Reasons Why Some Women Are Happier After They Get Divorced

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation lawyers; California Divorce MediatorsWhen the Kingston University conducted a study for analyzing whether women had a negative effect after divorce or not, the result was quite surprising. About ten thousand people were surveyed as a part of this research and the respondents were in the age group f 16 to 60. The respondents were asked during the survey to rate how they felt before their divorce and after the divorce got finalized,

The researchers found out during the course of two decades of time period that women appeared to be more satisfied and happier in their lives after their divorces came through. Check out some of the following reasons why women could be happier after their divorce.

Women tend to seek more professional help to get over their trauma than men

It has been observed that women are more likely to approach a therapist or a counselor after their divorce to get over their emotional trauma and grief. On the other grand men tend to keep their pain more to themselves during the same phase in their lives; since they are less likely to seek professional support, it may take more time to overcome their grief and stress.

Positive support system

As compared to men, women are more likely to ensure that they have a positive support system around them during such a difficult time like their families and friends.

Different strategies for coping up with their emotional upheaval

Usually, women are known to possess unique strategies to cope up with their emotions. Women tend to look inward to seek comfort for overcoming their emotional pain. Men have a tendency to look outward. Women introspect on whether they had a role in the breakup of their marriage and they work harder to overcome their emotions and let go of their past and concentrate on their future.

Less chance of alcohol abuse

Many men tend to get addicted to alcohol during such times but women are less likely to do so.   Moreover, women are less likely to turn to casual sex and new relationships quickly for distracting them from the agony of divorce as compared to men.

Look out for new experience

Divorced women have a greater possibility to look out for new experiences post their divorce. These fresh experiences can provide them hope for a bright future and can even enrich their lives.

Powerful sense of perseverance

For many divorced women, giving up does not come easy as they have a stronger sense of perseverance as compared to divorced men. Many divorced women also do most of the childcare job as well as rake up jobs to have a better financial stability.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

How To Befriend Your Ex-Spouse After Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation lawyers; California Divorce MediatorsA divorce isn’t always the ‘be all and end all’ of a relationship. A relationship can be defined in many different ways. A divorce ends a legal marriage. It takes a little time to get over the relationship. But you wouldn’t always want to cut contact with the person you married. Sometimes you still want to remain in touch. Your partner has been a big part of your life and you don’t want to lose that.

Staying in touch for divorced couples who have shared custody of their children is inevitable. In such circumstances, being cordial and developing a friendly relationship for the benefit of the child is vital. To help you with the process, listed below are a few tips you can employ in your relationship to ensure your transition from a spouse to a friend seamlessly.

Accept and forgive

Changing your relationship status from spouse to friend is difficult. It comes with a host of insecurities and unresolved issues. The foremost task at hand is to accept your ex for the person he/she is and forgive him/her for his/her actions. It’s important to also understand that your partner might look out for another partner or start dating. Focusing on yourself and your life is important for your personal growth and in turn your friendship with your ex.

Time to get over

Divorces can sometimes get really messy. Getting over the person you thought was your soul mate is never easy. Memories, unresolved baggage, and loneliness do tend to get to people. Take some time away from your ex. Start a new hobby or focus on work to create a distraction and give you time to analyze your situation. Seek the help of a therapist and work your way around your emotions to eventually accept the divorce and come to terms with the present arrangement of the relationship. Consult with your Orange County divorce attorney or mediator if you want to make any changes to the present arrangement that you think may help you to improve the relationship with your ex.

Reach out

If it means you taking the first step towards the intended friendship, then go for it. Reach out to your ex and acknowledge your friendship. Communicating each other’s points of view on the subject helps deal with the lost relationship and hones the friendship. Communication gives you a perspective and means to improve the friendship.

Keep in touch

It’s important to maintain the friendship by keeping in touch. It’s vital to hone this rapport if you are raising a kid with your ex. Ensure you keep a contact with your ex. Co-ordinating with your ex over activities, events like weddings or your child’s schedule help build this rapport. A cordial friendship respects the fallen romantic relationship by eradicating remorse or regret.

At the end of the day, your life is all about living it to the fullest. So why live with negativity and regret. Divorce may be the end of a marriage, but it could be the beginning of a valuable friendship.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Considering Your Credit Ratings When You Get Divorced

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation; California Divorce MediatorsIf you are getting divorced, it is imperative for you to be cautious so that your credit does not get damaged during the process. Check out some of these common scenarios that you should be vigilant about.

It is becoming too much to make the car payments 

The court has declared that the family car should be awarded to the ex-wife. However, she is also supposed to take ownership of the payments. When the couple was married, it might not have been a strain to make those payments. However, now that she is shifting to a new house and has to completely rely on her own personal income, she may end up paying the EMIs late. When payments are not made on time, the credit report may get hit. 

None of the spouses paid the due on their joint credit. 

When the divorce settlement is being negotiated, both the parties usually settle and decide who will bear the responsibility of paying certain debts, For instance, the former husband is supposed to pay the debt on the joint credit card. When he fails to pay off the debt, collections may receive that account. As a result, there could be significant damage caused to the records of both the parties although the former wife is clueless about what was happening.

No credit as there was no history 

In many marriages, only one of the spouses controls finances. On many occasions, the names of both the couples may feature on the accounts. For instance, only the husband’s name appears on the sole credit card and on the mortgage and the wife has to depend on their family checking account. After a divorce is finalized, the said wife may not have any credit as she did not attempt to create her separate credit history during the marriage. It is important to note that credit history is a part of the credit score.

Ensure that credit record are protected

The spouses should realize that credit scores are an important concern during the process of divorce. It is crucial for both the parties to contemplate about personal credit history. They should address relevant concerns in their divorce decree. Here are some of the ways of doing so.

  • Separate from the joint account 

A spouse should ensure that their name no longer features in an account controlled by the ex.

  • Must have separate and own accounts 

One needs to ensure their access to credit. Both the parties should ensure that those accounts have a good history.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Common Mistakes Husbands Make During Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation lawyers; California Divorce MediatorsIrrespective of you being a man or a woman, divorce can be quite a messy affair. There are emotions such as hurt feelings, anger, and divorce lawyers becoming aggressive to make sure that their clients have an edge over each other. So, it is not unnatural that certain mistakes are committed. This is applicable for dime men who may not take the intricacies of divorce proceedings into their stride. Men may not be in a situation they would like to be in. Thus, it is imperative that they are well-prepared for such situations. Often men may be at a disadvantage both emotionally as well as legally. In such scenarios, they may stop thinking logically and may err while making the right choices. The following are some of those common mistakes many husbands tend to make during divorce.

Retaliate negatively

There are some husbands who become obstinately insistent upon destroying their wives when they get to know that their wives want a divorce from them. While these men may still love their wives, they permitted the torment of their divorce to prevail over their good sense and the urge to punish their wives for leaving. Rather, the husbands should not bad-mouth their wives. Do not listen to those people who keep telling you that she will try to take away your house, children, and car. It may have a negative repercussion when she gets to know that you made belittling statements about her and gives her an opportunity to tell everyone how unreasonable you always have been like this, which prompted her to take such a big step.

Not taking the help of a divorce lawyer in time

In a majority of the cases, it is the women who have the edge in divorce cases. It is better to hire a divorce attorney as early as possible so that the latter can tell you what legal rights you enjoy as a father. They will also guide you on what your behavior should be like when the divorce process is going on. When you gave kids from your marriage, you would like to ensure that your relationship with them remain harmonious. Hiring a divorce attorney quickly should be your key responsibility so that your role as a dad remains intact during and after the divorce.

Unwilling to negotiate

When you refuse to negotiate and mediate your divorce settlement, the expenses of your divorce may go up and your ex-wife may end up getting some of what she had been claiming for though you may not like it. Hence, try to be reasonable and civil during the divorce process.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.

Top Parenting Suggestions After Your Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Father's Rights attorneys; California Divorce MediatorsWhen you are planning to get a divorce or going through a divorce, a key area of concern should be how your kids may get impacted by your divorce. Several studies have shown that divorce can have a negative impact on their children. So, it is hardly surprising that parents are bothered about the welfare of their children when they plan to get divorced. How your children may be affected by your divorce depend on the method of parenting that you select. While your children may be negatively impacted by the divorce, there are several ways to avoid such impact.

Behave maturely with your spouse in front of the kids

The manner in which you and the other parent behave with each other while your divorce is underway or after it has been finalized will determine how your children get affected by your decision. When kids see their parents at loggerheads during or even after the divorce they get a feeling that they have also become a part of such conflict.

Children should not be dragged into conflicts

Hence, when you do not want your children to be harmed by your divorce, it is your responsibility to ensure that they are not dragged into the conflicts between you and their other parent. Some parents have a feeling that tensions in a divorce cannot be avoided but irrespective of what their feelings are, it is necessary to take positive steps so that your children do not feel harassed and are not stuck in between two hostile parents. Here are some simple parenting methods after your divorce comes through.

Abstain from doing the following:

  • Do not use your kids as messengers or to seek information about your ex’s social activities, dating life, and home.
  • Trying to get the favor of your child so that the other parent is punished.
  • Utter negative remarks about your ex in front of your children.
  • Discussing financial issues with your children. These matters could be pertaining to a delayed check of child support; adult financial issues no fund to pay your rent and so on.
  • Share fault problems about you and your former spouse with the kids. These may include topics like the reasons why you got a divorce, infidelity or details about the divorce proceedings.
  • Your marriage comes to an end after the divorce comes through. However, that does mean your responsibility also as a parent also ceases. A key responsibility is to establish a positive relationship with your ex for effective co-parenting.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Ways of Trying to Save Your Marriage

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

mediator divorce orange county; California Divorce MediatorsThere are very few couples who like the prospect of getting divorced. After all, when a marriage ends, it is tough for the concerned couple and also for their other family members. Sadly though, for some couples, there is no other choice apart from getting divorced. When such a situation occurs, both the partners may be under stress, saddened and disillusioned. It is natural for some spouses to realize at this juncture that they should save their marriages at all cost. In fact, it is not an unusual reaction. Though situation like this may appear hopeless, it is still possible to save some marriages. Read on how it is not an impossible task to save a marriage even while a divorce appears imminent.

Both the parties need to be vulnerable 

The spouses must be vulnerable in order to save their marriage and enjoy a blissful life. When spouses start expressing and being vocal about their inner feelings once again, their hearts are bound to open. Both the parties are reserved and furious with each other when a divorce appears to be imminent. Instead of behaving in this fashion, couples should express their emotions positively. Such an act can avert the possibility of a divorce as they help in doing away with emotional disconnect if any while expressing their love and forgiveness towards one another. There is ample evidence where marriages are found to be crumbling down when couples start being guarded towards each other. So, try to be vulnerable so that sharing your feelings become simpler and romance is back in your marriage once again.

Try to find out what went wrong by entering into discussion mode 

It takes a good deal of effort to stop a divorce, which seems imminent. Both the spouses need to work continuously on their strained relationship so that it gets improved and the marriage can be saved. Both the parties should try their best to eliminate any kind of hostility to reach such a point. An easy way to accomplish that is to identify what went wrong in their marriage. When couples attend professional counseling sessions, they can have these tough discussions in an unbiased and productive manner. It is important to remember that the couple should adopt the right attitude so that contentious issues can get resolved in an amicable manner and their marriage can be saved.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

How Long Before You Can Receive Spousal Support In A California Divorce?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County spousal support; California Divorce MediatorsThis is a point that concerns many couples who are facing divorce proceedings in the State of California. The answer to how long you must wait for spousal support depends on understanding the distinction between temporary and permanent spousal support orders.

Extending the divorce petition

The divorce process in California starts with the serving of the petition. The spousal support request can be filed at the same time as the petition. The court generally issues a hearing date between 30 to 90 days of presenting the request. In some of the California counties, the parties presenting the petition can reserve a date in advance. In the rest of the counties, the clerk assigns a date that is available. The wait time until the requesting parties receive the hearing date depends on the family law judge, to whom the case is assigned. If the judge is busy, it might take longer than usual.

Once a hearing date is assigned and is served, the other spouse files and serves a declaration and finally the matter proceeds to the hearing. Spouses have the option of settling the spousal support matters before the hearing and also at the hearing.

Spousal support on temporary basis

This kind of support means the support that is extend by the spouse while the divorce proceedings are on and before it comes to an end. The spousal support request can be presented in the form of request to order, as mentioned earlier in the article. It is a pretty straightforward process and can be carried out along with the divorce proceedings.

Spousal support by judgment (permanent support)

Spousal support by judgment is not as straightforward as the support on temporary basis. It generally is a result of:

  • A settlement
  • A divorce trial

The settlement usually results in a stipulated judgment. If the support is contested and is moved to trial then the judge decides on the amount and the duration for which the spousal support is to be extended. The time taken to reach this judgment depends on:

  • The duration of marriage
  • Disputes regarding the finances of the spouse, or cases such as unemployment of spouse in which case it has to be decided if the other spouse should have their income attributed to the unemployed spouse
  • The standard of living of the couple, during the duration of their marriage
  • Other issues that can cause the divorce to take longer to wind up

In case of fewer disputes or no disputes at all, divorce proceedings can be concluded in less than six months. Otherwise, it may even take more than a year.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Divorce Tips To Follow When Divorce Has Started

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

orange county divorce mediation; California Divorce MediatorsA divorce can be extremely tough even in the most favorable circumstances. Not only does a spouse go through deep emotional anguish, they have to bear the stress of coping with the court proceedings and financial constraints. Apart from these difficulties, you may have to go through even greater troubles unless you do not prepare yourself well Check out a few common difficulties you may encounter in your divorce and how you can cope up with them.

Do not let your emotions make you biased or blur your sense of judgment

Since you may have to go through tremendous stress during your divorce, it is likely that you may not be able to make wise decisions at times. The uncertainty of what lies ahead of you in the future and fury at your former spouse may make you opt for certain decisions that you may not be proud of later on. Hence, the most crucial step you should do at this point of your life is to consciously work towards keeping your emotions in check so that you do not make any rash and impulsive decisions. You can discuss your mental state with those people who you are close to like dear friends or close family members. You can even get in touch with a professional therapist or counselor. It is also recommended to consult your attorney before making an important decision. A good divorce attorney can guide you to arrive at rational decisions instead of making emotional ones.

Stop using social media in an unwise manner

Social networking sites can be a big trap in several ways, especially during such an emotional phase of your life. No matter whether it is you or your estranged spouse who posts comments on social media, it is better to stay off such a platform while your divorce proceedings are on. Alternatively, you can also shut down your account temporarily.

There is no doubt that social media is a great tool to ensure that your friends are updated about your whereabouts. However, it may transform into a medium for venting out your anger and frustration. Now that could be harmful and you may have to face even more problems. The other party may use your posts in the court to make their case stronger. It is also not a good idea to go through the comments of your ex on social media. Such posts can make you angrier and may even hurt you immensely.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Can Separation Save Your Marriage In The Long Run?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediators; California Divorce MediatorsWhen there can be boredom and complacency in a marriage, they may lead to emotions like lack of appreciation and resentment among some couples. If a couple is married for many years, they usually understand each other better. However, being married for long does not necessarily guarantee that it is bound to be a fulfilled marriage. A marriage may survive or get destroyed after a separation based on some of the factors mentioned below:

  • Duration of separation
  • Reasons for legal separation
  • Level of commitment demonstrated by both the parties for saving their marriage
  • Capability of coping up with the absence of one’s spouse

Ways in which a separation may be helpful

It is possible to save a marriage through a temporary separation only when both the spouses are committed in continuing with their union. Are the couples communicating with one another freely or are they guarded? Do they attend all the counseling or therapy sessions religiously? Do they still miss one another when they do not meet one another for whatever reasons? Do they still share camaraderie in each other’s company? Answers to all these questions indicate the value of the separation in a marriage.

When a separation continues beyond a time period of six months, there are a lot of possibilities that it may end up in a divorce. The exception is when there are some contentious matters, which may require more time to resolve. When a separation stretches for a longer duration, the couple may become more comfortable in their own lives. There are new events like new friends, activities, and commitments leading to a greater complacency in cementing the couple’s relationship. It is the ideal time to go on a self-discovery mode since an individual now has plenty of time to aggregate efforts of reconciliation.

While a separation can give you much-needed personal space and time for contemplation, it is important to renew efforts to bridge the gap as soon as possible between you and your spouse.

Merits of a legal separation in salvaging a marriage

  • Spouses get the necessary time and space to understand the obligations and efforts in their institution of marriage.
  • Gives an atmosphere and opportunity to find out new and unexplored aspects of their married life enabling the couples to embark on a new beginning in their relationship or marriage.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

How to Handle Anger Dealing With an Uncooperative Co-Parent

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

orange county divorce mediator; California Divorce MediatorsIt is natural for many people to be furious when the other parent refuses to cooperate and co-parent and poses challenges recurrently. Here are some easy ways and a shift in how they should handle their anger so that they do not take any drastic step.

Concentrate on your kids when you feel that your anger is too much to handle

Do not allow your anger to affect your kids and create a distance between you all. If you get emotionally disturbed due to your arguments with the other parent, there could be a sense of disconnection between you and the kids. On the other hand, if you remain connected with them, your relationship with the kids will be stronger and warmer. It is really a paradox but true that there are many co-parents who lose their cool just because they feel worried about the kids,

You should not forget that the other parent can be distressed too

There are occasions when many people feel that the other parents are purposely being difficult and relish irritating them. But though you may make it a habit to believe this, you could be mistaken.

There are several people who behave improperly as they could be disturbed and are feeling down. When people are contented, calm and hot, they usually behave well with others. Perhaps your former spouse is being difficult since they are going through some sort of a conflict or stress. Plus, they do not know how to handle their emotions. So, thou may try to find out what is making them behave in a hostile manner with you. On the other hand just because you realize that they are distressed does not imply that you should do something different or surrender to their whims. When you are aware of their distress, your response may be better and different.

You should learn to cope up with your anger

Your anger can be an immensely uncomfortable experience. After all, you did not ask for it or want it. When you learn to control your fury, you will get time to ponder over whether you need to take some kind of an action as well as what the most appropriate action should be. Your fury may cause you trouble since you may become illogical and start behaving in an irrational level. The best remedial measure would be to give a space to your anger so that it will be helpful for you to take an effective action, or no action at all.

If you and the other parent want to ensure that your kids grow up in a secure environment, it is imperative for both of you to behave rationally and logically.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation