger, and confusion? But, it is in your hand to control your negative emotions during this critical juncture of your life and nurture positive emotions within you.

Even when a divorce can be an intensely emotional process, it will do you good to go through a different set of emotions. It will give you the much-needed relief from sadness when you experience a loss of any kind in your life. A sure-shot technique to come out of your grief is to keep your body in motion. You can try out any kind of physical activity including riding in a swing in your nearby park. In fact, you can get the much-needed relief while taking a break from certain emotions in a conscious manner.

Ways of being happy even during stressful time 

  • Spend some time on a trail hiking

Give yourself time to take a long walk in the midst of nature or enjoy hiking with your friends. When you are in close contact with the earth, it empowers you with several qualities such as beauty, time, and certainty. All these qualities can be a big support for you when you are experiencing a deep sense of loss, particularly during your divorce. It is also important to keep an eye on your footing as well as observe the nature and scenic beauty around you. Such an act will definitely succeed in distracting your mind. It will lead to the reduction of stress and lift up your spirits.

  • Indulge yourself with some strength exercises regularly

If you brood too much during your divorce and be sad every day, it is difficult for your body to retain the ability to engage and contract muscles and strength. So, it is essential for you to take out some time and do some weight lifting, push-ups, and squats; in fact, any kind of physical activity to experience your outer and inner strength.

  • Be playful and happy go lucky

If you make it a habit to move in playful and natural ways, your heart can open up and your spirit will be lifted too. If you do not wish to use a swing in the nearby park, find out what activity can make you feel playful and relaxed. Once you find it, just do it. On certain occasions, you may go on a hiking expedition and yet the sadness is still within you. When you are playful though your heart is heavy, it can open the floodgate for a variety of emotions.

With passing time, you will realize that your sadness will also decrease. Precious moments such as being on a swing or in the midst of nature will be helpful in ebbing your sad energy.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Understanding The 3 Stages of Divorce Grief

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation lawyers; California Divorce MediatorsIrrespective of how you look at divorce, it is definitely a catastrophic event in one’s life. The emotion a spouse may go through is quite similar to the loss of a loved one or a severe illness. But despite that, it is imperative to learn ways of coping up with divorce grief and move on with life and have new goals and milestones for future instead of brooding on the past. Check out the following stages of divorce grief and how to handle them in your own way. Incidentally, these steps are similar to the ones a person should take to come out of the pain of losing a loved one.

Stage 1: Denial

The first thought that might have come to your mind when you hear your spouse wants a divorce is that how could he or she do it to you or this cannot be happening to you both. It is a phase in your life where the situation appears so grim and intense. As such, it becomes difficult for many to accept the news to be real. Such a mechanism of emotional survival may prevent one to get too overwhelmed while they are still unprepared to handle the current situation. But slowly, a spouse starts relaxing and accepting the bitter reality. He or she comes out of the fog of being in a denial mode and is capable to visualize situations in a realistic manner.

Stage 2: Fury

When your spouse confesses that he or she wants to split, you may go mad with fury. How could your spouse throw your marriage like this? And why should it be happening only to you? These are some of the questions that keep haunting you when anger overcomes all your other emotions. You start feeling the intense pain that now appears to be so real for you. If you have invested a lot in your marriage emotionally and have been extremely attached to your spouse until now, the pain and the hurt you are going through will be even deeper. Your fury may get diverted toward anyone who reminds you of the pain knowingly or unknowingly. While your ex may be at the receiving end of your fury, anyone else near you may also bead your wrath. You may even start snapping at your close friends and well-wishers.

Stage 3: Reflection 

It is a stage where you start introspecting and retrospection about your married life. You may feel that the divorce could have been averted had you been more affectionate and caring towards your spouse. You may even wish that you could make things right if you get one more chance. It is not unusual to find yourself blaming for certain things which you did.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

4 Ways to Heal Emotionally After A Later Life Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation; California Divorce MediatorsDivorce can be a traumatic and emotionally scarring experience, a gray divorce even more so. Have you recently gone through a gray divorce or are in the process of getting one? Are you struggling to cope with the emotional and psychological stress of a gray divorce? Do you want to know about coping mechanisms and ways to be happy again after the divorce?

What is a gray divorce? 

To begin with, you need to understand the concept of a gray divorce and how it is different from other divorces. When older couples over 50 years of age who have been married for many years or even decades divorce, it is called a gray divorce. This is become a phenomenon now that a greater number of older couples than before are going through divorces and choosing to lead separate lives.

Older couples are better off than young couples during and after divorce because they are usually better off financially and have adult children which does away with the need for custody rights. However, divorce can take a bigger toll on older couples who have been together a long time or when there are a lot of property- and finance-related disputes during divorce proceedings.

Healing emotionally from a gray divorce 

It can be extremely difficult for older people to heal emotionally after a divorce, especially if the divorce has been messy and complicated. Here are a few tips that can help emotional healing:

  • It is important to accept that you are divorced and not to fight the reality of the fact. Acceptance is the first step to healing emotionally from the trauma and sadness of separation.
  • You can join a support group for older divorcees if you are struggling to cope with the divorce alone.
  • Alternatively, you can join groups that cater to single older people and be a part of various activities like road trips, events, meet-ups, and even dating.
  • Indulging in activities that you enjoy, be it painting, traveling, reading, or anything else, can be highly rewarding and can help cope with divorce and the myriad emotions that accompany it.

It is important to remember that you are important and you need to love yourself and stop blaming yourself for the divorce, especially if there was no cheating and other immoral activities involved in the divorce. You deserve to be happy even if you are divorced and understanding and accepting this can help you heal emotionally.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Top 4 Personal Things to Do After Getting Divorced

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation; California Divorce MediatorsWhile sustaining some relationships can be a tough job, you should also remember that the relationship, which you share with your own self is the most precious one. It has been often noticed that there are many who dive into a new relationship immediately after getting their divorce. However, there are many others who feel hesitant to take such a quick plunge as their feelings and emotions are yet to get healed. Plus, the process of healing is not a brief one.

Rather than being in a hurry to find a new person in your life, here are some of the top actions you should follow to help you in redefining your outlook on love and life after the divorce.

Go out and establish a rapport with others in a similar situation

There are many occasions when you will find that someone who also recently divorced is the best person to share your sorrows, joy and concerns with. It may be so since that person can understand your agony and could have even walked in your shoes in the past. Other single mothers can before understand your predicament better.

List down your goals in life post divorce

If you are disciplined enough to prepare a detailed action list for your plans, there is a greater possibility of achieving them. So, after getting separated or divorced from your partner, sit in your new home and make a list of such items. Make them time-bound and review them periodically to assess your progress and success date. Your list can include items such as new activities you should try out, future career vision, financial plans and places you desire to visit among others. Such a list will come extremely handy to direct, prioritize and organize your life after your traumatic experience.

Undergo professional therapy 

Major events in life such as an important life changing incident, a great loss or a heartbreak may affect a person’s mental state of women and they need to undergo a healing process. Professional therapy sessions do not come cheap. Try to locate a therapist who will accept your health insurance policy. They should exhibit proper consistency with regard to your appointments under all circumstances. At times, a therapy session can be quite painful. That is because old injuries should be cleaned out prior to complete healing.

Travel all alone

At times, when a divorced person embarks upon a solo trip, he or she may start looking at their life with a fresh perspective, alone. However, if you want to enjoy a solo trip, take assistance from a reputable travel agent before leaving.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Coping With Stress During And After Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Top Orange County divorce mediators; California divorce mediatorsDivorce can result in a variety of negative emotions and if you are going through one then you know the feeling. Most of the time people going through a bad divorce feel stressed from the entire experience and it ends up having a negative impact on their lives. In situation like these it is very important to relax and learn how to deal with the stress.

Contemplate your decision to get divorced

The decision to legally end a relationship can be a difficult choice and the feelings after the divorce can be worse. When you get divorced it not only affects you and your partner but it affects friends and family members as well. On the emotional front, you and some family members will face a hard time. It is important to contemplate on your decision and then taking the necessary step. You should try and talk to your partner about it and the way it makes him/her feel. If you feel there is a chance, however small, for things to work out, you should consider that option. You can even consult experts like divorce mediators for more details.

Pay attention to emotional needs

Usually, people who get divorced want to stay isolated and away from social gatherings. But being isolated makes the experience even more difficult than it already is. If you have just experienced a divorce it is important that you find support from your friends and families.

You can also seek help from people who have gone through divorce. They will understand how you feel and can guide you in a better way.

You should spend more time with people who enjoy your company and who value you. Such people can not only be your stress buster but they can also provide moral support as well. The feeling of being neglected only makes things worse and you should avoid isolation at all cost.

Take care of yourself

During and after a divorce the most important thing that you tend to ignore is yourself. Divorces can be painful but that does not mean the end of the world. Treat your divorce like a flu and try overcoming it. Go for a vacation and meet new people. Try taking a break from your job and visit different places where you always wanted to go. Moving away from the old home and relocating to a new place also works.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

What Is The Meaning Of An Emotional Divorce?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation lawyers; California Divorce MediatorsSome spouses use a psychological phenomenon called Emotional Divorce if they feel their marriage is now a threat for their very well-being. If you opt for an Emotional Divorce from your spouse, you are actually segregating your emotions and feelings from the marriage. This is felt by some couples even before a divorce. However for other, it happens only post the divorce process, in a majority of the cases, divorce is a one-sided affair. It is a very rare phenomenon when a couple sits down and arrives at a consensus to divorce one another.  This is typically when a spouse is no longer emotionally attached to his or her marriage and wants to obtain a divorce. This spouse has already gone through the divorce emotionally and now wants to legally get unattached from their spouse.

Walk-away and left-behind spouses

There are cases when some spouses go through years of struggles as they emotionally feel distant from their spouses prior to arriving at a conclusion that divorce is the ultimate solution to all those marital problems they are going through or how they feel emotionally about the marriage, such spouses are known as “walk-away spouses”.

There could be various reasons for walk-away spouses to feel emotionally detached from their partners. The most common technique to remain emotionally detached from a marriage is when the spouse starts drawing boundaries they feel hurt or believe that the marriage is no longer safe for him or her.

When a spouse goes for an Emotional Divorce, it will be helpful in maintaining some kind of a psychological integrity whey face an emotionally disturbed situation.

Ideally, Emotional Divorce for some happens before a legal divorce as they felt that there was a strong requirement to protect and withdraw themselves from their marital problems.

A left-behind spouse is one who has to cope with his or her feelings and emotions post the legal divorce. But irrespective of the kind of role that you will be playing, it is imperative for you to handle the divorce process in a mature manner and start viewing yourself like a separate individual not as a wife or a husband.

No matter if you are the wife or the husband, emotional divorce from marriage is possible. However, this phenomenon is more prevalent in women as compared to men.

Having control over your feelings

A left behind spouse usually has a tendency to look for avenues for controlling the situation. These spouses did not see the warning symptoms, symptoms that hinted that their marriage was shaky and feel at a loss to understand how they should respond.  As such, their response becomes such that drove their walk-away spouse even further away emotionally.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation