Top 5 Reasons for Couples Getting Divorced

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Divorce mediators Orange County; California Divorce MediatorsMarriage is not an easy relationship. There are several cases when couples started their married life with the best intentions but ended up getting divorced. There could be various reasons for which couples get divorced. Here are some of the most common reasons for couples ending up being in divorce court.

Extra-marital affairs or adultery

According to a report published by AARP, even today, adultery plays a big role in people filing for divorce. But, reports also claim that there are several reasons that lead to a spouse getting into an extra-marital affair such as unequal sexual urges, getting distant, having different interests, resentment and fury.

Gain in weight or obesity

Though it may appear as a surprising reason, unusual weight gain by one of the spouses is also known to be a major reason why couples get divorced. A survey conducted by Men’s Health magazine reported that when one of the spouses gains a lot of weight, it can come in the way of their marital bliss. If your spouse does not attract or get turned on to your body, there could be problems like resentment and rejection, which can be marriage-threatening issues.

Monetary issues

According to a report published by the American Journal of Sociology, when a husband is unemployed, it can be a major criterion for divorce. In other words, lack of or insufficient money can cause big problems in a marriage, often leading to a divorce. If a married couple faces financial on strainers, there could be a lot of stress. This can further lead to a lack of proper communication and constant arguing. There are many couples who have different views on the others’ spending habits. Relationships may undergo lots of stress where one controls or has the finances, which often end up in a divorce.

Lack of proper communication

Often you will hear people saying that proper communication is the key to a successful marriage. Many relationship coaches opine that negative communication or lack of communication may diminish feelings of romance and love between couples. When a couple stops having effective communication, marital troubles leading to a divorce are not unusual.

Abuse

Abuse can be either a spouse being physically or emotionally abused by the other spouse. These are a common reason why many couples get divorced. Verbal or physical fighting that happens frequently between couples may make their relationship volatile and eventually end up in a divorce.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

How To Focus On Your Kids In A Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediators; California Divorce MediatorsWhen you are getting a divorce, your children are your most important worry. But, do not be sad, as studies prove that children can cope up with the divorce of their parents and even come out okay. Now, this may not always be the case. There are several kids who get emotionally wounded when their parent’s divorce. The wounds can stay on for the rest of their lives. Here are some of the steps you can take to make them feel secure and to convince them that they are not responsible for your divorce.

Reaffirm with your spouse that the emotional well-being of your child is a mutual priority

While you and your spouse may cease being together, that does not mean that you will not remain parents for your child. So, keep reciting this thought to yourself whenever you are mad at your former wife or husband. This thought should be also articulated to your ex whenever you interact.

While the divorce negotiations are on, try not arguing with your ex. While this action will need a lot of maturity and self-restraint, it should be attempted for the best interests of your kids. If it is essential, you can attend counseling together.

Demonstrate your maturity to your child or children all through the divorce proceeding

Steps like trying to go for litigation that may create animosity with your ex should be avoided as far as possible. Rather, you can opt for meditation to get your peace of mind. Try resolving your financial issues faster and then just move on.

Both the parents should remain involved in their child’s life for the latter’s best interest

To achieve this status quo, parents can opt for shared custody. Alternatively, it can also mean that the children stay with only one parent but meet the other one frequently. Such an initiative will increase the possibilities of your children’s emotional well-being remaining intact. Keep reiterating to yourself that the children require both their mother and father. It is irrelevant whether you can excel as an excellent single parent or not. It is important that your child does not feel abandoned due to the actions of one of the parents.

Overnight visitation arrangement can be stressful for your kids

It may not be easy for your children to constantly move from one home to the next. All children require additional support during these times. The children should have the liberty to be open about the distress they are going through from their other parent and get empathy from the parent they are living with.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

What Should You Do When You Realize Your Marriage is Over?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Divorce mediation attorneys Orange County; California Divorce MediatorsOne of the life’s most heartbreaking situations is when one of the spouses in a marriage has decided to end the marriage and file for a divorce while the other still wants the marriage to work out. It may be possible that you are going through such a scenario in your life right now. It is normal to feel a blend of conflicting emotions. Moreover, you are perhaps not certain about your next course of action. It is possible that a painful phase of your life like this is a challenge, which appears extremely difficult to endure. However, do not lose hope since you will definitely get through this.

However, you must remember that situations can vary from case to case, so it is not necessary that all the actions that are mentioned below will apply to all the marriages. However, some of them will help you to overcome this storm in your life or perhaps protect your marriage too.

  1. Be wary who you approach for seeking solace and comfort

When you feel confused or hurt, it is natural that you would like to reach out for comfort and peace of mind. However, the issue is that many people do not make the correct choices when they are confused or emotionally injured. Avoid resorting to destructive behavior to reduce your pain. Rather, you need to be in the company of people who love you as well as your spouse.

  1. Continue caring for your spouse

Do not unnecessarily give ultimatums or pick up fights. Try to love them unconditionally and pray for them. Be an honest wife or husband as long as you are in the marriage. You should make attempts to reduce the tension by loving them. Hate often brings in more hate, so try to be loving.

  1. If you have kids, try protecting them from the discomfort and turbulence in their lives.

When you have kids from your marriage, the constant fights between you and your spouse can be a bigger ordeal for them. Hence, you must do everything to ensure that they are adequately shielded from the tensions and troubles in your marriage, though it is easier said than done. When you say hurtful things to your spouse while fighting with him or her in the presence of your kids, they are sure to get emotionally affected and get disturbed. Such feelings may affect their studies and personality.

You and your spouse have now tried out every trick in the book. Both of you have even attended counseling sessions together for a few times. In fact, it has been you who have been insisting on those sessions to save your marriage. However, despite all the steps taken, you are still unable to get along with your spouse. When such feelings get repetitively familiar to you, perhaps it is time to call it quits and seek the advice of a good divorce lawyer to start your divorce proceedings.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Taking Steps Towards A New Life After Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

orange county divorce mediation attorneys; California Divorce MediatorsA divorce can actually be a life-shattering experience for many people. But you just cannot be down and remain submerged in your agony. Check out the following steps to revive and lead a new life once the divorce proceedings are over.

You should realize that there is no need to go through this pain all alone

It can be quite a scary position to reach out for help and can be somewhat uncomfortable, moreover sharing your darkest and most-guarded secrets with a person you do not know well on matters related to your feelings and thought processes can be a tough proposition. But, if you find somebody trustworthy to talk to, you will start feeling much better. When you find that special helping hand, you can share your pains, find a shoulder to cry and finally get healed. And that is precisely the time when you start growing and feel that your comfort zone is also growing in the positive direction.  You create a safe place to share your miserable experiences with that person and with time feel much better than before.

Remind yourself that there was a time when you coped up bigger issues comfortably

There are times when everyone requires a reminder about phases in their lives when they had stayed outside their comfort zones before. You should realize that the emotional upheavals that you are going through will also become a thing of the past. So, it is always recommended to think back at all those times when you were courageous and in complete control, did not shirk taking up a risk and enjoy the benefits of your success. Do you remember how you felt at those times? Try to remember that feeling and note it down in detail? These could include who gave you company, what you were up to, what you said and even the kind of outfits you wore and your exact feelings when you got success. You can come out of your comfort zone once again once you revert to that feeling of positive energy and exhilaration. Since you have succeeded in the past, you can definitely do it once more.

Take small steps at a time till the time you are completely sure

Take small and cautious steps before you plunge into bigger things, especially when you are trying to do something that you are not much comfortable with. Taking corrective measures are easier when you take baby steps.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Tips To Deal With Worries During Your Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation lawyers; California Divorce MediatorsDuring a divorce process, there are many emotions that take place in the minds of the affected spouses. One of the major ones among them is worrying. Though worrying is not necessarily bad, how one deal with it can be a major concern? It can even become paralyzing, preventing people from getting the required work done. It can even go to the extent of draining one’s energies completely while the divorce proceeding is going on.

Here are some of the steps you can take to stop worrying while your divorce is going on.

Chalk out a plan to resolve the problem

If you are worrying due to a specific reason, document a plan on how to rectify the problem that may be helpful in minimizing the impact of the issue. For instance, in case you are worried about how the split of the assets will happen, then some steps should be taken. In case there is a possibility of some hidden assets, you can take the help of a forensic accountant to hunt out for off-shore money or funds, which could have been transferred to some other party. You can also avail the services of a financial advisor to recommend what is best for you. For instance, if you are in your fifties, your interest will be in retirements rather than some other investments.

Find out about the root cause of the worrying concern

You need to ponder upon the reason that is actually bothering you. This is to address it before it gets too serious, the root cause of the issue can be something that is quite unexpected for instance a spouse may be worried about losing his or her marital home. When you discuss the concern with your dear ones, you may find out that your worry is more about the security the house represented rather than the house itself.  Sometimes, such realization could allow you to approve of selling the house.

Restrict your worrying time

Curtail your daily thinking time to about 30 minutes or less than that. When you go on thinking about your problem endlessly, it will only escalate your problems further. Rather, jot your problems down and prepare an action plan to handle them.  When you feel that your worry is out of control, just let it go. Rather, divert your concerns to what you can control rather than what you cannot.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Psychological Stages During And After A Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

orange county divorce mediator; California Divorce MediatorsPsychological stress during a divorce is common and most individuals who go through a divorce experience it. Often, those who experience psychological stress were not prepared for what was in store for them. The unpreparedness catches them off guard and the consequences are much worse than they are supposed to be. There are different stages of psychological stress during and after a divorce and individuals who are going through one should be wary of them.

Stage 1: Blame

No one wants to admit that the divorce is happening because of them. Everyone wants to blame the spouse for every little thing that may or may not have resulted in the separation. Every couple going through a divorce likes playing the blame game. Also, blaming a spouse for the divorce makes one fell less guilty about the divorce.

Stage 2: Anger

Anger is a common feeling because most feel cheated when their spouse decides to call it quits. However, anger is the cause for treat psychological stress and individuals often find themselves suffering from a range of mental problems.

Stage 3: Sadness

When the divorce finally sinks in, a divorcee mourns the loss of his/her marriage. It is not uncommon to feel this way especially when one individual was happy with the marriage. Sadness is linked with a number of psychological issues with depression being the most common one. A depressed individual will show non-reciprocity towards happy feelings or things that people normally like doing. Depression has been a major cause of concern for many Americans.

Stage 4: Moving on

The time that individuals take to move from stage 3 to stage 4 varies. Some take months, some years while others don’t move at all. Moving on in life involves accepting the situation the way it is. From a psychological point of view, moving on after a divorce means accepting all that is good in life and rejecting those that cause harm.

Conclusion

Divorces are never easy and individuals who go through a divorce are also victims of psychological problems. There are different psychological stages that an individual goes through namely blame, anger, sadness and moving on. The stages start from the time of divorce proceeding and continues long after the divorce gets finalized. It is a good idea to see a counselor or a mediator and in some cases even a psychologist to help you deal with such problems.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

How Grandparents Can Help During A Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Grandparent Rights California; California Divorce MediatorsGrandparents often remain in the dark about their children’s divorce because they are not informed about each and every event of the divorce. There might be many reasons as to why children shy away from involving their parents in the divorce but it is mostly due to emotional trauma. They also feel that their grandparents will of little help. But in reality, it’s quite the opposite actually. Grandparents play an important role during divorce and some of them are listed below.

  1. They are the best people to take care of your kids

A grandparent’s home is the second-best place for kids. However, during a divorce it’s the best. While you’ll be busy handling different issues pertaining to your divorce, your children may feel ignored. Also, if you keep them at your grandparent’s home, you won’t have to continuously worry about their safety.

  1. They can be your best friends

Divorce is a time of great stress and trauma and it is the time when you need your family and close friends. Your parents can act as both. They can also give you good advice because they have more experience than you when it comes to family.

  1. They can act as mediators

Since you’ve already decided to go ahead with your divorce, you know the importance of a mediator. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if someone close to you did the mediation process? Look no further because your parents are the perfect people for the job. Along with mediation they can help you with custody and child support plans. Moreover, they will do it for free which is again great because saving finances is also a priority during divorce.

  1. Kids feel comfortable around grandparents

Research has shown that kids who spend time with their grandparents are happier than children who don’t. Children show signs of euphoria when they are around their grandparents. And it’s no secret that a grandmother’s home is one of the best places to be on this Earth.

Conclusion

If you’re going through a divorce don’t ignore your parents especially if you have kids because they can help you in more ways than one. A grandparent’s home is the best place for kids to be during your divorce. First, they will stay away from all the trouble and second, you and your spouse can deal issues without too much distraction. Your parents are also your best guide and can act as mediators during your divorce proceeding.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Ways To Reconcile With Your Spouse And Avoid A Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

divorce lawyers in Orange County; The Maggio Law FirmMarriages can sometimes be “made in heaven” but for some individuals far from living in paradise their life becomes a living hell. Just because a document says that a man and wife is married does not mean that they will be together for the rest of their lives. A separation or divorce can take place any time and no document can give a guarantee that such a thing will never take place. However, many couples decide to split due to lack of proper mediation or counseling. There are ways to save a marriage if one wants too and the following are some of those ways.

  1. Don’t play the victim card

If you are serious about protecting your marriage, stop playing the victim card against your spouse. You may have done it when you decided to separate but don’t do it anymore. Instead, try telling your spouse how important he/she is in your life and why you must stop the divorce from taking place.

  1. Try talking it out

You may have acted erratically when things went wrong but now that you have decided to save your marriage, try talking your partner out of it. Use the help of a mediator if you want but it is very important that you talk with your partner.

  1. Accept your mistakes

It takes a lot of courage to accept that one is wrong. Try pin-pointing the mistakes that you may have made knowingly or unknowingly during your marriage and accept them. Accepting your mistakes will also make you spouse realize his/hers mistake and this strategy is one of the best ways to save a marriage.

  1. Hire a good mediator

A good and experienced mediator will make sure that your thoughts and feelings are conveyed in the most effective manner to your spouse. A mediator’s job is to ensure that things remain as smooth as possible between two individuals. The goal of mediation is not to ensure that the divorce does not take place but to ensure that if it happens, it happens due to the right reasons.

Conclusion

Many individuals want to give another shot at their marriage and try to find ways to reconcile with their spouse. One of the best ways to do it is by accepting one’s mistake. Hiring a mediator works well and in many cases, mediators have been able to save couples from a divorce.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Modification Of Alimony When Financial Circumstances Change

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

divorce mediation attorneys in Orange County; California Divorce MediatorsAlimony is the amount one spouse needs to pay the other after the two get separated. It is also known as spousal support. Alimony is usually paid when one spouse earns significantly more than the other.  If the paying spouse’s income increases post-divorce, should he/she pay more money as part of alimony?

Can alimony be increased?

The alimony amount cannot necessarily be increased after divorce simply because the spouse receiving the amount isn’t doing well enough in terms of finances.  Moreover, simply because the paying spouse gets a new job that pays him or her more or if he or she has suddenly inherited substantial assets does not mean the other spouse is entitled to more.  That’s because spousal support is meant to maintain the marital standard of living based on the financial circumstances that existed during the marriage, not after marriage.  Generally, the support can be modified downward if the receiving spouse begins earlier more income or the paying spouse loses his or her job or suffers a reduction in income through no fault of their own.

When does the alimony remain unchanged?

The decision to pay more alimony depends on the one paying the money and his financial condition. If the court finds that despite an improvement in financial condition, an individual cannot pay more than he/she is paying, the alimony will remain unchanged. If it is found that the receiver is not utilizing the money in an efficient manner, then also the alimony amount remains unchanged. In some cases, a spouse may demand more money for the children. The case will then fall under child care and not alimony. Also, if a spouse spends the alimony amount on doing something illegal, then not only will the amount stay the same but the spouse will also have to answer to a court of law.

Conclusion

Alimony is one of the most important factors that help individuals stay financially independent after a divorce. The amount of alimony paid by one spouse to the other depends on the financial condition of both of them. However, in some cases, the receiving spouse is entitled to receive more alimony that what was first decided. But there are also situations where the alimony remains unchanged despite the change in the financial situation of either of them.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

5 Tips To Have An Amicable Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Divorce mediation attorneys Orange County; California Divorce MediatorsMost people avoid talking about their divorce as much as they can because it is certainly not a happy story that they would want to talk about. While some marriages end in divorce, it is also not true that every divorce is a bad divorce. There are ways to have an amicable divorce and here’s 5 ways in which you can do it.

  1. Talk to your spouse

It is very important that you talk with your spouse about the divorce. Instead of having heated arguments, try talking about it amicably. Sometimes, divorces happen due to misunderstandings and maybe if you clear the air, there will be room for another chance. Even if the divorce takes place you’ll at least know that you tried your best to prevent it.

  1. Hire a good mediator

The main job of a mediator is to ensure that your divorce takes place in the best way possible. Instead of opting for a court-appointed mediator, hire one on your own. There are good mediators available in California and you can choose whomever you like. Often, a mediator succeeds in calling off the divorce but that mostly depends on the willingness of you and your spouse.

  1. Support each other

Support is very important when it comes to divorces. It may not be entirely your fault that you’re getting a divorce but remember that any negativity that you show will affect you in the end. So, it’s better to support each other not only financially but also emotionally as well.

  1. Give each other time to adjust

A divorce brings a change in a person’s lifestyle and to adjust to the new way of life every individual need’s time and space. When a divorce has been confirmed, give each other the time to cope with what the future holds for them now.

  1. Don’t rush into it

A divorce is not to be taken lightly and should not be rushed. Be patient and consider the changes that you and your spouse will have to deal with. Often, rash decisions lead to bad results.

Conclusion

A divorce does not necessarily have to end on a bad note. It can be done amicably provided you and your spouse are ready to listen to each other. Hire a good and experienced mediator to help you go through an amicable divorce.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation