How Should You Behave While Legally Separated?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Divorce mediation attorneys Orange County; California Divorce MediatorsA legal separation is all about the end of one stage in a life and starting a new stage similar to a divorce. It also means creating a new space for you and to try to rejuvenate yourself emotionally and spiritually. Irrespective of your legal separation leasing to a divorce or not, your behavior during the period of separation should be such that you can get the most in whatever you could be doing. Like mentioned earlier, when you and your spouse live separately, you get the much-needed space to resolve your marital concerns, have a check on your emotions and feelings and perhaps start fresh, other alone or in the marriage once again. When you behave civilly towards your spouse during this crucial period, Your motives for separating are bound to be successful. Here are some of those behaviors that can definitely work for you while you live separately from your spouse.

Try to develop and keep a close bond with your kids

When you have kids from your marriage, have a proper parenting plan in place so that they get to spend ample time with both you and the other parent. Your kids’ lives should not get disrupted because of the break-up of your marriage. You should communicate with your children regularly, show your involvement in their daily activities and try to find out about their progress in school Follow a regular schedule for visiting them. After all, your kids should be your key priority always. Though you could be suffering emotionally due to the disharmony in your marriage, make sure to hide it while you interact with your kids.

You should be respectful and courteous to your spouse

Your lines of communication should be always open even though both of you are living separately.  Though you could be furious, handle your emotions in such a manner that you can be civil to your spouse. When both of you are respectful towards each other and communicate well, life will be less stressful for the kids, your spouse and of course for you.

Adhere to the responsibilities that have been outlined in your legal separation document

When certain promises were made by you and subsequently added in the agreement, you should have both moral as well as legal obligations to follow that agreement. When you fail to do that, you may end up being on the court and can even alienate your kids due to your rude behavior. Try to adhere to the support obligations made by you, visitation schedules and all other matters mentioned in the legal separation document. When you fail to do so, your position may become weak if you go to the divorce court later on.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Shielding Your Child From Emotional Trauma During Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

child custody mediation Orange County; California Divorce MediationParents are terrified of how divorce affects children. This is most acute during the process of divorce. In fact, the fear of something bad happening to the children is the reason most unhappy marriages persist longer than they should. It can be constant struggle to consider what is best for the kids. Both parents seek the optimal way to guide them through the navigation. For both the parents and the children, the whole process may appear like an unending struggle. However, there are ways to minimize the negative impacts a divorce could have on the kids. It is important to make the transition much more positive. 

Amicable alternatives

Selection of mediation or opting for a collaborative approach will result in decreased contentiousness. It will probably make the process quicker. It means that the children will not be exposed to more uncertainty and acrimony.  This is because the standard litigation system can only be described as adversarial. You will fight your spouse from the beginning. It is an excellent idea to hire a better lawyer so that you know your rights. However, when you opt to mediate with your ex, then it results in better co-parenting. A mutually agreed plan can be developed- and not left to the courts to make a decision.

The litigation system cannot be a good avenue to take revenge or punish your ex. If you want to litigate when there is no need to, expect some heavy expenses. Your children will also be much worse off. Be parents first and the mediation process will help children to enjoy a smoother and quicker transition to new reality.

Protect children from painful experiences

Children can find it extremely difficult to adjust to two separate homes. When the children are staying with you, help them by having fun and doing activities they love to do. Do not push for details on their ex and dwelling on divorce. Most importantly, your children should not see you two having a fight. Do not use them as kind of messengers between you and your ex. Do not speak badly about the other parent. If you do, your children will suffer from stress and the circumstances will not be beneficial to the relationship or the well-being of your child.

It is also an excellent idea to seek the help of a good therapist for the children. It can make a big difference in dealing with anger and resentment issues.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Can A Person Date While A Divorce Is Going On?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

orange county divorce mediation attorneys; California Divorce MediatorsMany couples often wonder whether they can date someone else while their divorce proceeding is still going on or not. This is quite an interesting question. As per the law, there is no reason why a person should not be able to start dating prior to the finalization of their divorce. Moreover, the person who is being dated should not feel worried that his/her name will feature in the divorce proceeding and the matter is not regarded as an adultery.

Divorce can take an emotional toll

There are many such instances when a person who just ended his or her marriage felt like going out for dates, perhaps to prove their appeal and attractiveness even after the breakup of their marriages. However, it is a good idea to get involved with someone else only after taking some breathing space. Until the time the divorced or separated person can feel unhappy about the end of their marriage, irrespective of being responsible for ending the same if not, they should sort out the unresolved matters before entering into a new relationship.

It is easier for an estranged couple to accept the fact that their marriage has ended when they come to terms with appreciating the roles played by each of them that resulted in their breakup. After all, it is an easier way out to blame the partner for the divorce. Only when the affected persons are able to put their anger, hurt and disappointment behind them, can they start their lives fresh with a new relationship with a relaxed state of mind. It is quite likely that they will continue nurturing their negative emotions from their past marriage to their new relationship.

There could be problems in reaching a divorce settlement when a person starts dating before the divorce comes through.

When one of the spouses begins dating prior to the divorce coming through, reaching a satisfactory divorce settlement could be a tough proposition. When the other spouse gets the information that his/her partner has already started seeing someone else may start following them closely and can become less amicable while reaching a divorce settlement.

There are several couples who negotiate matters related to child custody, marital properties and other pertinent issues with the assistance of their lawyers while they are going through a divorce.

The final takeaway is what you eventually plan to do will depend on your specific situation and mental condition. However, it may be a good decision to be involved with another person until the time your divorce comes through.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Tips On Co-Parenting After A Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

divorce mediation lawyers Orange County; California Divorce MediatorsIt is not easy to be a co-parent, especially after you have split from your spouse and your relationship with your former partner is strained. You may have apprehensions about the parenting abilities of your ex-spouse, worried about your child support or stressed about some issues. You could also be tired of the ongoing conflict and feel that all that animosity between you and ex-partner will never disappear.

However, when you co-parent in an amicable manner with your former spouse, you can provide security, the close relationship with your kids with both their parents and stability that they require. It is for the well-being of your children that there will be a possibility to overcome the challenges associated with co-parenting and build up a cordial and working association with your ex-spouse. These tips will help you to resolve conflicts on contentious issues, be consistent and remain calm so that the joint custody works well and your children feel secure and happy.

Tip 1: Keep your anger and animosity aside

If you want to enjoy a fruitful co-parenting experience, you need to have a check on your emotions. This means that you should keep your hurt, resentment, and anger at bay for fulfilling the needs of your kids. It is true that keeping such emotions at a distance could be the toughest part to work towards a good working relationship with your former husband but nevertheless, it is an extremely important one. Being successful as co-parents are opposed how you or your ex-spouse may feel about one another. Rather it is all about the future well-being, stability, and happiness of your kid. Avoid putting your kids in between. It is highly possible that you may not lose all the bitterness or anger about your divorce ever. However, the best technique will be to compartmentalize your emotions and keep telling yourself that these are your concerns but not your kid’s; you should ensure that the issues you have with your ex-are kept away from the kids.

Tip 2: Try To improve your communication with your ex

Meaningful, consistent and peaceful communication with your former partner is a must for making your co-parenting click, although they may not appear to be possible. However, everything starts with your mindset. You need to remind yourself that the peaceful communication between both of you can be highly needed for the well-being of your child. Prior to getting in touch with your ex, introspect how your discussion could affect your kid and make a resolution to conduct yourself in a dignified manner. The key point of every talk that you have with your ex should revolve around your kid. You need to also note in this context that meeting your former spouse physically may not be essential always. You can speak to him or her over the phone, exchange messages, emails or texts on a majority of the occasions.

Tip 3: You need to co-parent as a single team

Being a good parent also involves having frequent decisions with your ex-irrespective of what you feel about one another. When you communicate and cooperate with one another without bickering or hurting one another, making decisions become much easier and simpler on everyone. When both of you work together as a team, decision-making with respect to your child becomes quite easy.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

How to Help Your Kid through Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediators; California Divorce MediatorsAs thousands of couples decide to end their marriages every year, their kids are also affected in the process. But their reactions will depend to a large extent on their personality, the circumstances under which the parents decided to separate and their age. Kids often get affected when their parent’s divorce. Often, the first reaction these children go through is that of sorry, anger, frustration, sadness, and shock. However, these children can deal these feelings in a better way as they know how to cope up with stress. As an end result, many of them are more tolerant and flexible when they become young adults. At such trying times, the most crucial things both the parents can do are to help their children steer through it by taking the following steps:

Important steps

  • Try to minimize disruptions in the daily routines of their children.
  • Make sure that legal talks, heated arguments, and visible conflicts happen away from the kids.
  • Do not be negative in front of them. Conversation with close friends and private therapy sessions should not take place inside the house.
  • Both the parents should be involved in the lives of their kids. Indifference will hurt them more.

People going through divorce or separation require lots of emotional support from their families, clergy, professionals and friends. However, these adults should never seek support and help from their children though they may appear ready to do so.

Break the news gently

The moment you are completely sure of your divorce plans, you should speak to your children about the decision to separate. Yes, it will be not an easy task to break this news. In case it is possible, it is better if both the parents are present while the news is shared. Make sure that you adopt a neutral and unbiased tone and do not express your emotions of guilt, anger or disillusionment while telling them about your separation. Of possible rehearse how you are going to break the news from beforehand so that you go not lose your temper or become upset during the discussion.

You should discuss the matter in accordance with the temperament, maturity, and age of your kids. But one statement should be common. Whatever took place between both of you; your kids are not responsible for that. This is because a majority of the children feel that they should be blamed when things did not work out between their parents. So, it is extremely crucial that the parents reassure their kids about this.

Rather tell your children that at times the adults do not agree on things or their love for one another change and so they decide to live separately. But also tell them that children will tie the parents forever no matter what happens.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

A Calm Mindset Is The Best Way To Get Divorced

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediators; California Divorce MediatorsThere are many emotions brought by a divorce. This is especially true when the couple has had a bad time in their marriage. It is normal to go through feelings such ad fear, fury, sadness, and anxiety. However, you need to remember that the degree of emotions will slowly subside with the passage of time. So, when you are undergoing a divorce process it is better to be calm. So do not get agitated as this would only spoil your health. Studies have shown that people who are composed during such times are better equipped to manage the difficulties that accompany a divorce process. Do not continue a blame game with your partner as nothing would come out of it eventually.

Stop being resentful

Divorce should not be looked upon as a means of settling scores or a way to take revenge against your spouse. If you regard the resolution of your marriage as a battle, there is a high possibility that the divorce process will be more expensive and time-consuming. It is recommended to go for divorce mediation so that you can avoid the long and tiring courtroom proceedings and end up hating one another even more. Studies have also proved that it can help to support the needs of the kids as well as getting emotional satisfaction.

Focus on a smooth split

In many cases, it is not unusual that you do not want to talk to your spouse from whom you intend to part soon. However, despite the ill-feelings, aim for a smooth split. Cooperation, as well as proper communication, will help in making the process healthier and less stressful for both the parties, Moreover when you seek the help of a psychologist and a divorce mediator, you and our estranged partner can avoid conflicts and bitterness.

Do not neglect your health

This is a phase when you must take good care of your health. Speak to your family and friends for comfort and support. Alternatively, the idea of joining a formal support group also makes sense as they help you to cope up with your pent up emotions. There are many people who begin a fresh chapter after their divorce by taking up new hobbies or indulging in activities they had not attempted before. Even you can start doing the same. Make sure to eat well and be physically fit. When the divorce gets nasty, your spouse and you start despising one another even more. Now, that is not good as you still have joint responsibilities as parents. So, try to be amicable while parting since it is good for your sanity, purse, and kids.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

How To Focus On Your Kids In A Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediators; California Divorce MediatorsWhen you are getting a divorce, your children are your most important worry. But, do not be sad, as studies prove that children can cope up with the divorce of their parents and even come out okay. Now, this may not always be the case. There are several kids who get emotionally wounded when their parent’s divorce. The wounds can stay on for the rest of their lives. Here are some of the steps you can take to make them feel secure and to convince them that they are not responsible for your divorce.

Reaffirm with your spouse that the emotional well-being of your child is a mutual priority

While you and your spouse may cease being together, that does not mean that you will not remain parents for your child. So, keep reciting this thought to yourself whenever you are mad at your former wife or husband. This thought should be also articulated to your ex whenever you interact.

While the divorce negotiations are on, try not arguing with your ex. While this action will need a lot of maturity and self-restraint, it should be attempted for the best interests of your kids. If it is essential, you can attend counseling together.

Demonstrate your maturity to your child or children all through the divorce proceeding

Steps like trying to go for litigation that may create animosity with your ex should be avoided as far as possible. Rather, you can opt for meditation to get your peace of mind. Try resolving your financial issues faster and then just move on.

Both the parents should remain involved in their child’s life for the latter’s best interest

To achieve this status quo, parents can opt for shared custody. Alternatively, it can also mean that the children stay with only one parent but meet the other one frequently. Such an initiative will increase the possibilities of your children’s emotional well-being remaining intact. Keep reiterating to yourself that the children require both their mother and father. It is irrelevant whether you can excel as an excellent single parent or not. It is important that your child does not feel abandoned due to the actions of one of the parents.

Overnight visitation arrangement can be stressful for your kids

It may not be easy for your children to constantly move from one home to the next. All children require additional support during these times. The children should have the liberty to be open about the distress they are going through from their other parent and get empathy from the parent they are living with.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

What Should You Do When You Realize Your Marriage is Over?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Divorce mediation attorneys Orange County; California Divorce MediatorsOne of the life’s most heartbreaking situations is when one of the spouses in a marriage has decided to end the marriage and file for a divorce while the other still wants the marriage to work out. It may be possible that you are going through such a scenario in your life right now. It is normal to feel a blend of conflicting emotions. Moreover, you are perhaps not certain about your next course of action. It is possible that a painful phase of your life like this is a challenge, which appears extremely difficult to endure. However, do not lose hope since you will definitely get through this.

However, you must remember that situations can vary from case to case, so it is not necessary that all the actions that are mentioned below will apply to all the marriages. However, some of them will help you to overcome this storm in your life or perhaps protect your marriage too.

  1. Be wary who you approach for seeking solace and comfort

When you feel confused or hurt, it is natural that you would like to reach out for comfort and peace of mind. However, the issue is that many people do not make the correct choices when they are confused or emotionally injured. Avoid resorting to destructive behavior to reduce your pain. Rather, you need to be in the company of people who love you as well as your spouse.

  1. Continue caring for your spouse

Do not unnecessarily give ultimatums or pick up fights. Try to love them unconditionally and pray for them. Be an honest wife or husband as long as you are in the marriage. You should make attempts to reduce the tension by loving them. Hate often brings in more hate, so try to be loving.

  1. If you have kids, try protecting them from the discomfort and turbulence in their lives.

When you have kids from your marriage, the constant fights between you and your spouse can be a bigger ordeal for them. Hence, you must do everything to ensure that they are adequately shielded from the tensions and troubles in your marriage, though it is easier said than done. When you say hurtful things to your spouse while fighting with him or her in the presence of your kids, they are sure to get emotionally affected and get disturbed. Such feelings may affect their studies and personality.

You and your spouse have now tried out every trick in the book. Both of you have even attended counseling sessions together for a few times. In fact, it has been you who have been insisting on those sessions to save your marriage. However, despite all the steps taken, you are still unable to get along with your spouse. When such feelings get repetitively familiar to you, perhaps it is time to call it quits and seek the advice of a good divorce lawyer to start your divorce proceedings.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Taking Steps Towards A New Life After Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

orange county divorce mediation attorneys; California Divorce MediatorsA divorce can actually be a life-shattering experience for many people. But you just cannot be down and remain submerged in your agony. Check out the following steps to revive and lead a new life once the divorce proceedings are over.

You should realize that there is no need to go through this pain all alone

It can be quite a scary position to reach out for help and can be somewhat uncomfortable, moreover sharing your darkest and most-guarded secrets with a person you do not know well on matters related to your feelings and thought processes can be a tough proposition. But, if you find somebody trustworthy to talk to, you will start feeling much better. When you find that special helping hand, you can share your pains, find a shoulder to cry and finally get healed. And that is precisely the time when you start growing and feel that your comfort zone is also growing in the positive direction.  You create a safe place to share your miserable experiences with that person and with time feel much better than before.

Remind yourself that there was a time when you coped up bigger issues comfortably

There are times when everyone requires a reminder about phases in their lives when they had stayed outside their comfort zones before. You should realize that the emotional upheavals that you are going through will also become a thing of the past. So, it is always recommended to think back at all those times when you were courageous and in complete control, did not shirk taking up a risk and enjoy the benefits of your success. Do you remember how you felt at those times? Try to remember that feeling and note it down in detail? These could include who gave you company, what you were up to, what you said and even the kind of outfits you wore and your exact feelings when you got success. You can come out of your comfort zone once again once you revert to that feeling of positive energy and exhilaration. Since you have succeeded in the past, you can definitely do it once more.

Take small steps at a time till the time you are completely sure

Take small and cautious steps before you plunge into bigger things, especially when you are trying to do something that you are not much comfortable with. Taking corrective measures are easier when you take baby steps.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Tips To Deal With Worries During Your Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation lawyers; California Divorce MediatorsDuring a divorce process, there are many emotions that take place in the minds of the affected spouses. One of the major ones among them is worrying. Though worrying is not necessarily bad, how one deal with it can be a major concern? It can even become paralyzing, preventing people from getting the required work done. It can even go to the extent of draining one’s energies completely while the divorce proceeding is going on.

Here are some of the steps you can take to stop worrying while your divorce is going on.

Chalk out a plan to resolve the problem

If you are worrying due to a specific reason, document a plan on how to rectify the problem that may be helpful in minimizing the impact of the issue. For instance, in case you are worried about how the split of the assets will happen, then some steps should be taken. In case there is a possibility of some hidden assets, you can take the help of a forensic accountant to hunt out for off-shore money or funds, which could have been transferred to some other party. You can also avail the services of a financial advisor to recommend what is best for you. For instance, if you are in your fifties, your interest will be in retirements rather than some other investments.

Find out about the root cause of the worrying concern

You need to ponder upon the reason that is actually bothering you. This is to address it before it gets too serious, the root cause of the issue can be something that is quite unexpected for instance a spouse may be worried about losing his or her marital home. When you discuss the concern with your dear ones, you may find out that your worry is more about the security the house represented rather than the house itself.  Sometimes, such realization could allow you to approve of selling the house.

Restrict your worrying time

Curtail your daily thinking time to about 30 minutes or less than that. When you go on thinking about your problem endlessly, it will only escalate your problems further. Rather, jot your problems down and prepare an action plan to handle them.  When you feel that your worry is out of control, just let it go. Rather, divert your concerns to what you can control rather than what you cannot.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation