Tips On How To Move On After Infidelity

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation lawyers; California Divorce MediatorsA spouse may go through great mental by social agony when they find about the illicit relationship of their partner. In fact, they may constantly think about it till their heads stagger. However, these people need to understand that most of the times their spouses may not depend that kind of energy and they just do not care.  It is better not to dwell too much into their acts of infidelity.

Try to come to terms with your emotions

Although every case is a unique one, you can definitely do certain things to reduce your pain. Your roller coaster ride of emotions suddenly begins once you get to know about your spouse’s betrayal. It is natural for you to go through several emotions like fear, a sense of deep loss, great fury and disillusionment. You should try to realize that going crazy will not be of any use. After all, there are many other people who have gone through the same kind of confusion and mental agony but have managed to survive. So, you should never forget that you are not the only person to suffer. Follow these easy tips to help you move on in life after you face betrayal from your spouse.

It is important for you to channelize your frustration and anger

You need to take the help of a good therapist or coach who has specialization in divorce related cases. They will listen to you describing the incident f your spouse cheating on you and then guide you to move ahead in life. A good therapist will also help you to make sure that you get the right perspective and make you realize that you still have an opportunity to lead a happy life and you are not to be blamed for the faults of your spouses. They are adults and made their own decisions. You should never own their decisions and feel bad about it.

Keep yourself thoroughly engaged with messages all through the day so that you feel better

When you indulge in self-pity and try to stay as a recluse, it is impossible to start a new life and stay positive. While no one is arguing that self-pity is normal in the beginning, you should let yourself be angry and hurt only for some time. However, you need to soon make a conscious effort to pick yourself up, and get in touch with your counselor or therapist. It is the ripe time to promise yourself to start a new journey in your life.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

How To Move On After Your Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation; California Divorce MediatorsYou may feel liberated or devastated during and after the divorce. After all, it is not an easy phase in your life. You might have put years of your soul and heart to make the relationship work. Plus, you had always thought that it will be good for both of you to grow old together and yet you find yourself lonely. Though it is tough, moving on is both empowering as well as rejuvenating for you, especially when you are determined to start afresh. Check out some of these areas where you can focus on is that there is a smooth transition through your divorce.

Prioritize those activities that took a backseat during your marriage

You could have sacrificed your career and hobbies for the sake of your marriage.  After all, the past years have been too hectic for you as you hardly had any time while looking after your family. As such, it is likely that your old passions had to be compromised. Your activities, hobbies and career have got neglected a lot. Try to bring back that old spark in your life. Divert your mind from the ugliness of the divorce proceeding by extolling yourself for cooking classes or taking up riding lessons you had always wanted to join earlier but did not have the time.

Concentrate once again on self-care

Taking care of self is a big challenge for many women. It has been taught to you ever since your childhood days that you should be always kind and selfless to others. However, on many occasions, women confuse between selflessness and neglecting themselves. They try to give a priority to everything else. It is the right time for you to prioritize your well being now. After all, if you continue to neglect yourself, your home, work or kids may get neglected when are unwell.

Focus on your social support

Getting divorced can be one of the most stressful events in your life. Since you are not going through an easy phase in your life, it is important to develop your social support to get over your current turmoil. Try to nurture your earlier relationships as well as explore fresh options for forming valuable connections and create friendships. Such an initiative can be taken through different ways.  Check out some of them.

  • Make new friends and establish connection with your old friends once again.
  • Try to be a part of various groups according to your interests like socializing, hiking gardening, wine-tasting and so on.
  • You can also contemplate joining a support group now. You will find plenty of them around you.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Reasons Why Some Women Are Happier After They Get Divorced

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation lawyers; California Divorce MediatorsWhen the Kingston University conducted a study for analyzing whether women had a negative effect after divorce or not, the result was quite surprising. About ten thousand people were surveyed as a part of this research and the respondents were in the age group f 16 to 60. The respondents were asked during the survey to rate how they felt before their divorce and after the divorce got finalized,

The researchers found out during the course of two decades of time period that women appeared to be more satisfied and happier in their lives after their divorces came through. Check out some of the following reasons why women could be happier after their divorce.

Women tend to seek more professional help to get over their trauma than men

It has been observed that women are more likely to approach a therapist or a counselor after their divorce to get over their emotional trauma and grief. On the other grand men tend to keep their pain more to themselves during the same phase in their lives; since they are less likely to seek professional support, it may take more time to overcome their grief and stress.

Positive support system

As compared to men, women are more likely to ensure that they have a positive support system around them during such a difficult time like their families and friends.

Different strategies for coping up with their emotional upheaval

Usually, women are known to possess unique strategies to cope up with their emotions. Women tend to look inward to seek comfort for overcoming their emotional pain. Men have a tendency to look outward. Women introspect on whether they had a role in the breakup of their marriage and they work harder to overcome their emotions and let go of their past and concentrate on their future.

Less chance of alcohol abuse

Many men tend to get addicted to alcohol during such times but women are less likely to do so.   Moreover, women are less likely to turn to casual sex and new relationships quickly for distracting them from the agony of divorce as compared to men.

Look out for new experience

Divorced women have a greater possibility to look out for new experiences post their divorce. These fresh experiences can provide them hope for a bright future and can even enrich their lives.

Powerful sense of perseverance

For many divorced women, giving up does not come easy as they have a stronger sense of perseverance as compared to divorced men. Many divorced women also do most of the childcare job as well as rake up jobs to have a better financial stability.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Common Mistakes Husbands Make During Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation lawyers; California Divorce MediatorsIrrespective of you being a man or a woman, divorce can be quite a messy affair. There are emotions such as hurt feelings, anger, and divorce lawyers becoming aggressive to make sure that their clients have an edge over each other. So, it is not unnatural that certain mistakes are committed. This is applicable for dime men who may not take the intricacies of divorce proceedings into their stride. Men may not be in a situation they would like to be in. Thus, it is imperative that they are well-prepared for such situations. Often men may be at a disadvantage both emotionally as well as legally. In such scenarios, they may stop thinking logically and may err while making the right choices. The following are some of those common mistakes many husbands tend to make during divorce.

Retaliate negatively

There are some husbands who become obstinately insistent upon destroying their wives when they get to know that their wives want a divorce from them. While these men may still love their wives, they permitted the torment of their divorce to prevail over their good sense and the urge to punish their wives for leaving. Rather, the husbands should not bad-mouth their wives. Do not listen to those people who keep telling you that she will try to take away your house, children, and car. It may have a negative repercussion when she gets to know that you made belittling statements about her and gives her an opportunity to tell everyone how unreasonable you always have been like this, which prompted her to take such a big step.

Not taking the help of a divorce lawyer in time

In a majority of the cases, it is the women who have the edge in divorce cases. It is better to hire a divorce attorney as early as possible so that the latter can tell you what legal rights you enjoy as a father. They will also guide you on what your behavior should be like when the divorce process is going on. When you gave kids from your marriage, you would like to ensure that your relationship with them remain harmonious. Hiring a divorce attorney quickly should be your key responsibility so that your role as a dad remains intact during and after the divorce.

Unwilling to negotiate

When you refuse to negotiate and mediate your divorce settlement, the expenses of your divorce may go up and your ex-wife may end up getting some of what she had been claiming for though you may not like it. Hence, try to be reasonable and civil during the divorce process.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.

The Benefits of Continuing Therapy After Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation; California Divorce MediatorsStudies claim that several people are highly benefitted after attending post divorce counseling. In fact, many of them have even gone to the extent of admitting that such sessions were the best thing to happen to them after their divorce got finalized.

All those people who signed their divorce papers and want to resume their daily and routine activities should go through post divorce counseling. Such sessions are even more beneficial when there are kids in the marriage. After all, it is the children who are most affected when their parents go separate ways. When parents are happy and contented, their kids will be happy too. It, in turn, would mean a bright future for these kids. And which parent would not like to see this happen to their children? The following are some of the benefits you can expect from counseling sessions after your divorce.

Start enjoying your life once again 

You may have a fond memory of how your lifestyle was before you even got married. Partying till late in the evening, hanging around with your friends without any worries and following your passion were an integral part of your life then. You did not even have to give any explanation to someone about what you were up to. Likewise, it is high time that you stop mourning and brooding and lead a normal life once more. Consulting a professional therapist may help you to become a fun living and carefree single individual once again.

Have a check on your budget 

It may sound a bit silly when you think and discuss managing your finances during therapy counseling. However, several people find the prospect of spending their money quite tough. They may try to get over their loneliness by spending their money on unnecessary items. Since a divorce can be quite a costly affair, you should learn to appreciate the value of every single penny after your divorce period. Post divorce counseling can make you feel less confused and lost and make you a rational and steady money spender.

It is time to start liking yourself 

One of the most crucial components of a good therapy is to learn to like yourself. It is not uncommon for several people to feel that they are to be blamed for the divorce. As time passes this emotion gets converted into self-hatred. A therapist knows how to make their clients feel comfortable and learn to develop a high level of self-esteem so that they get to see a clearer image of themselves.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Can Separation Save Your Marriage In The Long Run?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediators; California Divorce MediatorsWhen there can be boredom and complacency in a marriage, they may lead to emotions like lack of appreciation and resentment among some couples. If a couple is married for many years, they usually understand each other better. However, being married for long does not necessarily guarantee that it is bound to be a fulfilled marriage. A marriage may survive or get destroyed after a separation based on some of the factors mentioned below:

  • Duration of separation
  • Reasons for legal separation
  • Level of commitment demonstrated by both the parties for saving their marriage
  • Capability of coping up with the absence of one’s spouse

Ways in which a separation may be helpful

It is possible to save a marriage through a temporary separation only when both the spouses are committed in continuing with their union. Are the couples communicating with one another freely or are they guarded? Do they attend all the counseling or therapy sessions religiously? Do they still miss one another when they do not meet one another for whatever reasons? Do they still share camaraderie in each other’s company? Answers to all these questions indicate the value of the separation in a marriage.

When a separation continues beyond a time period of six months, there are a lot of possibilities that it may end up in a divorce. The exception is when there are some contentious matters, which may require more time to resolve. When a separation stretches for a longer duration, the couple may become more comfortable in their own lives. There are new events like new friends, activities, and commitments leading to a greater complacency in cementing the couple’s relationship. It is the ideal time to go on a self-discovery mode since an individual now has plenty of time to aggregate efforts of reconciliation.

While a separation can give you much-needed personal space and time for contemplation, it is important to renew efforts to bridge the gap as soon as possible between you and your spouse.

Merits of a legal separation in salvaging a marriage

  • Spouses get the necessary time and space to understand the obligations and efforts in their institution of marriage.
  • Gives an atmosphere and opportunity to find out new and unexplored aspects of their married life enabling the couples to embark on a new beginning in their relationship or marriage.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

How to Handle Anger Dealing With an Uncooperative Co-Parent

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

orange county divorce mediator; California Divorce MediatorsIt is natural for many people to be furious when the other parent refuses to cooperate and co-parent and poses challenges recurrently. Here are some easy ways and a shift in how they should handle their anger so that they do not take any drastic step.

Concentrate on your kids when you feel that your anger is too much to handle

Do not allow your anger to affect your kids and create a distance between you all. If you get emotionally disturbed due to your arguments with the other parent, there could be a sense of disconnection between you and the kids. On the other hand, if you remain connected with them, your relationship with the kids will be stronger and warmer. It is really a paradox but true that there are many co-parents who lose their cool just because they feel worried about the kids,

You should not forget that the other parent can be distressed too

There are occasions when many people feel that the other parents are purposely being difficult and relish irritating them. But though you may make it a habit to believe this, you could be mistaken.

There are several people who behave improperly as they could be disturbed and are feeling down. When people are contented, calm and hot, they usually behave well with others. Perhaps your former spouse is being difficult since they are going through some sort of a conflict or stress. Plus, they do not know how to handle their emotions. So, thou may try to find out what is making them behave in a hostile manner with you. On the other hand just because you realize that they are distressed does not imply that you should do something different or surrender to their whims. When you are aware of their distress, your response may be better and different.

You should learn to cope up with your anger

Your anger can be an immensely uncomfortable experience. After all, you did not ask for it or want it. When you learn to control your fury, you will get time to ponder over whether you need to take some kind of an action as well as what the most appropriate action should be. Your fury may cause you trouble since you may become illogical and start behaving in an irrational level. The best remedial measure would be to give a space to your anger so that it will be helpful for you to take an effective action, or no action at all.

If you and the other parent want to ensure that your kids grow up in a secure environment, it is imperative for both of you to behave rationally and logically.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Top Financial Challenges Faced By Divorced Mothers

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediators; California Divorce MediatorsWhen you know the challenges that lie before you as a single mom, it becomes easier to prepare an appropriate action plan so that you can take care of the kids in the best possible manner in your next stage of life. Here are some of the top financial challenges moms face after a divorce gets finalized. 

Ways of paying the bills

One of the top financial concerns for the newly single moms is paying the monthly mortgage or bills. It can be an overwhelming and daunting affair to take care of the household utilities. However, do not despair and give up hopes. You can get through the trying time through many ways. For instance, you can sell off your house and move in with your close friends or family members during this trying time so reduce the financial burden. Alternatively, you can also contemplate refinancing your house to procure a lower rate. 

Providing necessities for the family

It is quite likely that your household income could have been slashed considerably after your divorce. You could be a homemaker while being married. There are other financial concerns after your divorce too such as clothing and school supplies. After all, these can be expensive too. A serious concern for you as a divorced mother is to look out for ways of providing for the entire family. 

Getting the required money to pay for childcare

If you are a newly divorced single mom, you may have a series of financial obligations that may compel you to join work once again or opt for double jobs simultaneously to meet ends. In fact, it can be a big blow as you, not only feel tired and anxious but cannot spend much time with your kids.

When you work full-time, you also need to look out for a reputable childcare facility to take care of your little ones when you are at office. You can take the help of your friends and family members to seek care for the kids when you are away from home until the time you start enjoying financial stability once again. 

Finding a suitable place to live

It is a sad truth that 20 percent of the divorced women fall below the poverty line after their marriages end. Now, that is hardly an encouraging statistic for divorced and single moms who want to offer the finest housing facility and schooling situation to their kids. A serious financial concern after your divorce is where you will live. In case you are incapable of staying in your original house, you should not feel disappointed, you can get help from various assistance programs for housing designed specifically for single moms and families with low incomes, which can come handy during this difficult time.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Things You Should Not Do During Your Legal Separation

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation; California Divorce MediatorsWhether you should divorce your spouse or try to restore your marriage is a big dilemma because the fate of your marriage is in your hands. If you really desire in having a “peaceful” legal separation that may led to reconciliation or to divorce, check out the following suggestions.

It is recommended not enter into a fresh relationship immediately

You have just gone through your separation period and your emotions are still unstable. Hence, it is not the right time for you to manage a relationship on the rebound effectively. Do you think that you can sustain through the present relationship? You need to give some time to yourself for the healing process. You need to reevaluate and go through self-reflection for understanding your role in the entire separation process. Your spouse could have been wrong but it is also possible that you had your share of faults in your relationship. When you try to get into a new relationship, it can complicate the healing process. Eventually, when you get your emotions in check, you may find that both your old and relationships are lost. After all, there will be hardly any person who would prefer to date somebody carrying a relationship baggage. If your spouse realizes you have lost interest in him or her, they may put an end to efforts for restoring the marriage. While there could be some reconciliable reasons for your separation, when there is an emergence of a relationship on the rebound, things may change leading to irreconcilable differences.

You should not ask for a legal separation without your spouse’s consent

When you leave your spouse in darkness about your decision to legally separate, it becomes a mammoth task to restore marriage. If a separation is handled with the right kind of skills and knowledge, it can lead to stronger marriages. When you spend time away from each other, you get an opportunity to make sensible and logical decisions without your spouse influencing you. How about having a mature discussion with your spouse prior to separation so that there are proper goals, responsibilities, and expectations while the separation period lasts? Such a step will enable both the spouses to have a broader picture of their relationship.

Never be in a hurry to sign the divorce papers

An experienced marriage lawyer is never in a hurry to rush their clients into filing for a divorce since they know that time is crucial to healing painful emotions. You may have a powerful reason to separate from your partner. However, pardoning plays an important role to salvage any difficult marriage. It helps when you take some time away from your spouse to give them a second opportunity. When you rush for a divorce, it may result in bitterness because of regrets.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

The Best Ways To Move Past A Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediators; California Divorce MediatorsDivorces can be physically and emotionally draining. If a divorce has dragged on for a while and there is a lot of negativity between the former spouses, it can be very difficult to get your life back together once the dust settles.

When a marriage and the divorce proceedings have all ended there is suddenly a void in a person’s life and it is important to fill this void to move forward. Here are a few ways in which you can constructively fill the void to help you move past the divorce:

  1. Give yourself a break: You life has just changed forever and you might be feeling a bit lost. What you need to do is take some time off for yourself and understand what you have gone through and where you are now. If you are blaming yourself for everything now is the time to stop and be kinder to yourself. Feel and understand all your emotions, work on what is bothering you the most and then make a decision that you can survive and will get on with life.
  1. Get a support system: You don’t have to do this alone. Spend time with family and friends who can give you emotional support. There are going to be days when it all hits you at once and you might need to have a good cry, that’s completely okay. When you have someone beside you in the hard times it makes it easier to bear.
  1. Fill the void: The empty feeling that comes when left without someone whom you have been with for years can be hard to deal with. Whether the relationship was good or bad it took up a space in your life which is now left open. Fill the void with hobbies and doing all the things you love or wanted to try. Learn a new skill, travel, even start dating again when you feel ready, and before you know it you would have built a new life that is whole.
  1. Moving on: No one deserves to be alone and just because you have had one failed relationship doesn’t mean that you can’t make another work. While you and your former spouse might have been incompatible you could meet someone who is a perfect fit for you. Give yourself the chance to fall in love again and have a new relationship.

Ending a marriage is heartbreaking and can be difficult to cope with at first. You need to take the time to grieve your loss but then you need to actively do things that help you to move forward.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation