Advice for Divorcing Parents – From a Child’s Perspective
Please think of me when you think about getting a divorce. I love you loads but you must remember that I am going to get affected by your decision. I don’t know why both of you can’t get along, but now that you can’t and want to have a divorce, can you at least take a few steps that will help us. I just do not want our family to suffer during this time.
The points I want you to follow in your divorce are:
· The Present is Important
Taking a leaf out of history will help you, but living in the past and continually dwelling on it is likely to give rise to nothing but hatred and enmity. When and if you keep concentrating on what happened in the past, you are likely to continue to fight with the other parent. The best way to avoid this is to focus on what is at hand, the present, and how you can maximize the situation to everyone’s advantage.
· Look Ahead to the Future
A divorce can be a bit like the dark tunnel that one sometimes has to go through. There is very little known about how and what the future holds for you. The best way for you in this situation is to look ahead to the future and plan for it all the while the divorce proceedings are going on.
· Put Yourself In My Shoes
The spouse that you want to leave is also my parent. I love both of you dearly and I want the same from both of you. I would like the love and care of both my parents in their own separate way of course, but I need to be loved by both. I want to spend some time with you and sometime with the other parent so that I don’t miss either one of you.
· Don’t Criticize My Parent In Front Of Me…Please
You are the world to me, but so is my other parent. I don’t want to have to choose between the two of you and I respect and love both of you. It would be a great gesture from your side if you don’t hurl abuses at my parent in my presence. I know you might be upset, but they are good to me and I love them as much as I love you.
· Choose a Peaceful Way to get Divorced
I don’t like courts…everybody seems to be arguing, fighting, it’s just too unsettling and uncomfortable. I don’t want to be in that environment. I want you to adopt a divorce method that involves you talking to each other and getting divorced. I have heard that’s called Orange County divorce mediation and I want you to use mediation to settle the divorce.
Love, Your Child
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”